Quotations of personality humor

1, whoever loves what I can't get. ...

2. Women should remember that the ultimate destination of Youlemei is the trash can.

3. Going to work is to carry forward the spirit that dead mice are not afraid of cold.

If you have the power to force me, I will have the power to kill you.

5, although not the best. But I tried my best!

6. Learn to be strong in failure and optimistic in loss.

7. The past is the past, and happiness is important.

8. You must sell yourself 100%.

9. It is things that fail, and it should never be people.

10, we have nothing to be afraid of. When we came into this world, we didn't intend to go back alive!

1 1, don't blame my brother for not being human, just blame my sister-in-law for her charm.

12. Sisters are brothers and men are clothes. If anyone touches my sister, I'll tear his clothes.

13, I want to give you the whole universe, you just need to give me the whole world.

14, if you don't chase it, you will never have it. Don't go forward, stay where you are forever.

15, whether it is sunny or cloudy, you must remember to give yourself a beautiful smile.

16, I will greet every enemy with a smiling face.

17. When you are embraced by failure, success may be waiting to kiss you.

18, as long as we work hard, anyone can be his own hero.

19, I really love you for a hundred years.

20. Since I can't walk into your eyes, I will let you leave my heart.

2 1. Being beautiful is your advantage, and living beautifully is my skill.

22. If you just like it, why exaggerate it into love?

No matter how wide and far the road is, as long as you participate, it is safe.

Even if I can't see you, my heart won't hurt.

25. Walking with time is unforgettable.

26. I can only love you all my life, not for a while.

27. A wise man loses when he is careful, but a fool gains when he is careful.

28. If you get their feelings, don't be happy.

29. No one will be tired of drinking water because of the insipid water, so don't abandon life because of the insipid life.

30. If you have yourself, you won't be swayed by others.

3 1, love yourself, more reliable than anyone who loves you.

32. Choice is more important than hard work, attitude is more important than ability, and position is more important than strength!

33. People who don't want to leave you alone will always make you fool around.

A sincere heart can make us live with a clear conscience.

35. When the tears run out, the rest should be strong.

36, life, there is no eternal pain, no matter how deep the pain, when cutting, the wound will always heal.

Don't doubt my heart, I really love you.

38. From today on, be a difficult person, lose your face to the person you hate and tell the person you like aboveboard. I would rather live a few years less than be happy.

39. What's your reason for not being with me for such an overbearing, gentle and ambitious little public gesture?

40. I always can't understand your expression, even if you are smiling, I will feel very sad.

4 1, a simple life is not a gorgeous adventure.

42. I don't say what I said, I don't do what I did wrong, and the people I loved don't love.

43. If you love, life is lovely everywhere.

If you can't fly, run.

45. Doubt is doomed to separate feelings.

46, meet, either hate late or hate early.

47. If you can't beat and scold, this is fucking love.

48. If you like me, don't tell me anything unrealistic. If you don't like me, you can leave.

49. Strong self-confidence can make ordinary people do amazing things.

50. Friends pay with heart, and parents are filial.

Classic humorous quotations

1, left hand smoke, right hand wine, enjoy loneliness!

2. Once you learn to break the jar, you will find that the world will be suddenly enlightened.

The world is so big, I feel so unlucky to know you.

4, shut up for a minute, can save you an hour of explanation time.

5. How do you and I face this promiscuous world in estrus?

6. I dedicated my most perfect years to compulsory education.

7, my principle is: people don't commit me, I don't commit crimes; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!

8. Are you tired? Just tired. Comfort is for the dead.

Girl, your bed is always busy with people coming and going

10, if one day I fall down. Remember, I'll come up for you.

1 1, since the space music was changed to restless, it was found that fewer and fewer people ran classes.

12, your appearance has seriously affected my life.

13, do you think it is more handsome to die horizontally or vertically? I can help you!

14. The biggest tragedy in the world is that you were killed by salt when the radiation didn't come.

15, I'd rather be sad than happy and superficial.

16, don't say sorry to me because we don't matter.

17, close your eyes, I see my future.

18, love is sometimes like the feeling of drunkenness, clear-headed, but out of control.

19, when you are sad, eat a candy and tell yourself that life is sweet!

Every lie I tell you is true.

2 1. In order to find out the cause of insomnia yesterday, I have insomnia again today.

22. You are calm because you are not afraid of death. I am calmer than you, because I am not afraid of your death.

23, you don't always look depressed with constipation!

Whenever I find myself doing something wrong, I will hit someone on the head with a brick.

25. Life is like a bowl of noodles. Whether it tastes good depends on how you put the seasoning.

26. Life is like an orgasm. When you can't resist it, it's better to close your eyes and enjoy it.

27. The food in the canteen is terrible, but after eating the food cooked by my wife, I decided to continue eating in the canteen!

My future depends on my dream now, so I'd better sleep for a while.

29. If you want to harvest, you have to pay 5 million yuan and spend 2 yuan.

Don't make me say I love you all the time. Want to hear it, find a repeater.

3 1. The most attractive person is Master Kong, and thousands of people hit on him every day.

32. Half of life is bad luck, and the other half is how to deal with it.

33. Your advantage is that it's useless when it's critical.

34. Life cannot be like cooking. Don't cook until all the materials are ready.

35. The so-called love story is that you say something that you don't even believe, but you want the other person to believe it.

I bought an egg, but I accidentally broke it. I know I have no fate with this egg.

37. How many children have been hurt by exams, and how many honest children have learned to cheat?

38. In fact, the daily shift is short, and the computer passes as soon as it is turned on and off.

39. A woman has two mouths, one for telling right and wrong, and the other for eating people.

40. Don't meet again after today. I'm afraid of hitting you several times every day when I wake up.

4 1, God, give me the power to do my homework!

42. I don't really want to eat, but my mouth wants to exercise.

43. Love is like a play. I want to play a play with you without an end.

44. Yes, we are all rolling with the earth, rolling farther and farther.

45, unrequited love is a mime, saying it is a tragedy!

Humorous quotations about losing weight

1.50 years later, show your grandchild your slightly yellow wedding dress: Grandma's waist is only such a grip!

2. I think we should all act in a movie called "In those years, we girls who can't lose weight". ...

3. I originally planned to lose weight and turn it into lightning this year, which will make your eyes shine, and I don't want to become a nut wall and block your sight.

Don't wear green down jacket, it looks like watermelon, and don't wear red one, it looks like tomato. Not even yellow. Wear grapefruit or something. Don't wear white, put it on like cabbage. Don't wear black, put it on like a bear. And don't wear beige. Wear it like a potato. Even if you don't wear anything, you look like a steamed stuffed bun

Don't worry about spraining your ankle when you wear high heels.

6. Try to tie three or five sandbags to your legs. What's it like to go shopping with a heavy load?

7. I just want to play with water. How can I get stuck in the swimming ring?

8. I won't go to a men's clothing store to find a "women's dress" that suits me.

Thanks to being a fat man, he can pinch his stomach when he is sad.

10. Obesity is not conducive to the health of future babies.

1 1. Many people interpret "generosity" as "pregnancy".

12. It's easy to crowd buses and subways.

13. When you guide a guest to the sofa, you won't talk about him because of the two big holes above.

14. There are actually two children playing hide-and-seek with you!

15. Scientists say that the more overweight you are, the shorter your life expectancy will be!

16. When you go out romantically, you won't smooth the back belt of your boyfriend's bike.

17. Every big weight loss at a turning point in life has ulterior motives.

18. People who say I don't need to lose weight are all bad people.

19. It is an anecdote that Pavarotti collapsed the piano stool, and it is a joke that he went to a friend's house to collapse the chair.

20. The fat man's song of youth is really the adventure of meat buns.

2 1. Fat people can be confident of course, but if you can't lose weight, you'd better lose weight.

22. A fat man's life is like a measuring cylinder, destined to be read all his life.

23. The three most beautiful words in the world are not "I love you", but "you have lost weight".

24. Although I am a real Madrid fan, I still want to draw a line with Cristiano Ronaldo!

25. When I was fat, there was no one who disliked me. I will definitely repay you if I lose weight.

26. Go shopping with your boyfriend in summer, and he won't always want to walk in the shade behind you.

27. You have to pay more for smoking now. Who can say that after 20 years, it will not be stipulated that you should pay more when buying life insurance, because it is extremely important?

28. When learning snorkeling, no matter how hard the limbs are, they are all floating on the water. I was so angry that I wanted to throw myself into the river only to find that I still couldn't sink. ...

29. You know, it's a shame to say "Do you have any extra-large clothes" to the salesgirl. But "the clothes here are too fat" can be said with confidence.

30. People who come face to face turn around because of appreciation rather than curiosity.

3 1. In some places, when riding a hot air balloon, the weigher will write your weight on the back of your hand! ! !

32. Intimate contact on the beach was originally a romantic thing, but if you finally want to dig each other out of the sand, it is another matter.

33. Find a job you like, and you won't be rejected because of your size.

34. Prove your ability: You can do it, but you can't do anything!

35. Because you live on14th floor, you won't have the idea of hiding in a friend's house when you find a three-day maintenance notice posted at the elevator door.

36. Sitting in a small table and chair in a bar, you won't feel like playing bumper cars with people around you.

Humorous quotations from life

1) The characteristics of hypocrisy can be said to be shameless and partial to face.

2) If you eat an egg and find it delicious, why do you have to know the hen that laid it? Quotations from Mao Zedong

3) History should be like what Luo Gao said: sharpen the bayonet as a pen, dip it in blood as ink, and write it on the enemy's skin as paper.

4) Many women will smile so sweetly, but their smiles are just soft exercises of facial muscles, as if a coach is shouting a password: "One!" Suddenly grinning, "two!" Suddenly I disappeared with a smile, leaving only an empty face.

5) Husband is a woman's occupation, and no husband means unemployment. Talking about mood phrases

6) Thought is a silent language.

7) Laughter can really be said to be lightning on a person's face, eyes suddenly brighten, and teeth shine between lips and kisses.

8) Hit the dog to see the owner's face, so hit the cat to see the housewife's face.

9) There are many scenes between heaven and earth that can only be seen with your eyes closed, such as dreams.

10) Prejudice can be said to be a festival of thoughts. It is not the daily life of people without thoughts, but the Sunday entertainment of people with thoughts.

1 1) With the door, we can go out; With windows, we don't have to go out.

12) People outside the city want to rush in and people in the city want to escape.

13) Generally speaking, learning is cultivated by two or three simple-minded people in an old house in Arakawa, and excellent knowledge on the market will become popular knowledge.

14) The most primitive sleep in life is also a sample of death. Han Han

15) China is the most science-oriented country in the world, and no country is willing to do it for scientists. With the progress of foreign science, scientists in China have been promoted.

16) We don't know whether pigs can be as happy as people. But people are as easy to satisfy as pigs, which we often see. Interesting sentences

17) The meaning of a sentence lies in the listener's mind. It often comes into the room like a strange cat, with no sound at all. You didn't realize it existed until it was called Miao.

18) We hope it will come, we hope it will stay and we hope it will come again-these three sentences sum up the whole history of human efforts.

Humorous quotations

1 I asked him: Honey, do you think I am ugly? I thought my husband would say: the baby is not ugly at all. As a result, I took a look and dropped two words: not too much. ...

In the hospital, the doctor told her husband that there was nothing serious wrong with your wife's health. When you get home, you should be a little obedient to her and try not to quarrel with her. If you have any requirements, try to satisfy her. It's best to take her out for a trip twice a year to make her happy and recover soon. Husband came home and said to his wife: wife, the doctor said that you have no cure for this disease. .

Today, I saw an old woman fall on the street. I ran to help her up. As a result, she seems to fall down again. I wanted to blackmail me, so I fell to the ground, convulsed and foamed at the mouth, and the old woman froze. I twitched and twisted, about two meters away, got up and patted the dust and left, while the old woman was still in a daze.

At ten o'clock in the evening, my wife who was away on business called. The following is the dialogue! Daughter-in-law: Where are you? Me: At home! Daughter-in-law: Really at home? Didn't go out fooling around? Me: Are you sick again? I'm not at home. Where is it? Daughter-in-law: well, go to the middle door of the refrigerator and look in the third compartment ... I went to have a look and there was a photo of us. Tell her. Daughter-in-law: Well, then you are at home. go to bed early ...................

I met Banhua in the street, whom I hadn't seen for years. She asked me what I was busy with recently. I answered truthfully: I have been very busy these two days. Yesterday, I placed an order with PetroChina, today I signed a contract with Telecom, and tomorrow I will talk with Unicom and Apple about a tripartite cooperation plan. Daughter-in-law kicked me from behind and roared: Add gas, install broadband and buy a mobile phone. What are you showing off? ..... show off in an ostentatious manner. What? ..... what?

6 In the public toilet, I suddenly heard someone talking in the toilet, "Friend, do you have any toilet paper?" I searched my pockets. "Sorry,no." After a few seconds, the man asked again, "Friend, do you have a small newspaper?" I smiled helplessly. "Sorry, no, I just came to pee." A few seconds later, a piece of RMB 10 was stuffed under the toilet door. "Friend, can you break it into 1 10 pieces?" Then I gave him 10 coins.

One day, my brother said he would introduce me to a beautiful girl, dressed up at home for an hour, and met that MM, the ultimate beauty, in a cafe. Suddenly, Stephen Chow got into the upper body and tried his best to amuse his sister. He is grateful for his brother's various things and wants to develop further. Brother doesn't understand the times, so he sits next to his sister and kisses her loudly in public. He said, we all know your sister-in-law. Is she beautiful? . . I cried. This is my own brother. No, is there such a cheat?

Going to the supermarket to buy things, I found the cashier MM very cute. So I wanted to strike up a conversation … I thought of an advertisement … so I took a piece of chocolate and put it there after paying the money … I expected MM to say "your chocolate" and then I would say "this is your chocolate …" But …MM found that I forgot to take it and put it in my pocket beautifully … Ignore me!

In a health program, an expert said: Maybe your stool is too smelly and there is something wrong with your intestines. So some viewers asked: Is it good to shit? The expert thought for a moment and said firmly, there is something wrong with your nose!

10 The grandmother of the person I secretly loved passed away yesterday. She sent a message saying that she was so sad. I wanted to send her a comment to comfort her to show my concern, but Ma shook her hand and accidentally clicked a compliment, suddenly feeling that all the languages in the world were meaningless.

1 1 A county magistrate was dismissed and he became a vegetable. He was taken to the hospital, the doctor said after diagnosis. It might be good to read him a notice of reinstatement. The wife thinks; Since you want to study, you should study as a director to make him happy. When the magistrate heard this, he stood up and stopped laughing. Medical sigh; If you don't follow the doctor's advice and increase the dose without authorization, you will be at your own risk!

12 is eating in a restaurant. There is only one young man at the next table. He hasn't moved chopsticks for half an hour. The waiter was puzzled and asked, "You've been staring at this dish for a long time, why don't you eat it?" The young man replied, "This dish is too salty. I will treat it lightly ... gently ... lightly ... "

13 and Hall went to buy headphones ~ After Hall put them on, he took them off and looked at the capital L on the left side of the headphones and said to the boss, L is too big! Give me an m! ! LZ immediately turned his head to show that he didn't know him. ...

14 freshman registration day-just opened the bedroom door, a roommate's father took my luggage, held my hand and said, "Come to see the children off?" Big brother. "-this is the pain in my heart forever.

Humor, space, personality, mood, sentences.

First, you look infertile!

Second, people are afraid of being famous and strong, men are afraid of having no money, and women are afraid of being fat.

Three, you laugh, the wolf hangs himself. When you scream, the chicken flies and the dog jumps. When it stopped, it smelled bad. When you look at it, the world is shocked. You sweat, lice suffer. You are uglier than a ghost without dressing up. When you dress up, ghosts will paralyze you.

Mean is a universal truth, and you and I are just one of them.

5. There is an animal that looks like you.

6. I feel like two pigs, because one pig can't describe your stupidity.

Seven, if anyone annoys me, I will change my avatar into his photo, often online and offline! Curse him

Eight, don't outbursts, you think I am DOS!

Nine, the problems that money can solve are not problems.

Me Before You, my world is black and white. After knowing you, wow, it's all black.

1 1. I curse you for buying instant noodles without seasoning bags all your life.

Twelve, in the world, there is love besides teeth.

Online and invisible are the same these days-no one cares about you.

Fourteen, now or in the future, just let nature take its course.

Fifteen, we have some differences: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung.

16. If the fire truck doesn't come, the fire will go out.

Seventeen, a lifetime of tenderness, only? Red? Smile.

18. Coax a woman like hanging QQ for at least two hours every day. After a certain number of days, it will be sunny.

Nineteen, the advice in the story, the mystery of desliming.

20. The accountant said that he would come and get his salary later. I have no change here.

Garfield's humorous quotations

1, a sphere is also a graph.

Never leave what you can eat today for tomorrow.

Garfield was definitely not born for pork rolls, but pork rolls must be born for Garfield.

4. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

The problem with chocolate is that if you eat it, it will disappear.

7. If you want to appear smart, you should associate with fools more.

8. Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

9. No, fruitcake! This is one of the three things I don't eat. The other two are raisins and snails.

10, God decided who your relatives are. Fortunately, he left you room in choosing your friends.

1 1. There are many things more important than money in this world, such as spaghetti.

12, the stomach is not terrible, what is terrible is that there is nothing good in it.

13, efforts will never die! But I won't prove it with myself.

14, laziness is particularly attractive, that is, you can learn without learning.

Love your neighbor, but don't let her husband know.

16, love is like a photo, which needs a lot of darkroom time to cultivate.

17, I don't watch TV every time I finish eating. Sometimes I watch TV while eating. Some changes in my life will increase my fun.

18, yours will always be yours, and what others give will be taken away.

19, why do people always want us to eat mice? This mouse may be the mother of a group of children or the teacher of the mouse class. ...

20. oh Eat rats? If there is spaghetti in the world, why eat rats?

2 1, Ou Di was shivering with cold outside the window. Poor thing. I really can't bear to see him like this. No, can I just stand by and watch? I must do something-Garfield drew the curtains.

22. Ou Di, let's eat ice cream, but you have to watch me eat it.

23. The more you learn, the more you know; The more you know, the more you forget; The more you forget, the less you know; Why do you want to learn?

24. You can let the kitten leave the meat pie, but you can't let the meat pie leave the kitten.

25. In order to save water, try to take a bath with your girlfriend.

The characteristic of a loser is that he will continue to fail. If you want to see his failure, he won't let you down.

27. With spaghetti, who will eat rats?

You can scratch my hair, insult my mother, beat my dog and play with my rubber mouse, but you can't eat my food and sleep in my bed!

29. I slept well, 16 hours. I like taking a nap.

My weight is my own business.

Nothing is more comfortable than reading a newspaper while drinking steaming coffee. It would be better if you could understand it.

32. I am fat and lazy-but I am proud!

If you can't beat your enemies, join them.

Jon, take me to the vet! I have insomnia. I wake up every 12 or 13 hours.

35. The cutest thing is a small table with pork rolls.

36. God has decided who your relatives are. Fortunately, he gave you the choice of friends.

If you don't want to give someone something to eat, you have to remind him of something.

38. Love comes and goes quickly. Only pork rolls are eternal.

39. Why do people like teddy bears? Because of their personalities. They won't eat your food, dance with the girl you ask out, and steal your thunder.

Can you speak Chinese in English? Or say nothing.

4 1, Garfield should have three wishes: "The first is pork rolls, the second is pork rolls, and the third is, Oh, you are wrong, I want more wishes, so I can get more pork rolls."

42. Money is not everything. Sometimes you need a credit card.

43. I made a wish on a star. I don't really believe it either. It's free anyway, and there's no evidence to prove that it doesn't work.

44. A beautiful lady told Jon that you were so cute, and you asked me what happened!

45. Come on, Ou Di, let's buy one or nine hamburgers for dinner.

One should love animals, they are so tasty.

47. Don't wait until tomorrow to make excuses, but make them today.

Shh-don't tell them I did something good, it will affect my image!

49. There should be a better way to start a new day than waking up every morning.

You brought back an old and useless guy, and it wasn't me.

5 1, Ou Di, let's eat ice cream, but you have to watch me eat.

No matter how happy a bachelor is, he will get married sooner or later. Happiness is not permanent.

I'm not fat, just a little short for my weight.

If I come later in the morning, I will like it.

Don't put off till tomorrow what you can eat today.