Speaking of divorce, is it a human problem or a contradiction that cannot be solved?

Couples become brothers, and couples who can't survive can't get a decent divorce.

Remember a joke?

"Who says there is no pure friendship between men and women? Try to get married and make sure you dress transparently so that he can treat you as transparent. "

Although this joke has artistic elements, it comes from life after all and reflects the status quo of many marriages to some extent. During the day, husband and wife become brothers at night, and marriage is far more complicated than we thought.

John gotman, an expert in marriage research, believes that there are four main conflict modes between husband and wife:

First, the changeable type, couples often quarrel, emotional ups and downs.

The second type, confirmation type, both husband and wife seek * * * love and regard their partners as the sustenance of life.

Third, the escape type, the marriage problem, both sides turn a blind eye, hoping that the problem will disappear automatically.

The fourth kind is hostile. In order to protect themselves, they will stop communicating with each other and even maliciously hurt each other in case of conflict.

One: Four kinds of marriages, which one are you?

Once men and women enter marriage, these four conflict modes will start, which may be one or many, but no matter which one will bring the relationship between husband and wife to an end.

Maybe you will say that the problems in marriage can be repaired and redeemed, but there is a saying, don't persuade people until they suffer.

Onlookers may see the problem clearly, but they will never feel the same way, so when one party is determined to divorce, all you have to do is be a quiet onlooker.

There is only one kind of relationship between men and women in marriage, that is, husband and wife, but there are two kinds of husband and wife, one is good husband and wife, and the other is bitter husband and wife. If you just try to make peace blindly, both husband and wife will become bitter couples, and the damage will only escalate.

So, what is a decent divorce?

Two: avoid impulsive divorce

Violent conflict in marriage will definitely make both people very painful. Sometimes in order to avoid problems, you may get divorced when your brain is hot.

However, this kind of divorce without careful consideration and any remedial measures is easy to regret.

A childish divorce will also affect your future relationship. After all, divorce is not like breaking up. In a word, a piece of paper proves that all relationships after marriage can be severed.

Secondly, make up your mind to solve the problems left over from marriage and handle the emotions left over from marriage after divorce.

Divorce is hard to avoid resentment, but since we feel separated, hating each other is also life, and reconciliation is also life.

In this case, it is better to communicate calmly before the divorce and talk about the feelings of marriage in recent years.

Maybe some people don't want to leave and want to make it back, so this retreat can also ease your relationship.

And after such communication, maybe you can find a more suitable way to get along with you.

In this way, no matter what the result of communication is, at least you have less resentment and more understanding of each other.

Three: a relationship is effective for a long time.

Take more time to sort out the future direction of life.

"Intimacy" lies in:

The idea of divorce often exists a long time ago, but it takes many years to think about ending the marriage. Because divorce not only affects the present, but also affects the emotional path of men and women in the future.

So whether you divorce peacefully or not, whether you resent each other or not, divorce is a debilitating thing for everyone.

So after divorce, don't force yourself to be happy, but learn to accept your negative emotions.

Four: three problems of marriage

At the same time, learn to learn from the last failed marriage. Whether you want to start a new relationship or not, you should consider these issues.

"What is the main problem in marriage?"

"When it comes to divorce, is it a human problem or an insoluble contradiction?"

"What changes do you need to make?" .

Marriage is everyone's practice, but the time of practice is long and short, and the effect of practice is good and bad.

But no matter who you leave, you must think clearly for yourself. No matter who you lose, you should continue to love yourself and give yourself a better future.