Laugh till your stomach hurts.

A selection of three jokes about stomachache.

Story 1

That day, I ate at my mother-in-law's house. The family talked and laughed, and the atmosphere was very harmonious. At this moment, my mobile phone in the living room suddenly rang and received a text message.

? who is it? The wife asked. My daughter, who just went to grade one, immediately put down the bowl chopsticks and ran over and said, I'll go and have a look. ?

So everyone encouraged my daughter: read it, Beckham, and see if you recognize it! ?

Beckham took my mobile phone, looked at it for a while, and stammered, Dear? Love? about

These three words suddenly stopped everyone like a gesture, and the smiles of parents-in-law disappeared. Their chopsticks stopped in the air and looked at Beckham with a serious expression. When she finished reading the following words, my wife stared at me too.

I felt weak in my heart, and all the people who might send this message flashed in my mind in an instant.

Maybe it's Xiao Ru from the company. I knew she was interested in me. Maybe it's my ex-girlfriend. I met her in the street some time ago, and she still looked at me with that kind of bitterness. Of course, maybe my best friend played a prank?

But no matter who it is, it is so inappropriate to have this news at this time. The joyful atmosphere just now suddenly became tense.

? Beckham, give me your phone number. I stood up and said.

? No way! ? The wife put chopsticks heavily in the bowl. Beckham, keep reading! ? My heart is beating very hard.

? Dear Beckham's unhurried tone is killing me.

? Read it quickly! ?

? Hmm? Dear Beckham cleared his throat, took another breath, swallowed a mouthful of saliva, and continued reading: Mobile users, your balance is insufficient.

Suddenly, the tense atmosphere suddenly became harmonious again. My father-in-law smiled. Eat! Eat! Let's eat! ?

Story 2

One day, a woman went out to play golf. She hit the ball into the Woods, went in to look for it and found a frog trapped in a trap. The frog said to her, if you let me out of this trap, I will grant you three wishes. ?

The woman let the frog go. The frog said? Thank you, but I forgot to tell you that your wish is conditional. That is, whatever your wish is, your husband will realize it tenfold. ?

The woman said,? Okay, then. ? For the first wish, she wants to be the most beautiful woman in the world. Frog warned her. You have to understand that this wish can make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and a handsome man that women will flock to. ? The woman replied,? All right. Because I will be the most beautiful woman, and his eyes will only be attracted by me. ?

So, click-she is the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wants to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said? That will make your husband the richest man in the world. Besides, he will be ten times richer than you. ? The woman said,? All right. Because because what I have is his, what he has is mine. ?

So, click-she is the richest woman in the world! Then the frog asked her third wish, and she said, I think I have a slight heart disease. ? Moral of the story: women are smart. Leave them alone. Attention female readers: For you, this joke is over. Stop here and continue to have fun.

Male readers, please continue reading. This man's heart disease is ten times lighter than his wife's. Moral of the story: Women always think they are smart. Let them continue to think like this and enjoy it. In addition, if you are a woman, you are still reading these words; That only means that women never listen to advice.

Story 3

In my decades of life, students and teachers are the most exposed. When writing a memoir, the images that naturally come to mind are often teachers, teachers and students. I remember a chemistry teacher who liked to have a few drinks before class, and then walked into the classroom drunk. This is against the rules, but it is said that his class is good.

The teacher has many jokes. Without wine, Li Bai can't write poetry. After a few drinks, he began to think actively. It is said that students ask: Why? He will answer:? Feed the grass. Hey, how many times have I said it! ?

I remember a mock college entrance examination, and the chemistry problem was very difficult, and the students were shocked. As soon as they got out of the examination room, a male classmate shouted: What a tricky question! Is it a person's problem? The teacher immediately replied:? People will do it! ?

I remember about ten years ago, I was assigned to take the exam at the gate of Lieutenant Colonel 65. Some candidates assigned by our school will enter the school one after another half an hour before the exam is about to start. Standing at the school gate with me to send the exam is this chemistry teacher who is very popular with students. A senior three girl passed by and the chemistry teacher greeted her. Come here, come here, come here? See if your brain is awake. ? So the student stood in front of him. Ask you, can you eat shit? The students laughed. ? Wrong, dogs eat shit. ? Students laugh, which is actually saying, for example? What happens when the catalyst is added at standard atmospheric pressure? Be sure to pay attention to the examination of questions, and there is a prerequisite for solving problems. ? Come on in! ? A joke eased the students' nervousness.

I'm not that smart and humorous, but I also have mine? It took me only two seconds to draw a beaker and a horizontal line on the blackboard. What is on the line? Air! ? What's under the line? Solution! That is chemistry. The test center of Chinese words is on this horizontal line, which is the critical point: below the line (water) are words that everyone has mastered, so there is no need to take the test! Everyone can do it right, there is no difference, and the questioner will be hit by the board! The above (air) is not tested either. No one will take the exam for uncommon words. Undifferentiated topics are white.

He stood there when he sent the exam and tested my handwriting. ? Shit as a whip? Type an idiom. A: Wen (smell) can't be Wen, and Wu (dance) can't be Wu. I am also very happy to hear that.

As soon as the laughter stopped, a student who was about to enter the class stood in front of me and suddenly asked, Teacher? Escort? And then what? Back in the game? Pronunciation? I told her. As soon as she left the examination room, she told me where was the first question? Escort? We can't know the pronunciation of this word? Top secret? The content of the college entrance examination is just to remind students to accurately grasp the scope of review, so they hit it.

In 2002, the last time we cooperated, we were still his grade leader, with management science and fair time allocation. I have four Chinese classes in the morning, and the schedule is 1, 2, 4 and 5. In this way, we can have a rest, have some tea and catch our breath in the third class. Leave classes free on Wednesday so that you can concentrate on preparing lessons. Details are important. Otherwise, for a 56-year-old teacher, speaking difficult problems for four consecutive periods will affect his health. The average score of this year's Chinese college entrance examination for key classes is 1 10, which is not bad. But after leaving school, I didn't go back to see the Chinese scores of each candidate in the two classes I taught. What a pity.

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