What should parents do if the child says "Leave me alone"?

Two days ago, after dinner, my daughter was watching cartoons. I once told her:

"I can't watch it after watching this episode!"

She didn't look up, without any indication. Then, the mouth opened again.

"You leave me alone, ok? Why do you always care about me? I can do whatever I want. I can watch a few episodes if I want, and sleep if I want. "

Hearing this, I am not angry or sad. On the contrary, I feel that my child has grown up and has a stronger sense of self.

This year, "leave me alone" is not the first time. I don't want to call the enhancement of children's self-awareness "rebellious period". I prefer to use a word suitable for children "growth period".

There are many subtext behind "leave me alone". If you don't understand, it is difficult to communicate, and it is difficult to help and educate children. Lane is bad, will make both sides very excited, and finally broke up in discord, further and further.

Let's talk about the subtext behind "leave me alone" and how to deal with it.

The first one, "Leave me alone", actually wants to have more freedom.

For example, he is having fun with children, and his parents have to drag him home; Before he finished watching the cartoon, his parents had to ask him to turn it off. Before he had enough fun, his parents had to let him do his homework. He wants to continue what he is doing, but he can't resist his parents' urging. In desperation, he said, "Leave me alone."

At this time, if it is forced, it will often not have a good effect, and it will only make children form a confrontational psychology. A better way is to express your understanding of the child, and appropriately agree to his request, so that both parties can reach an understanding and let the child feel the master's feeling.

For example, when a child says "leave me alone" because he is urged to turn off the TV, his parents can kneel down and say to him, "I know that you are watching TV with great interest at the moment and don't want to stop, right? If it is a mother, I definitely want to keep watching! " Express * * * feelings first, and establish the basis of communication. Next, you can make another rule, "but we agreed before that we should watch TV for no more than one hour." Mom believes that you are a good boy who keeps his word and keeps his promise. Will you turn off the TV by yourself after watching this episode like this? "On the basis of full affection and trust, my mother made a little concession-let the children finish this episode, and children will generally accept the opinions of adults more easily after they are understood and respected.

The second kind of "leave me alone" means "why don't you leave me alone?"

Children say "leave me alone" because they don't want their parents to leave themselves alone. Instead, they want their parents' attention. For example, I have been urging my child to sleep and said to her, "If you don't sleep, I will leave you alone." In a few minutes, she will lose her temper angrily and say, "Don't leave me, don't leave me?"

At this time, just hold her in your arms and say to her, "How can I care about you? I don't care who cares about you. " She'll sleep with you.

Another subtext of "Leave me alone" is "You don't know what I'm thinking."

Older children, in particular, may have problems communicating with their parents, or their daily behavior makes him feel that it is useless to talk about their problems and that their parents cannot be trusted. Just, just stop talking.

Some children feel that their parents' thinking can't keep up with themselves. Not only can they not help solve the problem, but they even add obstacles to themselves, so they have to refuse their parents with a simple and rude "leave me alone"

At this time, parents need to reflect on getting along with their children, whether to consider the problem from the child's point of view, whether to consider the child's feelings, whether to grow up with the child, and whether their own ideological development can keep up with the child. If not, parents need to keep learning and improving.

In fact, when children say "leave me alone", it is not a terrible thing. As long as you carefully observe and actively respond, it will not have much impact on your child's growth. It is important for parents to understand the subtext of their children and do it in a targeted manner, rather than simply using "I am against you" and "I don't care about you" to deal with it rudely.

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