Seeking Xiaoming's series of humorous jokes

1. Xiaoming was thrown from 13 floor ... why is there nothing ...

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Because Xiaoming is a lunch box. ..

2. During the ten years of Anti-Japanese War, Xiao Ming was hungry ... He made jiaozi with human flesh for breakfast ... At school ... He opened the lunch box and found that ... jiaozi was missing two ... He closed the door ... and then opened it again, and two were missing. .........

So .. Finally, jiaozi disappeared ... Xiaoming was afraid. ...

Excuse me, where is jiaozi? .....

Jiaozi touched the lid of the lunch box. ...........

During ten years in War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression ... Wang Xiaoming lived a carefree life ... Why?

Because Wang Xiaoming is a lunch box. ..................

4. Wang Xiaoming was thrown from 13 floor ... why is it okay?

Because Wang Xiaoming is Xiao Ming. .............

5. Wang Xiaoming was thrown from the 13 floor again ... why?

Because there is no 14 floor. ...........

6. An adventurer took Xiaoming to the desert .. Why did he come back safely?

Because Xiaoming is a camel. .........

7. Later, the adventurer took Xiaoming to the desert ... Why didn't he go back this time?

Because Xiao Ming was thrown from 13 floor and died. ........

A legendary joke. ...

Someone took a small paper bag and shouted to the crowd around him: "This is the special medicine for poisoning mice that has been passed down from generation to generation in my family. No matter how wild the mouse is, it will die as long as it is stained with my rat poison. "

The audience asked, "How do I use this medicine?"

The man replied, "It's very simple. Just put some medicine on the mouse's mouth. "

Penguins want to play with polar bears.

It took ten years to walk to the equator, when I suddenly remembered that the gas at home was not turned off.

So I turned off the gas and went to the North Pole. After 20 years, I finally came.

Knock on the door and say, "polar bear, come out to play?"

The polar bear said, "No."

I want to train my dog to bark when it wants to eat.

B: It should be easy!

A: I have taught 100 times.

Well, can it bark?

A: No, but if I don't bark like a dog, it won't eat.

Attendant: Welcome to KFC. what can I do for you?

Guest: A hamburger.

Attendant: Is it spicy?

Guest: It's spicy.

Attendant: If you add two yuan, you can change it to a double hamburger. Is it okay?

Guest: OK, a double hamburger.

Attendant: What else would you like?

Guest: French fries.

Waiter: Do you want large, medium or small fries?

Guest: Medium fries.

Attendant: How many packets do you want?

Customer: One pack is enough.

Attendant: Now we have the latest French fries milkshake. Would you like to have a try?

Customer: No, just give me ketchup.

Attendant: How about two packs of ketchup?

Customer: I'd like two hundred packs, if possible.

Attendant: Excuse me, sir. We have a limited supply of ketchup here.

Customer: Then why are you talking nonsense to me?

Attendant: Excuse me, sir. What else do you want?

Guest: drinks.

Attendant: We have sprite, black tea and cola Fanta. Which one do you want?

Guest: Coke.

Attendant: Do you want a large cup, a small cup or a bottle?

Guest: Medium rare.

Attendant: Do you need ice cubes?

Guest: Yes.

Attendant: More ice or less ice?

Guest: Almost.

Attendant: May I give you some more?

Guest: Yes. Thank you.

Attendant: You're welcome, sir. Don't you want to try our latest taco?

Guest: No, thanks.

Attendant: How about the special hot popcorn?

Customer: Not really.

Attendant: Would you like to try a takeaway family meal for the robot cat?

Guest: You're welcome.

Attendant: Are you eating here or taking away, sir?

Guest: To go.

Attendant: One * * * is 2 1.05 cents, sir. Do you have fifty cents, sir?

Guest: Yes.

Attendant: Yes, sir. I charge you 100.50 yuan for 79 yuan. There is a difference of two yuan. Can I give you four fifty-cent coins?

Guest: OK.

Attendant: Thank you, sir. Welcome to KFC next time!

Customer: But what about my order?

Attendant: I'm sorry, sir, but we have run out of take-out bags for the time being. Do you want to eat here?

Guest: ...

Attendant: Do you have any other requirements, sir?

Guest: I really want to hit you!

Attendant: So, sir, do you want to use a left hook or a right hook or a combination?

I saw a ghost today, which scared me to death.

Really, what does it look like?

Um ... looks like Pikachu. ..

At 6: 438: 02 p.m.,

Wearing black underwear,

Stand in front of the mirror;

Beat your chest 30 times and scream,

Your breasts will eventually ...

Heiqing ..

Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher:

There are many ants in the toilet.

The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming: What did the ants say?

Xiao a face of vacant ... Said:

Ant, he said nothing.

Stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick them into the sea. ...

Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a couple who secretly decided to spend their lives together, but the boy needed military service, so they made a vow with the girl, gave her a diamond ring and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring.

Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. She was so sad that she threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair and ran away from home. In fact, boys have been waiting for girls, but girls remember the date wrong, so it has become an eternal regret. The boy was heartbroken ... a few years later. Boys go fishing. Guess what he caught?

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New Year cake; rice cake

A man left home for work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home. He spent all his salary partying with friends all weekend.

When he finally got home on Sunday night, his angry wife was waiting for him and scolded him for nearly an hour. Finally, the wife stopped nagging and asked him, "You haven't seen me for three days in a row. What do you think?" ? 」

He replied, "I think it's quite good. 」

Monday passed and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still hasn't seen his wife.

On Thursday,

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.

.

.

.

.

The swelling disappeared a little, and he finally managed to see his wife from the corner of his left eye.

One day, a mother-in-law took a bus.

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass.

Teacher: "You finally came! Why didn't you come to class yesterday? "

Student: "Because, because, my mother fell down the stairs."

Teacher: "Oh! I see. Mom was hurt, so you didn't come. "

Student: "No ... My father was injured ..."

Teacher: "Why did your mother fall down the stairs and your father get hurt?"

Student: "Because .. my dad has a woman outside .."

Teacher: "What? .. what does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs? "

Student: "because they were fighting .. my mother fell, it's okay." My father was injured by my mother. "

Teacher: "Oh ... so you didn't come to class because you took dad to the hospital?"

Student: "No, that woman outside sent my dad."

Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?"

Student: "Because I overslept."

Teacher: "What does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs! ? "

Student: "No, I ... I just mentioned by the way ..."

Cloudy night

A group of girls' school students are playing disc fairy in the dormitory. Suddenly,

They kept screaming! ! !

The seniors upstairs hurried into their dormitory.

I saw the plates on their desks spinning at a breakneck speed.

Amazingly fast, and horribly fast.

"Oh, no! What did you do? "

Senior realized that the situation is wrong, hurriedly asked

"We ..." The junior girl said.

"We just asked how fast it could turn ...? "

One day, Xiao Fang waited at the intersection for Xiao Ye to pick him up by motorcycle.

Before long, a motorcycle stopped in front of Xiao Fang, and Xiao Fang immediately jumped into the back seat:

(slamming his helmet) "Why is it so late? It's been over 30 minutes! 」

The knight opened the helmet cover and said, "Miss, I'm here to ask for directions. Please don't hit anyone. "

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

I have always been careless and forgetful, so my family always tries to remind me.

The day before yesterday, as soon as I entered the room, I found a hundred-dollar bill on the living room table.

Usually there is no pocket money. Is my mother merciful and give me 100 pocket money this time?

I can't help feeling happy. ...

But when I picked up the hundred-dollar bill, I found a note under it.

It says: "Today is grandma's birthday, wait for me at home, and we will go to celebrate grandma's birthday together.

Attention! That hundred dollars is not for you, but for your attention. Please put it back! "

Why are puppies getting smaller and smaller?

A: Because it goes further and further.

Xiaoying borrowed a pen from Xiaoming, but Xiaoming didn't.

Xiaoying: I will die if I borrow it. ...

So Xiaoming lent his pen to Xiaoying. ...

After a while, Xiao Ming died …

One day, Mr. Wang found his 5-year-old son Xiaoming acting a little strange.

In the evening, he stood by the window alone, waving his hand.

There seems to be something in my mouth.

Mr. Wang quietly walked behind Xiao Ming, but he heard Xiao Ming say:

"Goodbye, Grandpa .."

Mr. Wang looked out of the window, but there was no one.

For days on end,

At this time, Xiao Ming stood at the window, repeating the words that made Mr. Wang creepy.

Finally, Mr. Wang couldn't help it.

He called his son over,

"Xiao Ming, who are you saying goodbye to at this time every day?"

"Grandpa." Xiao Ming looks naive.

Mr. Wang's scalp exploded as soon as he heard it.

"Which ... which grandpa?"

"Grandpa Sun ~"

A person looks like a hotline, and he is beaten when he walks.

A person looks like a phone number and is knocked down as soon as he leaves.

Women look like jiaozi, and they walk wrapped up.

Once upon a time, there was a person who looked like me, and that was me.

One day, a family caught fire.

Mom and dad both fled, leaving only one son inside.

Mother was very nervous and shouted outside the house.

"Son ... what are you doing ... fire, don't you come out ..."

The son replied ... "I'm wearing socks ..."

Mom said again, "What socks to wear in case of fire ..."

After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet. ......

Mother shouted nervously again, "Son, what on earth are you doing?" Come out ~ it's on fire, stay inside ... "

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks."

A man went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water.

"tnnd~~ what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

One day, three trash cans were walking in the street. ..........

They walked side by side in the order of large, medium and small. .........

Walking, the small trash can said to the trash can in the middle, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The trash can said, "This is about to ask Big Brother!" " "

So, the trash can said to the big trash can, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The big trash can said impatiently, "I see!" " "

After a few more steps, the big trash can suddenly stopped. It said to small and medium-sized trash cans: "We are trash cans. How can we walk? "

Xiaoming is full. Why does he keep drinking water?

Because he drowned. ..

One day, a man was walking in an orange orchard and saw a big orange. He went over, picked the oranges and began to peel them. When he finished peeling, the orange could actually talk. .

It says, if you strip me naked, I'll be cold.

A man couldn't find a hotel and decided to spend the night in his car. At midnight, someone knocked on his window and asked him what time it was. Being disturbed in the middle of the night is very unpleasant, so he posted a note on the window "I lost my watch". Then, a little girl knocked on his window. "Did you drop this watch, sir?"

It was also he who changed the note "My watch is broken". Someone knocked at the window again. "Sir, do you want to repair the watch?" . In great anger, Zhi changed "I don't know the time". I don't know how long it took, but a kind old lady knocked on his window. "Young man, it's 3 o'clock in the morning."

Q: There are two caves. There are two ewes and a lamb in the hole on the left and two rams in the hole on the right. A tiger came and ate two rams. Why doesn't it eat ewes and lambs?

Answer: Because the tiger is the king of the forest, it can eat whoever it wants.

On this day, a governor took his department to the countryside to inspect, which happened to be the local water-splashing festival, so the governor decided to play with the people and gave them a washbasin.

They threw and threw, and suddenly, the governor swore, damn it, some bitch threw me away.

The governor's men were frightened to disgrace and quickly said to the governor, look, governor, this is a local folk custom, and it is inevitable that you will be splashed.

The warden roared, I know it's a custom, but the fucking bastard spilled the boiling water.

A motorcyclist likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle his buttons at the back to keep out the wind.

One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road.

When the police arrived, ...

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push, turn around.

Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing. ......

Pig Bajie was making out with Chang 'e on the moon when suddenly a dark shadow passed by and Pig Bajie hurriedly carried a rake.

After chasing him out, he came back after a while and said, damn it, Yang Liwei. ......

In order to prevent patients from escaping, the hospital set up a channel of 100, but there are still two mental patients who want to escape from the hospital. Work hard at night

Over the wall. Under the 30th wall,

"Are you tired?" ,

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 60th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 99th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"tired"

"Well, let's go home."

When the vampire bats came back covered in blood, they were very envious and asked him where he got so much blood. He took the bat to a big tree and asked, "Do you see that big tree?"

Answer: Yes.

It: Shit, I didn't see it.

Why are mermaids single-minded?

Because the mermaid has only one leg, she can't cheat ~ ~

Two foreigners go shopping in Carrefour. When checking out, the clerk asked, "Can you speak Chinese? 」

Two foreigners replied in Mandarin: "Speak slowly, we can understand!" ! 」

The clerk said, "OK ... You ... talk ... China people? 」

There is a little white rabbit running happily in the forest. On the way, it met a giraffe who was rolling marijuana.

The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe Giraffe, why did you do something that hurt yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "The giraffe looked at the marijuana and the white rabbit, threw the marijuana behind her and ran with the white rabbit in the forest.

Later, they met an elephant who was about to take cocaine. The white rabbit said to the elephant, "Elephant, why did you do something that hurt yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! The elephant looked at the cocaine and the white rabbit, threw the cocaine behind him and ran in the forest with the white rabbit and giraffe.

Later, they met a lion who was going to fight heroin. The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why did you do something that hurt yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "The lion looked at the syringe and the white rabbit, threw the syringe behind him and rushed to hit the white rabbit. The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "why did you hit the white rabbit?" "It is so kind. It cares about our health and makes us close to nature." The lion said angrily, "This bastard rabbit drags me around the forest like an idiot every time he eats ecstasy."

There is a man who talks to himself all day.

When he was talking to himself, he spoke English, and everyone couldn't understand him.

I only heard that he kept repeating the same sentence, and his tone was harsh, like swearing.

One day, a man who knows English came.

The man heard that the man had been talking to himself:

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! ..."

Once, a man jumped off a building.

He jumped from the tenth floor to the ninth floor.

Jump from the ninth floor to the eighth floor.

Jump from the eighth floor to the seventh floor.

Jump from the seventh floor to the sixth floor.

Jump from the sixth floor to the fifth floor.

Jump from the fifth floor to the fourth floor.

Jump from the fourth floor to the third floor.

Jump from the third floor to the second floor.

Jump from the second floor to the first floor.

After jumping off the building, he went home for dinner.

Xiao Li is versatile. He can tell stories, cross talk, sing and sing operas.

He said, "The story."

He said, "Crosstalk."

He sang: "Song-"

He sang: "Play-"

...

Scientists play with cats in heaven. Einstein arrested people. He closed his eyes and counted.

All the scientists are in hiding. Only Newton didn't hide it. He just drew a square on the ground and stood in.

"98,99, 100!" Einstein opened his eyes and grabbed Newton: "Newton, I got you!" " "

Newton said calmly, "No, I'm not Newton."

So all the scientists came out. They proved that Newton was not Newton.

Why is this?

Because Newton stood in the square, that is, cattle per square meter, not Pascal.

Bao Gong used to touch his forehead and read aloud before opening the villain.

Only after this word is executed ... what is Bao Gong whispering?

I will punish you instead of the moon.

Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, telling each other that time waits for no man.

A song: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

Song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "In a few decades."

Apa: "Qingming.