What do you think of "The greatest sorrow of parents: becoming cautious in front of their children as they grow older"?

If parents become cautious in front of their children when they grow old, no matter what the reason is, such parents will always know that it is time for them to employ others.

In fact, I have seen a kind of parents who do not have such caution in their hearts. Even in his twilight years, even if he can no longer take care of himself, he still has a tough attitude. I gave birth to you and raised you, so you can only be good to me unconditionally. Put on an air of being superior to your parents. The only concept they have instilled in their children since childhood is that I gave birth to you, and you must be filial to me. And constantly ask for it from their children in order to get something in return.

No matter what the relationship is, people's feelings are mutual. If rational concepts are used to force sensibility, the warmth may be reduced a lot.

Such parents who are seeking for the purpose will be treated kindly if they meet filial children, but while being filial, they will only make their children's hearts grow colder day by day. The children of such parents are undoubtedly miserable. If you encounter unfilial descendants, the consequences may be unimaginable.

Self-aware and careful parents will also be treated differently depending on the character of their children.

As the saying goes: Kindness leads to filial piety. Let family ties connect parents and children. May all children in the world be treated well, and may all elderly people in the world have someone to rely on.

Let family affection fill the space where every parent and child can be together. Children do not have to let their parents become cautious due to old age, and parents do not have to use caution in exchange for filial piety from their children.

There is a neighbor upstairs in my house. The male owner’s surname is Ma, and he was a car driver before he retired. We all call him Master Ma. Master Ma has a son, we call him Xiaoma, who lives in a building opposite us.

Master Ma’s grandson was raised by their old couple. As long as Xiaoma's wife disciplines her children, her grandson will come to his grandfather to complain. So in the middle of the night we often heard Master Ma standing on the balcony of his house and cursing at his son's window: "You two are so shameless...". The son and daughter-in-law did not dare to say anything.

As soon as I heard Xiao Ma's son going upstairs crying, within a few minutes, Master Ma's curses pierced the night sky.

Once I saw two people supporting Master Ma’s wife who was crying in the corridor. Later I found out that the old woman had beaten her daughter-in-law, and she was so angry that she was sent back.

This was already ten years ago, when Master Ma was in his 60s.

Last month, Master Ma asked his son to withdraw his pension. There is more than 10,000 yuan in the card. He asked his son to take five thousand. Xiao Ma went to the ATM to withdraw it, but the card was swallowed. Xiao Ma contacted the bank, and the bank staff asked him to pick it up in a few days. After Xiao Ma got the card, he withdrew 5,000 yuan, but there was only a few yuan left on the card.

Master Ma felt something was wrong. After withdrawing five thousand, there should be more than five thousand left. He didn't dare to ask his son, so he asked an old friend to go to the bank to ask. They went to the bank to ask, and they asked the client to come with him. He had no choice but to tell his son about the incident. Later, Xiao Ma and Lao Ma went to the bank together, and the problem was solved.

Master Ma, who used to scold his son frequently, is now cautious in front of his son. Why? As I get older, I have to rely on my son for everything, and I can only look at his face. This is the sorrow of the elderly.

I understand this deeply!

My mother used to be a teacher, and she was very strong no matter where she was or in any situation!

I have an older sister and a younger brother.

In the 1960s, every household wanted sons. I was five years older than my brother, so he basically grew up on my back! This seems understandable!

But my sister never needs to do any housework. Her most important task is to go to school and study! I am the only one favored by my strong mother! The housework of the whole family almost falls on me alone! Not only did I have to do housework, but I was often beaten, scolded, and even starved! Although I also received a normal education and graduated at the age of 18, I started working. I got married and gave birth to a daughter when I was 20. I got divorced before I was 22 and went to work in other places! But I met the best and best man in my life, my husband. He pampered me like a queen and allowed me to live a life without worries about food and clothing!

When I mentioned my unfortunate childhood, I really didn’t want to be nice to my mother anymore! But my husband often enlightens me: "What is the most precious thing for a person? It is life! Since she gave you the most precious life, she is the greatest person! We should respect her!" So, although we are separated from my mother Two places, but I always go back to visit her, buy her her favorite things, and give her her favorite money!

And my sister, her only favorite daughter, has never been married. When I was young, I traveled abroad every year. When I was about to retire, with the supervision and funding of my mother and I, I bought a house of more than 2 square meters in a small county in Chengdu to establish myself. Almost ran out of money! He has a very bad temper and loses his temper with her at every turn. She never dares to refute, she can only complain to me! Her younger brother was divorced, re-divorced, and remarried several times throughout his life. His life was always in trouble, and he often lost his temper with her, which made her extremely sad!

My father, who had always been very good-tempered and allowed her to make things difficult for her in every possible way, suddenly fell ill and passed away more than ten years ago!

Now, my mother, an old man in her eighties, has become cautious and cautious in front of everyone! She seems to be living in fear every day...

However, in front of her children, the mother who used to speak without thinking has also learned to observe words and expressions, and has become cautious, as if she is very worried. As if he would offend these children.

A few days ago, the third brother took his mother to the hospital to take a CT scan of both knees. The results showed that the mother's left knee had "joint synovitis and effusion. In addition, the joints of both knees were degenerated." Sexual changes.

During this period, my mother said that her knees hurt so much that she could not sleep sometimes. She also tried a lot of medicines, both internal and external, but the effect was not good.

In fact, in recent years, although my mother has lived a better life than others in her village, she has suffered from various pains in her body.

He said he had chest tightness and dizziness, and took many medicines that only treated the symptoms but not the root cause. Later, the second brother took his mother for a general examination, and the results showed that her blood sugar was high.

The doctor recommended that she eat less sugar and sugar. Foods with high sugar content. However, it may be that my mother has been obsessed with sweets because she has lived too hard in the past.

For some reason, my mother has become obsessed with eating sweets. Her weight has also increased very quickly, and it seems that every time she is seen, she becomes a little fatter. The clothes she wears now can no longer meet her body shape.

In fact, we also know that my mother. It's so lonely. The only way to pass the time is to watch TV series and eat snacks alone.

p> I remember that we agreed to go back during the Spring Festival last year, but because of the epidemic, our mother called and asked: Are you not coming back?

When we heard that we wouldn’t go back. At that time, my mother was obviously very disappointed and lonely, but she still comforted us and said: If you can come back, it is better not to come back. This will still have an impact on the epidemic.

I can hear her longing in her heart. We went back, but no matter what excuse we gave, she would always agree with us and never thought of forcefully asking us to go back.

She said she had knee pain this time. When she found out that certain medicines were effective, but because there were no such medicines in her hometown, she called us and asked us to buy them for her.

On the phone, she seemed to be afraid that we would refuse, so she first explained to us all the effects of the medicine she had heard about, and also told us: So-and-so used it and it was effective.

Finally, don’t forget to ask us if the medicine is expensive. If it is too expensive, don’t buy it.

My mother’s salary card is not as high as the pension of officially retired workers, which is about 2,560 per month. Moreover, the salary card is also in the hands of the third brother, so the money in the hands of the mother should not be much.

My mother usually has to buy some vegetables and rice, and some human interactions are unavoidable. Therefore, although the mother has a salary card, she does not have any money.

But this time I had knee pain, so I bought a lot of medicine and read many folk remedies, and spent all the money my mother had.

Last night, my mother called me, and the parents had a short chat. If I hadn’t said that I wanted to hang up, she might have continued the conversation, and finally she was embarrassed to reveal the main purpose.

The mother asked on the phone: Sister, do you have any money? Can you give me two hundred yuan?

At that moment, I felt very sad. She sent her three children to college, but now she was embarrassed for two hundred yuan. I know she didn’t want to talk to me. Apart from knowing that my mother-in-law has cancer and that we have been paying off debts, there is another reason: my mother feels guilty about me, her eldest daughter.

Because, among our five brothers and sisters, my mother sent the eldest brother, the second brother and the younger sister to college; later, she raised funds to pay the down payment for the third brother and has been paying off the mortgage for the third brother.

I am the only one who gets the least resources in this family. However, I don’t know if it’s because of special fate, but my mother doesn’t feel so stressed when she’s in front of me.

So, when I heard my mother humbly ask me for two hundred yuan, besides feeling sad, I suddenly felt a sense of satisfaction that I was needed.

Although I don’t have much money, I save enough for the living expenses of the three of us and my mother every month, and the rest is paid off. However, I still took 500 yuan from my living expenses and transferred it to her.

When my mother heard that I transferred 500 yuan to her, she was very surprised and very happy. However, she still asked me a little worriedly: You transferred so much money to me, you don’t need to eat. ?

I said: I work outside, and I will have a few friends no matter what, so I won’t be hungry.

Because of her personality, all her relatives did not think highly of her, including her uncles and aunts. Not to mention the relationship with grandma, which can be said to be incompatible.

In fact, as children, we should not criticize our parents, but if we are honest, we don’t like our mothers either.

When I was a child, because my family was poor and we were tired from farm work, my mother would vent all these things that she was unable to change on us through abuse.

As long as there is something she doesn’t like, she can scold us, and she will scold us in a flowing manner by going over old scores. Even if we break a bowl, it's a big mistake in her eyes.

So, we all grew up listening to our mother’s scoldings. Of course, in addition to being very harsh on our children, my mother was even more unkind to my father. She could be heard scolding my father every three days.

To be honest, the person I admire the most is my father. No matter how my mother scolds him or scolds him, he endures it silently. He often teaches us to respect our mother, saying that her life is too difficult. Only when we are suffering will it be vented on us.

I remember one time, my mother and I had a quarrel, which made her cry. My mother complained to my father and asked him to take charge of us.

When my father found out, he pulled me out of the room and asked me loudly why I contradicted my mother. He also asked me to apologize to my mother, otherwise he would beat me.

This was the first time that my parents were so angry with me. To this day, I still remember that my father scratched my hand and it hurt.

From then on, in order to avoid being beaten, I really didn’t dare to talk back to my mother. As we grow up, we learn to understand our mother, but the shadow left by our childhood prevents us from getting close to our mother.

On the contrary, we are both afraid and respectful of our father, but we also have a hidden emotion of wanting to get close to him but not daring to get close to him.

In fact, we also know that our mother is a very hard-working and good mother who knows how to run a house. She just doesn’t know how to express herself and how to love her children.

It can be said that she treated the people around her in the wrong way, and she also treated her children in the same way. The result is: I have suffered a lifetime, but I am defeated by my "mouth" and I am separated from my children.

Therefore, when you see your mother using her own salary card to pay off the mortgage for your third brother when you are old, your purpose is to prove that you are still useful and your son needs you, so you will be kicked out by your son.

Because although the mother has three sons, the eldest son and the second son have settled in other provinces, and only the third son is by her side.

The mother is a relatively traditional old man. Even if she has money, she does not want to go to a nursing home. She hopes to guard her son and watch her grandchildren live out their lives.

Therefore, she placed herself very low and humble. Sometimes, she did not even dare to speak loudly, for fear that she would accidentally offend her son and daughter-in-law.

Now because of knee pain, my mother is more cautious than ever and doesn’t even dare to call her brother.

Now, seeing the changes in my mother, this sentence: "The greatest sorrow of parents: becoming cautious in front of their children when they grow old" is as if it was tailor-made for mothers. It is so true.

At the same time, we also see that as children, we are negligent and unfilial to our mothers. It is we who have caused psychological pressure on our mothers and made her lose her self.

The reason why I write down my feelings today is that I hope it can arouse more people’s reflection and encourage us all to love your parents!

I think there are several reasons why parents are cautious in front of their children.

First, parents’ ideas are out of date, and what they say cannot keep up with the trend of the times. He is also worried that his children will laugh at him, so he is careful when he speaks

I often see this scene. During the Chinese New Year, the children are talking loudly, while the parents are huddled in the corner, watching the children, or I quietly went to clean up the housework.

Second, the parents’ responsiveness has declined. When their children communicate with him, he is sometimes afraid that he will not be able to keep up and is afraid that his children will be anxious, so he speaks very carefully. Some parents even try to please their children. Huan Xin, deliberately said some fashionable words, but it turned out to be self-defeating

Third, parents are not able to use their legs well. They need help from their children for many small things, but they are unwilling to cause more trouble to their children

My mother has a bad stomach and can’t eat cold food. Sometimes we heat the food for her. Maybe it’s okay for us to eat it, but it’s cooler for her when she eats it, but she’s too embarrassed to bother us to give it to her again. It was hot, and my stomach felt uncomfortable after eating it. I told her several times that if it was cold, we wouldn't bother her to heat it up, but she just didn't want to bother us.

Fourth, the elderly all have the habit of frugality. Some old people’s frugality habits are really incompatible with today. They are afraid of being stopped by their children, so they do it secretly.

My mother-in-law did this once. She picked up some scrap glass and put it in the hut. One time when she was looking for something, she accidentally cut a major artery on the glass, and blood spurted out immediately. Then I quickly went to the hospital for rescue and everything was fine

In addition, some children are not very considerate of their parents, and even worse. Don't let your parents talk. What we call filial piety to our parents means not only making sure they have enough food and clothing financially, but also caring and caring for them so that they can stay emotionally comfortable and spend their old age in peace

That's me Summarizing the reasons why parents are cautious in front of their children, dear readers, do you have anything else to add?

I don’t know what’s wrong, but my parents really feel cautious in front of me. One time I remember going to take my parents to the train station. At that time, I made a decision with my parents to set off from home at five o'clock in the evening. I was busy with work and had a dinner party at the time, so I left a little late. I arrived at my parents' house at 5:20. My father and mother were waiting for me on the roadside for a long time. I told my father and mother that you have been out for such a long time. It is already the depth of winter and the weather is so cold. Why don't you wait for me in the house? My parents carefully said that they were worried that you would be busy at work, so they waited for you on the roadside, but you didn't call. After listening to my parents' words, I felt a burst of sadness in my heart. I felt that I was far away from my parents. Yes, when I was a child, my parents would spank me gently if I didn't get up. When I was a child, I would be naughty and make trouble for my parents. Just beat me up. But now my parents really treat me with respect and treat me like an outsider. What I want to say in my heart is mom and dad, although I have grown up, I am still your child, still the same me as a child. . Therefore, there is no need to have a mentality of being afraid of disturbing your children.

I feel very sad when I see this problem. This phenomenon does exist and can be found everywhere. Not to mention those old people who have no income. Even parents with retirement income may still have their parents lose money when they are old. This happens.

Let’s talk about my grandpa first. His salary after retirement is probably nearly 20,000, which is pretty good in a fourth-tier city like ours. But every time I go back to my grandma’s house, I have to look at my aunt when I see grandpa talking. face.

My eldest aunt is just an ordinary worker and has little ability to work, but she is extremely tough. My eldest uncle has been a coward since he was a child, and after getting married, he became a typical strict wife. Grandma and grandpa were honest and gentle by nature, and over time, my eldest aunt became the true king of the family. They spend all day chatting and drinking at home. After my grandfather retired, he not only had to be responsible for the family’s food, clothing, housing and transportation, but also bought groceries and cooked meals. My eldest aunt spent her spare time dancing in the square, gathering people to chat and gossip about the family’s shortcomings!

On the contrary, my grandma can’t read a word, let alone work. She has been farming in her hometown all her life. When she got older, she stopped doing anything. My third uncle cultivated the land. Her mother-in-law has three sons. My father and second uncle are both leaders in their industries, but my grandma will scold her whenever she sees something that doesn’t please her. If she doesn’t obey, she will get on the broom directly. The three sons don’t dare to say a word! Greet her with a sweet smile and listen to her scolding in a good manner!

I feel that the first thing to look at here is the attitude of the son. Of course, if the daughter-in-law is good, the son will not fall into that situation even if he is not an old man. There is a saying in our country about raising children to prevent old age. When you get old, you will have a sense of fear in your heart, fearing that your children will abandon them and ignore them. Even if they have once been brilliant, they will also have the sadness and helplessness of a hero in his twilight years. After all, no matter how arrogant his heart is and his body The situation also has to be compromised.

As long as the elderly in the family do not need to look at the faces of their children, most of them are filial, can give respect and love to the elderly, and make them feel safe enough. Of course, there are some old people who have good incomes and domineering personalities. They have never been intimidated by anyone in their lives! But my grandma is even better! They are people who have no money but have unfilial children who would rather starve to death than look down on other people's faces.

(Fortunately, all her children are extremely filial)

Therefore, children, regardless of whether their parents have income or not, please give them a dignified old age!

Not only was he cautious, but he was also looking at my face. This is a really sad topic, but it is true that many parents will be like this when they get old.

Some time ago, when I was at my parents' place, my mother took out their newly planted kidney beans. They were large, plump, and shiny. They had obviously been selected to remove the coarse grains and turn them into fine grains.

He said that he had harvested more than 30 kilograms of beans this year, and all the neighbors had given them away. The remaining ten kilograms were given to me and my brother, five kilograms each. My brother and I took a look at it, and I said: "Mom, does it take time to cook this thing? You see, we are in such a hurry at work, how can we have time to cook this thing? Besides, it must be cooked. I don’t know how to cook a little bit, and no one will eat it! I don’t want it. If you can’t eat it, just give it away.”

My mother was obviously a little frustrated and said, “It was grown after a lot of hard work!” , take it and try it!” My younger brother also insisted not to do so. I suddenly saw my father winking at me, and suddenly I understood something. Tell me quickly, or I can get some and put some in the porridge in the morning.

She seemed to feel a little better after hearing what I said. Then we moved out all kinds of fruits and vegetables grown in the fields, filling our trunk full.

My brother and I often quarrel with our parents about farming. Even though we are over seventy years old, we still go to tend the land every day, carry water and fertilize, and the family conditions do not require them to work so hard. , but they just ignored it.

Only when I was holding a bag of kidney beans in my hand did I suddenly understand: they went to farm to prove that they were still useful people, not people who just sit at home and wait to grow old. This is proving their worth.

I don’t know since when, they can no longer force me to listen to them and do things I don’t like like they did when I was young. They even become cautious about being nice to me. , for fear of making me unhappy.

My parents when I was young, they were my support. As I get older, when I go to the hospital or take the subway, I will call in advance to discuss: "Do you have time in the next two days? Your mother is going to go for an electrocardiogram and go to a big hospital. I heard that she has to make an appointment. Can you help? Do it?" But it was only this time. Later I found out that my parents went to the hospital and never called me again.

I asked my brother privately, and he said: "My dad forced me to teach him how to register using a mobile phone. He learned it after practicing it twice, and now he does it. Sister, if you have time Take our parents to take more subways and ride the high-speed rail twice more, otherwise we won’t take it next time!”

Because of this, my dad learned to use a smartphone, and my mom learned to use a smartphone. , not yet. When I go out, either my dad comes with me, or our siblings take me with me. When we went out, she was very careful and followed me step by step, just like when I went out with her when I was a child, I held her clothes tightly and didn't dare to let go.

I don’t know when my superhuman parents when I was a child were no longer omnipotent. They began to rely on me, became cautious, and were afraid that I would be unhappy.

When my parents were 65 years old, they insisted on living separately from my brother. My brother was angry for a long time: "This house is not big enough for you, why should we separate?" Come live? You are just a son, what will the neighbors think of me?"

But my parents insist on living separately. I went to do ideological work, and my father said: "We follow the schedule of the elderly. We go to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and get up at four in the morning. They, the young people, all go to bed at eleven or twelve o'clock and get up at seven or eight in the morning. They influence each other. Besides, when it comes to food, we have to eat soft food, which they can’t get used to. Also, we have our own living habits. We have developed the habit of not throwing away anything in the countryside, so the house will inevitably be messy. They'll be disgusted.

"

I passed the words to my brother. He reflected on it for a long time, sighed and said, "Sister, I don't know when I started to blurt out some disgusting words. But because I am my son and a member of my family, if I talk too much, they will not argue with me. It turns out that I still hurt them. ”

“I’ve taught you so many times, why don’t you still know how to do it!” "

"Why can't you do such a small thing well? "

"How many times have I told you, why don't you know how to change it? ”

These words were often spoken to us by our parents when we were young, but when they reached their age, everything seemed to have returned.

The two of them chose to live alone. Maybe they also want a small circle where they can breathe the air that belongs to them freely.

They are old, but they have never forgotten to love us.

If one day we find that they start to be cautious. Look at your children's faces, and you will also read their demeanor when you talk. When you lose your temper with them, they become silent, so please be kind to them.

Be more patient. Give them some care and help, just like your children.

We want to accompany our parents until they grow old. PS: After writing these details, I burst into tears. .

I feel the same way. My parents are also over 50 years old. It seems that suddenly, my parents have become different from before. I feel like something has collapsed and there is a sense of emptiness in my heart. Feeling. While sighing, I couldn't help but ask myself, am I not caring enough and tolerant enough to my parents? Am I sometimes too harsh and indifferent to my parents, making them feel like rootless duckweeds in this lonely world? Wandering.

The price of growing up is always heavy

People are the most cruel to those close to them, because they are too close and often cannot see the details of the other person. The advantages of drop. --Fudan Professor Chen Guo

When we were young, our father's love was like a mountain and our mother's love was like the sea, protecting us step by step. At that time, our father was a hero in our eyes. , omnipotent, and mother is like a bonfire in the cold winter, warming our lives. At that time, our parents straightened their spines, always had a smile on their faces, and were full of hope for the future, their family, and us.

The years are silent, sneaking in the veins of the four seasons, there is always a quiet force. Time passes, the face becomes old, and before you know it, your parents are full of hair. His hair is white, his steps are hobbling, and his words have lost the sonority and force of his youth and have become soft-spoken. Even if his parents quarrel, when they are under the same roof with their children, they try their best to suppress their emotions for fear of disturbing them.

In fact, everyone knows that the more you face your dearest people, the easier it is to show your cruel and ugly side unscrupulously, because you know that they will tolerate you, and you I just treat them as a trash can for my bad emotions, and I don't have to take responsibility.

There was a time when I couldn't control my emotions, and I would yell at my parents every time, full of complaints, and then I would vent my anger. Deep self-blame, unable to extricate myself. Maybe everyone has their own character shortcomings, and they clearly know that it is the forbidden area of ????the soul, the dark savage forest, just like the self and the non-self, there is always one. Will win and have the upper hand.

I still remember the dark days of that period. After we had an argument with my father, we sat on either side of the table and chatted openly for an afternoon. When we talked about the ups and downs in his life, my father cried. My distress, I also cried. Having said a lot, I only remember that the light that afternoon was dim and a bit cold.

After many quarrels, my father gradually became silent. After all, he still had to live with us young people. The worldly entanglement made him bend and became less strong. Aloof. And I also blame myself in my confession, why do people always have to go through it before they understand that maybe some regrets can make us grow faster, but the price of this growth seems too heavy. 2. Tolerance and care are good medicine for healing

My parents are an ordinary couple in the vast sea of ??people. They are not thinkers or educators. They are just simple children in the eyes of their parents, but ordinary in the eyes of their children. Our parents use what they think is the best way to give us fertile soil for growth, irrigate it diligently, give us care, give us warmth, give us a sense of security, and are the most reliable backers on our growth path.

As time goes by, it is not only their faces that grow old, but also their desolate hearts, just like a big tree in the sky. After wind and rain, only the withered branches remain. , although it is no longer luxuriant, it still stands stubbornly between heaven and earth.

They also have spiritual desires and hope to be cared for by us, but we always ignore this, or do not take it seriously. Parents want to get closer to our hearts and not become so estranged. They don’t want a gap to stand between the two generations. Sometimes our parents try their best to fill the gap, but we build a wall around it. , and we get into our own corner, joy and sorrow alone.

Parents actually want to know the true feelings in our hearts, so we always report the good news but not the bad news. We tell our white lies with our mouths, but it distances us from our parents.

Two generations are still two generations. There are always differences in living habits and views on life. This is also the root of all conflicts. Think about it when we were young, rebellious youth, our parents carried the burden of incomprehension in our eyes and tolerated all our youth and ignorance. And when they are old, why can't we tolerate them?

It is indeed a sad and sad thing for parents to be cautious in front of us. We should let ourselves mature. Maybe we should give them more tolerance and care, kindness and compassion, and less Some indifference and harshness, illuminate their hearts with smiles and gratitude, making them feel that they will not be let down for the rest of their lives, and making us feel that the future is beautiful and worth looking forward to!