I want to see a joke. What about you?

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel. He digs a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on ... The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole just after you dug it?" Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 2. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there? X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel department." "Friend:" Huh? When did he ... Colleague: "Last week. "Friend:" I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a ride … "Colleague:" Never mind, just go down and find him? "Friend, you are kidding. Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below. Friend:. . . . This is inconvenient. . . . Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 4. When I got up in the morning, I saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! The dormitory is on the 6th floor. I climbed up and found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key, climbed up again and found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open, I'll close it for you. "6. Anonymous had a quarrel with her husband, and I felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was sleeping, I squatted on his head and farted so that he could smell it. I didn't expect that I pushed too hard and directly pulled a pile of shit on his face. It's funny, but it's also disgusting. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students nearby saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him wildly ... 8. A gentleman rented A Jin Tianyi in a rambling bar, and when he saw the second page, he burst into tears. I don't know which day he drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote-this is the murderer ... 9. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I am dead, God help me!" " "When the light came on, I saw a voice from the sky:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. 10, two children are talking: A says: My whole family likes animals, my mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits. B said: What about your father? A said: I like foxes. 1 1. A customer walks to the front desk. Customer: "Give me a small bowl. "Me:" Huh? "I didn't know it was a sundae until the customer pointed to the menu. Me: "sundaes? What flavor do you want? " Customer: "Apple's. "Me:" Huh? Sorry, I have never sold apples. Customer: "What's that green one?" Me: Oh, that's aloe. Customer: Aloe vera? Isn't that a flower! Can you eat? "Me:" Yes! "Customer:" Forget it, I never eat blindly. "I want coffee." Me: (at a loss) "Sorry, I have never sold coffee." Customer: "What is dark black?" Me: "That's chocolate." Customer: "forget it, chocolate is too sweet." I want the red one. " It's strawberries. "I: (super happy, I can guess right once. ) "Yes, how much do you want? Customer: One, but I don't eat sesame seeds. Please help me pick out all the strawberry seeds. "I:! @~#$%^&； & amp**~! @#$%^&； * 12, examiner; What is the retail price of windows 7 Professional Edition in Chinese mainland? Me: 5 yuan Examiner: Go out, the word "give up the next one" has never appeared in my dictionary. I voted again and again and finally got an interview with Google. However, I went to Google for an interview and was kicked out after answering a question ... Examiner: Where did you get the news of Google interview? Me: Baidu examiner: Go out, the brother next door is depressed, but I still have to support myself first. Drag a friend to McDonald's to find a job. . But the other person is very abnormal, let me sing McDonald's songs. At this time, my brother smiled. I have known McDonald's songs since I was a child. So I opened my mouth and came: with KFC, life will be fine! Examiner: Going out ~ ~ ~ ~ McDonald's failed in the interview. My mother dragged someone to find a job in mobile customer service. My mom says this doesn't require technology. You should try it first. I agreed without thinking. The interview went well and the other party appreciated me. Finally, the examiner said to me, you are very good. Please leave your phone number so that we can inform you to go to work. Me: "132 ..." Examiner: Get out. . . . My heart is broken. . . Being unemployed for so long, eating and drinking at home. My family looked at me helplessly. Walking to a shopping mall, I saw Artie looking for a clerk. I think I should try. Examiner: Please tell us our slogan. I: Just do it. Examiner: Get out, next. Repeated failures did not dampen my confidence. I settled down to study hard and finally got into our local civil servants with excellent results. Still, there is a fucking interview. During the interview, I answered questions and saw the examiner's face. I think there is no problem with this job. When I am happy. The examiner asked me, young man, which historical figure do you like best? I answered without thinking: Little Shenyang! Examiner: Get out. This failure, I have a very important life consideration. Looking back on everything before, I finally found that the most important thing is that I answered some questions wrong. However, I have made the best preparation for this interview. Nokia's product department informed me that it took me a week to finish all the work. Even the slogan is not wrong: science and technology are people-oriented. The examiner was very satisfied and said that if there were no accidents, he could come to work tomorrow. At this moment, the phone rang and a discordant voice appeared: "Hello MOTO". 13, 20 10 college entrance examination Liaoning volume composition topic: "Happiness is"-happiness is that I have never drunk Sanlu milk powder since I was a child, I have never been vaccinated in Shanxi, and I have never met a strange millet with a knife in kindergarten; Happiness is not being slapped by the teacher at school, dancing for the leader in the rain on Children's Day, or letting the leader say something that is not in line with his age. Happiness is going out to work without being hit by a BMW. This unit is not Foxconn and its leader is not Song Shanmu. Happiness is having capsules to eat when you are in poor health. 14, college entrance examination composition "Morning": Early is the root of all evil. If the marking teacher doesn't believe it, you can Baidu it. Premature ejaculation, puppy love, early pregnancy, premature ejaculation, premature aging, premature death, precocity ... In order to prove the harm of getting up early, I handed in my paper early today ... that's all for today, and I handed it in ~~ 15. Math is abnormal. Ge Jun and Ge Jun are like gods. . Seconded 520,000 Jiangsu candidates. . He broke the history of mathematics in Jiangsu college entrance examination in 2003. He destroyed the harmonious society. He, angered by millions of people, published 20 10 Jiangsu college entrance examination mathematics paper. . . He told Jiangsu candidates that you would not live to 20 12. 16, the topic of Chongqing composition is "difficult problem". The tour guide said: heaven and earth are yellow, and what to do after eating Mumba capsules is a difficult problem; Husband said: Her husband is on a business trip. How can I find an excuse to play outside with my wife at night? This is a difficult problem. A girl said, how can I convince him that I broke the membrane when I was a child by cycling? This is a difficult problem. Netizen said: how to write a post is not harmonious, which is a difficult problem. 17, the college entrance examination composition "Don't laugh, I am a zero-point composition for the college entrance examination" makes the marking teacher angry and makes the education experts speechless. Let parents in the world laugh and cry, and let netizens laugh and vomit blood. The most shocking, funny, absurd and talented composition in the history of education. Absolutely challenge your imagination! 18, the most evil college entrance examination composition in Beijing: at first, she looked up at the stars and I was down to earth; Then I changed my position. I look up at the starry sky, and she is down to earth. Finally, we look up at the stars together. 19, Guangdong Volume "Adjacent to You": On that day, I was adjacent to you, you were the prime minister, and I was the people. I was by your side that day. You are a civil servant and I am a prostitute. I was by your side that day. I am a passer-by and you are a VIP. On that day, I was beside you, I was Lin Ji, and you were a star. I was by your side that day. You are Truman in Truman Show, and I am Zhou Xingxing in king of comedy ... 20. The city and I: I am a landless farmer, wandering on the edge of the city and becoming an ant tribe. One day, the demolished bulldozer entered my nightmare, and when I woke up, my humble abode was only rubble. Later, in order to make a living, I sold corn everywhere. When I met the urban management, the urban management smashed the car and hit people and left. Later, I became a tramp and lived in bridge opening, overlooking the new Expo area. This city makes the life of officials better. 2 1. I showed my colleague a news about cheating in the college entrance examination. Colleague A: I can't graduate after taking the exam. Colleague B: I can't find a job after graduation. A: Even if you find a job, you can't support yourself. B: I can't find a wife to support myself. A: Even if I find a wife, I can't afford Mengba Capsule. B: I can't raise children even if I buy Mengba capsules. A: You have to cheat after feeding the children. ...