I will give extra points to whoever has a short joke.

Who has a short joke, I will give extra points 1+ 1=?

One day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming 1+ 1=? Xiao Ming said he didn't know, so the teacher asked him to ask his parents.

Xiaoming asks his father who is playing mahjong: 1+ 1=? Dad said: Open it. Xiao Ming asked his sister who was drinking beer, and her sister said, Oh, cool! Xiaoming went to ask his grandfather who was herding sheep. Grandpa said, come back, girl!

The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming 1+ 1=? Xiao Ming said: Open it. The teacher slapped him and he said, Oh, cool! The teacher was angry with him, so he went out. Xiao Ming added: Come back, girl!

Who has some jokes to tell? A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. " Man: "I want a wife ..." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then disdainfully said: "I'm starving, and I'm greedy for beauty! Pathetic! " Then he disappeared. Man: "... cake." 2. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "3. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him in the past ... 5. Is that the smell? Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. ? But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such terrible soup! "At first, my daughter-in-law always submitted to humiliation, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. ? She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! That's the smell! " ? Laugh in a word: 1. There are only two things I can't do, that is, this one can't do it, that one can't do it ... 2. We can still tell the difference between Didi Wei and detergent. tnnd uses Didi Wei in the canteen! 3. I have been suffering from insomnia recently, and I wake up every 16 hours. I never bully the weak ~ ~ ~ I didn't know he was weaker than me before bullying him. I'm not RMB, why does everyone like me? ! 6. Why not find a quiet place and count the brain cells by yourself? 7. I am relieved to know that you are not doing well. 8. I want to learn from the phoenix nirvana, but I accidentally ... cooked it! 9. When people do good deeds, they always want ghosts and gods to know. They have done bad things and always think that ghosts and gods don't know. We embarrassed ghosts and gods. 10, now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me. 1 1. I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot. 12, don't say to me when you break up: "In fact, you are very good. "Fuck, then why did you dump me? 13, * * * will always be * * *, even in the economic crisis, it can't be expensive! 14. Don't pretend to be happy with me, and don't wish me happiness. Do you have that qualification? 15, ah ~ nothing, just when I went to the grave on Qingming, I suddenly thought of you. So many people are dead, why are you still alive?

Give me extra points for anyone who has dirty jokes. "Husband, I won't come back tonight. I am here with my mother and sleep with her. "

I ended the phone call and said to the woman lying next to me lightly, "I can't talk about this love in the face of such deception." Give a message to your daughter. "

There is a middle-aged couple. They have two very beautiful daughters, but they are always eager to have a son. They finally decided to make one last attempt. After months of hard work, you will have unexpected surprises with a touch of the mouse. God helps those who help him. The lady was pregnant and gave birth to a healthy little boy nine months later. The happy father rushed to the nursery to see his newborn son, but he was frightened by what he saw. His son is the ugliest baby he has ever seen. He ran to see his wife and told her that he could never be the father of the child, and asked her fiercely, "Are you stealing a man behind my back?" His wife smiled sweetly at him and said, "Not this time."

Lao Zheng was lying dying in his hospital bed, and his wife Xiao Chan was sitting by the bed, holding his hand, tears streaming down her face and mumbling prayers. Lao Zheng opened his weak eyes and looked at Xiao Chan. He opened his pale lips and said softly, "Dear Xiao Chan, …" Xiao Chan covered her mouth and said, "You are tired! Sleep quietly, be good, don't talk! " Lao Zheng said weakly, "But I have something to confess to you!" "There is nothing to say! You are tired, you'd better have a good sleep! " Shaw war sobbed and said. "no! Don't! Don't! I must repent, and I will die peacefully. I slept with your sister, your best friend, your best friend's friend. " Xiao Zhan sobbed softly: "I know, that's why I want to poison you!" " "

The husband went abroad for an inspection, and his wife and little daughter were at home.

The daughter said to her mother, "I want a little brother!" " "

Mom said, "that's a good idea, but don't you think you should wait for dad to come back?"

The youngest daughter said, "Why not give him a surprise?"

Wife: "How many years has your female secretary worked in the company?"

Husband: "Four years."

Wife: "How old?"

Husband: "More than twenty, I didn't ask specifically."

Wife: "Is it beautiful?"

Husband: "Very general."

The wife asked again, "How about getting dressed?"

Husband: "Soon."

A few years ago, I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter.

Later my father married my wife's daughter.

My daughter became my stepmother and my father became my son-in-law.

Two years later, my wife gave birth to a son. He is my stepmother's half-brother. My son calls me dad, and I call my son uncle.

My daughter gave birth to a son for my father. He is my brother, but he must call me grandpa.

At the same time, I am my wife's husband, my wife is my stepmother's mother and my grandmother, so I am my own grandfather. ........

So I thought of death. ......

Whoever has a joke gets extra points. A group of vampire bats can't find food, hungry, and collide with each other in the cave. This is a bat that came back with a mouthful of blood. All the bats asked enviously, "Where did you find the blood?" Then the bat took them to a big tree and asked, "See?" The bat said, "Yes." The bat said, "I didn't fucking see it just now!" " "

A man went to the zoo as an animal keeper. The director said to him, "well, I'll test you." Is there any way to make the elephant shake his head first, then nod, and finally jump into the swimming pool? " "The man said," it's easy! So he went up to the elephant and said, "Do you know me?" "The elephant shook his head. The man asked again, "Are you angry?" The elephant nodded. Then the man picked up an awl and pricked the elephant. The elephant jumped into the swimming pool in pain.

The director saw it and said, "You are too unsympathetic to be an animal keeper." The man said, "Give me another chance and I will be gentle." Chang Yuan said, "Well, all three conditions are the same, but you can't do it this time." The man agreed, walked up to the elephant and said, "Are you still angry?" The elephant shook his head. The man asked again, "Do you know me now?" The elephant nodded. The man asked again, "Do you know what to do now?" Hearing this, the elephant turned and jumped into the swimming pool.

If no one tells jokes before work, I won't tell them. If anyone has a short joke, send it to me. Thank you. I'll give you extra points. 1. I called my boss in the morning and asked for a day off. The boss was allowed to take a vacation ... not an hour. The boss called back again: Did you really ask for leave? I think today is April Fool's Day. You're kidding. Come back here! When I went back, I saw the boss laughing and saying, You are really making a fool of yourself! Now you can go. . Yesterday, my credit card reminded me: "XXX (by name), you owe XXXXX now, please pay it back as soon as possible ...". Just now, I paid back the money through Alipay, and the message immediately became: "Dear users …". Change grandpa's rhythm in one second. I took a taxi, and I didn't feel quite right halfway. I said to the master, hey, I don't think I've taken this road before by taxi. The master looked at me in the rearview mirror and said simply: They have their choice, I have my choice, and you will always achieve your goal, but you chose me, so you must go this way. I will take the exam ... 4. Guan Nong: Young man, buy watermelon, but you can't do it without buying it. Can we not shoot one by one? Xiaoming: My family's ancestral skill in picking watermelons is to shoot whether the watermelons are ripe, whether the sand is crisp or not, whether the watermelons are crisp or not, and whether the watermelons are red or not. Do you care? Guan Nong: You were all smashed by Lao Tzu. You are sick!

Who has a short English humorous joke? Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

I gave it to a poor old woman. He replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "This is another two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

Ivan came home with a bloody nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A child bit me," Ivan replied.

"If you sew him again, can you recognize him?" His mother asked.

"I know where he is," Ivan said. "His ears are in my pocket."

His ear is in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me." Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

Teacher: Here are two birds, a swallow and a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow, and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer

Teacher: Please talk about it.

Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow.

fishing net

"Can you tell me what fish is made of, Ann?"

"Many small holes tied together with ropes," the little girl replied.

fishnet

"Ann, can you tell me what the fishing net is made of?" The teacher asked.

"Many small holes are tied together with ropes to form a fishing net," the little girl replied.

New teacher

Gee left school on September 1st.

"Gee, what do you think of your new teacher?" His mother asked.

"Mom, I don't like her because she said that three plus three equals six, and then she said that zero plus four equals six ..."

New teacher

On September 1 day, George came home from school.

George, do you like your new teacher? Mom asked.

"Mom, I don't like it, because she said that three plus three equals six, and later she said that two plus four equals six."

Solicitation: Who has a short and exquisite paragraph? Two boys have just finished playing football and returned to the classroom covered in sweat.

A Jun: If I take off my shoes now, the people in the classroom will definitely run away at once!

Mr. B said calmly: If I take off my shoes, they won't even have a chance to escape!

My brother said: I bought a cup with the words "I want a raise" printed on it, and I have to say these words to my boss at every meeting. Finally one day, the boss also bought a cup, which said "fuck off"!

3. After Yao Ming retired, because of his height problem, his life was inconvenient, and he sought medical advice everywhere, but it was not solved. One day I met a monk. The monk said that there is a secret recipe that can reduce the height to 1.8 meters after taking it. Yao Ming was overjoyed and asked what medicine it was. The monk said: short oil!

4. Two children are talking:

A said: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits.

B said: What about your father?

A said: I like foxes.

5. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 』

6. Tomb-Sweeping Day has arrived. Last night, my family and I went downstairs to burn paper money to worship our ancestors, leaving my sister to look after the house. As soon as I came back, my sister said to me, "Brother, a few people talked to you on the Internet just now, and I helped you reply!" " "I looked at the message record curiously. It turned out that ... Oh, my God, my sister actually replied to me: I'm sorry, my brother is gone, and he can't come up to talk to you unless I help him burn paper ...

7, drinking coffee, sitting next to a man in a suit and tie, the phone rang, he connected, complaining: "I didn't tell you, your bill is only one billion, too little, I won't do it." Then end the call. I'm in business, too, and suddenly I look at him with a little more respect. Q: "What company do you work for? Don't take such a big business? " He smiled awkwardly: "I printed money in Mingbi, and the profit of one million and one billion is only tens of dollars." Who will do it! "

8. After Yao Ming retired, because of his height, his life was inconvenient, and he sought medical advice everywhere, but he couldn't find a solution. One day I met a monk. The monk said that there is a secret recipe that can reduce the height to 1.8 meters after taking it. Yao Ming was overjoyed and asked what medicine it was. The monk said: short oil!

Who has a short joke? To talk to people! I collected seven dragon balls to summon the dragon and made a wish to the dragon: I want world peace. Dragon: It's too difficult.

Me: Then let me be handsome. Shenlong: Er ... Let's talk about world peace.

Whoever has funny jokes, give them to those who are funny and not yellow, and add points to the classic jokes carefully collected by Miss Sister. ...

1. Four embarrassments of going to the toilet in other people's homes:

1. I found that there was no paper after pulling;

2. After wiping, there is paper, but there is no water;

3. Pull and wipe, there is paper and water, only to find that it can't be washed;

4. After pulling and rubbing, the water rushed down, but floated up again.

The son of the village chief is going to travel abroad. The village chief said, son, don't come back with AIDS for the sake of the whole village, or the whole village will be finished!

The son asked: Why?

The village chief said: If you dye it, your wife will be finished. Your wife is finished, so am I. If I'm finished, so is your mother. If your mother dies, the whole village dies. ..........

On the way to the Western Heaven, the Tang Priest met a witch. The witch said, Why do you want to go west? The monk said: Learn from the scriptures. The demon said: My little girl has classics, so why go west? The monk was overjoyed: Where are the Buddhist scriptures? The devil caresses the private parts: here it is. The monk came forward to look at it carefully and said, Fuck, Moon-の Jing!

2. The shortest science fiction in the world: When someone knocked at the door, the last earthman was sitting at home.

3. The shortest horror novel in the world: wake up and lie next to your body.

The shortest night of humorous stories

M: Does it hurt?

Woman: Hmm!

Man: Forget it?

Woman: No!

The shortest humorous story in Japan

Woman: Brother, you are much better than Dad.

M: That's what mom said.

five

It is said that this novel shows the awakening of female consciousness:

M: Invite you to dinner. W: Some other time.

6、

Anti-corruption novels

The leader told his men to apply (for money) in advance.

The leader said to the female subordinate: Let's talk about it later.

Who has a short message joke, please bring it up, thank you. 24. A man went fishing by the river. I wore a leaf first, and no fish took the bait for a long time. He changed another piece of bread, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change earthworms, but no fish took the bait for a long time. In a rage, he took out 100 yuan and fell into the water, cursing: Shit, buy whatever you want!

25. A child always cries behind a pregnant woman. The pregnant woman finally got impatient and turned to ask, what's the matter with you, son? "Aunt," sobbed the child, "my balloon is gone. Did you hide it in your stomach?

26. Go by bus alone in the morning! But the car just left!

So I chased after it!

While chasing, he shouted, "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! Master * * * * * * "

Fortunately, the passengers stick their heads out of the window!

Shouted loudly: Wukong, stop chasing!

27. There is a child sitting at the door playing.

A middle-aged man asked him: Is your father at home?

A: At home.

The middle-aged man rang the doorbell for a long time, but no one answered the door.

So the man asked angrily, why don't you open the door?

The child chewed his mouth and said, I don't know, this is not my home!

28. A university forbids students to fall in love. One night, the dean visited the playground and found a couple of students kissing. The dean shouted at them, Shut up!

29. Take a taxi with friends to meet netizens.

When time is running out,

A friend pointed to an ugly girl not far away and said to the driver,

"See that woman?"

"See, stop here?" The driver replied.

The friend popped out: "No, kill her!"

30. Once a girl was ill, the boy accompanied her to the ward for intravenous drip. Ten minutes and twenty minutes passed, but nothing happened. The boy wanted to break the silence and asked, "Is it cold?" "Cold!" The girl replied, "I'll cover it for you when it's cold?" The girl blushed and whispered, "Good!" Then the boy stood up and put his hand on the drip bottle.