What is the "emotional cleanliness" in your heart?

I don't know when I became "emotional cleanliness", maybe when I was reading novels and could only accept double cleanliness, maybe when I felt uneasy because of my inferiority, or maybe I haven't met the person who can firmly choose me. ...

I am in pain because of my "emotional cleanliness". Always living in your own world, extremely insecure, unable to accept that the other half (although not yet) has an ex. I will look at our feelings pessimistically and imagine how he coaxed other girls like me, how he prepared surprises for other girls and how he liked them.

In feelings, I can't accept a trace of uncertainty, and every bit of uncertainty is pushing me away.

I think I may be ill. I know I'm hurting the people I love the most for the things I hate and shouldn't care about, and I'm torturing myself. But I can't control my thoughts.

I know, I should I should accept that you have an ex, and I should respect what happened between you and what happened in your past. I also know that you are a trustworthy person who is so serious about girls.

but I cannot do it. Maybe it's my inferiority complex, but I will still be trapped in some kind of emotion, a completely negative emotion. I'm not sure if I deserve to be loved. I'm afraid I'm not as good as her I'm afraid that one day he will tell me, but he will still forget her. ...

When I am calm, I feel depressed and have no way to love others. Never feel safe and don't believe that the future is beautiful. No one can walk in or go out. You won't get hurt if you don't start anyway.

"I am used to seeing all relationships that make me feel uneasy as relationships that must collapse. Enjoy the relaxation of the dust settled at the moment of the crash. "