Humorous jokes about the final exam

Small paragraphs generally refer to short paragraphs, and many of these paragraphs are changed into short message paragraphs through text modification. The biggest difference between small paragraphs and short message paragraphs is that short message paragraphs are sent by mobile phone text messages for the other party to see; Small paragraphs are generally more suitable for spoken paragraphs. Small jokes are generally suitable for friends who are not close. The following is a humorous joke about the final exam that I helped you organize for reference only. Welcome to reading.

Humorous jokes in the final exam 1 My name is Zhu, and I am in the computer room of the management unit.

Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?"

That's when I yelled at that guy!

Is the son asleep?

In the evening, the professor pushed the stroller and took his son out for a walk. On the way, he met an old classmate, and he chatted with others.

After more than two hours, he went home by himself. As soon as I entered the room, I asked my wife: Is my son asleep?

Do you know what it means to beat a flying chicken?

When I came home from school at night, I saw a shiny plastic bag floating around and kicking it away. ......

Alas, I will never forget the tearful posture of the old hen in the air. ......

Those are all my private money.

The dog is crying in the garden. The cat asked him why he was so sad.

The dog said, "Archaeologists found a large number of biological bones in the master's garden, saying that they may have been left by prehistoric creatures!" " "

Cat: "What does this have to do with you? Why are you so sad? "

The dog barked, "Those are my private money!"

Children's paper, you are so considerate. ...

To be a tutor, I am explaining the topic with all kinds of passion.

A student said: teacher, I'm going to fart, so I walked away silently.

When I heard the voice of Bu, he told me with his eyes, and I went back silently.

Students nowadays are really considerate of their teachers.

Humorous joke of the final exam 2 There is a lazy man who won't do anything. He asked someone to introduce him to the easiest job.

Later, someone invited him to see the cemetery, saying that there was no easier job. Two days later, the lazy man came back.

He said indignantly, "This job is not easy at all!"

"Why?"

"Everyone else is lying down, and I am the only one standing."

Humor joke 3 in the final exam Q: "There were three sheep on the subway.

On the way up the mountain, a wolf got off at the station.

How many sheep are there in the car? ""

No sheep, eaten by wolves. "

"Wrong, three sheep,

Because you can't eat on the subway! "

Humorous joke of final exam 4 A person posted: I just had a fight with my brother. He is in the living room, I am in the kitchen, and there is a knife in the kitchen. What should I do?

Ren Lei replied: Peel an apple for my brother and tell him not to get angry!

After two years as a duck, I quit.

My brother and I are both cooks of braised duck.

One day, he sighed and said, "well, it's really difficult to do this." I will quit when I have been a duck for two years. "

No business, no killing.

There are about 300 million students in our country, assuming that each student takes five exams on average.

There are two volumes in each subject, twice a year, and there are six billion volumes, about four billion meters, which can circle the earth ten times.

One tree can make about 1500 sheets of paper, and 6 billion is equivalent to 4 million trees, which can be planted all over Beijing.

For the sake of low carbon and environmental protection, it is necessary to refuse the exam.

Please remember: "No business, no killing!"

One day, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap reading and I was playing with my mobile phone. Suddenly, my girlfriend bit her lower lip thoughtfully, and the picture was very attractive. I kissed my girlfriend gently. My girlfriend gave me a frowning look and then went on reading. Soon, the attractive picture just now appeared again. When I wanted to kiss my girlfriend again, she pinched my lips with one hand and growled, "Damn, I have a toothache!" "

I asked a friend his photo album password, and he gave me a string of 17-digit English "cptbtptpbcptdtptp". I was surprised and asked, "How can you remember it for so long?" He replied weakly: "Don't spit grape skin if you eat grapes, and spit grape skin if you don't eat grapes!"

Play golf

One afternoon, a young man was about to tee off at the golf course when an old man came up and asked him if he could play some shots with him.

Because the young man is a person, he readily agreed.

After the kick-off, the old man played well. Although he didn't hit the ball very far, he made solid progress and hardly wasted time. When they came to the ninth hole, the young man saw a leafy tree in Ye Sheng blocking the fairway.

The young people repeatedly observed and measured, trying to find a way to avoid the big trees.

After a few minutes, the old man said, "Do you know, young man? When I was your age, I would hit the ball hard and hit it from the top of the tree. " Encouraged by the old man, the young man waved his life and hit the ball. Unfortunately, the ball flew directly to the canopy, then fell to the ground and rolled to the front.

At this time, the old man added, "Of course, when I was your age, this tree was only over two meters high."

Interest is the best teacher.

I bought a smart washing machine for my mother and taught her 50. I still can't use it. I often call to ask how to turn it on.

Then I bought her an automatic mahjong machine.

That's a cow. The card crashed. Immediately, I took out a small screwdriver from my pocket, removed the desktop three times, split it in two, readjusted the slide rail, checked the teeth, and then installed the mahjong table in one go!

Humor joke of the final exam 6 After many years of marriage, my husband suddenly turned around and hugged his wife. Wife: This life is too short. My wife woke up and listened to her husband's words, and she was moved to tears. My husband went on to say, I can't even cover my fucking feet.

There is a big mountain in front of Gong Yu's house. Gong Yu thought it was in the way and wanted to move it with his descendants. The meandering cable stopped him and said that if he couldn't move, there would be a catastrophe. Gong Yu didn't listen, thinking that if he insisted, he could move the mountain. Where there is a will, there is a way. Finally, on the day when the mountain was completely removed, Yu Gong had tears in his eyes and suddenly there was a loud noise. A snake came out of the ground, hahaha, damn gourd doll, I came out!

The young man went to visit the Zen master and asked him to set his mind at ease. Without saying anything, the Zen master went to chop firewood first, then drew water, lit the firewood in the stove, boiled water in a cauldron, and carefully wiped the teacups one by one. The young man suddenly realized: you mean, be good at experiencing life from the details of life! The Zen master put down his work and said indifferently, I just started working here and I'm busy. Leave me the fuck alone!

When I was in junior high school, I had my first period. Because I didn't understand and didn't prepare in advance, I got a stool of blood. Fortunately, the stool is dark red. After class, I took advantage of everyone's activities and secretly changed the bench in the back row. Three years later, I was admitted to a key high school with a boy in my class. When reporting for duty, the boy looked at the new campus and said with emotion that he finally came out. You see how bad our junior high school environment is, just say what the bench is smashed into. Damn it!

Humorous jokes about the final exam 7 1. My son sent a letter to the post office. The post office said, "This letter is overweight. Please put another stamp on it."

The son said, "Isn't it heavier to put stamps on it?"

2. Dad took his 4-year-old daughter to the Children's Theatre to watch the performance, and asked about the price of seats at the ticket window. The conductor said, "First-class ticket 100 yuan, second-class ticket 80 yuan, station ticket 50 yuan, program 5 yuan."

After listening, the daughter whispered to her father, "Let's take the show!" " "

3. Father and son are sitting in front of the TV watching the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

The advertisement was interrupted in the middle, and dad stretched himself and said, "The enemy will block you, and the water will cover you."

The son suddenly asked, "What if mom comes?"

Dad quickly said, "You do your homework and I'll go to the kitchen."

There is no more naughty child than my nephew! During the Spring Festival, he hid a small firecracker in one of my cigarettes. As a result, I handed the cigarette to my relatives who came to pay a New Year call and lit it for him. ...

Humorous joke of the final exam 8 1, the 6-year-old son said to his mother, "Mom, give me the flashlight."

"What are you doing sleeping and playing with a flashlight?"

"I don't play. I dreamed that it was dark and invisible. "

2. My son suddenly asked me, "What is a telegram?" I told him, "Just write what you want to say on paper, usually a dozen words, and then go to the post office and let the staff pass it on to each other by radio."

The son suddenly realized, "Let the post office send a short message."

During the summer vacation, the 5-year-old baby wanted to write a letter to Beibei, a kindergarten child, so he asked his father for a pen and paper.

"Baby, how can you write to others if you can't read?" Dad asked strangely.

"What are you afraid of? Beibei can't read anyway! " The baby is confident, he said.

My son didn't do well in the exam, so I gave him a beating. Turning around, he asked, "Mom, I still can't solve this problem."

I said grumpily, "How many times have I told you that you can't? Did the donkey kick your head? "

The son choked and said, "You hit me like this."

Humorous jokes about the final exam 9 1. One night, it suddenly rained heavily, with lightning and thunder. My three-and-a-half-year-old son woke up from a dream. I thought he would be afraid and didn't want him to get up. I calmly looked at the heavy rain outside the window, accompanied by the rumble of thunder, and suddenly put on a cool posture under the illumination of lightning, and shouted passionately: "The armored warriors change their clothes!"

The three-year-old girl pestered her father to tell a story. Her father said, "Tell a story about Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf today." The little girl was very happy and said coquetry, "Dad, you are the wolf, and I am Hongtaro." When my father said "well", he got a big slap in the face. My daughter shouted angrily at him, "Don't catch sheep for me quickly!" ?

There is a one-year-old daughter at home who is in the process of weaning. My daughter clamored for milk this morning, but my wife didn't agree. My daughter cried ... and finally went to the bedroom crying. When she came back, she had a dollar in her hand and said piteously, "Mom, I only eat a dollar ..."

Humorous joke of the final exam 10 Once, Ge You invited a friend to dinner and went to the toilet halfway. His trousers were wet when he came back.

Friend: Why are your pants wet?

Ge You: It has been like this ever since I became famous.

Friend: Often?

Ge You: Yes! It is often that the people next to him suddenly turn around and shout, "Isn't this Ge You?" !

I thought it was a horse.

When Bush visited Britain, the Queen held a grand welcoming ceremony. The red carpet was everywhere, and the Queen accompanied Bush in a gilded carriage with six big horses, which was extremely distinguished. Bush can't help but admire the thought that some people in the United States dare to scold the president.

Suddenly, a horse pulling a cart farted loudly and smelly. In order not to embarrass the Queen, Bush pretended not to notice and waved to the welcoming crowd.

Embarrassed, the queen said apologetically to Bush, "I'm sorry, some things are beyond her control." Bush smiled and said, "If you don't mention it, I'll take it as a horse."

The Queen of England and the President of the United States

During Bush's visit to Britain, President Bush made a fool of himself at Queen Elizabeth's state dinner because he lacked manners.

For example, at the beginning of the banquet, the Queen raised a glass to Bush to show that she would play home of the brave, but the President thought it was the Queen who proposed a toast to him. He just raised his glass in response, not wanting the queen to put it down again, and then sat still solemnly.

For this reason, President Bush didn't sleep well all night.

The next morning, Queen Elizabeth invited President Bush to her manor, and just got into the carriage, the horse in front of her pooped.

After a while, Her Majesty said to Bush politely, "I'm sorry."

The president said absently, "I thought it was a horse!" " "

Teasing the king

Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "Who is your favorite hostess?" The audience said, "It's you." Wang asked, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!"

Mr. Lu Xun's nanny

The two nannies of Mr. Lu Xun's family, somehow, had an argument. Mr. Wang can't stand the noise all day and is ill. The little girl next door asked inexplicably, "Sir, why didn't you stop them?" Mr. Lu Xun said with a smile: "They quarreled because they were angry with each other. Although quarreling can be suppressed for a while, they can't be suppressed if they are angry in their hearts. I am afraid that they will lose sleep. It's better for me to lose sleep alone than for three people or two people.

President Coolidge.

Former US President johncalvin coolidge and his wife visited a farm respectively.

Mrs Coolidge saw a rooster riding on a hen and asked if it often happened. The answer is many times a day.

"Please tell this to the President," she said.

When the president learned about the rooster's performance, he asked whether the rooster was always with the same hen.

"Oh, no," someone replied, "it's always different hens."

"Tell that to Mrs Coolidge," the president replied.

be a guest

When Xu Wenchang visited my uncle's house, it took him a long time to serve a dish, but there was only one egg.

My uncle said, "Wen Chang, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry you came. If you come three months late, this egg is a bowl of fresh chicken soup. "

Xu Wenchang smiled and said, "Oh, it's really hard for you."

One day, Xu Wenchang invited his uncle again. After a while, he brought out a plate of bamboo chips and said to his uncle, "Uncle, I'm sorry you came. Unfortunately, if you had come three months earlier, this dish of bamboo chips would have been a bowl of delicious bamboo shoots. "

Xin San gu Mao Lu

Cao Cao: Zhuge Liang, if you cooperate with me, I will give you an annual salary of several hundred thousand.

Zhuge Liang just smiled. Cao Cao left disappointed.

Sun Quan: Zhuge Liang, if you cooperate with me, I will give you a beautiful official!

Zhuge Liang shook his head and said nothing. Sun Quan left angrily.

Liu Bei: Zhuge Liang, if you cooperate with me and succeed in the future, I will definitely cancel the agricultural tax!

Zhuge Liang nodded cheerfully.

Humorous jokes about the final exam 1 1 1. Zhao Benshan rode a donkey into town and happened to meet Fan Wei!

Wei Fan asked, "Have you eaten?"

Zhao Benshan said, "Eat!"

Fan Wei proudly said, "I asked the donkey, what did you say!" "

Zhao Benshan turned and fanned the donkey twice and scolded, "There are relatives in the city who don't say anything."

2. A woman went to the temple to ask for a visa, and then went to the master and asked, "How much is the cancellation of the contract by the master?" Master: "We monks don't talk about money, only about fate." Woman: "What fate?" Master: "20 yuan!

A couple are fishing by the river. The lady always quarreled, and after a while the fish took the bait. The lady said, this fish is really poor. The husband said, yes, just shut up.

Xiaoguang is a diligent student. He worked part-time during the winter vacation to earn tuition. Help the butcher cut meat during the day and go to the hospital for internship at night. One night, an old woman had to undergo surgery because of an emergency, and Xiaoguang pushed her into the operating room. The old woman screamed in panic: "My God! You are a pig killer. Where are you pushing me?

When a person wants to throw up for the first time on the plane, the stewardess takes an empty bag, and then goes to get the bag when it is almost full, telling him "Don't throw up". When I came back, I found it everywhere. I asked why, and replied, "I saw it was almost full, and I took another sip, and everyone around me vomited ..."

Humorous jokes about the final exam 12 1. My friend was drunk once, and we went up to help her. She shouted, Help me! Hurry up and straighten the road ahead for me!

2. Recently, the security check of Hangzhou subway is strict. How strict is it? The girl in front tied a meatball head, and the little security guard unconsciously pinched it. Are you afraid of what's hidden inside?

3. I used to go to the hospital for examination. When I was pregnant, the doctor would say, Congratulations. Now go to the hospital for a check-up. If you are pregnant, the doctor will ask, do you want it?

Last time I went to the clinic to bandage my left hand, I took a fancy to a beautiful nurse. I really want to see her today, so I deliberately cut my right hand and came to the clinic with excitement.

The beauty nurse examined my wound and said, Ah, this cut is a bit big today, let my husband treat it for you!

Once I wanted to eat a lollipop, but I couldn't remember its name. Pat friends around you and help me think. Is that lollipop called Everest or Himalaya? My friend said weakly, are you talking about the Alps?

Humorous jokes about the final exam 13 1. The new company goes to work and has lunch in the canteen. A sister leaned in and asked, "Sister, were you on the track and field team before?"

I looked at my long legs and thought she had a good eye.

But as a newcomer, I just said calmly, "Yes."

Elder sister: "I told you! They still don't believe it. At first glance, it is running, and the chest is so flat. "

2. There is a big brother who sends WeChat and sincerely advises everyone not to eat genetically modified food! Great harm to children! His child and his paternity test genes don't match because the child ate genetically modified food and changed his genes. His wife told him this knowledge.

My boyfriend and I came out of the hotel. Knowing that I had no money, my boyfriend took out a hundred taxis as soon as he went out.

I was in a hurry and said, Ni Mei, can you not give me money at the gate of the hotel? ......

4. A girl accidentally got stuck in the sewer because her legs were too thin. After watching the news and looking at her legs, she was relieved. Thick legs are still good, not to mention sewers. I don't think even iron railings are called things. Although thick, it is safe!

5, it is said that the way of husband and wife is to respect and love each other! I think it makes sense! For example, my wife and I have been married for six or seven years and have never quarreled! Occasionally, when she disagrees a little, as long as she stares at me, she immediately agrees.

Humorous jokes of the final exam 14 1) Husband: "Husband, I have bought all the cosmetics you want, so buy some for me!"

Wife: "Of course, this big bag of washing powder is for you!" " "

2) Me: You were really happy when you were a child. You can eat foreign fast food, so I have to take steamed bread to school.

Wife: Steamed bread is green food. How nutritious! Look at you, how smart you are to raise steamed bread. You can catch up with me.

3) Me: I had a hard time as a child. I have to cut cattle after school.

Wife: I am more bitter than you! After school, I will also go to the countryside to collect grass and feed my rabbit (my wife's pet). Think about it, how tired it is on such a hot day.

Me: But besides mowing the cows, I have to help my mother grow vegetables.

Wife: You are very good. Everyone is helpful. I am in pain. The strawberries I grow have to be watered and mowed every day, expecting them to grow up without help.

Me: How many strawberries did you grow?

Wife: A pot.

4) As soon as a woman passes, her skin relaxes and her stomach begins to get fat.

One day, I pinched the meat on my stomach and said, "I have gained weight, and I have three circles on my stomach."

The husband smiled: "Run one more lap and you will be Audi!" "

5) My wife was watching a blind date program and saw a very fat female guest holding hands with the man she was in love with failed. She said to her husband, "This woman likes you, do you want it?"

Husband: "I don't like fat people."

Wife: "What will you do if I gain weight?"

Husband: "What can I do? I will put it in my hand. "

Wife: ...

6) Anonymous has been suffering from chest tightness and poor breathing, and went to the hospital to see a doctor. The old doctor smiled after listening to the question, and then asked, "Is your feeling of chest tightness and poor breathing obvious during the day and not obvious at night?" This woman recalled that it was true. The old doctor said: the bra is small. ...

7) A: I heard that a buddy shook hands with a woman and she got pregnant. Is it possible? A: This guy doesn't like to wash his hands, and neither do women ~

8) The wife asked: How do you know that two of the four flies killed were male and the other two were female?

The husband replied: I killed the two males on the bottle and the two females on the mirror.

9) Madam: The woman next door is wearing the same clothes as me.

Husband: Do you want to buy a new set?

Madam: Of course, it's cheaper than moving to a new house.

10) A couple was watching a dance in the ballroom, and her husband said with emotion: This world is really strange. A beautiful woman marries an ugly person, and every ugly fool has a beautiful wife.

The wife smiled and said, honey, you really know how to kiss up.

1 1) wife: husband, a first-class man, obedient at home; Second-class men never quarrel; A third-class man will never dominate. Honey, what kind of person are you?

Husband: Let men do it. I want to be a woman.

12) One day, my boyfriend came to meet me at the subway station on a motorcycle. I deliberately asked: "Master, how much is it to the garden community?" The boyfriend said, "No money, just give me a kiss." So I kissed him and got in his car. A "motorcycle" master next to me was stupid and kindly reminded me: "Little girl, don't be fooled!"

13) One night, I was playing a race with my boyfriend, and I was soon left behind, so I shouted at him, "Robbery!" Passers-by looked at us in succession, so my boyfriend had to slow down. I overtook him at once, so he had to run with me. I couldn't shake him off, so I started shouting, "Robbery!"

Humorous jokes about the final exam 15 1. One day, a man came home and found his wife and another man hugging in bed. He flew into a rage, picked up xx from one place and killed his wife. Then he ran to the nearby police station and surrendered himself.

During the trial, the judge asked him, "Why didn't you kill her lover and kill your wife?"

"I killed her, but she was alone." The man explained, "If I don't kill her, I'm afraid I'll kill many others from time to time."

2. A white couple got married for many years and finally had a child. But at birth, the child's skin turned out to be black.

The husband blamed his wife and said, "It's all your fault. Turn off the lights every time you sleep. "

A beautiful young girl married an old man and everyone felt sorry for her.

A friend asked her, "Why did you marry a bad old man who was dying?"

She asked with a smile, "If someone gives you a check of more than one million yuan, can you not care about its cash date?"

4. A boy and a girl are talking.

Boy: What will happen to you if I lean on you tightly?

Girl: I will resist!

Boy: What would you do if I put my hand on your waist?

Girl: Of course I will resist!

Boy: What would you do if I wanted to kiss you?

Girl: Of course ... I will fight again!

Boy: If I ...

Girl: Are you finished? Don't you understand that a woman's strength is limited after all?

A policeman was patrolling at night and found a drunk crying against a telephone pole. He felt very strange and asked, "What's the matter, sir?"

The drunk cried and said, "Oh! Who are you ... please just in time ... please do something for me ... because my urine ... keeps flowing ... "

The police then took a look. It was found that the tap water next to the telephone pole was not turned on normally.

6. Wife: Honey, do you remember last December when you said that you and Lao Wang went fishing for carp?

Husband: Of course I remember ... Why?

Wife: A carp called at noon today and said you were a father.

7. On the morning of New Year's Day, the wife suggested to her husband, "Starting today, the New Year must have a new atmosphere and respect each other. I will get rid of the bad habit of swearing, and you will get rid of the habit of hitting people easily, okay? "

The husband said yes again and again, and finally added: "From now on, if you curse again, I will beat you flat!" " "

The wife roared: "You are a fairy, I dare you!" "

At the dance, a lady kept staring at a man not far from her.

The man felt a little embarrassed and decided to ask. He asked her politely if they had met somewhere before.

"We have never met." She also replied politely, "But you look like my third husband."

"Have you ever been married three times?" He asked:

"no! I have only been married twice. " She answered.

9. A man has a first wife and a second wife. At the age of 60, my hair has turned a lot gray, and I let my first wife and my second wife pull it out every day. But the first wife hated his little white hair and was afraid that the second wife would touch the old man to death, so she deliberately pulled out all the black hair;

The little wife wanted him to look younger, so she pulled out all her white hair. Within a month, the man was bald.

10. Wang became the general manager of the company by his wife's nepotism. One day, he and his wife went to visit a construction site. Suddenly, a worker wearing a helmet greeted him and jokingly said to his wife, "Mrs. General Manager, do you still remember me?" We used to date a lot! "

After returning home, Wang teased his wife and said, "Marrying me was a blessing in your last life! Otherwise, you are already the wife of a construction worker, not the wife of the general manager. "

The wife replied: "Husband! Don't flatter yourself. If I hadn't married you, he would have become the general manager of this company. "

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