Selected complete works of humorous short message sentences of couples

1. If I were a fox and you were a hunter, would you chase me? If I were tea and you were boiling water, would you soak me? If I were a car and you were a driver, would you drive me? If you are money and I am a passbook, I will definitely take yours.

I am a bird imprisoned by you. I have forgotten how high the sky is, but I can't stand my delusion in this dazzling city. Tears are my only luxury.

How many times have I told you to go to bed early at night and not to go out, but you just won't listen. No, I dreamed again last night, which made me unwilling to wake up!

4.m: Every time I miss you, the star will drop a tear. That's how the ocean was formed. Woman: Every time I think about you, I fart. This is how the ozone layer is formed.

5. I think you are beautiful and stuffed with Xinjiang roast lamb leg. I miss you very fat, but it's heavy in my heart. It's late at night, the birds are asleep and the mosquitoes are out. I miss you and look forward to you. I'm doomed to insomnia tonight. The dream is lost, and the soul is haunted by it. Why not return the stolen heart?

6, the lover will eventually buckle the meat, and the pig pocket will appear in the lover's eyes. If the relationship is long-term, it is not pork and pork. We want to fly in heaven, two birds become one, and I want to be a pig.

Seven, yeah! I accidentally sent you "I love you" by mistake. If you accept it, keep it. If you don't accept it, send these three words back to me.

8, I am a bit tacky, a bit boring and cute! A little lazy, a little bad, a little smart, a little rogue! Say rogue is rogue, slick love! You want to love me, then love me.

9. No matter where I am, thousands of miles away or within Wan Li, no matter when, ten years or a hundred years, I miss you deeply and love you. Although I deny the existence of all gods, I will always believe that you are a "new god!" "

10, you are bread in the morning, ice cream in summer, garlic in Shandong and pepper in Sichuan. Seeing your heart beating faster, but not your mood getting worse. I dreamed that your time passed too fast. I hope having you is not a long wait.

1 1, seeking friends: male, undergraduate, only a few points away; Working in a multinational organization, McDonald's cleans the table; Have a house, many people own it; Have a car, not a motor vehicle; Looking for a beautiful young man * * * went to the grave, a few years later.

12, the craziest thing in my life is to fall in love with you. My greatest hope is to have you to accompany me crazy all my life!

13, you are the sun in my heart, but it's a pity to go down the mountain; You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are the Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first!

14, lovely, you stole my love and my heart. I've decided to sue you in court. What should I sentence you to? The judge searched all criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously passed: I sentence you to be mine for life.

15, you and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. It is said that people come into the world to find the other half. I finally found you after all the hardships, damn it! Only to find that our wings are on the same side.

16, I can't eat in the morning because I miss you; I can't eat at noon because I miss you more; I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily; I can't sleep at night because ... I'm hungry.

17, dear, for you, I will cross the ocean and jump into the abyss without hesitation. I will overcome any difficulties! If it doesn't rain, I will find you on time on Sunday!

18, the hot summer is long, the rolling heat wave has nowhere to hide, the eyes are black and flustered, and the head is sweating; Thinking of you in my heart is like eating cold sugar, my heart is cold, and it is like an air-conditioned room no matter how hot it is!

19, if you are a lovely red apple, I would like to be an idle bug and chew you!

20. I miss you, a morning glory, stretching bit by bit, inch by inch.

2 1, go to buy chicken legs with my girlfriend. I told her that you should ask the clerk. We only want the hind legs, but the front legs are not delicious. As a result, she really went and came back with a look of killing me.

22. I saw a beautiful woman yesterday and couldn't find a reason to strike up a conversation. The king took out a tissue from his pocket, chased the beauty and shouted, Beauty, your shoes are dirty. Do you want me to wipe them for you? Beauty: No, someone just licked it. Your Majesty: The competition is too fierce now.

23. When I was hungry last night, I went to the bar below for dinner. When the water boils, I put salt on it. I accidentally got the salt on my hand and didn't want to waste it. I put my brain-dead hand in the pot and rinsed it, and then I heard a cry.

24. Go to a roadside food stall for dinner at night. The two men in the middle got drunk, had a fight, and started touching each other. The restaurant owner watched the fun with us. I asked my boss why he didn't stop fighting. The boss said, "The customer is God, the Battle of Titan. How can we mortals participate? " What I said seems to make sense.

25. People who pay their daughter-in-law every month are not called paying wages, but are called forwarding wages. Ronaldinho and himself

26. If someone asks me: How did you get through those difficult years? I think I only have one answer: I have strong spiritual strength to support me. This kind of power is called "Dare to die" ...

27. In the hospital, I saw the nurse give a little fat man an injection, but many attempts failed. The little fat man couldn't help saying, it's all meat, and there are no blood vessels. Please change places ~

28. When others stay up late, you are sleeping; Everyone else is up, and you are still struggling to sleep for a few more minutes; You have a lot of ideas, but when your head is hot, it will pass, but others insist on one thing; You have to study for a long time, while others work overtime to eat instant noodles. If you don't finish the work, you will leave it until one or two, which is less efficient than others. I wonder how much it costs. Therefore, it is not without reason that you have good skin and beautiful spirit.

29. I am on a long business trip today, and everyone is shaking and sleeping; A woman answered the phone: "Hey, I am sleeping, I am sleeping by car!" " Who the fuck am I sleeping with? I'm sleeping with a car full of men! Hey! "Then the whole car is full of energy!

30. "Boss, a washboard!" "What kind?" "Kneeling is comfortable!"

3 1, the little fish asked the big fish, "Mom, why do they say that the fish's memory is only seven seconds?" The big fish said, "What did you say just now?" The little fish said, "What?" The big fish said, "Why?" The fish said, "What's the matter?"

32. On a construction site, several strong men said to the boss, "How much do we share with tens of thousands of brothers in this batch of goods today?" The boss thought for a moment and said, "Eighty thousand!" The strong man who took the lead frowned and said, "Eighty thousand is not as good as a bunch of brothers. How about 10 million? " The boss waved his hand: "It's a deal! After moving100000 bricks, make clear the salary! "

One day, BF and I ate fried rice in a small restaurant outside. I think we should eat fried rice with a spoon, but he insists on using chopsticks. After all, we had a fight ... I was so angry that I wanted to kick him from behind in the street. This anger hurts my health. ...

Love is great. It makes the laws of mathematics out of balance. Two people share the pain, only half the pain; Two people enjoy happiness, but there are two kinds of happiness!

35. The grandmother who watched TV for the first time exclaimed after watching the 100-meter run: How scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row, and someone tried to shoot them with a gun, but they didn't wait for the aim to shoot. The children ran away in fear! Fly, the rope can't stop it!

36. In the past, it was called loneliness; Now, it is called happiness; Tomorrow is called expectation; Always called sex; Wandering, vast sea of people; Wait, the epiphyllum will bloom again; Life is wonderful because of you; Love you, now!

37. Remember to eat roast duck together? You like to eat duck, and the food has just been served. You grab it like an arrow and stuff it in your mouth. I asked in a low voice: Why don't you see the duck? You proudly pointed to your mouth and said, * * * is here.

When the monkey saw a card, he wanted to see what it was, so he climbed to the branch. Just then, a flash of lightning hit him, and the monkey cried and said, "Wow, it was an IP card!" "

39. It is difficult to buy a train ticket. Ten days before the pre-school holiday, I went to the station to buy tickets. While waiting in line, I heard a brother ask the conductor if he had a bus to Shanghai. The conductor calmly said to the speaker, Yes, the tickets are gone.

40. People who laugh loudly are at private parties; A man who nods to apologize is in business negotiations; People who laugh in the street either win the lottery or are psychopaths.

4 1, the tiger and the lion were fighting, and the tiger failed and ran away. At this time, the lion quit, chased and chased, chased to a small yard, and waited and waited. Suddenly, a cat came out, and the lion went up and said, demo, call your dad!

42. After my wife and I quarreled, we didn't talk for several days. One day, I took the menu and asked me to order. When I saw it, I was shocked: potato chips, heartbroken cucumber slices, shredded radish, unfeeling fried chicken feet, Sichuan-style pork in the heart, and soup to kill chickens and scare monkeys. I think I'm finished.

43. The wife is tasteless, the lover is too tired, and the young lady is too expensive. It is better to have a reunion and break up a couple!

44. In the barber's shop, a customer complained to the barber: How can I get out if you cut my hair like this? Barber: That's all right. We sell hats and wigs!

45. Two fools eat salted duck eggs together. One asked in surprise: Why is this egg so salty? The other said, it's a good thing you asked me. This salted egg is produced by salted duck.

46. It's good to see your five senses separately, but you can distinguish animals when you combine them.

47. You have a mole on your face. It has its own characteristics. I like it ... no way! ! You have such a big booger! ?

48. You are so beautiful. You have mouse eyes and a pig's arched mouth. When you talk, you throw up, just like the water in the toilet. Happy Valentine's Day!

49, you drag, you drag my parents often quarrel for the purpose of issuing a certain policy by the state, and often quarrel for international events such as the United States, Iraq and Yugoslavia ... In other words, I admire them very much. My father is just an ordinary worker, and my mother can't read. You are a reborn pig. You brought nothing but meat, and no one buried you when you died. Happy Valentine's Day!

50. Life is like a hamburger: the top bread is covered with sesame seeds, like an innocent childhood; The middle layer is sandwiched with ham, lettuce, eggs and cheese, which looks like gorgeous youth and full middle age; There is only a layer of white bread below, which can be called old age!

Last month, one of my sisters borrowed a dollar from me for plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become. My money!

52, late at night, the young man sent the girl home, in front of the door, a deep kiss. Half an hour later, the girl's father opened the window and shouted: * * *, let go of my daughter! The young man was frightened, but he summoned up his courage and said, Uncle, we really love each other. The girl's father is angry: kiss if you want, it's still on our doorbell …

53. The sky is gray and wild, and the hope of making a fortune is too slim; Shuiwan Bay has a long road, and the days without money are long. This building is tall and busy. Can I rob a bank with you tonight? Joint code: baby, hungry mud!

54. Before skydiving training, the coach finally told a student: Don't be nervous! No big deal. If you can't open it the first time, it only means that you are not suitable for skydiving!

55. My husband and I had a big fight over a jiaozi. I said I would eat three, but he insisted that I eat four. As a result, they quarreled downstairs from the restaurant. I was wearing high heels and my feet hurt. Finally, I took off my shoes and stood barefoot by the road. He also said that I didn't love him enough, which caused a series of problems.

56. I am the spring breeze, which blows through your fingers and leaves a stick for you to sing; I am a rose, floating across your cheek, leaving a kiss to make you happy; I am who I am, and you may find me in the crowd.

I believe that with the moon as evidence, our love will last forever. I won't leave you any more than the moon will leave the earth.

58. My buddy's screen name is "Because the egg hurts". Every time he logs off, the system prompts me: Your friend is logged off because of an egg pain!

59. During the rush hour, a cyclist ran a red light and a heavy truck suddenly stopped beside him. The cyclist shouted to the truck driver, Damn it, you won't die!

60. Miss your cigarettes, your wine and your wife's fried rice with eggs!

6 1, where are you chic? I am waiting for you alone. I called your cell phone and said it was turned off. I called your pager and you left. I hate you. Write your name in the toilet and pee to death every day!

62. A wizard doesn't know what's wrong with him, and he hurts all over. Knowing that he was dying, he lay in bed and shouted, which clever doctor can cure me, I will give him the ancestral elixir of life!

63. A cricket and a pig bet that if I jump into the grass, you can't see me. The pig said, what if I can see you? So the cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching?

64. Two people go to a restaurant for dinner. The sanitation of the hotel is very poor, and many flies fly around the dishes. When one is busy, go hand in hand. The other man stopped and said, don't worry. How much can it eat? !

65. Once, my friend came to see me and called me by my real name. I don't want to quit, so I immediately reminded her: No, you have to call me by my nickname. After a few seconds of silence, she carefully opened her mouth and whispered, Xiao Ming.

66. A girl went to the pasture as a trainee milker. Everyone else squeezed a bucket, but she squeezed only a little. She was in a hurry, and suddenly the old cow said, Miss, you are in the wrong place!

67. Would you like to give me your happiness once? I promise to feed you into a little fat pig with full love.

68. The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? Nobody answered ... Teacher: Nobody knows? At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said: That's because it's calm and naturally cold ...

69. Zi: What is honesty? Father: Honesty means giving goods to customers today, knowing that they will go bankrupt tomorrow. Zi: What is wisdom? Father: Don't do such a stupid thing!

70. Son: Mom! There are often men and women opposite each other in movies. What is this? Mother: Maybe the man is dying, so I want to let the woman catch her breath. Or the woman is dying, and the man takes the gas for her.

7 1, catching up with the thief means that you have recovered your losses; Catching up with your girlfriend means that your loss has just begun! On a whim, Zhuangzi wanted to close a book with others, and Sun Wu readily cooperated. Thus, there is another knowledge in the world: Zhuang (pretending to be a grandson)!

72. Brick factory director: Is this a pastry factory? Pastry Director: Yes, what is it? Director of brick and tile factory: We should learn from the experience. How did you make the cake so hard?

73. I wish you a high position, light responsibility, more money and less work, stay close to home, wake up naturally every day, get cramped wages, and get a raise if others work overtime! I hope: I have no small peas on my face and no streaky pork on my body. 20 this year, next year 18, will always be "safflower".

74. The attending doctor said to the interns: No fruit is allowed in the future. The intern asked doubtfully: Why? The attending doctor said: I just accidentally implanted a litchi into the patient's eye.

Examiner: If Shakespeare were still alive, would he be a great man? Student: Yes, he will. In any case, no one in the world lives over 400 years old.

76. Examiner: What should I do when I meet the green light? Candidate: Drive there. Examiner: What should I do if I meet a red light? Candidate: Stop. Examiner: What about the yellow light? Candidate: Fight him!

77. The housewife asked the maid to cook the duck. The maid didn't drain the water, so the pot burst and the duck burned. The housewife asked her why she didn't put the water away. She replied that ducks would swim away when they got the water.

78. The rooster chased the hen and sang by her neck. The hen was moved when she saw one of the cocks bow his head and say nothing. Wedding night, hen: You are so cool. Why didn't you scream? Rooster: I drank too much that day ... I was afraid of vomiting.

79. I slept with my girlfriend last night and touched my hand involuntarily. Girlfriend said: Hey, I wish mine were bigger. I comforted her and said, it's okay. I prefer the small one. She added: Liar, which one of you men doesn't like being older? I firmly said: I chose the road of first love. Do you know what childhood friends are? Girlfriend: From childhood to big play.

80. Yesterday, the male ticket WeChat said: Remember that you are mine. It was quite touching at the time. As a result, he sent another small apple.

8 1. I went out to play with a sister paper yesterday. Suddenly she said that she had been bitten by a snake in her chest, and told me to suck out the poison quickly. I laughed as soon as I heard it: How can you be such a person? What if I get poisoned by inhaling it? You think I'm stupid! Go, take you to the hospital. Shit, and then she said it's okay. Is this girl crazy? Stay away from her in the future.

Dear users, because most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has caused a very bad influence on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please learn your style knowledge!

83. Note: Stand in front of the mirror, gently hold your chin, blink your left eye three times, blink your right eye three times, then blink with a smile, and you will vaguely see a fool blinking at the mirror!

84. On this full moon night, Chang 'e said to me: She will go down to find you, give you a beauty treatment and restore your original beauty! Are you ready? Pig, stop texting and ask you a question!

85. You have worked silently in the film circle for many years, and only you know the bitterness best. However, your efforts have finally been recognized by people, and you have won the Golden Bird Award: the nomination of the best animal star.

86. A buddy fell in love with his sister's paper in this class. After that, a sister in another class wrote a love letter, and the buddy decisively derailed. My sister-in-law in this class was furious and went to find the third theory. * * * came ... After a while, my sister-in-law of this class came back and asked her how she was. Sister paper roared: damn, it's much more beautiful than me. I am a man. I also chose her. Why bother?

87. A young couple are quarrelling. The woman said: You haven't got paid this month. Are you raising a mistress? M: If I give it to you, don't say you don't want it ... Then my daughter-in-law got angry and shouted, I said I don't want it before going to bed. How did you know to climb up? ...

88. Little comma was dumped by his girlfriend, and he was heartbroken. Friend comfort: forget it, forget her, it's no big deal! The little comma cried: I can't forget it. I bought her a lot of things, all on installment.

89. Wukong, you clean the glass; Friar Sand, mop the floor. Bajie, the master knows your situation very well. After careful consideration, he decided to give you a chance to show off-after reading this message, hurry to clean the girls' toilet.

90. I work as a cashier in a bank. After quarreling with my boyfriend yesterday, he actually called our bank customer service and complained that I had a bad attitude towards customers. .

9 1, I have a crush on you. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the most suitable person in my life, but my only regret was .............. Sorry, I sent the wrong person.

92. I went to his campus to look for him and asked him to look downstairs. He sent a message saying: I have a crazy woman standing downstairs. I said, come down, crazy woman wants to talk to you.

93. My boyfriend said, Baby, your skin is so white. After a few seconds' silence, he sighed. What a waste!

94. My boyfriend and I were walking in the community and saw a couple hugging each other. I said enviously, it's too sweet. Please give me a hug. My boyfriend looked around and pulled me into his arms: the hug was cold and warm.

95. I told my wife that I dreamed of going to Beijing to eat roast duck with her in the evening. She asked if she had eaten in her dream. I said if you didn't eat, just watch me eat. She immediately slapped me and said that I was not good to her, so she went back to her mother's house in a rage. What's even more ridiculous is that my uncle also called me to lecture me and asked me to do it again. Can I do it again?

96. In previous years, I prayed to God for my happiness. Now I have you by my side. I know, happiness, I have got it. I love you!

97. Although you are eager to follow me, although I don't want to refuse you, I still want to say: puppy, don't follow me, I really just have a white radish in my hand, not an extended version of meat buns!

98. It is real gold and never fears fierce flames; Is a pine tree, never afraid of the long cold; Haiyan, never afraid of lightning that cuts the sky; What an idiot, staring at the text message!

99. With you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

100, when I was at school, I cried and asked him, a science man, to make up lessons for me. Marton had better sit on his lap to study (1). When he was studying (hair), he suddenly lost his temper and told him to stop reading. He scolded me immediately and poisoned calculus all afternoon. ...

10 1, the people of the whole country are the best, riding a bench to the moon; The world belongs to you, and you can play the best. You don't need a glass to drink. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you!

Dear Yong, having your heart is the greatest happiness in my life. No matter how things change, you are the only one in my heart and my favorite.

103. My wife stood at the door and talked with her neighbors for more than three hours. When she got home, she said loudly that she was tired. The husband said, why not invite her home to have a chat? The wife sighed and said, yes! I invited her to my house, but she said she didn't have time.

Finishing: zhl20 1704