Tell me a funny thing.

1. I saw a fat girl walking slowly on the treadmill in the gym. I'll remind her: sister, you have to speed up, or you won't lose weight. Sister listened to the wronged answer: I adjusted it quickly, but it was slow when I stepped on it!

2. In the morning, the manager came over and said to have breakfast quickly and tell you something after eating! Me: Work is important. You go first and I'll eat later! Manager: The company has laid off staff, so you have the strength to pack up after breakfast. . .

2000 a month, I feel that I have reached the peak of my life. I'm still single, and I'm afraid to have a girlfriend because I'm afraid my girlfriend will try to get my money.

4. It's autumn. I should go shopping when I open the closet. When I opened my wallet, I was young and not cold.

Brother, can you lend me some money? I'm going home to discuss it with my wife. Don't you have a wife? B: so it's not negotiable!

6. There is only one worry when you are not full, and there are countless troubles when you are full.

7. When Lao Wang entered the age of no doubt, he felt that his ears were useless more and more, so he went to the hospital for treatment. Lao Wang: Doctor, my ears are getting worse. I can't even hear my own fart recently. Doctor: Take this medicine and see. Things may get better. Lao Wang: Can my ear disease be cured? Doctor: That may be impossible, but it can make your fart louder.

8. People are divided into groups, which is why my list is so beautiful.

9. I saw a middle-aged man and woman kissing on the bus for half an hour on the news, and the passengers couldn't stand it. Everyone came forward to accuse: Nima foreplay is too long, why not take it off? We have been to many stations!

10. Stay with me. At least I have more than ten catties of meat than others. I love you.

You can accept that people who are better than you work harder than you. But if people who are better than you don't work harder than you, you will be lost. Why? Because you are stupid.

12. I am really lucky. I am grateful to know these sincere friends for many years. My attitude towards me has never changed. For example, I didn't receive a Mid-Autumn Festival gift last year, and I still haven't received a Mid-Autumn Festival gift this year.

13. My wife just gave birth to a second child, and my buddies got together. I couldn't go, so I sent a text message: My penis is too small to come. A friend who didn't know the situation called me and said, forget it, just eat and sing, and nothing will happen. . .

14. Me: Son, what should I buy for my mother when I grow up? Son: House and car. Me: Can't afford it? Son: I will only burn it for you in the future. Me:. . .

15. I don't like you, like the neighbor next door who ate Chili.

16. Run to the boy you like, say shyly that you have something to say on the rooftop after class, and then turn around and run. The chances of success are extremely high. If you are still rejected, you can turn around and run again. If he pulls you, jump into his arms. If he doesn't pull you, take out the lock prepared in advance and lock it on him, so he will usually give in.

17. Spring fatigue, summer fatigue, autumn fatigue, hibernation, four seasons like a dream.

18. My son came home: Dad, I got 50 points. Dad is angry: don't call me dad if you fail the exam next time! The son came back the next day: I'm sorry, brother!

19. It's so cold in winter that neither of them wants to get up and cook breakfast. My wife said it was a guessing game. Two people punch at the same time, the wife's fist and the husband's cloth. Husband smiled and said: You lost, get up and make breakfast! The wife said: My fist, your cloth, did you win? Let me ask you, fist or cloth? Cloth makes clothes. Can clothes stop fists? You can try if you don't believe me. Your clothes can stop my fist. You win. Husband stopped laughing and silently got up to cook.

A complete set of sentences that make people laugh.

Excerpts from funny sentences.

1. How far is it forever? Get out, boy!

2. I met a writer's signature: it may look like it, but it may not. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

I want to puppy love, but it's too late.

5. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

6. During a military parade, the leaders walked by with their heads held high, and all the comrades were good leaders and comrades worked hard to serve the people. Comrades are tanned, but leaders are blacker.

7. Someone met a friend in the street. When he first asked about his friend's wife, he suddenly remembered that she had passed away, so he changed his tune: Is she still in the original cemetery?

8. A man and his wife are often ambiguous. If they don't see it, colleagues will send a pair of couplets. Part I: As long as life goes by, part II: Even if the head is a little green, cross-batch: Ninja Turtle.

9. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!

10. You are very creative, and living is your courage; Ugliness is not your intention, but God has a little temper; You have to live bravely, without you, who will set off the beauty of the donkey!

1 1. Three small animals are chatting in the forest. Pig said: nicknames are popular now, so you can call me pig in the future. Rabbit: ok, I'll call it rabbit. Chicken face is unhappy: I have work to do, so I have to go first.

12. My dream life: I wake up naturally and count my money until my hands cramp. My real life: count the money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hand cramps.

13. Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. I saw a sow the other day, and everyone thought it had good eyes.

14. Pain is an enjoyment that only sober people can enjoy.

15. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

16. University is learning!

17. I have a left Qinglong, a right White Tiger and a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my shoulder.

18. Other people's money and wealth are things outside their bodies.

19. Can't sleep in the morning; Sleep at night!

20. I'm really busy recently, and it's hard to guarantee even an hour's sleep a day!

2 1. Why do you need to sleep for a long time to live? You will fall asleep after death.

22. When a man says inner beauty, he means inner, not inner.

23. If you have a pair of wings, you should be braised.

24. What's the use of being handsome? Can I swipe my card with my face at the bank?

25. It is said that men become bad when they have money. I have been a good person for more than 20 years!

Appreciation of funny sentences.

1. When arguing with others, take a step back; When chasing a girlfriend, take a step back and go to an empty building.

It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually streaked for too many years as a chef!

3. Look at a beautiful MM, but there is no way to strike up a conversation. Pick up a brick by the roadside and step forward. Classmate, did you drop it?

It was dark at night, and I suddenly wanted to study, but it was already dawn when I found the candle.

People who hang up QQ all day these days have nothing to do but go to work, that is, people who are not loved after work.

6. From heaven to hell, I pass by!

7. On the way to becoming awesome, I was in running all the way!

8. There is always time and opportunity to do things, and there is always an excuse not to do things.

9. I not only have a car, but also do it myself.

10. Summer is just not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind.

1 1. I struggled to climb to the top of the ladder, only to find that I climbed the wrong wall.

12. Facing the crowd in front of me, I want to cross and be smart. I know you're watching. It's fake.

13. Listen to you and leave me ten books!

14. Brother, can you lower the resolution on your face a little?

15. If the exam rewards QB, then the country will become rich and strong immediately.

Selected sentences that make people laugh.

1. Eat wild vegetables at home if you have no money; If you have money, go to the hotel to eat wild vegetables.

The furthest distance in the world is not that you and I live far away, but that our classmates are in different rooms.

3. Young girls are valuable, but young women are more expensive. If there is a rich woman, you can throw them both away.

There are only two things I can't do in my life: neither this nor that.

Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk without eating.

6. Sorry is sincere, but it doesn't matter. This is a kind of grace. If you give your heart, but you can't get grace, it can only show the ignorance and vulgarity of the other party.

7. I thought about the word "special effort" and I made the first one.

8. How far your thoughts are, how far you roll; You can roll as fast as the speed of light

9. You are gold and I am coal. You will shine, and I will get hot. Don't mess with me, or I will melt you.

10. If there is love in the sky, the sky will be old. If there is love, people will die long ago!

A funny story that makes people laugh.

1. I'm Jesus, his son Coconut!

2. Women please themselves, while men please themselves piteously!

There are so many people who despise me. Who are you?

There are plenty of people's backgrounds, but I only have my back.

The realistic society ruined my chance to be a good person!

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

7. There will be a road in the end, and I can't stop it.

8. Wechat is so awesome that it is difficult to make a mobile phone into a walkie-talkie.

9. Even if my heart is the liver and lungs of the donkey, it is enough to feed the dog's stomach.

10. In front of beautiful women: danger can be saved, and no danger can create danger.

1 1. Look at a temple from a distance, and look at our alma mater, with more than 300 nuns and more than 10,000 old roads.

12. Brother looked down, not because he was afraid, but because he was looking for bricks.

13. All kinds of small talk, all kinds of ditties, all kinds of tunes.

14. Maxima is very common, but Maxima's mother is not.

15. Iron shirts, golden bells, Xiao Li flying knives, love bullets whistling, couples watching the battle.

16. Tian Jian, Tu Longdao, Zhang Ba snake spear, one will be turned into a thousand bones, and the jade belt will be a dragon robe.

17. Clear water leads to no fish, while lowly people lead to invincible.

18. There is a man in my family who has grown up for more than twenty years.

19. The wind is light and the clouds are light, and the eyebrows are locked and sad. When I meet a beautiful woman, I give her the glad eye and my mind swings.

20. A big woman can't have no electricity for a day, and a little woman can't have no money for a day!

2 1. When others praise me, I worry that others will not praise me enough.

22. Even believe in advertisements. You must be stupid to study!

23. Brother, I am not lonely, because I am accompanied by loneliness!

24. Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, and those who are afraid of debt are really poor!

25. Sunrise in the east and rain in the west make the teacher heartless.

26. I didn't know until I went to the hospital that people are more likely to hang up than numbers.

27. I have always had you in my heart, but the proportion has changed.

28. Mother-in-law's result: Men are feminine and women are menstruation.

29. Wine meets bosom friend.

30. I have a little thought, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it!

3 1. Planting grass won't make people lie down. Why don't you plant cactus?

32. It's a long way to Xiu Yuan, so let's take a taxi.

33. Just like you, at this age, you have fallen below the issue price.

34. The teacher said: The college entrance examination is coming soon, so don't fall in love and quarrel early, so as not to affect your mood; Don't confess without puppy love, lest you be rejected and affect your mood.

You have so many pimples on your face that it will turn over when you drive a tractor.

36. My brother is a legend. Don't ask me which unit I work in.

37. The poor play with cars, the rich play with watches, and Niu B works overtime to knock on the computer.

38. A buddy's psychological quality is as good as no psychological quality.

39. You don't have to count what you said, but you have to change the person you like every day.

40. A big belly is not terrible. The terrible thing is that it is unexpectedly big.

4 1. God, did you share a room in summer and winter? Give birth to this damn weather!

42. How dare I not believe that you have the face to lie?

43. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have people's thoughts. If a pig has a human brain, it is not a pig-it is Bajie!

44. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

45. The so-called puppy love is just to raise a wife for others.

46. Don't buy useless things, no matter how cheap; Don't rely on people who don't love, no matter how lonely they are.

47. Ugly people can get married and beautiful people can be single.

48. People who say good night to sleep often show off in an ostentatious manner after half an hour.

49. A lazy cat went crazy after a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse was very moved: Why is my dear so kind to me? Hey, hey, the cat said with a smile, you'll know when you get fat.

50. A roommate, determined to start losing weight, vowed in front of all roommates: Fat, I'll fight with you. A month later, I failed to lose weight. I said softly in front of all my roommates: Dear Pangpang, you won again this time.

5 1. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

52. If a diamond lasts forever, one will go bankrupt!

53. Go your own way and let others take a taxi!

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

55. Taking pictures is to seize the opportunity, and it will never be good on purpose.

56. White plus black: stepping on a person during the day does not fall asleep; Step on one more person at night and sleep soundly.

57. Don't open the gift ribbon. At first, it was full of expectations, and finally it was corrupt.

58. Think about the salary ratio. Forget it. I don't want to live.

59. Don't mess with me, or I'll let you die rhythmically.

60. I won't hit you, you don't know that I am both civil and military.

6 1. You are too short! Let me borrow your telescope to see more clearly. Am I not handsome?

62. I want to make a download software called earmuffs. Because lightning is inaudible.

63. People have lost their waists and bottoms. Why do we have to start with brain cells?

Touch screens are popular in mobile phones and computers. A friend especially felt: Now that technology is developing so fast, it is hard to say which day TV will touch the screen. Another friend said: you are so stupid! Do I have to walk over and poke with my finger without the remote control?

65. Stop fooling around, or you will be confused by the days.

66. If this is not love, then I'd rather sell cabbage.

67. Someone actually wears blue eye shadow, which is an insult to my dark circles!

68. If you fool around, you will get bored sooner or later.

69. Success is 10% talent plus 10% not being distracted by the Internet.

70. I have three heights, a tall man and a high IQ. I use BBK!

7 1. Fate shuffles the cards, but we play cards ourselves!

72. My heart is broken and it looks like dumpling stuffing.

I can't find my tie again. Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

74.look at you! Look at the back, there are thousands of troops; Turn around and scare away millions of heroes.

75. When there is a bright moon, ask the sky for wine and say, Fuck you, I am so busy, how can I ignore you and watch the weather forecast by myself?

76. I am in Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in Jianghu.

77. I'm glad to find twenty cents. When I picked it up, it looked like 1992 money. It's expired.

78. Your future depends on your dreams now, so go to sleep!

79. I just registered a user named Dad on a website and sent me an email. At first, I was dumbfounded. It said: Hello, Dad, your user name has been registered successfully!

80. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

8 1. I skipped classes too much. One day, I want to go to class. Seeing the professor, the professor was surprised and said, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown so big.

82. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

83. I definitely don't feel a catty of white wine, because I died after drinking half a catty.

Everyone says I'm ugly, but in fact I'm just beautiful.

85. If I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

86. When I was particularly sleepy, my moral standards didn't wake up. Teachers should be careful.

87. There was a match that burned to death after a few days without washing its hair and itchy scalp.

My future is not a dream, but a nightmare.

89. Hello, the number you dialed has passed away. Please redial in your next life.

90. No matter how ugly you are, you should fall in love and talk about a world full of love.

9 1. I struggled with fat and almost didn't die.

92. Adults are uncomfortable, but they are actually uncomfortable.

93. When I love you, you are beautiful; When I hate you, you are a zombie!

94. There are thousands of children in China. If this one doesn't work, we'll change it.

95. You are the wind, I am the sand, you are the leather shoes, I am the brush, you ignore me and I commit suicide.

96. Showing off your wealth is like being complacent, trying to show off your gorgeous appearance, but being seen in your ass.

97. As long as we have confidence, anything is possible.

98. Stealing food is not my fault, but the loneliness of my mouth.

99. The furthest distance in the world is from Monday to Friday.

100. Since people get tanned, their faces look good, their teeth turn white, and they don't blush after drinking wine.

Those passwords and red envelopes that make you laugh.

Those password red packets that make you laugh (I) 1. I have a background, and I have a background.

2. grab the red envelope and pick up your hands.

Beards ride donkeys, camels pick snails, beards knock over camels' snails, camels drag bearded donkeys, beards hit camels pick snails, camels hit donkeys' beards, beards hit camels, and camels hit beards.

4. Xu Xi m: n is on fire

5. Red rice bowl, yellow rice bowl, red rice bowl full of rice bowl, yellow rice bowl half full of rice bowl; A yellow rice bowl and half a rice bowl, just like a red rice bowl.

6. Yao Pinyao

7.mio pin mi m 4 o

8. What is the life of the rope? The life of a rope is a stabbed well.

9. The pole is long, the bench is wide, the pole is not as wide as the bench, and the bench is not as long as the pole. The pole is tied to the bench, and the bench won't let the pole be tied to the bench.

10. Cowherd loves Liu Niang

1 1. Noodles with garlic, noodles with garlic, garlic cloves; Noodles mixed with garlic, garlic mixed with noodles, is to eat garlic cloves mixed with garlic.

12. Biting milk, drinking bread and putting the bag on the train. East-west street, go north and south, go out to see people bite dogs. Pick up the dog and hit the brick, but I'm afraid the brick will bite my hand.

13. Rebecca lang

14. I just ate incense.

15. Thanks, Dad

16. There is a noodle restaurant whose door faces south, with a blue cotton curtain hanging on it. Remove the blue cotton curtain and the noodle restaurant door faces south. Hang the blue cotton curtain, the noodle restaurant or the door faces south.

17. Y and ng in the Great Qing Dynasty

18. miss lang lang.

19. There are thick green legs in front of the mountain and thick green legs behind the mountain. The two of them came to the mountain to compare their legs. I don't know whether Cui's thick legs are thicker than Cui's thick legs or Cui's thick legs are thicker than Cui's thick legs.

20. Farmers are angry with farmers, and farmers are even more angry.

Copy of the password red envelope that makes you laugh (Part II) 2 1. The paper was wrapped in fine silver thread, and there were 4444 small dead lice skins lying on the fine silver thread.

22. Xiao Guo drew a red flower and Xiao Ge drew a yellow flower. Xiaoguo wants to exchange his red flower for his little brother's yellow flower, and the little brother exchanges his yellow flower for Xiaoguo's red flower.

23. Teacher Si, Teacher Shi and Teacher Shi are with me every day. Teacher Shi taught me selflessness, teacher Si gave me spiritual food, teacher Shi told me to think twice when something happened, and teacher Shi gave me the key to knowledge. Thanks to Teacher Shi, Teacher Si and Teacher Shi.

24. I am ugly and I will grab it first.

25. Eight hundred pacesetters ran up the north slope.

26. Lan is a female coach, Lu is a male coach, Lan is not a male coach, and Lu is not a female coach. Lan Nan is the main force of men's basketball team and women's basketball team. Coach Lu trains Lan Nan in men's basketball team and coach Lan trains in women's basketball team.

27. A good boy took a piece of drawing paper and came to the stone field to learn to draw stone lions. Draw a stone lion once a day and ten times in ten days. Draw a stone lion every time, draw a stone lion every day, and draw a dead lion as a "living lion".

28. I am very interesting.

29. Circle, circle, circle. Juanjuan drew a circle and a circle, and Yuan Yuan drew a trap circle. Juanjuan is rounder than a circle. Let's see whose circle is rounder.

30. The old farmer got angry and let the old dragon.

3 1. partridge Chu

32. Cowherd loves six niang, and six niang loves beef brisket.

33. Delicious food

34. durian croissants;

35. The bell in class is not so much uneasy as uneasy.

36. The green carp said that his Lu Lili was more popular than the plum of the red carp.

37. The crow stands on the back of the black pig and says that the black pig is black, and the black pig says that the crow is darker than the black pig; The crow said it was not as black as Darkmouth, the black pig, and the black pig smiled.

38.XX I will give birth to a monkey for you.

39. I owe xx 5 million.

40. Dodo and his brother sit down and share the fruit. Brother gives more, brother gives more. They all say that it is small, and my grandmother is happy;