Quick jokes and funny sentences that make people laugh in seconds

120 short jokes that will make you laugh in one second

1. As the saying goes: If you laugh, the whole world will laugh with you; if you cry, you will be the only one in the world crying.

2. The longest relationship I have ever been in was narcissism. I love myself and have no rival.

3. Bus squeezing is a comprehensive exercise that includes Sanda, yoga, judo, balance beam and other sports and fitness projects.

4. A true warrior is a star-chaser, ugly, fat and gluttonous, sleepy and stays up all night, never doing homework. How brave a person is, how late the homework is, the dead pig is not afraid of boiling water, the more homework, the more promiscuous he will be!

5. Don’t compete with me. Although I can’t act coquettishly, I can wrestle.

6. When a boy takes you to play games, he doesn’t care about winning or losing, nor is he happy or angry. It’s not because he likes you very much, but because he has already recognized that there is no way he can win with a loser like you.

7. This joke is so funny that I have to watch a tragedy to calm down.

8. God is very fair. He allows you to celebrate Singles’ Day, but he will not let you celebrate Valentine’s Day!

9. I have a bad temper, bad grades, bad temperament, bad personality, and bad appearance. The only thing I am proud of is: good digestion!

10. If you watched the big trees turn into homework books, would you still have the heart to do your homework? In order to protect nature, we don't do homework.

11. It’s good that you left, otherwise I would always be worried that you would have to stay for dinner.

12. I wanted to eat my sorrow one bite at a time, but unexpectedly I ate it into meat balls one bite at a time.

13. I wish you many descendants in the future! ***Enjoy your family! Have you decided on your grandson's name? I'm already up.

14. Adolescent love is like spiritual opium. Whether you take it or not, there is always a group of Lin Zexu standing behind you.

15. I moved to a new office, the bathroom is at the corner, and there is no signal on my mobile phone. The constipation I had suffered for many years was quickly cured.

16. The farthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but the temperature difference between inside and outside the bed in winter.

17. Tell me the address of your home. I will change it into a public toilet.

18. Every time I see chewing gum spit out by others in the toilet, I get extremely angry. It obviously still tastes good after chewing it, so why did you spit it out?

19. Some women are afraid of thunder on rainy days, and even scare their babies to death. The DJ in the bar plays so loudly at night, it goes dark and then lights up, why haven't I seen you scared? Shake so hard that your mother doesn’t even recognize you.

20. I never hold grudges, and I usually avenge them on the spot.

21. Everyone, does anyone want an iPhoneX? If yes, please leave a message directly to comment on the color and memory you want. If you are optimistic, send me the link directly. As of 12 noon tomorrow, I will draw three lucky friends, and then announce which three people are so thick-skinned.

22. The new definition of moonlight clan: At the beginning of the month, the dog eats whatever I eat, and at the end of the month, I eat whatever the dog eats.

23. The same fleshy flesh, why is it so popular when it grows on the chest, but so annoying when it grows on the belly? Is this considered regional discrimination?

24. Mosquito, you have hands and feet, why don’t you find a job and live a proper life there.

25. Although the famous flower has its owner, I will loosen the soil! It is difficult for a rich man to be a man without money!

26. I can’t see what’s wrong with being ugly. It’s you who are disgusting.

27. The first guy who knew that milk can be drunk, what did you do to the cow?

28. When I went to the barber shop, after the barber tied a scarf on me, he looked at me and complimented me: "The beauty has such big eyes!" I said: Brother, if you tighten it tighter, I can still stick out my tongue.

29. I became fat after I left home, but my local accent has not changed. Children don't recognize each other and exclaim, "Fat man, who are you?" Hengpi: Return to hometown with tight clothes.

30. Every time someone is mean to me, I feel that there is something wrong with this person. He can still lose his temper and be speechless in front of such a cute me.

31. There is only one road in the world. No one can take it except you. Where does it lead? Don't ask, just go. When a person doesn't know where your road will lead him, you have climbed higher than ever.

32. It’s mine, so don’t move it. It’s not mine, so leave it alone.

33. One cannot lower his noble head, except when picking up money.

34. Recently I discovered a very scary reality: the price of everything is rising, but I am getting cheaper! It seems it’s time to increase your worth!

35. Spring is never partial, she brings spring to everyone.

36. Someone once said to me: You are so handsome! I immediately replied: He's not handsome, he looks whatever he wants.

37. I really miss my childhood. When the weather is hot, I can be shirtless like a man!

38. There are two things that others cannot take away. One is the food you eat, and the other is the dream you hide in your heart. So, as a foodie with dreams, you are invincible!

39. At the age when girls are like flowers, you have grown into a succulent.

40. When you reach middle age, it is like a Journey to the West! Wukong's pressure, Bajie's figure, Lao Sha's hairstyle, Tang Seng's grinding, are getting closer and closer to the west.

41. I am a bit vulgar, a bit weird, a bit boring and cute! A bit lazy, a bit bad, a bit smart and a rogue! A scoundrel is a scoundrel, a glib man talks about love! If you want to love me, then love me.

42. The four spiritual pillars that have always supported my progress in life are: waiting for get off work, waiting for Friday, waiting for express delivery, and waiting for wages.

43. To be honest, my bed skills are really good. I can lie in bed for a whole day without eating, drinking or going to the toilet.

44. When I get angry, winter will come; when I get angry in winter, I will become a man in long trousers.

45. Outside the pavilion, beside the ancient road, fork, fork, fork, don’t laugh, although I can’t remember this ancient poem, but I will always remember you! I wish you eternal happiness!

46. Every time you go shopping, others will tell you that if you really want it, they will give you a cheaper price. You see, the truth is so worthless!

47. Not everyone can read, and those who can read are not good children.

48. What is a true brother? That is, when a brother needs a woman, step forward and be his woman.

49. Don’t call your children little bastards, because from a genetic point of view, this is not good for parents.

50. Look in the mirror at night and look at your body as white as jade. Sighing: What a good cabbage, why can't I find pigs?

51. Do you know why you feel so sleepy at school? Because school is where dreams begin.

52. Some people insist on insisting on something even though they know it is wrong, because they are not willing to accept it; some people must give up even though they know it is love because there is no ending; sometimes, they insist on knowing that the road is gone but they still insist on it. Keep moving forward because you are used to it.

53. Don’t say sorry to me, because we have nothing to do with each other.

54. The north wind is blowing and the autumn breeze is cool. Whose lovely wife is guarding the empty house? If you have any difficulties, I will help. I live next door. My surname is Wang.

55. The threshold for doing anything in this era has become so high. If you want to be a homebody, can you afford to buy a house?

56. My name is Little Cutie. When I grow up, I will be called Big Cutie. When I grow old, I will be called Old Cutie. When I die, I will be called Dead Cutie.

57. When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even.

58. Once you are done with this period of work, you can move on to the next one.

59. Apart from marrying you and transferring money, don’t take your talk of liking and missing you too seriously. It’s better to spend a huge sum of money than to ask for help.

60. Whenever a boy says he has tidied up his room, the standard usually refers to: the path from the door to the bed has been cleared.

61. I am small-minded but not lacking. I am good-tempered, but not without.

62. It’s okay to scold you at ordinary times. Only when I beat you will you know that I am both civil and military.

63. I originally wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps.

64. Everyone has a dark side. If you say you are innocent, then I can only say that you are not a human being!

65. Things in the world are like this. The more you think about having both, the more you end up having neither.

66. I just want to turn around gracefully, but unexpectedly I hit the wall!

Funny sentences that make people laugh

1. Every time I walk alone at night, I am so scared. It is so dark and I am so beautiful. I am really afraid that others will not see me.

2. Who said, "If you keep thinking about me, there will be repercussions." The person I like has never talked to me. I want to get rich overnight, but I have never realized it.

3. An employee bought a cup with the words "I want a salary increase" printed on it. He always pointed these words at the boss during meetings. Finally one day, the boss also bought a cup with "Get Out" written on it!

4. Every time I see a thin person on the street, I want to give her some meat because I have a kind heart.

5. Everyone is like this: I don’t know where my love started, and it goes deeper and deeper; but I am different. I am like: I don’t know where my money is going, and I am completely penniless.

6. When I was about to leave a shopping mall, the security guard at the door called me: "Wait a minute, what are you packing in those bulging clothes?" I angrily lifted up my coat and yelled: "It's meat, it's meat! It's mine."

7. Those obstacles that are difficult to overcome are not all because of your short legs!

8. Others look good when they smile, but you are different. You look funny.

9. Never quarrel with your parents, because you will only get scolded when you fail to win, and beaten when you win.

10. "What is it like to be ugly but with a good figure?" "Looking behind you, you are looking at the country and the city, but looking at you, you are worrying about the country and the people."

11. "Ask yourself , if you were someone else, would you be willing to have a relationship with yourself? ""I can't even think about it, how can I be so lucky?"

12. If you have money and face, you will be called a male god, but if you have money, you will not have face. Call me husband, call me Lan Yan if you have the face but no money. As for the one who has no money and no face, I'm sorry, you are a good person... Ah, what a painful realization!

13. If I fall in love, it doesn’t matter if I fall in love later; if I get rich suddenly, please do it now!

14. Every time I go shopping, many people send me small advertisements and flyers. Alas, this is me. I am so beautiful that it makes people laugh.

15. The three major tragedies of a dinner party: the people you wanted to invite did not come, the people who came had nothing to do with you, and you were the only one left awake when the bill came.

16. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, but you can have both poverty and ugliness, and fat and short can go hand in hand.

17. If you have a heart to learn, you will end up failing the exam; if you have a heart to lose weight, you will end up being a foodie. Hengpi: I can’t help myself.

18. I just went to the store to buy water. I saw the boss fell asleep on the rocking chair, and the boss’s wife beat his legs. I felt so loved instantly. I couldn’t bear to disturb them, so I took two bottles of Coke and left. Gone quietly.

19. There are two types of looks, one is good-looking and the other is ugly. You are in the middle, so ugly.

20. The teacher wrote the first couplet: "You are still old and you are hot" and asked the students to write the second couplet. Xiao Ming immediately answered the second line: The breasts are still bigger than those of women. Teacher: Xiao Ming, get out of here.

21. When I went shopping in the supermarket today, I saw two monks’ shopping carts full. I thought that the monks were really rich. When checking out, the cashier asked him whether it was cash or card. A monk said, we are here to ask for alms.

22. Some women wear stockings to look in good shape. There are also some women who wear stockings, which shows that the stockings are of good quality.

23. God is short of mobile phones, so Steve Jobs went; God is short of bodyguards, so Bruce Lee went; God is short of singers, so Leslie Cheung went; God, are you short of a head teacher?

24. Robbery in ancient times: I opened this road and planted this tree. If you want to pass by this way, leave money to buy the road. After thousands of years of civilization, robbery in today's society is like this: There is a toll station 500 meters ahead, please slow down.

Funny sentences that make people laugh

1. Fortunately, I am a little fat guy, so I can touch my belly when I am sad.

2. If life deceives you, don’t worry, take out your beauty camera and deceive life.

3. When looking for a wife, you must find two types of wives, one is my type, and the other is my type.

4. My head is full of wisdom, and it stretches my face.

5. Being in a daze, if done well, is called deepness. If you don't do it well...it's easy to fall asleep.

6. A snowy day is suitable for sleeping at home, a sunny day is suitable for going out for a walk. For a long time, there is no day suitable for going to work.

7. I know it’s bad to waste your time, but it’s really enjoyable.

8. In fact, there is no need to read all travel guides. They can be condensed into four words: bring more money.

9. Based on your appearance, you don’t need to lose weight at all. Now you can still use fat as an excuse for being ugly. After losing weight, you will have no excuses anymore.

10. A true warrior dares to face the balance on his bank card and the number on the scale.

11. You have to eat well and go to bed early. Don’t just rely on your appearance to eat as much as you want or stay up late.

12. For Chinese double diving, the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law should be the best partners, because for decades, they always fall into the water at the same time.

13. Others don’t know whether you are doing well or not, but when you gain weight, everyone will know.

14. The most failed person in life is Tang Seng. People around him, whether they are enemies or friends, always want to send him to the West.

15. Believe that there must be someone in this world who doesn’t mind all your shortcomings, including freckles and acne, flat chest and fat legs, savage, rude and unreasonable, delicious, lazy and sloppy. This person is - your love rival.

16. Why does grandma like her grandson’s wife but not her daughter-in-law? Because the enemy of my enemy is my friend!

17. There are only three things that hurt people: troubles, quarrels, and empty wallets. And the most hurtful thing is an empty wallet.

18. Asking someone to pay back money is like having a secret love. You will always feel embarrassed to say it. When you pluck up the courage to say it, it becomes like a confession, and maybe you don’t even have to be friends!

19. If you don’t study for a day, no one will notice; if you don’t study for a week, you will start swearing; if you don’t study for a month, your IQ will be lower than that of a pig.

20. I just made a very risky investment. If it succeeds, I can earn hundreds of millions in one go. If it fails, my two dollars will be wasted.

21. What does it mean to show affection and die quickly? It means that the girl lies on the boy's shoulder to sleep every day. In the end, the boy gets frozen shoulder and the girl gets cervical spondylosis and succumbs to treatment.

22. I hate this face-based world that makes me wonder who really loves me.

23. When I was born, God asked me whether I wanted to have a good memory or be beautiful. I have forgotten how I answered at that time.

24. When a girl says she can’t find a partner, she means standing in front of a vending machine and unable to find her favorite drink. When a boy says he can't find a partner, he's standing in the Sahara Desert. If he says there's no one, he really doesn't have one!

Twenty-five, my boyfriend told me to break up. I was just about to reply and scold him, but he said that I sent it wrongly. It was really a false alarm.