27-year-old, female, after 28 years old, crazy about getting married. My friends and classmates are married, and the younger one is married now, and my parents are helping me.

What are they most afraid of? Is it loneliness? Is it psychological loneliness? Don't! Actually, they are not afraid of these things. They are really afraid of the following five points: First, they are afraid that relatives and friends will meet and ask, "Why don't you find someone?" For women, marriage seems to be their highest ideal. When a woman gets married, even if she finds a fool, people just talk more, which is normal and "lucky". But when a woman is old, especially when she is over 30, it is probably abnormal for outsiders to not get married. Even if you have never been married, it is difficult to find a suitable marriage partner. In fact, as a woman, who doesn't want to have a warm home? But marriage can be met but not sought! So when people of the same age get married, it becomes a long-standing problem in everyone's eyes. At this time, mother is anxious, relatives are anxious, and friends are anxious. At this time, the sympathy and concern in their eyes is an invisible pressure on themselves, and it is a fear from hearing-afraid to see them and ask them! However, the more they disappear, the more they feel isolated and difficult to get along with, or they are closing themselves off. In such a vicious circle, 30-year-old unmarried women have become a disease in their hearts. I don't know their kind concern and inquiry is the reason why they are most afraid to see it! The second point: I am afraid that others will study my 30-year-old unmarried woman as an antique, so I must have psychological endurance. Then the scrutiny of people around them will often make them more psychologically exhausted. What's wrong with their health or psychology? This is most people's prejudice against themselves! Ugly, others will say that you don't get married because you are too ugly to attract men's attention, but how many ugly women are admired by the world because of their rich knowledge? If you are beautiful, people will say that you have a high eye or have suffered emotional setbacks, so you have not been taken away by men ... so they will study unmarried women when they have something to do and why they are not married-are they sick? Are you secretly in love with someone? Have you become the mistress of a man with a wife? What's more, some people say out of thin air that they are already with someone else, and now they don't look for it, because they are afraid of being exposed when they get married ... God, are unmarried older women so worth studying? The third point: I'm afraid my mother encouraged me to kiss her for the nth time. I'm not married at the age of 30. The most anxious person is my mother, and she is anxious from the heart. When she is in a hurry, she will help you find men, children of colleagues, and sons of friends of friends. She just wants to introduce her daughter, regardless of her age, personality and knowledge, so she persuades and lobbies every day: "Go and see." If it is not good, there is nothing to lose. "But my mother doesn't know that the result of this blind date often ends in failure, and the failure of blind date will make her feel a little more inferior and hesitant, and at the same time worry more:" Can I really get married? "fourth: I am afraid to attend the birthday party of my classmates and children. 30-year-old unmarried women are generally career-oriented women. Maybe they are too proud to live in an unsatisfied marriage. However, their brilliance in their careers cannot hide their loneliness when they are alone. Watching peers holding their babies happily and intoxicated makes their emotional world more and more blank. They know that time flies, and they have missed the best time to give birth, but they have never finished this, perhaps since they were children. So from time to time, they ask themselves, "What am I doing? Do I have to live like this? I want children, too. I really want to be a mother. I really want to be a mother who cares and loves her baby. "They understand that a stable job, a happy family and a healthy baby are what they want, but when can they have them? The feeling of touching the scene when attending the birthday party of classmates and children makes them more worried and scared. Fifth, many men associate with unmarried women with the mentality of "shopping". "Unmarried women are prey in the eyes of married men" was once "told". A woman who lives alone, especially a mature, attractive and successful unmarried woman, has great temptation for many men. Therefore, they appear everywhere. Although your best sister is watching for you, the vigilance of "if you don't have a partner, you will be interested in their partner" will make you impatient and embarrassed. So in general, they don't want to arouse their vigilant eyes, and they don't want to arouse their speculation and suspicion. This is the fear caused by vision. Although 30-year-old unmarried women are afraid of getting old, they will eventually die alone. Although they want to get married and are afraid of getting married, they always believe that if they can't find the kind of man they want, they would rather live alone forever than settle for second best. I just hope people don't add psychological burden to this "older unmarried woman"! The above content "1020" is transferred from the "Public Health Education Network" to the older women's balanced view of mate selection and psychological adjustment. Leftover women don't have to have a psychological sense of leftover women, but don't be obsessed with the psychology of "rather lacking than abusing". The so-called "surplus" is only a relative concept, which is purely a sense of tension imposed on you by the outside world. What is "leftover"? Of course, there is no standard, but people use the secular so-called best age for marriage standard to measure it. Young people are always young, and there is no problem of "surplus". On the surface, it is commendable to be "more than enough to let go", but think about it carefully, unless you have the idea of being single all your life from the beginning, since you can't find the right person, there are still some factors at work, that is to say, there are some reasons for the "excess", so you should think clearly about the reasons. Strategically despise, tactically attach importance to. It sounds strange that many people find husbands not for themselves, but for others. Of course, you don't think so, and you don't think so. It's just that sometimes you fall into this misunderstanding unconsciously. Everyone has herd mentality, herd mentality. Most of the leftover women are independent people, but in fact, it is still difficult to get rid of the external influence subconsciously. For example, I have a crush on a boy and think he is quite nice, but I changed my mind when I saw that his height is not as good as that of a friend or colleague's husband, or that others objected. This is not to find a good husband you think, but to find a husband who satisfies others to win a kind of vanity. In real life, some girls listened to other people's opinions and found a good man that everyone agreed with, so they fell in love. In fact, she doesn't love this one very much in her bones. Therefore, girls should have their own opinions and have their own unique standards for a good husband, rather than looking for a good husband from the public. What you feel satisfied with is the best, no matter what others say (of course, you can also refer to other people's opinions appropriately), because what suits you is the best. Why don't you try to forget yourself? Leftover women are more likely to care about other people's opinions and opinions, and naturally care more about themselves. In fact, sometimes they might as well forget something, such as appearance and education, such as talent and wealth. In real life, the remaining conditions are either too bad or too good. The conditions are so bad that no one pays attention to them; The conditions are so good that no one dares to look. Based on this, we might as well learn to forget some things about ourselves for a while and look for love with inner spirituality. Beautiful people always think about their beauty, so they will unconsciously raise themselves, which will make you miss many opportunities; Ugly people always feel that they are not good-looking, so they will unconsciously look down on themselves and take it for granted that others may look down on you, which will also make you miss many possible opportunities. Other things, such as education, talent and wealth, are the same, which may hinder your sight. When these things have been hovering in your mind, they occupy your mind, and if intuition and spirituality are less, opportunities will naturally be less. Avoid two extremes: too realistic and too romantic. The leftover women stayed for a reason. As mentioned earlier, the conditions are either too good or too bad. This is from the objective conditions, but also from the spiritual level. There are also reasons to be found. Some girls are too realistic, materialistic, not rich, not married, have a house and a car, not married without family background, and so on. Obviously, this realistic snobbery will not necessarily wait for you first. If you secretly love others, others may not secretly love you, and it is not appropriate to pay too much attention to these things in marriage. This is one extreme, and the other extreme is too illusory and too far away from reality. They blindly emphasize the so-called petty bourgeoisie romantic complex, read more Qiong Yao-style novels, and immerse themselves in romantic fantasies all day, always hoping that their boyfriend must be the kind of prince charming or the hero who saved America. Once they return to reality, they find that the men around them seem to be too ordinary or not heroic enough. Obviously, these two extreme thoughts and orientations will seriously hinder your emotional path and miss many opportunities. You don't have to lower your requirements, but you must adjust your mentality. Many people will say that even if you stay, you will not lower your requirements and standards for choosing a spouse, and think that you would rather stay because you can't find a boy who meets your requirements. This is understandable, and there is no need to lower the requirements. It's boring to lower the requirements, which seems to give people a feeling of cheap shooting. But in fact, the so-called requirement should be flexible first, and the rigid requirement is not a requirement. Secondly, if we look at it from another angle or mentality, the original requirements and standards will remain unchanged, but the opportunities may be greatly increased. Leftover women are rarely because no one wants them, but more because they are too good to be wanted, or you simply look down on others. Might as well "rather lack than abuse", but we should discard the perfect complex; There is no need to lower the standard of mate selection, but we should change our concepts and adjust our mentality. You ask others, and others ask you at the same time. Giving others more opportunities is also giving yourself more opportunities. Whether it is a leftover woman or a leftover man, the rest is actually a state of mind. Women can live a wonderful life without men. Marriage has its troubles. Being single for life is also a way of life, which should be recognized and blessed by everyone. But if you decide to live a two-person life, you should adjust your mentality as soon as possible and take the initiative in your own hands. Don't wait until the boss is not young and more and more passive, but you don't want to be single all your life in your bones, so you have to find someone to marry.