Tell me about 200 classic funny quotations.

1, friendship is like a vase, it will break when you break it.

2. Tucao is used to count money, not to make sense.

3. playing with feelings? I'll make you cry rhythmically

4. Bitch is always a bitch, even in the economic crisis, you can't be expensive!

Everyone says I'm obedient, but I only listen to myself.

6, sometimes I am as optimistic as a fart, always thinking that I can be earth-shattering

7. Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.

8. When I want to say something most, it is often the time when I am most silent.

9. I connected all my memories into a movie, only to find it was a tragedy.

10. Fate despises those who give in to it.

1 1, Happyness's pursuit, but I hesitate to turn left or right.

12, a good horse doesn't go back to grass, because it doesn't.

13, women's tears are useless liquids, but you make women cry, which means you are useless.

14, it is said that there are two kinds of people left in love: 1, men who have no money and women who can't pretend.

15, people with no ability struggle, and people with ability struggle with others.

16. In today's society, people have to queue up to cut in line.

17, the commander will look on coldly and see how long it will run wild.

18, if you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you.

19, some things don't need to be argued, they seem to be obedient and secretly resist.

20. Success is not an end, but a process of success. Life is the same, so is happiness.

2 1, the so-called right and wrong, just build a person's point of view. Actually, there is no right or wrong in this world.

22. Love never left, but I remember that you forgot.

23. It's not that I don't want to be a lady, it's that life has turned my mother into a bitch.

24. To be a good monster, you must defeat Altman at all costs.

If I were a princess, I would save a frog, but all I met were toads.

26. Look at a young man. It's weird. I plan to go to Thailand first, then to Korea, and marry him when I come back.

27. Four evils in the new era: Toyota's chassis, developers' real estate, stock market, ex-boyfriend's hard disk.

28. There are some things you shouldn't understand and some people you shouldn't hurt.

29. The happiest thing for a man is that his wife gave birth to her own child. . .

30. When you are tired, you know you are not superman.

3 1. Children always want to leave home to find happiness. It was many years before they knew that the happiest place was home.

32. Emotion is not a question of thinking, and it cannot be explained clearly by empathy.

Don't care about a goal that can't be achieved in a limited time.

34. With a knife around your neck, no one will think of others.

35. Maybe one day, when you put on your wedding dress, I will have put on my cassock.

36. What are we afraid of? We came into this world, and we don't intend to go back alive!

Online and stealth are the same these days, and no one cares about you.

38. Time has quietly crushed me behind my back. Once upon a time, the scar on the route you left was spreading.

39. God, please let me grow five centimeters taller, and I am willing to exchange it at the price of losing ten pounds.

40. Don't let others get you easily, or you will be easily forgotten.

4 1, nonsense is the first sentence of interpersonal relationship.

42. Can you be a little sad and pretend to be reluctant?

43. Knocking at the door in an unhappy room can't find the right person.

44. If I were a dish, my heart would be a restaurant you can't afford.

45. Brushing your teeth is a bittersweet thing, because you have a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.

46. When will the salary increase? The ending is good, and there is little hope.

47. You will always be my stop frame, and I am just your passer-by.

48. Memory is childish. As time goes by, a plaque of youth hangs.

49. I compressed you in my memory, but I couldn't find a way to decompress you.

50. Maybe love is like a fallen leaf. It seems to be flying, but it is actually falling.

5 1. Tears are a gift you mailed me, and the address is not very happy.

52. Youth is like dandelion. It seems to be free, but it can't help itself.

53. In the name of love, not everything is taken for granted.

The color of the money in your pocket determines your mood today.

55. You will cry when you are sad, and laugh when you grow up.

56. Live a carefree life with a casual attitude.

57. The difference between genius and genius: Genius can be anything, and ghosts can be like this. . .

58. Is it warm winter or cold winter? Experts say that it will not be evaluated until the end of winter.

59. When I like you, you are what you say. When I don't like you, what do you say you are?

60. The people who know you best are not your friends, but your enemies.

6 1. Let 600 yuan's monthly income be as happy as 6000 yuan.

62. The so-called affair means having bread and love and wanting cake.

63. People can start from scratch, but they can't be unarmed!

64, 1, personally afraid of loneliness, 2, personally afraid of betrayal.

65. Death is not terrible. The terrible thing is that you want to die but dare not.

If we are not afraid of being picked up by others, we will throw away a lot of things.

67, sadness 1 minute, happiness is 60 seconds less.

68, life, my mother gave birth to me, I have to live.

69. It's cloudy, so the shadow doesn't want me.

70. There is an old soul living in melancholy youth.

Funny quotations from classical philosophy-funny quotations

When will there be a bright moon? Ask your roommate about the wine. I wonder if the handsome guy next door has a girlfriend?

Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

Mom's suggestion: Daughter, you should eat a little properly to lose weight!

Spring is a period of high incidence of colds and feelings. Some people accidentally caught a cold, and some people accidentally fell in love. I belong to the former.

I am also an infatuated seed. It rained and drowned.

Money is not everything, sometimes it is needed.

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

God, did you let summer and winter live together? ! This kind of weather!

When the bird is big, there are all kinds of Woods!

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Summer is not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind. ...

Do whatever you want!

Don't call me if you have nothing to do, and don't call me if you have anything to do.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I close my eyes.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves. ...

I want to puppy love, but it's too late. ...

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with my mouse, then select a hundred-dollar bill, press "CTRLC" and keep "CTRLV" all the time.

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, even if I don't smash you, I will live in vain.

Please raise your hand if you love me, and stand on your head if you don't love me.

Never hang yourself from a tree. You can try it several times in the surrounding trees.

Don't set the bank card password as your girlfriend's birthday, or you will always change it.

The happiest thing: sleep until you wake up naturally. Count the money and count the cramps in your hands. The saddest thing: sleep until your hand cramps, and count the money until you wake up naturally.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain.

Everyone wants to be different from others, and everyone is the same as a result.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. When we are old, the mirror is flat.

A scholar dies as a confidant, and a woman is a lover of herself.

If being rich is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it.

People are afraid of famous pigs and strong, men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

The effect of contraception: if you don't succeed, you will become a' person'.

Asking how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art.

If marriage is the grave of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

I am not a casual person. I'm not a person when I get up casually

To be a man, you must be a man who wanders between cow A and cow C.

You can go as far as you want.

Lie down where you fell.

Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

Lovers form families.

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face …

A tree will die if it is not skinned; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

I will have a son named "handsome" in the future, so everyone will say "handsome dad" when they see me.

Work, take a step back, fall in love, take a step back, and people are empty.

The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their wages.

Money is not the problem, the problem is no money!

I was drunk and nobody obeyed, so I held the wall.

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

You know what, big brother? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible.

Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough.

Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well.

A female classmate is darker and her boyfriend is whiter. One day, the poison queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you will have zebras."

I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

God said, let there be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

My name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata …

The farmer's three punches hurt a little.

In fact, I have always been very popular: I was loved by everyone when I was a child, and now I am loved by a bitch.

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

Rats are looking for cats all over the street with knives.

As long as you work hard, shit is serious.

Who runs fastest? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because speaking of the devil.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

When spring comes, a flock of geese fly north, forming a B-shape for a while and a T-shape for a while.

Tigers don't show off. You think I'm HELLOKITTY!

Donkey, yes, read it backwards and follow it.

The highest state of self-help: help the wall in, help the wall out.

No money, no power, no matter how good it is for you, can you come with me?

Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

Go to Google and Baidu to see.

Women must be kind to themselves. Once you are exhausted, other women will spend your money, live in your room, sleep with your husband and beat your baby!

Grandpa comes from his grandson. ...

You can go as far as you want!

No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

Boss, is money really that important to you? You talked for more than three hours and didn't leave a penny behind?

When I woke up, it was dark.

If I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss.

I am losing weight except eating every day. You say I have no perseverance?

I won't tell you if I kill you.

Any problem that money can solve is not a problem.

After studying for more than ten years, I think it's better to mix kindergartens!

Even believe in advertisements. Are you stupid in your studies?

How to lose weight if you don't have enough food?

The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird.

God, my clothes have lost weight again!

Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk without eating.

There is an old legend-people who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever.

Healthy and relaxed; Living is easy; Life is not easy.

My name in my girlfriend's mobile phone is "He". After breaking up, I became "it".

I am different from you because I am human.

I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.

God gave us youth and acne.

If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

Boys are poor, or don't know how to struggle, girls are rich, or they are coaxed away by a piece of cake.

Fate is responsible for shuffling cards, but it is ourselves who play cards!

Love is a kind of helplessness, being loved is a gesture, waiting for love is an expectation, and not loving is an ability.

The beauty of a woman lies in her unrepentant stupidity, and the beauty of a man lies in being a ghost every day.

56 classic funny quotations

56 classic funny quotations

1. I will devote myself to my study in the future. If it has nothing to do with my study, don't tell me!

Don't frighten me with your eyes, because my glasses are insulated.

3. Life is like poop, and we revel in it like dung beetles.

China people have two characteristics: first, they don't like telling the truth; Second, I don't want to hear the truth.

Comfort others, after all, can't comfort yourself.

6. People are afraid of being famous pigs and being strong, while men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

7. some people, death has nothing to do with me Some people, I can't let go of them.

I hate Qin Shihuang. He burned the book, but he didn't finish it.

9. I called my date and she answered.

10. All the questions in the world can be answered with "none of your business" and "none of my business". Suddenly I feel so busy.

1 1. Walking alone on a noisy road, my messy steps tell me my loneliness.

12. The most painful thing in life is the price increase of instant noodles.

13. Hello, the number you dialed has passed away, please redial in the next life.

14. My deskmate said: A person is something other than himself. I dumped a sentence: life does not bring, death does not bring.

15. I don't want to run three, but I don't have enough money to run two!

16. muddling along with money at school and working with money. Alas, life is like this.

17. Don't do anything wrong, throw all the dirty water on yourself. I have to save it for flushing the toilet.

18. When I was a child, my deskmate asked me what monsters looked like. I took a mirror and told him to look inside. Two seconds later, he cried.

19. I really want to strangle myself now!

20. People have many excuses. What happened to reality?

2 1. For the next generation of our motherland, we should fall in love even if we are ugly, and the world is full of love.

There are many people holding hands in the street. How many of them are getting married?

23. I love you so much that you will die if you love me.

24. Tut tut, girl, people can't be revived if they are stupid.

25. Internet cafes tell us that time is money.

26. Don't mention it when you come to this world. Do it right away if you want to. Everything is quick except death.

If the sun does not come out, I won't go to school; If I come out, I'll go back to sleep!

28. Life is like showing a movie, otherwise it will buffer failure.

29. It was that period of compulsory education that occupied my youth.

30. The most funny sentence popular in our class: "Boss, there is wood and sprite, give me a bottle of coke!

3 1. I'm stupid and I'm happy. I'm two years old and I'm healthy.

32. In the current weather, instant noodles can be directly soaked in tap water.

33. The soil is used for digging, and the pit is used for burying you.

34. Every man must take one more good thing with him so as not to leave a message for a woman.

35. Call me ugly? I want to call the police!

36. A man with rich love history is called romantic, and a woman with rich love history is called SAO.

37. When you are in love, promise to get married again in your next life; After marriage, I often doubt that I have built a doomed love in my last life.

It's really hot to wear a cotton-padded jacket recently, but it's cool to wear a T-shirt, and people are not allowed to wear it.

39. Women like bad boys and don't like bad boys.

40. One person is happy, two people live, and three people live and die.

4 1. I have never been cheated, because no one has ever cheated me.

42. There is a woman who is still moving without makeup. There is a kind of woman who is afraid to meet people who don't wear makeup.

43. I have done what I should and shouldn't do, but I won't be forced if I still can't do it.

44. Sometimes I really want to commit suicide.

45. Every time in the middle of the night, it is a tangled problem to wake people up and go to the toilet.

46. I will arrive in five minutes. If not, please read this message again.

47. Give me a fulcrum and I can sleep all day.

48. You look "Please come and scold me".

49. Eat, I want to be thin, I want to be thin. I can't have both, so I left.

50. When I said I couldn't afford to be hurt, it was the day when your house caught fire.

5 1. Big head, thick neck, stupid as a pig!

52. I finally got up the courage to send her a short message to express my confession. Three minutes later, the class teacher called: "Son, this is no joke."

53. Love is a road, friends are pigs, people have only one road, but there are many pigs on the road.

54. I also want to buy an ipad. College students know how to donate sperm, and high school students only sell kidneys. It's terrible to have no education!

55. The most profitable company now is the mobile company.

56. Being in the right place at the right time is the key for a hero to save America.

30 classic funny quotations

1. Are you pure? Then there is no sewer in the world, and it becomes Telunsu.

2. I hope all the money in my pocket loves each other and has more children ~

3. Some people test strength, some people test eyesight, and we test imagination.

4. Cough ~ Say what you should say and whisper what you shouldn't.

I don't puppy love because I tell myself that puppy love is to raise a wife for others.

6. If someone will never lose his temper again, congratulations, you finally lost her.

7. I want to be your heart in the next life, at least I will die if I don't jump.

8. The difference between an angel and a demon: when an old woman falls, an angel will help them; And the devil is often the reason for their fall. .....

9. The only thing I can lift in my life is chopsticks.

10. Life is like shit. If you work hard for a long time, the result is fart.

1 1. This morning in spring, I woke up easily, yawned at home, couldn't sleep at night, and couldn't wake up during the day.

12. Grandma said: Power is out, light candles, and then watch TV.

13. I will not despise e-sports online games because I can't develop in an all-round way.

14. Women don't spend money on their holidays, but men don't like it.

15.-Don't be complacent, only young people know how to play dirty. Don't admit that you are that identity so quickly!

16. Don't wait until everyone says you're ugly before you realize that you're really ugly.

17. It is forbidden to urinate here, and offenders will confiscate tools.

18. What is love in the world? -Buddha said: waste.

19. If one day I become a gangster, please tell them that I am innocent.

20. We are all stupid, but I am playing dumb. You are really stupid.

2 1. Not being a bad guy is a waste of your furtive eyes.

22. As long as you live better than me, I can't stand it.

23. Every time I miss a girl, I put a brick on the ground and the Great Wall! ! ! !

24. Give me a bowl of soup, Meng Po. You give me a fucking bowl of Coca-Cola. . .

25. The best day is nothing more than that you are joking and I am laughing.

26. This woman is fascinated by thousands of troops from behind. Once she turns her face, she will definitely scare off millions of heroes.

27. Don't listen to good words and die in front of me ~ ~ ~

28. The little sunflower mother started class, and the child's cough has been bad, mostly it was abolished!

29. There is nothing to bask in. Maybe if you get a tan, no one will call you an idiot.

30. Don't listen to things outside the window, just read e-books.