Girlfriend VS Mom

Eight principles for improving the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

1. It is necessary to honor your mother-in-law and do not have any resistance

2. Do not be overly affectionate with your husband in front of your mother-in-law

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Although you feel that you are used to this way of communication, it is just like in front of outsiders. Being overly affectionate is a kind of disrespect for others.

3. When it comes to your husband’s family, you must take care of your husband’s emotions

Especially when it comes to money, some money must not be saved. For example, if the father-in-law is sick, since it is a responsibility that cannot be escaped , it is better to simply give it to your mother-in-law when you take the money. This will please your mother-in-law, satisfy your husband, and think more about you in the future. However, to honor seven aunts and eight aunts together, that is unless you have a lot of money.

4. Don’t boss your husband around in front of your mother-in-law

If your parents-in-law come to live at home and you keep asking your husband to do this or that, they will think that your son is working too hard at home. . After you are out of sight of your parents-in-law, you can do whatever you want with them.

5. Even if it is superficial, it must be done enough

When buying something for my mother, I thought about buying one for my mother-in-law. Observe her daily life carefully and take the time to fulfill her wishes. A little bit of concern will be remembered by her.

6. Leave some time to listen to her nagging

Living under the same roof and keeping her at arm’s length is not an option, so just make up your mind and coax her when you have nothing to do, if you have time. Just listen to a few words from her. If she likes to nag, let her nag, and listen and chime in a few words. Understand that doing something you can't do is secondary, talking about it is necessary.

7. There is nothing wrong with making ugly remarks in advance

Before your mother-in-law comes to your home, you'd better reach a consensus with your husband first. For some principled matters, such as: you cannot get up early, you cannot do housework every day, you and your husband do not have the concept of male superiority and female inferiority in your life, etc., let him talk to his mother-in-law in advance.

8. Let the past go.

There will always be friction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so let it go. Being cold-hearted is never a good idea.

This is not to say that conflicts are all the wife’s fault, but whether you are dissatisfied or wronged, life has to go on. Instead of living with an uncomfortable mood, it is better to start with yourself to improve the relationship.

How does a man handle the relationship between his wife and his mother?

Happy families are similar. They basically do not encounter (or rarely encounter) the following problems, or Some of the problems were solved well using wisdom. ^0^

The following examples are given in life. In different families, they may appear in various scenarios such as a, b, c, d, etc. (these scenarios are all in the forum or in life when someone once Experienced), you can see if your family has one of these:

1. The mother-in-law believes that the daughter-in-law can only have sons, not daughters

a. After my daughter-in-law became pregnant, her mother-in-law asked for a gender determination and suggested that if she was a girl, she would have an abortion.

The wife was weak and aborted the child.

b. The daughter-in-law gave birth to a daughter. In the days to come, the mother-in-law looked down upon her and the husband stayed out of the matter.

c. After the daughter-in-law gave birth to a daughter, the mother-in-law was not happy. The son tried to persuade her and took a firm stand: "Nowadays, men and women are the same. I like daughters." The mother-in-law softened her attitude.

ps: Let me give you some advice here. If you find that your parents-in-law have a tendency to favor boys over girls, you should take precautions. You can say it in front of the whole family when you are pregnant: "lg, do you like a boy or a girl? Anyway, it is you who determines the gender, you have to work hard!" "lg, if you want to have a boy (girl), it's up to you. Oh!" "LG, if I gave birth to a son, it would be all thanks to you!" I would often say these words, and at the same time explain the scientific principles of gender). Let your family know clearly that the key to having a boy or a girl is your husband.

That way if you give birth to a daughter, it will be difficult for them to say anything.

2. The mother-in-law believes that the daughter-in-law should do the housework and the son should rest.

a. The mother-in-law said: "Daughter-in-law, please do some housework." The daughter-in-law said: "LG, come and help me!" When the mother-in-law saw that her son was about to do work, she hurriedly said, "I'll do it, I'll do it!" before her son did the housework. . (But after several times, the mother-in-law was dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law.)

ps: Personally, I think this scene is simply funny - but I saw that a lot of mothers-in-law are like this in the forum.

b. The mother-in-law said: "Daughter-in-law, do some housework." The daughter-in-law did it. The husband is watching TV/using the computer/resting. (If this continues, the wife will be dissatisfied)

c. The mother-in-law felt unhappy when she saw her son and daughter-in-law sharing housework. The son expressed his position: "My wife has to go to work just like me, and she is very tired after get off work. It's okay for a grown man like me to do this kind of work." (My mother-in-law saw that her son loved her very much, and she gradually got used to it)

Again And: Some men honor their parents with their mouths, but when it comes to practical tasks such as cooking, washing, washing, and serving in front of the hospital bed, it is all done by their wives. Can't you share it with your wife?

3. The mother-in-law thinks that the daughter-in-law should be frugal. (This has manifested itself in many forms in life, such as buying food, buying clothes, water for bathing, turning on air conditioning in summer and electricity consumption... friction may occur in many aspects)

For example: buying clothes (other situations are similar)

a. After hearing the price of the clothes, the mother-in-law said: "Why did you buy such expensive clothes?" and used words to limit the daughter-in-law's spending (this expensive is relative to the concept of the elderly, and may not really be expensive). The daughter-in-law believes that her mother-in-law interferes in her personal life and she cannot decide on the salary she earns.

b. When the daughter-in-law buys clothes, if her mother-in-law asks about it, she will give it to the old man at half price or 20% off, and the old man won't say anything about the price. (I think this method is also advisable, although it is not very honest, haha)

c. The son said to his mother: "Nowadays, women are all dressed up beautifully. It doesn't matter if you ask her to buy a few more clothes. My wife goes out to look beautiful, and my face also looks bright."

4. The mother-in-law always makes delicious food when her son is at home, and just takes care of it when his son is not at home.

a. The daughter-in-law just made do with it, keeping it to herself and not telling her husband, but as time went by, she felt unhappy.

b. When the daughter-in-law said that her husband had not eaten well after he came home, he was furious: "I am picky and hungry!"

c. The daughter-in-law complained that her husband had not eaten well after he came home. Lg said: "Mom, you two can't eat too simple when I'm not at home. You have to keep up with nutrition. If you two lose weight because I'm not at home, I'll feel bad." He often monitors the house when he is away. recipes.

d. The daughter-in-law has another choice: buy it herself and eat whatever she wants. The old man is frugal and is afraid of waste, so he eats it. But they are likely to complain that you spend money indiscriminately or don't eat out of anger.

Ps: Regarding eating, it’s okay if it happens occasionally. If it happens all the time, forget it, there will be conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law over a few bowls of food.

Men may feel a headache when they see this. It may be very strange that women are so worried about such trivial matters? When it comes to relationships, no matter how big or small it is – it’s not about what you eat, but what’s behind it! (If you live in your husband’s house for several years, and your wife is not present every time you eat, your father-in-law and mother-in-law will deal with it. In the long run, will you feel unhappy?)

The novel "Double-sided Tape" "There is a scene in "Braised Pork" that deeply affected me. Lijuan was eating braised pork. Her mother-in-law counted how many pieces she had eaten, and said to her son: "I will cut into 28 pieces for a bowl of braised pork. You eat 8 pieces, and your dad eats 7 pieces. , she eats 13 yuan per person! If you mix this pot of meat with some carrots and potatoes at home, your dad and I can eat it for a week!" "Eating meat with empty mouths, one piece after another." I was very dissatisfied.

Why the novel "Double-sided Tape" has such a huge response is because many people feel that its details are very real, and the real details come from highly condensed reality.

5． Some mothers-in-law use words to suppress their daughters-in-law. For example, the mother-in-law said in front of her daughter-in-law: "My son's conditions are so good. You will be very happy/blessed to find him." (Mom, I don't think any son has bad conditions, haha)

A. Wife, just listen to it, the breeze blows through your ears.

B． There are quite a few extreme manifestations. The mother-in-law said to the daughter-in-law: "My son's conditions are so good. Even if he gets divorced in the future, it will not be difficult to find a young girl." She actually instigated her son to divorce.

C. The daughter-in-law said: "My conditions are not bad either!" She began to describe how hard it was for LG to pursue her and how difficult it was to marry her.

Ps: Regarding this article, I think C is a good method. In reality, there is a mother-in-law who has a better attitude towards her daughter-in-law after knowing that her son has finally found her. (She knows that her son is not worthy of anyone, and she knows that other people’s daughters were once a treasure)

6. Some mothers-in-law treat their daughters in the same way and their daughter-in-law in the same way. (Treat women the same, but with different standards)

a. When it comes to housework, I hope my son-in-law will share the burden with my daughter, and I have some criticisms of the "hands-off shopkeeper" type of son-in-law. When I go to my son's place, I hope that my wife will do all the work while my son rests.

b. During the confinement period, you may say to your wife: "When I gave birth to a baby, I went to work in the fields in three days." "Why are you so arrogant? Look at other wives, they should do whatever they want after giving birth."

When my daughter is undergoing confinement, I hope her to rest for a few more days. I will never say the above words to my daughter.

Ps: If your daughter-in-law has a sister-in-law, she will easily become mentally unbalanced if she sees the same thing with completely different standards.

Here I say to my daughter-in-law, you also know the nature of mothers and daughters, and you also know that your mother-in-law is not your biological mother. You should reduce your expectations for the "care and love" from your mother-in-law, so that your life will be easier to satisfy. .

Generally, a mother-in-law would not say something like this in front of her son. If the daughter-in-law is worried about these words and tells her husband, it may make the husband dissatisfied (men don’t want to hear women say something bad about their mother, Even if they know what you are telling the truth, they will still be very impatient). This is how many family conflicts arise...

7. Some mothers-in-law act the same way in front of their sons and behind their backs.

It shows that certain things can only be said when his son is not present, and certain things can only be done when his son is not present. (Such as b in Example 8)

8. A misunderstanding is that husbands believe that if they show chauvinism in front of their parents (even if they are careful with their wives behind the scenes), their parents will be satisfied and it will be conducive to family unity. Some sisters have also said that if they treat lg with a low eyebrow in front of their parents-in-law, they will have the real power of the family behind their backs.

Disadvantages: When a man’s parents see that their husbands do not respect or love their wives, they will look down on her. This kind of “underestimation” will be reflected in all aspects of life, but will not affect the future. The source of family conflicts.

If you don’t hesitate to show love and care to your wife in front of your parents, and “love the house as much as you love her”, the parents will also pay attention to the special status of the wife in the heart of the son, and will be more measured in their attitude and speech towards the daughter-in-law. In this way, the family will be conflicted. On the contrary, it decreases.

End of example. (Except for 1, in all examples, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are more likely to live together. If they do not live together, there will be a lot of friction and unconditional occurrence)

As for families where the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are harmonious: some mothers-in-law will take the initiative to let their sons share housework; The daughter-in-law greets the daughter-in-law; she takes the side of the daughter-in-law and blames the son when the son quarrels with the daughter-in-law, and gently blames the son for not knowing how to love women instead of protecting the calf indiscriminately - what is this? This is the wisdom of doing things.

In some families, if a son defends his wife (such as using C to solve the problem in the above example), this behavior itself will be considered "unfilial".

People are different, and homes are different.

After seeing the above examples, will some men realize that life is different from imagination? The imagination after marriage is empty, and you would never dream that you might encounter these things.

I want to say to many men: Life is so complicated, and they take it for granted before marriage: "My wife must be filial to my mother." - Anyone can say such empty words, but you have the actual issue of daily necessities after marriage. You are considered awesome only if you can solve it!

Men are the lubricant and play a key role in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Some men are caught between two women, their wives and mothers, and feel afraid of difficulties. They can avoid the friction between them - over time, if small things are not dealt with, they will accumulate into big things. Women's endurance is very strong, but once they can no longer endure it, the destructive power explodes and is beyond control.

The question is how did the husband resolve these conflicts after seeing them? Blindly favoring one's own mother and asking her daughter-in-law to give in unconditionally, and blindly favoring her daughter-in-law are not ways to solve the problem (most people use the former to solve the problem)

In all the above examples, the best way to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is "filial piety" "Instead of "filial piety", you should be filial and respectful to the elderly. That is to say, the old people's fault is "disobedience" and "not foolishly filial"!

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the relationship between people. If they understand, respect and be considerate of each other, they can get along well. Please note that it is "mutual". If only one party works hard, whether it is the mother-in-law or the daughter-in-law, it will be difficult to achieve satisfaction. ——Husbands can’t demand that only one party pays for it!

Personally, I believe that “1. Boys and girls” and “2. Housework responsibilities” cause the most conflicts in life, followed by “3. Consumption concepts”. Whether to have a boy or a girl is a matter of principle. Women must never give in. Others can be tolerated appropriately.

Among the solutions, c is a better solution (of course many people have better solutions, you can discuss it). However, many families cannot resolve conflicts when encountering actual situations, but instead intensify them. .

The above mentioned does not involve financial issues. Many daughter-in-laws have various conflicts with their husbands’ families because of the economy (generally, daughters-in-law have no objection to their husbands supporting their parents, providing pension money for their parents, and money for medical treatment. Many of the conflicts in Tianya are caused by the husband’s family) Asking for money uncontrollably from her husband’s relatives, exceeding reasonable requirements).

My opinion is: "The parents-in-law should support and respect them so that they have better material conditions (the so-called better material conditions depend on the family income and the general living standards around them). For the husband's relatives, do what you can to your husband's relatives. , Don’t help the poor, don’t make a fool of yourself.”

Some people will be dissatisfied. How come the example you gave seems to be the mother-in-law’s fault? It has been said: Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who live in harmony generally "respect each other's personality", and the elders do not interfere with the living habits of the younger ones - so the situation in the example will not (or rarely) happen.

Also: Daughters-in-law online complain more about their mother-in-law, because the daughter-in-law who is harmonious with her mother-in-law does not come forward to talk. Mother-in-laws generally don't use the Internet either (there are a few people who complain about their wives online, such as Tianya). So it makes people feel that the Internet is full of daughters-in-law complaining about their mother-in-law. In life, I come into contact with people of the same age (all from the daughter-in-law generation), so naturally only those who are dissatisfied with life complain (happy daughters-in-law don’t complain)

Don’t think that mothers-in-law have no objections to their daughters-in-law. Many mothers-in-law I like to comment and complain about my respective wives when chatting. I have seen it many times in real life. They are old sisters who spread word of mouth about their daughter-in-law. Haha - actually I think this is even scarier, because everyone knows the daughter-in-law in real life, but no one knows the mother-in-law online. Who is. Who is more lethal?

If you pay a little attention to life, you will notice that mothers-in-law like to discuss the rights and wrongs of their daughters-in-law (their own daughters-in-law and other people's daughters-in-law).

The man who reads the post knows that it is not easy for your wife, so he can understand her sadness and give her understanding and support.

You know, without you, she would never have had a "mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship" - leaving her parents who have been together for 20 or 30 years, becoming a stranger, and integrating into an unfamiliar environment requires a lot of sacrifice. (Whether the environment accepts her sometimes does not depend on her will)

Many men will never experience such dedication in their lifetime.

Because they have no experience, there are men who "stand and talk without back pain", haha

Many of the examples I gave have encountered them in their lives, or have encountered them in their lives. Other things that are more troublesome!

Let’s talk about some classic words of men to their wives:

1. "My mother is nice and easy to get along with. Any conflict with her must be your fault." - It is judged in advance that the daughter-in-law must be at fault, as if a woman can become a permanent "no-fault party" just because she gave birth to a son.

Please, your mother is easy to get along with for you. Your parents-in-law and her daughter must also get along very well, but you may not get along easily with your parents-in-law.

(Friend a and friend b both have a good relationship with you, but a and b may not be good friends.)

For example, in the above example: "Some mothers are tight on food and use. She cares about her son, but she doesn’t have the same affection for her daughter-in-law. She wants her to do as much housework as possible, but she feels bad when her son does it. ——Do you think it’s hard for a son to get along with his mother?

2. Even if your parents are at fault, use the sentence "No matter what my parents do wrong, you can't object" to suppress your wife. "The other two kinds of unfilial piety are: There are three unfilial piety in respect of etiquette. The first is unfilial, and the second is unfilial; the family is poor and the relatives are old, and the relatives are not filial, and the second is unfilial; not marrying and having no children is unfilial. There are three unfilial acts in worshiping ancestors. Among the three, having no descendants is the greatest. "

(Explained in vernacular: Blindly obeying and failing to persuade your parents when they see their faults will lead them to fall into unrighteousness. This is the first kind of unfilial piety; the family is poor and the parents are old, but one does not work as an official to earn a salary to support his parents. This is the second kind of unfilial piety; not marrying a wife and having children and cutting off future generations is the third kind of unfilial piety)

Please pay special attention to the first one! To put it simply, "filial piety ≠ foolish filial piety."

3. Why don’t parents-in-law and sons-in-law have so many conflicts?

I have already said it in the previous paragraphs of the post - it is difficult to be a daughter-in-law, but easy to be a son-in-law!

Speaking of this, I would like to remind Chinese men in particular that generally the woman’s family is very concerned about the feelings of her in-laws, for fear that their daughter will be offended by marriage. They do not have excessive requirements in terms of support and living together, and even Take the initiative to consider problems for your husband's family and be considerate of them. But the man's family shows little consideration to the woman's parents.

4. Some men said: "As long as the daughter-in-law treats her mother-in-law as her own mother, the relationship will be good." Haha, as some netizens said, if the daughter-in-law acts like a coquettish, lazy person in front of her mother-in-law like she does in front of her own mother, You can say whatever you want, I’m afraid lg and mother-in-law will be pissed to death!

————Men emphasize the “real mother” saying, which will make the daughter-in-law compare her mother-in-law to her mother. This comparison... …Your wife’s psychological gap is huge.

The daughter-in-law cannot treat her mother-in-law as her biological mother, and the mother-in-law cannot treat her daughter-in-law as her biological daughter. There is a certain truth in the old saying: "A mountain is separated by a belly", "The company is not a home, and the mother-in-law is not the mother" - in the same way, men cannot treat their parents-in-law as their biological parents!

Therefore, you should not treat your mother-in-law as your biological mother, but as an elder who respects her and is polite, which will help the relationship to be better.

5． Some men say: "As long as the daughter-in-law is filial, she can slowly move her parents-in-law - human hearts are made of flesh."

Some parents-in-law can be moved and everyone is happy.

No matter what their daughter-in-law does, some will not be moved. What do you think we should do?

I remember that on this topic, a male netizen from Tianya (forgot his ID) once suggested that women should learn from Chen Lingbao in the TV series "The Wife". Her mother-in-law and sister-in-law were very cold to her, but she made all kinds of efforts and used It took 20 years to move my parents-in-law, and finally gained her mother-in-law’s understanding after her husband became mentally ill (he needed her care).

Oh, promoting women like this? Not to mention that if she can't be moved in 20 years, this woman should work hard to impress her parents-in-law for the rest of her life

For men who advocate this, you can work hard for your indifferent parents-in-law for 20 years, no Isn't there any reward for being careless?

It’s been a long 20 years - some men’s moral requirements for women are so high that it makes people speechless, bs.

Finally, I would like to say to the women who read this post: While you should be filial to your parents-in-law, you should not be unfair to others and forget about your own parents.

1. Some in-laws/husbands have complaints about you giving money to your parents (there is a saying that this is "posting" money to your parents' family, as if girls just jumped out of the cracks of rocks, and parents don't need to be filial! I saw it in Tianya" My wife wants to give 1/6 of the family income to her parents, what should I do?” I have also heard in my life examples of mothers-in-law complaining about their daughter-in-law giving money to their parents).

This is your obligation to your parents. If your parents need money, you will undoubtedly have to bear the responsibility of supporting them. If your husband has objections to your support of your parents, you have problems with your choice of person, and your persuasion is ineffective, you can choose to divorce.

Even if your parents are well off and don’t need money, you should express your feelings appropriately (even if it’s a small gift) - your parents will be very happy to see you thinking about them.

This passage means that many women value their own small family, especially after giving birth to a baby, and want to leave more resources (money) to their small family and to the baby...compared to their own parents relatively ignored.

2. When you get married, you should go home often (it’s also good to bring your parents over for a short stay every year).

If an only child’s parents are old and need to be taken care of, they can take her in to live with them permanently (this is not easy to operate. There don’t seem to be many men who are willing to live with their parents-in-law, and quite a few husbands will object, although they require you to live with your parents-in-law. Living together - double standards used by men, alas! )

3. If you are an only child, you must not spend every Spring Festival at your mother-in-law's house, and let your parents watch the TV alone every New Year's Eve (you can stay together for a year, or the two elderly people can be together)

Especially when it comes to this, the woman’s parents are generally afraid that their in-laws will have objections and dare not ask their daughter to celebrate the New Year with them. Even if they miss their daughter terribly, they still say to their daughter: “Don’t worry, you can celebrate the New Year at your in-laws’ house.” And many husband-in-laws are confident and take it for granted that "every" New Year's Eve must be celebrated at their home, otherwise the daughter-in-law will be unfilial (many husband-in-laws require the daughter-in-law to celebrate the New Year together not because they think the daughter-in-law is bad, but because they regard the daughter-in-law as a background in the family portrait. indispensable background). As for whether your daughter-in-law’s parents need family happiness, you can’t think of it...

If you really let your parents celebrate the New Year alone every year, I would say: "Unfilial daughter, unfilial daughter!"

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4. While honoring your parents-in-law, you also require your husband to honor your parents-in-law. Using the example of how he honors his parents-in-law, he requires his husband to honor his parents-in-law to the same standards (of course, this same standard refers to once the son-in-law and parents-in-law live together).

According to the reality of our country's society, the general standard is: if the daughter and son-in-law can often go home to see the elderly and give some money, the parents-in-law will be quite satisfied with the son-in-law.

5． If friction occurs, be tolerant to the elders (who lets others be the elders?), but you must have your own bottom line and your own principles. Once the bottom line is breached, we must resolutely defend our rights and interests.