Guo Donglin’s lines in the 2012 Spring Festival Gala “Interview”

I am not a professional! It took me all morning to finish! Hope you can adopt it!

Police: Don’t cry!

Thief: Brother.

Police: Let go!

Thief; ah! This is my first time, and I am a first-time offender. If I don’t dare to do it again, please forgive me!

Police: Is this your first crime? I've seen you three times in the police station alone. Take the things you stole and leave!

Thief: Me! well! This time I failed!

Guo Donglin: I just believe that I am who I am! I believe in tomorrow! I believe you can touch the sky with your hand! I believe it! I don't believe it! Are we wearing matching clothes? Boy, aren't you the smaller version of me? What do you think about when you go out and get dressed?

Police: Comrade! Please give in.

Guo Donglin: Oh! This is too bumpy, exactly the same. (Call from cell phone) Hello! Hello! Is it a supermarket? Oh yes, yes! I'm here to apply for a job. Didn't I say that I would have an interview today? right! where? Waiting in the store manager's office? OK! Store manager...store manager's office.

Store Manager: Hello! I'm the store manager, what? The thief was caught? Great! Locked up in my office? Have you called the police? The police will be here soon? Hey, what does a thief look like? Tracksuits, crossbody bags, yellow hair, voila! I'll interrogate him first! (Seeing Guo Donglin) It’s him! Sportswear, crossbody bag, yellow hair, eh! That’s not right! This one has no hair!

Guo Donglin: This job is really not easy! I went to several places, but everyone said that I was not good enough and that I had a bad image! My hair shape is too sinister. What does being a porter have to do with my hair shape? I had no choice but to borrow a balaclava from someone. I want to try it out, but I don’t know what to bring? Otherwise, the store manager would come in later and find out how embarrassing it would be. (Turns around and sees the store manager jump) Yeah!

Store Manager: Don’t move! Stand here and don't move!

Guo Donglin: No! Brother! Listen to my explanation!

Store Manager: What else do you have to explain? You are so timid!

Guo Donglin: Big brother! You are the store manager! Let me look at your little cards.

Store Manager: Don’t move and stand back! < /p>

Store Manager: The mouth is quite sweet.

Guo Donglin: Brother, eat sweets.

Store manager: Stop doing this and stand back! Stand up! I don’t know what my identity is!

Guo Donglin: What is my identity? Oh yes!

Store Manager: You look very strong!

Guo Donglin: That’s not the case! Only when you are healthy can you work well! Brother! Not only am I in good health, I am also efficient at work! I will move all the things you have in your house within five minutes! This table lifts up and goes.

Store Manager: Don’t move! lay down! Stand back! Stand still! I said you are so big, what can you do? Not for this!

Guo Donglin: My family is poor! I haven't gone to school for a few days, so I can only do this.

Store Manager: 360 is OK, you can’t do anything but this!

Guo Donglin: 360 lines, you can be the number one scholar! I don’t feel ashamed to do this! Brother! Let’s eat based on our abilities!

Store manager: Is that all?

Guo Donglin: Two days ago, several of my fellow countrymen and I had friends...

Store manager: Wait a minute, fellow countrymen? Did you directly say that the accomplice will be finished soon?

Guo Donglin: That’s okay. I and a few of my accomplices were there two days ago, accomplices?

Store manager: What have you done?

Guo Donglin: We went to five supermarkets without success! I wondered if there were too many people and scared them, so I asked them to wait at home today while I came to your place to try it alone.

Store manager: You’ve come to the right spot!

Guo Donglin: I’m afraid you won’t be able to stand the crowd.

Store Manager: You are so arrogant! sit down! Done! Let me tell you! I could tell as soon as I walked in, you are the one who does this!

Guo Donglin: Brother, you have such good eyesight!

Store Manager: How many years have I been doing this?

Guo Donglin: Five years!

Store Manager: Five years! A veteran! I have accumulated a lot of experience!

Guo Donglin: I can’t say that I have accumulated a lot of experience, but I have gone through many battles!

Store manager: Have you ever worked there?

Guo Donglin: I work in hotels, restaurants, factories, KTVs, kindergartens...

Store manager: You don’t even let the children go?

Guo Donglin: I’ll quit in the end!

Store Manager: Why?

Guo Donglin: There is a problem in this kindergarten. Children have to take a nap. Why can't there be any movement? Children will cry whenever there is movement. It is contagious if children cry. If one person cries, everyone will cry, wow! There is no way to start! But later! I found that supermarkets are easy to do! I worked for three years!

Store manager: You’ve only worked in a supermarket for three years? Didn't anyone notice you?

Guo Donglin: Everyone is doing their own thing, who discovered whom? Besides, I told you, my hands and feet are nimble and fast! Before he knew I was done! They even chose me to be the leader!

Store manager: That’s coming later!

Guo Donglin: Later, I did a good job and the supermarket closed down!

Store Manager: The way you are doing it, there is no way it will go bankrupt!

Guo Donglin: Two days later, the supermarket has opened again.

Store Manager: Then you didn’t go back and continue working?

Guo Donglin: No, there is a rule in our business. A good horse will not turn back to let it go. We did not go back. But two days later, one of my accomplices said they had put up a notice asking us to go back.

Store Manager: You are wanted!

Guo Donglin: Yes! Inform us to go back!

Store Manager: Wanted!

Guo Donglin: Huh?

Store Manager: Wanted!

Guo Donglin: Store manager, are you from Cantonese?

Store Manager: What’s wrong!

Guo Donglin: I have been to your place. The people there are very interesting. The "notification" is called "wanted"!

Store Manager: What is your last name?

Guo Donglin: My surname is "Hao"

Store manager: How can your surname be "Hao"?

Guo Donglin: My father’s surname is “Hao”.

Store Manager: What is your name?

Guo Donglin: My name is Hao Deshou, which means "virtue" from "morality" and "shou" from "longevity".

Store Manager: Hao Deshou? Wouldn't you just call it "good luck" and be done with it?

Guo Donglin: Good luck? Where is the name?

Store Manager: How old are you?

Guo Donglin: I have a resume!

Store Manager: Why do you still bring a resume with you when you start working in your line of work?

Guo Donglin: That’s not the case! Now I have a resume for everything I do.

Store Manager: How come you have also received on-the-job training?

Guo Donglin: Yes! How could I succeed without on-the-job training?

Store manager: I really admire you! oops! Your name is really Hao Deshou!

Guo Donglin: Yeah!

Store Manager: What are you talking about? I'm still saying what you can't do for a big guy like you! Not for this!

Guo Donglin: Store manager! I have a dream!

Store manager: Oops! Do you still have a dream?

Guo Donglin: Although this dream is far away, it can really come true...

Store manager: You can do it! I said you are mentally ill! Say it quickly!

Guo Donglin: I just want to use my hard-working hands to do it well! One day I will be your equal and open my own supermarket!

Store Manager: Can you leave some for me?

Guo Donglin: No! A soldier who doesn't want to be a general is not a good soldier! Brother! Just let me have a big fight in your shop! Show off your skills!

Store manager: Bah! You are shameless! You are idle, cunning, and do all kinds of sneaky things. You should be caught if you look for it!

Guo Donglin: Who is shameless! Who has a sly eyebrow? What did I do and I got caught! If you don’t tell me clearly, I’m not done with you!

Store manager: Oops! You're still having fun with me! It's against you! What's this?

Guo Donglin: What?

Store Manager: Tool for committing crimes! What else do you have to say! Let me tell you! At first glance you are not a good person!

Guo Donglin: Who! ?

Store manager: You!

Guo Donglin: Say it again!

Store manager: You are not a good person!

Guo Donglin: Say it three more times!

Store manager: You are not a good person, you are not a good person, you are not a good person! What are you doing?

Guo Donglin: Say it ten more times!

Store manager: You are not a good person, you are not a good person... (The phone rings) Hello! You are not a good person! oh! sorry! I'm not talking about you, I'll talk about it after I make the phone call!

Guo Donglin: I’m waiting for you! Seven more times!

Store manager: Hello! Police station! Comrade police, I'm interrogating the thief, what? The thief is here! So what is this? Good, good, good! I'll be there right away! Um!

Guo Donglin: Go on!

Store manager: You are such a good person!

Guo Donglin: What the hell are you doing! ?

Store manager: Are you here to apply for a job?

Guo Donglin: Why would I come to you if you don’t apply for the job?

Store manager: Then why didn’t you talk about applying for the job?

Guo Donglin: I have been talking about applying for a job!

Store Manager: Young man! I'm so sorry! That’s what’s going on, things keep getting lost in our store lately! The thief just can’t be caught! I'm so anxious! Today when he was stealing something, the crowd caught him, and he was locked up in my office, waiting for the police to take him away!

Guo Donglin: Yes! I saw it! The police took him away!

Store manager: Oops! Why didn't you tell me earlier?

Guo Donglin: You didn’t ask me!

Store manager: Okay, okay! Don't say anything, you can stay!

Guo Donglin: Shall I stay? If you ask me to stay, I won’t do it!

Store Manager: What’s wrong?

Guo Donglin: Just because you are a stupid store manager, your store has no hope.

Let me tell you, even though I am a porter and I have moved so many valuable things, I can’t move a stitch or even a thread, even though I am poor! But I have the bottom line and dignity of being a human being!

Store manager: OK, OK, OK! Boy! What you said is great! You are exactly the talent I need!

Guo Donglin: What kind of talent do I have! My name doesn't sound good! I'm so lucky!

Store manager: Hey! Your name is Hao Deshou!

Guo Donglin: I, Hao Deshou, have a group of accomplices, and we are all wanted!

Store manager: What is wanted! I am officially informing you that when I see you, I see them! You can’t go wrong! Boy! Stay! You can be a leader! Come on, come on! It is entirely possible for you to realize your dream of being a store manager with me!

Guo Donglin: Really? What about you?

Store manager: We are on equal terms!

Guo Donglin: On an equal footing? Get me a glass of water!

Store Manager: Okay! No water! go! Get a bucket of water!

Guo Donglin: Okay! Is this equality?

Store Manager: Wait a minute! Young man, call all your accomplices over here quickly!

Guo Donglin: OK! Also an accomplice! Brother!

Store Manager: Sorry! Hometown buddies! You tell them I want them all!

Guo Donglin: Big brother! Store manager! Thank you! It’s not easy! Brother! Don't worry! All our brothers will listen to you! Let’s all do a good job! Brother! Can you give me the hood back?

Store manager: OK! Give!

Guo Donglin: Big brother! I originally wanted to see you like this, but you let me see you like this. In fact, it looks pretty like this! Brother! See you soon!

Store manager: Goodbye!