A collection of classic funny quotations

1 I'm just an ordinary person, and my feelings are only greed and stability. All serious responsibilities are worthless to you.

Whose new love is not the old love of others, and whose old love is not the new love of others.

When I am with you, you hit me and I won't fight back. After breaking up, you tried to touch me.

If you are in poor health, it is sunny, if you are in good health, it is rainy.

Never explain what you have done, because explanation is cover-up, and cover-up is lack of cleaning!

Our acne is a good child's paper, and we never tell lies. (except this sentence.

Facing you, I don't know what to do. I mixed my nose and tears into a liquid and inhaled it into my mouth.

Can you stop talking? You exposed your IQ as soon as you opened your mouth.

I find it really annoying to initiate space voting. How do you think this person makes you feel?

10 envy my husband for having such a good wife.

1 1 funny signature release: When you look back and smile, the earth will jump.

12 has a tacit understanding: you ignore me. I ignore you.

13- The Bible says that a child born in the early hours of the morning will always be sleepy because God owes him a good sleep.

I will put away my sadness. Let you live alone.

15 When you step into society and life, when you cook raw rice into mature rice. I realized that he was really irresponsible.

16 The most painful thing is that I can't buy a ticket to go home for the New Year.

17 most despise those who despise me and then don't let me despise them.

18 The deaf heard the dumb say that the blind saw happiness.

19 I don't want to talk about love, but I don't want to talk about love without results. Because I can't afford to die!

20 near the end of the term, don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do.

2 1 This user has set access rights, please check it in his/her space.

It is only my body that wakes up in 22 hours, but it can't wake up my sleeping heart.

My mother is losing weight. When she was eating, she said to me: Give me more rice. I can only eat one bowl.

24- After years of friction, I find myself less and less lovable.

In the end, we just walked out of each other's world.

Is the Philippines a bird? Fighting with China, directly killing and maiming.

Do you want chocolate soaked in the toilet? I don't recommend it, but do you deserve it?

Dreams, like freedom, have a price, but they are all worth it.

But you will eventually admit that the scenery you have walked alone has an eternal aftertaste.

A winter vacation has turned many children's paper teeth into gold.

3 1, I always thought: what's in the TV, just reach for it!

Every time I hear the cough of QQ trumpet, I feel a little excited.

33 friends got drunk and bought mobile phone shanzhai! Buy another warm one. Finally, there is no living expenses.

Think about our memories before going to bed and feel that you are around.

In fact, if you are really together, I will be fine. Really, even if it hurts, I won't say anything.

I used to be strong, and I will always be weak. Funny personality signature.

Why is little finger mother small and weak? Because if little finger mom is big and strong, big finger mom will fart.

38 Seven-dimensional sanitary napkins make you dry instantly.

My personal life is like a movie, and you are just an advertisement in the middle.

40 Mango Taiwan is going to start playing Princess Pearl again, and the holiday is really here.

4 1 A minute with you is more precious than anything in the world.

Mature people need a mask to put on a strong face to the society and take off a gentle face to their families.

If you don't get back at the gentleman, I'll kill you.

I wonder why people suddenly change once they get what they want.

Although I can't help all beings, I can hurt the whole life.

Zhang ailing's classic love quotations

Zhang ailing's classic love quotations

1. Meet the person you want to meet among thousands of people. In thousands of years, in the boundless wilderness of time, you happened to catch up, neither earlier nor later. There is nothing else to say, just gently ask: Oh, you are here, too.

It is completely dark, and the whole world is like a gray Christmas card.

3, a woman, no matter how excellent, can not get the love of the opposite sex, nor can she get the respect of the same sex.

If you had known me before, you might forgive me now.

5.30 years ago, the moon sank, and people died 30 years ago, but the story of 30 years ago is not finished-it can't be finished.

6. A white rose is a holy wife, and a red rose is a passionate mistress. Married a red rose, over time, the red one turned into a touch of mosquito blood on the wall, and the white one was still "the bright line at the foot of my bed"; Married a white rose, the white is the rice on the clothes, and the red is the Zhu Shazhi in my heart.

7. When a person is famous to a certain extent, he has the right to talk nonsense.

8. The bamboo curtain and a pair of gold and green landscape screens reflected in the mirror are still rippling back and forth in the wind. You will get seasick if you watch it for a long time. On closer inspection, the bamboo curtain has faded, and the magnificent scenery has become a portrait of her husband. Byakki Smoker is ten years older.

9. The thin moon at the end of November is just a white hook, like frost on a glass window.

10 She heard that a man came back from a visit to Lushan Mountain and brought seven or eight jars filled with the world-famous white clouds of Lushan Mountain, ready to put some out to decorate his garden at any time. People who marry for love are not as stupid as those who put clouds in jars!

1 1, the result of spiritual love is always marriage, while physical love often stops at a certain stage, and there is little hope of marriage.

12. Pleasing people with beautiful bodies is the oldest occupation in the world, and it is also a very common female occupation. Women who marry for a living all fall into this category. It goes without saying that there is not much difference between having a beautiful body, pleasing people with the body and pleasing people with the mind.

13, women have the right to change their views.

14. When a man expects a woman's body, he cares about her soul and tells himself that he is in love with her soul. Only by occupying her body can he forget her soul.

15, this hall looks like a train in the dark yellow light, from a foreign land to a foreign land. The woman on the train met by chance, but she was an amiable woman.

16, women haven't got their possessions yet, and their sorrows and joys often have the spirit of waiting.

17, a good man like you, a woman wants to be your matchmaker as soon as she sees you, but she doesn't want to keep you for herself.

18, people are animals, but no one is an animal like her.

19, Tie Liesi is small and fat, with a dry red face and pure blue eyes under her snow-white head. If a doll gets old one day, it will look like that when it gets old.

20, the four major hates in life: Haitang has no fragrance; The shad is spiny; Cao Xueqin's Dream of Red Mansions is incomplete. High reckless change-deserve to die.

2 1, I am an eccentric girl, who has been regarded as a genius since I was a child, and has no survival goal except to develop my own genius. However, when my childhood fantasy faded, I found that I had nothing but the dream of genius-everything was the quirk of genius. The world forgave Vane's barbarism, but they won't forgive me.

22. Using other people's money, even parents' inheritance, is better than using your own money to be free, and your conscience is cool. But with her husband's money, if you love him, it is a kind of happiness. You are willing to think that you are eating his food and wearing his clothes. That's a woman's traditional right. Even if women have a career now, they are still reluctant to give up.

23. For people who can't speak, clothes are a language, and they carry a pocket play with them.

24, fame should be early, if it comes too late, happiness will not be so happy.

25. Life is a gorgeous robe full of lice.

26. Life has its pattern, and we should copy it.

27. It is always afternoon in my father's room. Sitting there for a long time, I feel heavy.

28. The dramatization of life is unhealthy. People who grew up in urban culture like us always see the sea first and then the sea; Read love novels first, and then know love.

29. Good things are not necessarily great, but great things are always beautiful.

30. Except Cao in The Golden Lock, all my novels are incomplete characters. They are not heroes, but the vast load of this era. Because they are not thorough, but they are serious. They are not tragic, only sad.

3 1, even if individuals can wait, the times are hasty, already being destroyed, and more destruction is coming.

For most women, love means being loved.

In the communication of words, a novel is the shortest distance between two points.

34. It is generally the case in the world that the cake made is never as delicious as the cake being made, and the essence of the cake is all in the smell of baking.

35. The long is bitter, and the short is life.

Only young people are free. As soon as knowledge is opened, they first find that their freedom is a rare thing and they can't keep it. Because freedom is precious, it looks like a hot hand-a free man kowtows everywhere and asks others to accept his freedom.

37. One of the definitions of love, I think, is to exaggerate the difference between one opposite sex and all other opposite sexes.

38. The details are often beautiful and charming, while the theme is always pessimistic.

39. If you doubt your wife, she will cheat you. If you don't doubt your wife, she will doubt you.

40. People who are dressed up appear in decent places, and when they see the same kind, they are also seen. This is socializing.

4 1. It is a rigorous experiment to love someone enough to ask him for pocket money.

42. The so-called interest in life lies in those irrelevant things.

Time is money, so every time a girl spends time in front of a mirror, she has to go to a fashion shop to spend money.

She is not a bird in a cage. Birds in cages will fly out as soon as they are opened. She is a bird embroidered on the screen-a Bai Niao in the golden clouds on the melancholy purple satin screen. Over time, the feathers became black, moldy, moth-eaten and died on the screen.

45. A beautiful girl, no matter how she comes from, always has an infinite future, or it should be said that it is unpredictable, and she has the mystery of her own destiny. As soon as I got married, a queen died, or a famous prostitute died. No one knows which one.

46. The apartment is the most reasonable place to escape. People who are tired of big cities often miss the quiet and peaceful countryside, hoping to retire to their fields one day, keep bees and grow vegetables, and enjoy some retired life. I didn't know that buying half a catty of bacon in the country would cause a lot of gossip. On the top floor of the apartment, you can stand at the window and change clothes.

The only difference between women and dogs is that dogs are not spoiled like women. They don't wear jewelry, and-thank goodness-they can't talk.

48. Tragedy is a completion, while desolation is a revelation.

49. Women ... Women talk about men all their lives, miss men and always complain about men.

50. To be a woman, you should be a well-behaved woman. If a clever woman is presumptuous once in a while, there will be benefits that ordinary bad women can't even think about.

Zhang ailing's classic love quotations.

A bosom friend is like a mirror, reflecting the most beautiful part of our nature-quotations from Zhang Ailing.

Doing something for others, but a little resentful, is interesting to live, otherwise it will be too empty-from quotations from Zhang Ailing.

Difficult to teach-acting and being a man are both difficult-quoted from Zhang Ailing's quotations.

Books are the best friends. The only drawback is that my myopia has deepened, but it is still worthwhile-quoted from Zhang Ailing.

You ask me if it's worth loving you. You know, love means not asking if it's worth it-from Zhang Ailing's novel The Fate of Half-Life.

Photos are just broken shells of life; As the years passed, melon seeds were swallowed one by one. Everyone knows the taste, leaving everyone with only messy black and white seed shells-from Zhang Ailing's novel "Lianhuantao".

The whole world laughs at you, but you cry alone —— Excerpted from Zhang Ailing's novel Flowers Fade

Maybe every man has had two such women, at least two. Married a red rose, over time, the red one turned into a touch of mosquito blood on the wall, and the white one was still "moonlight in front of the window"; Married a white rose, the white is the glutinous rice on the clothes, and the red is the Zhu Shazhi in my heart.

Be compassionate, because you know-this is what Zhang Ailing said to Hu Lancheng.

"Life and death are generous and enjoyable; Holding your hand and growing old with your son "is a sad poem, but its attitude towards life is so positive." "I don't like bravery. I like solemn and stirring, and I prefer desolation and heroism, which only has strength, no aesthetic feeling and seems to lack humanity. Sadness is like a bright red and green color scheme, with a strong contrast. -Excerpted from Zhang Ailing's essay My Articles.

I am an eccentric girl, and I have been regarded as a genius since I was a child. I have no other goal in life except developing my talent. However, when my childhood fantasy faded away, I found that I had nothing but the dream of genius-it was all the quirks of genius. The world forgave Wagner's barbarism, but they won't forgive me —— From Zhang Ailing's prose Dream of Genius

One day, our civilization, whether lofty or flashy, will become a thing of the past. However, the water is still clear and the mirror is bright in autumn, so I should be happy —— Preface to the second edition of Zhang Ailing's Legend.

For people who can't speak, clothes are a language, a pocket drama they carry with them-from Zhang Ailing's essay "Change Clothes"

There is always time and opportunity to do things; There is always an excuse for what you don't do-quotations from Zhang Ailing

Memories are always melancholy. Pleasant people feel it's a pity that it's over, but unpleasant people still feel sad when they think about it-quotations from Zhang Ailing

Collection of classic QQ signature quotations from netizens

1. China Mobile is a robber with a business license.

2. Looking back suddenly, I found that no one wanted to chat.

I like myself now, and I miss us in the past.

Life is sometimes like a computer. If it collapses, it collapses. It's not negotiable.

Only one person is willing to wait, and the other person is willing to appear.

6. The first sentence of the list of men's lies: I don't care about your appearance.

7. Leave my world to your bitch, and I will fulfill your shameless happiness.

8. I treat you like a person, but you bark like a dog?

9. I am most afraid of betrayal after I have used my heart.

10, the biggest revenge for you is to live happier than you.

1 1. Some people don't think about it in the morning and don't want to sleep at night!

12, how many people were sent away by a sentence "We are not suitable".

13, indisputable-indisputable-life is in vain, not bitter-not tired-life is tasteless.

14, the love of paper is torn.

15, force a smile, only you know how tired you are.

16, many things are not that I don't care, but that I care.

17, the proudest sentence in a man's life is that his wife is waiting for me to eat at home.

18, I will live a proud life with my far-fetched smile.

19, 1000. What is the Tang Priest riding? Wukong is a floating cloud, Bajie loves Xiaoyue, and Friar Sand pretends to be Brother Sharp.

20. I changed 10086 to your name, and I received your short message every day, deceiving myself that you still care about me.

2 1. When I was a child, I thought bleeding was a very serious thing. Whether it hurts or not, cry first.

22, suddenly found that Newton is good to force, tension buoyancy thrust friction, gravity pressure resistance support.

23. Before putting on makeup, he said, please forgive me. After putting on makeup, he said, have we met a beautiful woman?

24, life is given by parents, the road should be cherished by yourself, be careful!

25. Happiness is that when you have no money, you find crumpled 100 yuan in your old jeans.

26. I fell in love with pursuit, became happy, and soon got tired of quarreling.

27. Some things don't need to be forced. Some people don't have to stay.

28. When you are upset, remember three sentences: 1 Forget it. It doesn't matter. 3 it will pass.

29. A careful friend rolled over and bit me. Oh, it's cold.

30. The so-called alma mater is a school where we scold a thousand times a day and don't allow others to insult us.

3 1. Everything in this society can be fake, but I can't tolerate money being fake.

32. The most considerate thing for you is shoes. Don't feel dirty. That's because your road is not clean.

I feel sorry and helpless for some people and things, some feelings and some love.

34. Every day, 50% of the time is spent despising yourself, and the other 50% is spent forgiving yourself. This is called entanglement. ...

35. Is there such a person? You have said that you want to give up countless times, but you still can't bear it.

Uncle farmer, you have worked hard. If it weren't for your efforts, I don't know how many rich people starved to death.

37. When I arrived at the examination room, I collapsed. I saw tears all over the paper. I don't test anything I recite, and I can't test it.

Maybe I should be proud of my parents. Maybe I should apologize to my parents.

I smiled when I saw the yellow ears of wheat. This reminds me that if there were no poor people like us, I wonder how many rich people would starve to death.

You can have money, but you must never look down on rural people.

4 1, the highest realm of colleagues is tolerance, the highest realm of husband and wife is compatibility, the highest realm of friends is tolerance, and the highest realm of life is smile!

42. Never fight with animals? Won? You are worse than an animal? Lost? Are you worse than an animal? Tied? You are no different from animals.

43. When I was a child, I didn't care about Chinese and mathematics. As long as I gave a question, it was Xiao Ming. I am still Xiao Ming. I want to ask, is Xiao Ming okay now?

44. When you are tired, it is wrong to slow down. Only when you think about the bitterness of regret, do you know the injury of satisfaction, understand the strong drunkenness, and know that you will never forget it.

45. Even if the man in front of you is good at everything and has advantages everywhere, and he doesn't love you, you will never change this shortcoming.

46. When you are complaining about whether she is a virgin, think about whether you are a virgin!

47. Handsome Bai has been unable to find a wife since he was named the protector. Wukong asked why, and with tears streaming down his face, he said, They say everything is a cloud.

48. Just let it be. Don't think too much. Life goes on and there are many troubles every day. Don't bring too much emotion into your ordinary life.

49. I received a short message yesterday asking me to remit money to an account quickly. I replied that it had been remitted. He replied that you are a liar.

50. The outside world is wonderful. Will I fail if I go out? The outside world is particularly generous. I can survive if I go out.

5 1, not happy with things, not sad with yourself.

52. I want to hug her, sit in front of the statue of President and have a revolutionary love.

53. I just want to do one thing now, breathing.

God, Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

55. Some people can't tell what is good, but no one can replace it.

56. If a man has money, he is destined to belong to everyone.

57. Walking a dog hand in hand is uglier than a dog.