100 witty quotes

1. According to pig aesthetics, I can basically be considered a handsome guy.

2. If you don’t fall asleep in class, get drunk at the wine table.

3. After meeting me, you will suddenly realize that being handsome can be so specific!

4. Since two prostitutes claimed to be graduates of a prestigious university, I now generally call myself illiterate!

5. Go offline on time at midnight, otherwise the princess will turn back into Cinderella.

6. Sitting on the title of big breasts, enjoy the treatment of mistress!

7. When it rains, don’t forget to hold an umbrella. If you get wet, gonorrhea will cause trouble!

8. When I take off my clothes, I am a beast, but when I put on clothes, I am a beast!

9. Since I turned into a piece of shit, no one dares to step on my head.

10. Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face...

11. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage, or money!

12. Getting married on August 8, 2008 is a good idea.

13. You look so creative and live so courageously!

14. Are the types of animals decreasing and the types of humans increasing?

15. You can live like a pig, but you will never be as happy as a pig!

16. The sunrise only needs to appear before sunset, and the class only needs to arrive before get out of class ends.

17. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right path will be overcrowded.

18. It will be great when hardware can be COPYed!

19. I only drink pure water, and I only drink pure milk, so I am very simple...

20. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of China's family planning work this year, I have decided not to have contact with friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

21. If I don’t have money or power, if I don’t treat you well, can you follow me?

22. Buying a computer but not having broadband is like having all the food and wine prepared but becoming a monk before eating.

23. I won’t bend down if money falls from the sky, because even pies won’t fall from the sky, let alone money.

24. It’s more cost-effective for you to buy me 10 cigarettes than for me to go to a nightclub once.

25. If you ask me to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If you ask me to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Can you do both together? You think I'm an alien!

26. It is better to go to bed while watching TV than to lie in bed and watch TV.

27. Give me a fulcrum, and I will tilt the neighbor's car into the ditch to prevent him from honking the horn when he sees me.

28. Those women who participate in beauty pageants cannot find good men, because all good men are married, such as me.

29. If my boss doesn’t give me a raise next month, I will resign. Before resigning, I will give him two more Chinese coins and beat him to death.

30. If pigs can fly, who will buy airplanes? Just ride a pig to heaven.

31. I can’t find my tie again. Did you not find the rag yesterday?

32. In Egypt, a man can marry four wives. How tiring that is. China is better.

33. You should let me kneel on the washboard. I can’t stand the electric heater!

34. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry a female toad.

35. I will definitely not feel anything if I drink a pound of liquor, because I will be dead after drinking half a pound of liquor.

36. Going to the toilet to read a newspaper is equivalent to wiping your butt after defecation. It is a process, otherwise it is not completed.

37. If the son is disobedient, he can be beaten appropriately, otherwise he will not show his majesty. This is the case with the Taiwan issue.

38. For my mother’s birthday, it would be better to give her melatonin as a gift than to give her two big beam bones to cook and eat. At least she can serve as food and drinks.

39. I will not meet netizens unless the country changes monogamy.

40. I will still look for you in the next life, because besides me, you are the stupidest person.

41. Don’t blame the dog for following you if you look like a bun!

42. Occasionally, you will feel happy if you are silent for a while, but it will be miserable if you are silent for a while...

43. When quarreling, the difference between men and women is like It's the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.

44. Men fantasize about me, and I fantasize about heaven.

45. When I was dizzy, I finally understood what love is.

46. Grandpas come from grandsons...

47. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have human thoughts. If a pig had a human mind, it wouldn't be a pig - it would be Bajie!

48. God, did you let summer and winter have the same room? What a hell of a weather!

49. Vulnerabilities and patches are flying together, and the blue screen of death is the same!

50. It is normal to eat the metal wire used to clean the pot at breakfast. This shows that our logistics strictly follows the order of cleaning the pot first and then cooking...

51. Women have countless QQ accounts just to tease a man, and men often add all kinds of women to a QQ account... --How many accounts do you have?

52. Don’t hang yourself on one tree, try to die on several trees several times...--Die completely!

53. Momentary impulse, crisis for future generations!

54. The early bird catches the worm, the early bird catches the worm!

55. I was arguing with a girl about whether whales are fish. Finally, I said, "Japanese people also use personal characters", and she finally agreed that whales are not fish.

56. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.

57. If replying was a virtue, then I would have become a saint long ago.

58. Life cannot be like cooking, where you have to prepare all the ingredients before cooking.

59. It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually ran around naked for 20 years!

60. Wear other people’s shoes, go your own way, and let them find it.

61. There is an old legend that says that those who can see beautiful women on the Beijing University of Posts and Telecommunications campus will live forever...

62. Could it be that if eggs all over the world unite, they will live forever? Can it break a stone? ! So you have to be more realistic as a human being...

63. Don’t be afraid of enemies who are like tigers, but be afraid of teammates who are like pigs!

64. Summer is not good. When I was poor, I couldn’t even drink the northwest wind...

65. I once had a pair of wings, but I didn’t use them. Soaring in the sky, but putting it in a pot to stew soup...

66. Pay more attention to Three Gorges Online and you can share more classics.

67. I am not a casual person. When I am casual, I am not a human being.

68. Sleep is an art - no one can stop me from pursuing art!

69. Life is easy. Life is easy. Life is not easy.

70. Watching all the porn movies in the world, you will naturally have no code in your heart.

71. When charging, the bank said: "This is in line with international practice!" But when serving, it said: "China's national conditions must be considered!"

72. The person riding the white horse is not necessarily a prince. It may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, he may be a birdman.

73. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

74. The higher you stand, the farther you pee.

75. Life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch - resisting is painful, but not resisting is still painful!

76. My friend’s name on his girlfriend’s cell phone was “him”. Later they broke up and it became “it”...

77. Don’t look for anything if nothing happens. Me, don’t come to me if you need anything!

78. Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

79. Reduce the number of boys behind each girl to 6!

80、我拿什么整死你的爱人……

81、锻炼肌肉，防止挨揍！

82. The reason why angels can fly is because they take themselves very lightly...

83. I want to fall in love early, but it is too late...

84. The sun rises in the east and rains in the west. The teacher is ruthless and I am affectionate.

85. I love you! What does it have to do with you?

87. In bed, practice is the only criterion for testing skills.

88. Hugging is really a strange thing. They are so close but can’t see each other’s faces.

89. I only believe in two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

90. I don’t know whose wife is in my bed. I don’t know whose bed my wife is in!

91. I really want to call your grandpa: Dad!

92. Beijing University of Science and Technology deceived me into spending four years in college, so I plan to use the knowledge that Beijing University of Science and Technology taught me to deceive society for the rest of my life!

93. Friends around me, hurry up and become famous, so that my memoirs can sell well...

94. When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock...

95. I have never seen such a disgusting school - the midterm exam is scheduled for May 8th! This is a bit taboo, Three Gorges Online Note.

96. Housing prices are getting higher and higher, so there are fewer and fewer good men...

97. If I become the emperor, I will make you the prince!

98. Damn it, I got complained! The customer said that the mp3 file I gave him had no images!

99. Never becoming an outstanding college student depends on strong character!

100. In fact, I am a genius, but it is a pity that God is jealous of talents!