Who knew there was a joke that made me laugh? Introduce me.

1. A timid and nervous witness is being questioned by a lawyer. The lawyer snapped, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, I did it once." The witness's voice was low and a little shaky. "Then who did you marry?" "A woman." The lawyer was angry. "Nonsense, of course you married a woman. Have you ever heard that someone will marry a man? " The witness trembled and said, "I've heard of it, sister."

Yes, I have a colleague who is like that when she is serious. One day I went out for dinner, went to the store and saw a lot of people. I saw a man sitting on the table, so I went over and said, excuse me. The man looked at him and left silently. After a while, another colleague said, why don't we take a fan, and then we will see him go and tell the man in front to get out of the way. The man was anxious and said, Brother, where shall I sit? I'm here for dinner, too When I came back, I was awesome that day. He said, I thought that man was a waiter. ...

Passing by the door of a shopping mall, I heard a dialogue between a MM and the key. Can you give me a key? Key: Sure. Then make me one. After a few seconds of silence. The man with the key looked at MM and asked, Where is the key? I have the key. Why should I ask you for it?

4. 1 half-year-old children are very naughty. At noon, my sister took the bus with her child in her arms, and the seat was next to the driver. After sitting for a while, the child kept crying, and Ren Jie refused to give up. The driver finally got tired of crying. He turned to his sister and shouted, "What do children always teach? Just give him what he wants? " Sister said: "That won't do, the child wants your steering wheel!" " "

Before the plane lands, the flight attendants should sign and seal all kinds of articles. But as soon as the drinks were sealed, some passengers asked for coke. The flight attendant said to the passengers, "We are all sealed." The guest didn't understand: "I just want a coke. Are you crazy?"

6. The boy sitting behind me spoke a little sissy, so I called him half-male, and then he said angrily, "I'm not half-male, I'm all-male." There was silence around, and then everyone laughed.

7. A millionaire was told that he was terminally ill, and only the second half of the year was left. He found a killer when he was sad and asked him to kill him when he was happiest. A few days later, the millionaire was told that he was misdiagnosed, laughed happily and was killed by the killer.

I bought a bottle of concealer. After using it, I found that the effect was really good. It's like a different person after painting. My husband wondered why the effect was so obvious after painting. I told him, "The function of concealer is to make pores smaller, cover freckles, brighten and whiten." After listening to my introduction, my husband suddenly realized, "I see, just like scraping a white wall when our home is decorated." Yes! "

9. Classmate Jiang Gan signed up for a speech, introduced herself first, and became nervous on the stage for the first time: "My name is Jiang Gan. Sweet, sweet, well, no, it's sugar cane ... "The presiding brother had a black line on his forehead:" This classmate should step down first and calm down. " "I am famous!" "Well, go back and calm down for a while." "I'm really famous." Brother Shi suddenly said, "Call again at dawn!"

10, a buddy sleeps in the upper bunk in junior high school. One night, all the students in our class were having a nap, but this guy fell asleep. Suddenly I heard a "plop" and the buddy fell from the upper bunk. One of my classmates hurried out of bed to turn on the light. At this moment, the funniest thing came. I heard the buddy weakly shout "Mom, turn on the light"! At that time, we had all kinds of funny jokes.

1 1. One day, a classmate in our class recited an ancient poem "Compassion for Peasants": "We plant 10,000 seeds in spring and harvest a millet in autumn ..." I fainted, and the whole class collapsed and sweated!

12. After dating for a long time, the woman discovered that her boyfriend was a rogue! The woman shouted in despair, "That's enough! I want to break up with you! " The boyfriend asked excitedly, "What is the part of breaking up?"

13, a student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time and was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn. The students gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and students, the topic I recited is: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves) ..."

14, men in the new century: sleeping on the floor, living in the corridor, kneeling on the motherboard, mending clothes, eating leftovers, paying prescriptions, taking care of children, raising girls, enduring loneliness and keeping empty rooms!

15, in the subway, I saw a beautiful woman around me take out an iPhone, then a young artist took out an iPhone, and a business man took a silent look and took out an ipad. At this time, I smiled ghostly, took out my Nokia and smashed a walnut in the aisle, so the whole scene was hold by me.

16, "Doctor, I feel very stressed sometimes." "When is it usually?" "When cooking." "Oh, what's your name?" , "Pressure cooker."

17, whoever dares to bully me in the future will write your names on the insoles and trample you to death every day.

18, it is said that the Tang priest came to the foot of Wuzhishan. Wukong: "Master, help me!" "Tang Priest:" How do you repay me for saving you as a teacher? "Wukong:" I'll send you to the Western Heaven! " "

19, mom doesn't have to worry about my study anymore. She holds a BBK lighter in one hand and a textbook in the other. It's so easy!

What I saw on TV said that nutritionists said that you should eat fruits and vegetables first, then the staple food, and finally the meat. Because fruits and vegetables are digested fastest, followed by starch, and protein is the slowest. I think it makes sense. After eating a bowl of noodles, I found that my beloved roast duck can't eat any more … What nutritionist! You liar!

2 1, Lao Wang and his wife are both operators. One day, they quarreled and Lao Wang slammed the door and left. In the evening, my wife dialed Lao Wang's mobile phone. Lao Wang said grumpily, "Hey! This is the departure service hotline. Bow your head and admit your mistake, please press1; Resolutely divorce, please press 2; If you want to hit someone, this service desk will transfer you to 1 10. " The wife hung up the phone angrily. Late at night, Lao Wang came home and found the door locked. He had to call his wife's mobile phone, only to hear her say in a fake voice, "Hello! This is the "Who's Afraid of Who" service hotline. If you want to go home, please kneel on the washboard; If you want a divorce, please kneel on the nail board; If you feel uncomfortable, this service desk will transfer you to 120. "

22, the hospital to prevent patients from fleeing the periphery 100 fence. Two mental patients still want to escape from the hospital. Trying to climb over the wall in the dark. Turn to the thirtieth wall. "Are you tired?" "Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards. Turn under the 60th wall. "Are you tired?" "Not tired." So the two continued to turn outward and turned to the 99 th wall. "Are you tired?" "Tired!" "Well, let's go home."

23. congratulations Has been admitted to the shameless class of toad department of United nations frog university! Please take bus No.514 with a mental illness certificate and get off at Benlu Benjie. Please stand at the school gate and giggle when you sign up!

24. If someone bullies you, tell your sister that I hit him with four limbs, seven joints, a color screen on his face, a straight nose, a head shock and a twisted front tooth.

It is said that when there is a meteor in the sky that day, it is very clever to make a wish. I made a wish on a meteor that day, hoping you would be smarter. Shit! Guess what? The meteor flew back the same way!

26. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, you were the commander in chief, wearing a pot cover, carrying a sack, carrying a plastic bag around your waist, holding a pot cover in your hand, and sticking two Chinese cabbages on your feet, shouting, "Stop! Shit! Rotten! "

27. Do not study; It's too difficult! Make tofu! Tofu is the safest; The hard thing to do is dried tofu! Thin is tofu brain! Thin is tofu skin! No, soybean milk! If it can't be sold, it can also be used as stinky tofu!

28. On the bus today, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd. The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?" The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?" The people in the car snickered! The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?" The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?" The whole car is hilarious! The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

29. A puppy climbed onto the dining table and rubbed against a roast chicken. The shopkeeper was furious and said, I'll do whatever you dare to do to that roast chicken. The dog licked the chicken's ass. The master fainted. The puppy said happily, look who's good!

30. A rich man's wallet is like a flower. Every time you open it, it makes people smile. A poor man's wallet is like an onion. Every time you open it, it makes people cry!