The coldest joke in history

1, an egg went to the teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, causing a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became Hua Dan; An egg is riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child;

2. One day, two ice creams competed for swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming until the last two ice creams melted.

Four people are playing mahjong in the room. When the police came, he took five people with him. Why?

-Because the person they hit is called Mahjong.

When Xiaoming came home, the dog next door suddenly ran out and bit him. He picked up bamboo in a rage and wanted to hit it. The owner of the dog saw Xiao Ming beating his dog, and said unhappily, You have to watch the owner before you can beat the dog. Haven't you heard of it? At this moment, Xiao Ming said: Good! I will beat your dog while watching you.

6. Xiaoming stepped on the stool, why didn't he get his shoes dirty? Because he didn't wear shoes ~

Xiao Fang, who is six years old, is very cute and is often proposed by boys in her class.

One day, Xiao Fang came home and said to his mother, "Mom! Xiao Qiang proposed to me today, proposed to me ... "

Mother casually said, "Does he have a regular job?"

Xiao Fang thought for a moment and said, "He is in charge of cleaning the blackboard in our class.

8. Xiaoming has just entered primary school. After the first monthly exam, his mother was very nervous about his grades. ...

Mother: "Xiao Ming, how did you do in this exam?"

Xiao Ming: "Alas! Those are the extent to which children are cheated! "

Mother listened to a burst of secretly pleased, must be good in the exam will say so, and then ask ...

Mom: "Did you do well in the exam?"

Xiao Ming: "Because I was a child, I was cheated ~"

9. Once upon a time, there was a stray dog. He searched around the street for food to sustain himself. He walked through countless cities and streets. Finally, he came to a desert. He wants to cross the desert, so he walks, walks, walks ... tired and thirsty. Finally, he lay down and said, "Why am I as tired as a dog?"

10, Bug: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

Zhu Xiao was invited to visit Xiaowen's house. . . .

At Xiaowen's home, I saw Xiaowen calling his wife "dear".

When Zhu Xiao saw this scene, he was very moved and said, "You are not easy! After nearly 10 years of marriage, you still call your wife so sweetly. . . . . 」

"Actually," Xiaowen whispered, "I have forgotten her name for a long time. . . . 」

Patient: "Doctor, I have a bad cough. 」

Doctor: "How old are you? 」

Patient: "75 years old. 」

Doctor: "Do you cough at the age of twenty? 」

Patient: "No cough. 」

Doctor: "Do you cough at the age of forty? 」

Patient: "No cough either. 」

Doctor: "Then don't cough now. When do you cough? " ? 」

13, a mental hospital was tired of being discharged by a group of patients, so the dean relaxed the rules. All patients who want to leave the hospital must pass the following examination: Dean: Where are the eyes?

Patient: Here are the eyes (pointing to the eyes).

Dean: Where is the nose?

Patient: This is the nose (pointing to the nose).

Dean: Where are the ears?

Patient: The ear is here (pointing to the ear).

As long as the position can be correctly pointed out, the patient can leave the hospital.

One day, Patient A applied for discharge and passed the above test, so he happily went back to the ward to pack his bags and prepare for discharge. Patient b in the same ward cried in surprise, "impossible, impossible, your condition is worse than mine, and I can't pass." How can I live? " "Patient A said," Shh ~ Don't tell anyone, I'll use my back!

14. One day, Mr. Wang found his 5-year-old son Xiaoming acting strangely.

Towards evening, he stood by the window waving his hand, as if he were still mumbling.

Mr. Wang walked quietly behind Xiaoming, but he heard Xiaoming say, "Goodbye, goodbye ..."

Mr. Wang looked out of the window, but there was no one. It's been like this for several days in a row. At this time, Xiao Ming stood at the window, repeating the words that made Mr. Wang creepy.

Finally, Mr. Wang couldn't help it. He called his son over. "Xiao Ming, who are you saying goodbye to at this time?"

"Grandpa." Xiao Ming looks naive. Mr. Wang's scalp is fried. "Which ... which father-in-law?"

"Grandpa Sun ~"

15, the neighbor went to the newsstand near the market to take a snapshot and took a bust. She went into the pavilion, took a photo and waited for the photo to develop automatically. She picked it up and exclaimed, "My God, my photo looks like a monkey!" " ! A woman behind said coldly, "I'm sorry, that's mine." Yours will have to wait for five minutes. 」

16, one day Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

The father told his son a story: once upon a time there was a frog …

Son: Are there any science fiction stories?

Father: A long time ago, there was a frog in space …

Son: Do you have any restricted classes?

Father: shh ~ keep your voice down so that mom can't hear you. Once upon a time there was a frog with no clothes on. ...

Children's interesting vocabulary

1. You're welcome

Our children upstairs are called children, and their nicknames are smelly. When children play together, they don't know who tuba is. One day, Tong Zhi's mother and son passed by my house. Her mother was talking to her son: Tong Zhi, did you fight again in kindergarten today? The son doesn't understand: why is the smelly mother polite to him and her son? She is also called a comrade.

2. Japanese

One day after work, my son suddenly said mysteriously to me: Mom, there is a Japanese in your company.

I asked: Who are you talking about?

The son said: I heard that your company always calls that fat man Yuan Manjun, but he is not Japanese.

I am speechless: my colleague's name is Yuan Jun. 。

Step 3 pee on the train

Autumn outing, get off at a station by train, just as the train added water and the water overflowed. A beautiful and lovely little girl is shouting: Dad, look, the train peed.

> roadside clear masterpiece when it comes to:

> 1. You're welcome

At that time, shouting slogans on the stage, if the audience didn't shout along, they would be suspected of having a problem with their position. When a woman holds a shoe sole, as long as she hears someone shouting in a long voice, she will quickly follow suit. On this day, the captain of the women's team stared at the speech intently, thinking about the old man's bad, and excitedly shouted:

Beat the father of the child!

Female: Beat the baby's father ~ ~

Female captain: It's my baby's father, not yours!

Woman: It's my child's father, not yours ~ ~