10 laughs till you get cramped.

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan and Cao Cao were flying together, and they suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. Only then did I find that there were only three parachute bags left on the plane. Everyone is nervous. At this time, Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan, cleared his throat and said, "Well, the mountain man will jump if he answers a few questions, or jump himself if he can't answer them." Others have no choice but to agree.

Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought it was very simple and replied, "One." So I took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many moons are there in the sky?" Sun Quan replied: "One." He also took an umbrella bag and went down. Finally, it was Cao Cao's turn. Zhuge Liang asked, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Cao Cao was puzzled and couldn't answer, so he had to jump himself. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea and saved his life. Cao Cao secretly rejoiced.

The second time, when four people met an emergency by plane, they still discussed it in the old way. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "What was the battle when Zhou Wuwang defeated Zhou Wang?" Liu Bei thought simply and replied, "The Battle of Makino." Zhuge Liang nodded, and Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a moment and said, "About 30,000 to 40,000." Zhuge Liang nodded, and Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down. Cao Cao couldn't help laughing and thinking, "Zhuge Liang, I know everything from ancient times to the present, especially the military." You fell this time. " Zhuge Liang asked, "What's the name of the soldier?" Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard this, so he had to jump himself. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea again and saved his life. Cao Cao laughed to himself.

The third time, the same four people flew, and the plane was in an emergency. As soon as Cao Cao thought about it, Zhuge Raul tried to fool me again, so I jumped myself to avoid being insulted. So he jumped into the air at high speed and heard Zhuge Liang shout to him, "Meng De, there are four parachutes on the plane today!" " "A gambler took 1000 yuan from home to gamble. A few hours later, he came back.

His wife quickly asked, "Did that big bill have a baby?"

"Yes, yes," the gambler said sadly, taking out two 10 yuan bills from his pocket. "It's a pity that their mother died." A woman went to pee and found that she didn't bring any paper. In desperation, she picked a leaf to solve the urgent need. There are thorns on the leaves, and her genitals are very painful. The woman pointed to her genitals and said, "Shit, the whole thing is super funny! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Glad to answer your question, I hope it will help you! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

On the first day of school, the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, 1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said, "I don't know." The teacher said, "Then go home and ask your family." Xiao Ming went to ask his mother, who was quarrelling with others. Xiao Ming asked, "Mom 1+ 1=?" Mom said, "Asshole!" Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= asshole; Xiaoming went to ask his father again. Dad is drinking beer. Xiao Ming asked, "Dad 1+ 1=?" Dad said, "Cool!" Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= cool; Xiaoming went to ask grandpa again. Grandpa is watching TV. Xiao Ming asked, "Grandpa 1+ 1=?" Grandpa said, "gangster!" "Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= gang boss; Xiaoming asked his sister who was singing the national anthem: people who don't want to be slaves! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= people who don't want to be slaves; Xiaoming went to ask his sister who was singing children's songs: rabbit, open the door! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= bunny opens the door. The next day, the teacher asked, "Xiaoming 1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said, "Asshole." "Pa" teacher slapped Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming said, "Cool." The teacher said inexplicably, "Who taught you?" Xiao Ming said, "The boss of these people. The teacher was startled and asked, "Xiao Ming, what are you doing?" "Xiao Ming sings: people who don't want to be slaves. The teacher shut Xiao Ming out of the door. Xiao Ming knocked at the door and sang, Bunny, please open the door. The teacher fainted.

I gave the landlord a cold joke and thought it was cold. I'll give two! Because it's so classic!

1, female: put it on!

Man: It's better not to wear it.

Woman: Wear it safely.

Man: Trust my skills.

W: I won't let you go without it.

Man: You look like a man without it.

Woman: Are you bored? Will riding a motorcycle and wearing a helmet kill you?

2.a, B, C and D, which word is the coolest? = => Ding

After working hard for most of my life, I finally bought a house in the suburbs of Beijing.

On the day of payment, I took out my mobile phone with trembling hands in tears and prepared to tell my family.

Who knows that the boot screen shows: Welcome to Hebei Mobile! Cann't stand eating meat and ordering food? "Super funny! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Glad to answer your question, I hope it will help you! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

On the first day of school, the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, 1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said, "I don't know." The teacher said, "Then go home and ask your family." Xiao Ming went to ask his mother, who was quarrelling with others. Xiao Ming asked, "Mom 1+ 1=?" Mom said, "Asshole!" Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= asshole; Xiaoming went to ask his father again. Dad is drinking beer. Xiao Ming asked, "Dad 1+ 1=?" Dad said, "Cool!" Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= cool; Xiaoming went to ask grandpa again. Grandpa is watching TV. Xiao Ming asked, "Grandpa 1+ 1=?" Grandpa said, "gangster!" "Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= gang boss; Xiaoming asked his sister who was singing the national anthem: people who don't want to be slaves! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= people who don't want to be slaves; Xiaoming went to ask his sister who was singing children's songs: rabbit, open the door! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= bunny opens the door. The next day, the teacher asked, "Xiaoming 1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said, "Asshole." "Pa" teacher slapped Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming said, "Cool." The teacher said inexplicably, "Who taught you?" Xiao Ming said, "The boss of these people. The teacher was startled and asked, "Xiao Ming, what are you doing?" "Xiao Ming sings: people who don't want to be slaves. The teacher shut Xiao Ming out of the door. Xiao Ming knocked at the door and sang, Bunny, please open the door. The teacher fainted.

I gave the landlord a cold joke and thought it was cold. I'll give two! Because it's so classic!

1, female: put it on!

Man: It's better not to wear it.

Woman: Wear it safely.

Man: Trust my skills.

W: I won't let you go without it.

Man: You look like a man without it.

Woman: Are you bored? Will riding a motorcycle and wearing a helmet kill you?

2.a, B, C and D, which word is the coolest? = => Ding

After working hard for most of my life, I finally bought a house in the suburbs of Beijing.

On the day of payment, I took out my mobile phone with trembling hands in tears and prepared to tell my family.

Who knows that the boot screen shows: Welcome to Hebei Mobile! Respondent: 970084505 | Level 1 | 201-3-2017: 07.

1, Niu Jiao sheep. Sheep: "Hello, who are you?" Niu: "I am Bi." Sheep: "Shit, who are you?" Bull: "Shit, I'm Bi!" " Sheep: "Shit, who the fuck are you?" Bull: "Shit, I fucking beep, beep, shit!" " ! "

A student was caught by the headmaster when he climbed over the fence and walked out of the school gate. Principal: "Why don't you take the main entrance?" The student pointed to his coat and said, "Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road!" The headmaster said, "The wall is so high, how did you get over it?" The student pointed to his trousers and said, "Li Ning, anything is possible!" The headmaster sneered, "What's the smell on the wall?" The student pointed to the shoes and said, "Xtep, it feels like flying!" " "The next day, the students left the school from the main entrance and were seen by the principal. Principal: "Why don't you climb over the wall?" The student pointed to the whole body and said, "Anta, I choose, I like it!" " "The headmaster is furious, remember that students are more serious. The students refused to accept it. The headmaster sneered: "M-Zone, my site listens to me!" "

3. "Do you like it?" "I like it!" "Do you want it?" "yes!" "Try it?" "good!" "Then take it off!" "Is it comfortable?" "Comfortable!" "Does it hurt?" "It doesn't hurt!" "Can you still go in?" "Yes!" "Well, buy this pair of shoes!"

4. You borrowed a pair of wings from a bird and a dress from Baiyun, then flew to me on a mop arrow and said to me affectionately, "The bird man is like me!"

5. Are you depressed? Do you want to go on holiday? Please call 1 10 as soon as possible to win a seven-day stay in the detention center and a trip beyond! Now call to send exquisite handcuffs, fashionable prison clothes, free police car transfer and so on! You can also enjoy a free haircut before 10! Hurry up and act!

6. Jianghu knows that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud. You should constantly improve your swordsmanship, so that there are people in the sword and people have swords. If you do this, you are not alone, but a swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman!

7. One day, we came to a wishing pool. I made a wish and threw a coin into the well. You wanted to make a wish, but you accidentally fell into the well when you bent down to throw a coin. I paused and muttered, "How fucking smart!"

8. Your quality is as strong as plum blossom; Your personality is as subtle as a glacier; You have a convincing connotation; You are so cool! So all of us respectfully call you "Yokai Cool (without underwear)!"

9. God said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. God says this is too difficult, change it! I took out your picture again and said to make this man smart. As a result, God immediately said, Bring me the globe and let me have a look.

10, if you are racing with a bear, please choose: 1. You run faster than a bear. You run as fast as a bear. You run slower than a bear.

Answer: 1. You are worse than an animal. 2. You are an animal. You are worse than animals.

Husband: "Why did God make women so beautiful and stupid?" Wife: "This truth is very simple. Let us be beautiful, and you will love us. Let's be stupid and we will love you. "

I was deeply attracted by you the first time I saw you! Your lovely face and elegant sofa sitting posture make me move! Especially your lazy voice when you speak: aim. ...

On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, let alone you. But I chose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fell, I ran up and stepped on your feet.

You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as smart as a kitten, as simple and honest as an old cow and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder people call you an animal.

Please take an item weighing 1 15 Jin and weigh it yourself, and jump off at the 30th floor. If the goods fall before you, you are lighter and need to gain weight; If you land before the goods, you are overweight. If you land with items at the same time, your weight is standard, just 1 15kg.

Please believe me, this will never be a lie. I am sincere to you, but you don't understand. A person who loves you deeply understands how difficult it is to love you, but his infatuation will remain unchanged for life! Please look at the second word in each line. )

7 The new product "Feeling of Heartache" 1 yuan is sold in the bar. Curious people bought a cup, and really felt heartache: it was just a cup of boiled water.

A river of spring water makes a Jiang Tao, and one mountain is higher than the other. Send a message to the straw bag, the straw bag must take out his mobile phone, take out his mobile phone and look down, and find himself an idiot.

9 all say that meteors have a reaction! If I can, I am willing to wait under the starry sky until a star is touched by me and breaks through the silent night sky for me, and then let it fall on your sleeping pillow with my blessing-kill you!

1, I have been friends with you for so long, and you have always cared about me, but I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to answer you. Therefore, in the next life, if you are a cow and a horse, I will definitely pull weeds for you to eat.

If you are a meteor, I will chase you. If you are a satellite, I will wait for you. If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. Too bad you are an orangutan!

Meeting you is the beginning of my heart. Falling in love with you is my happy choice; Having you is my most precious wealth; Stepping into the red carpet is my eternal motivation. Unfortunately-I sent it to the wrong person.

Because of you, I believe in fate. Maybe all this is predestined by heaven, and it is God who has brought us together. What I want to say now is-what crime did I commit in my last life?

Starting from tomorrow, the city has decided to drive away all the mentally retarded young people who are ugly and detrimental to the city appearance! Hurry up and pack your things, go out for shelter from the rain, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! You are welcome!

6. God saw your desire and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice; God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.

7. It is a pleasure to miss you! Loving you is what I will always do! Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing! However, lying to you is how to return a responsibility!

8. According to statistics, more than 99.9% people who look like pig heads read short messages with thumb buttons! Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late, pig!

9. If it is a mistake to be beautiful, then I am all wet; If being smart is a crime, I have committed a heinous crime, and it is really difficult to be a human being. But you're fine. You are right and innocent. I really envy you!

10, you can burn incense for three years in one year, and you can sleep with you in 10 years. Therefore, for the happiness of my next life, I am willing to convert to Christianity. One day, the devil took the princess and she kept calling.

Devil: You can scream loudly. No one will come to save you.

Princess: Broken throat, broken throat.

Nobody: Princess, I'm coming to save you.

Devil: Speak of the devil.

Cao Cao: Devil, what do you want me to do?

Demon: Wow, I saw a ghost.

Ghost: *! Someone found out.

*: Ghost, you can see me.

Oh, my God.

God: Who called me?

Who: Nobody called you.

Nobody: I didn't? Play dumb.

Garlic: Who is pretending to be me?

Who: Me again? You're looking for trouble

Trouble: who wants to see me?

Which one: looking for you? I didn't ... Gee, there are so many people here.

Many people: I just arrived ... who are you?

Which one: I'm not who.

Who: He's not me.

Princess: Is everyone here to save me?

Everyone: I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun.

Lively: What am I looking at?

God: It's none of my business. Let's go first.

Devil: You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? I am a demon.

How did Wang play?

Go on: Why don't you be a good devil and play with me?

Princess: If no one plays the devil, I can go.

Nobody: If I play the devil, how can I let you go?

How come: I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement.

Lively: What am I doing?

What: You want to fuck me? rascal

How dare you: I didn't.

Me: What's it to me?

Demon: *! I'm going crazy. ...

*: Why did you call me! ...

Crazy: What do you want me to do?

You want me to: I know nothing!

I know nothing: I don't know!

I don't know: here I am! Is someone calling me?

Someone: I didn't call you!

I didn't: Who called him?

Who: Wrong ... I didn't. ...

I didn't: I didn't wronged you. ...

You: I dare you.

I dare you: who says I dare not! ?

Who: Please ... I didn't say anything.

I have nothing: what do you want me to say?

I'm nothing: you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?

My long-lost brother: Gao ... My name is very long ... I will be called.

ah ...

Who: ... I want to leave this troublesome place as soon as possible

True or false: So this is my territory. ...

I am nothing &; No: Stop arguing. We're talking. ...

Leave us alone: I won't talk. ...

I didn't: I didn't speak! ...

I am nothing:-_-\ \ "... Let's go out and talk. ...

Go: I'm sorry ... (wriggling)

I have nothing: it's none of your business ... leaving ... (two brothers go out angrily)

None of your business: whoops ... why did you kick me out? ...

Why: I don't want to kick you out ... Be obedient ... Don't cry.

I didn't: Oh ... What does it have to do with me?

None of my business: what? Did anyone call me?

Someone: Who wants to call you? ...

Who: I really have to go ... T.T.

Go: I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v * (\ \ "who \ \" folds)

It's none of your business: aren't you my cousin?

It's none of my business: cousin ... long time no see. ...

Long time: I'm not here. ...

Devil: Are you finished?

Endless: he doesn't have me.

You: I don't have him.

Me: Who said that?

Who: What should I do?

Really? Do you want to fuck me?

You: I won't fuck him.

Me: Who said I wouldn't?

Who: Wrong! I didn't say ...

Say: What am I doing?

Really? You two are shameless!

You two: I want it! I want it!

Face: Who wants me?

Who: I don't want it.

Demon: Hurry up, or I'll kick people out.

Somebody else: Kick me out? Looking for k

Kathy: Who wants to see me?

Who: aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again!

He: Don't blame me.

Me: Who wants me?

Who: I finally caught one. Kill it. ............

One: Don't arrest me.

Me: I've had enough, too. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!

Who: Look at my eighteen hands!

Me: Look at my nine yin bones and claws!

Eighteen palms of the dragon: what do I want to see?

Jiuyin Bai Gujing: What do I have to see?

What's there to see: Brother, I finally found you!

Interesting: Brother, let's talk outside.

Devil: Oh, my God! This is an engagement party. ...

From then on, the devil really got schizophrenia ... One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei boiled wine to discuss heroes. It's cloudy and thunderous outside. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was embarrassing.

Guan Yu said frankly in the back: "Don't take offense, fart comes from feather (rain)!" Liu Beizheng is embarrassed.

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun stepped forward: "Don't make a fuss, fart comes from the clouds!"

As soon as Zhao Yun said it, Zhang Fei shouted loudly: "Farts are flying!"

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistakes, they rushed to take responsibility and make up for them. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? "

The generals were filled with indignation and said with one voice, "Prime Minister, isn't it a fart matter? What's the difficulty! See it next time. "

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. After holding back for a long time, I finally managed to hold back a small Pi. Everyone waited for a long time, only to hear a "goo". The general was a hothead and quickly shouted, "Chu (pig) put the fart!"

The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"

Gou An said: This is Gou (dog) fart.

Cai Mao said: This is cat fart.

When Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao thought he was too slow to take care of himself.

Taurus said, "This is golden fart!"

Yu Xun said: "This is a fart!"

Cao Hong said, "Fart is red!"

Gao Lan said, "Fart is blue!"

Jiang Gan said, "Fuck!"

Sima Shi said: "Fart is the teacher's (wet)!"

Xiahou Yuan said, "Fart is deep (round)!"

ICY said, "Fart is square!"

Cao Cao was so frightened that he was about to have a fit. Guo Jia, the counselor, shouted, "No one is right, no one is right! Everyone is wrong! "

Worthy of being my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought. Listen to him first.

Guo Jia said: "This is a good (fake) fart!"

Cao Zhen grabbed it again: "This is true fart!"

Cao Cao was so angry that he almost fainted and was completely disappointed. He doesn't want more people behind him.

Guo Huai said: "This is Huai (bad) fart!"

Zhang He said: "Fart is near (drink)!"

Sima Yan said: "Farting has inflammation (pharynx)!"

Huang Xu said, "You're all out!"

Xia Houdun said, "Fart escapes!"

Guo Tu said: "Farting is a picture (spitting)!

Xia Houba said, "Fart comes from bullies."

Xun You said, "You let the fart out!"

Man Chong said, "Fart is a pet!"

Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"

Zhong Youdao: "Fart is coming!"

Finally, Cao Cao couldn't bear it any longer and said angrily, "Nonsense, shit."

Liu Bei and others have laughed stagger.