Should a partner be the undertaker of his true feelings?

It shouldn't. Here, I mainly refer to negative emotions. Of course, it is no problem to share happy and positive emotions. Don't talk about your partner, no organism in this world should be the bearer of your real negative emotions. Can you beat your pet dog to death when you are in a bad mood and want to kill someone? First, as the closest person, why can't a partner be the bearer of his true feelings? Presumably this is a doubt in many people's minds: "If my emotions are digested by myself, what's the use of having a partner?" Of course it works. Accurately speaking, your partner is never the bearer of your true emotions, but he is the sharer of your true emotions. The former is essentially an attitude of "don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you": you think the other person loves you and should bear it, but after accepting your "emotional garbage", the other person feels pain, but the subconscious thought is: "If she loves me, how can she completely ignore my feelings and let me bear it?" "If this is how I love her, then why bother?" For example, my original theory-destructive personality traits, is like this, as you continue to give each other negative emotions, and finally force them to stay away. For example, if you are unhappy talking to your partner, and your partner loves you, he is willing to listen to and comfort you at first, but if you keep complaining to him about releasing negative emotions, or you are hysterical every time you talk to him, or it is difficult for him to calm you down for a long time, he will feel: "It's really tiring to get along with her"; "Why can't he solve it by himself and live happily?" "She is the image of the partner I am looking for? Can I stand getting married every day? Forget it. " You see, the emotional change of the other person's subconscious is actually natural: you are emotional and unhappy. If you really love your other half, you will naturally feel distressed and care about you. But if your emotional release exceeds his tolerance, he will slowly leave a mark on his heart, and he will give you less points. He will think that you are an emotionally unstable girl and may shake your determination to continue with you. Therefore, the "true feelings" at this time are unbearable for the other party, and your confession will only become a gap between the two. In other words, when you take the pain of the other person for granted, then the essence of your emotional release at this time is not "talking", but a retaliatory vent. This behavior is called "projection" in psychology. Projection refers to the phenomenon that individuals transfer their own characteristics to others according to their own needs and subjective orientation of emotions. The essence of projection is that individuals speculate that psychological and behavioral characteristics that exist in themselves also exist in others. In order to make yourself happy, you pour your true emotions on each other like a bucket of dirty water. The reason is that the other person loves you and should bear these-because if you were him, you would also bear these, which is more like a moral kidnapping. The other person loves you, so he bears it for you; But ask yourself: since you love him, why are you willing to let him bear it? Will he still love you if you keep doing this? Third, how to correctly "share" your true emotions? Having said that, it can be summarized in one sentence: you are qualified to let the other party share some of your true feelings and regard the other party as a "teammate" who fights side by side with you; However, there is no right to treat the other party as a punching bag and treat the other party as a "scapegoat" for all negative sources, regardless of the other party's situation and state. How to properly handle this relationship? I provide four steps here: 1, dousing the initial impulse; 2. Observe each other's situation and judge the tolerable value; 3. Explain the problem objectively with little additional emotion; 4. Get the feedback from the other party, judge the acceptable value of the other party for the second time, and then cycle from the third point until the problem is solved. When you completely follow these four steps, then you will accurately grasp one point, that is, let your true emotions be shared, and the other party will not be too painful to lead to emotional estrangement between the two sides. 1, let the mood rest for a while and let the bullets fly for a while. Don't express it to each other when you are angry or in the highest mood. The first thing you should do is to calm down. The psychological term is "stay here". The reason is that the emotion is "the highest" because the extra part is actually your subjective emotion, not the normal emotion corresponding to objective events. Therefore, you should realize that your emotions do not come from the matter itself, but from your views and cognition of the matter. Therefore, when you receive "true feelings" for the first time for a long time, it is actually very irrational. When you say it, the state you show is often objective, because at this time, he is so hateful, but he is not. The best and safest way is to give it to you: don't talk when you want to talk to each other most, and don't get angry immediately when you want to lose your temper with each other. Instead, give yourself a song or a movie time to calm down, distract yourself a little bit from being too nervous, and then go to the other party to complain after calming down. 2. Observe each other's situation and judge the tolerable value. If the other person's sharing is love for you, then before that, you should pay a little attention to the other person's "tolerable value", which is your love for him. Before complaining and venting, you should pay attention to whether the other person's mood is worse than yours. Are you in a pessimistic and underestimated period of life? Whether the events you confide in are within the acceptable range of the other party, and whether you are really willing to discuss with you and appease you. 3, objectively explain the problem, appropriate additional emotions When you speak, first objectively explain the problem, the less the better, but attach subjective emotions appropriately, but don't let subjective emotions overwhelm objective events. Otherwise, the other party will feel oppressive and subconsciously escape; But due to human feelings, I have to say something superficial to comfort you. At this time, you will feel that the other party is perfunctory and does not pay attention to you; The other person will feel that he has been working hard and you are not satisfied. 4. Get the feedback from the other party, judge the acceptable value of the other party for the second time, and then cycle from the third point until the problem is solved. When you confide in each other, first observe their attitude, and then decide whether to "appeal and vent at a higher level". Take the above example as an example. If your subjective mood is so heavy that it has reached the level of "mental torture" to the other party, as a stress response, the other party gives you poor feedback, but you continue to pour bitterness on yourself, then this process is a failure. It is suggested to stop the call and continue until the other party is emotionally stable. If your mood is sad and you find that the other person is still patiently analyzing for you and helping you to bear it, which shows that his threshold is very high, then you can continue to talk until the problem is solved, and the feelings of both sides will suddenly become clear and warm up. But when you are angry, you should pay enough attention, and the other person's good temper will be exhausted under your endless venting. In short, no one in this world has the obligation to fully share your true feelings-even if there is, it is a completely voluntary situation for both parties, which is related to a series of factors such as the other party's personal endurance, the depth of your feelings, the current mood, etc., rather than the obligation to be on standby as a boyfriend and girlfriend. Remember, thinking he is your partner will ruin your relationship.