I want 25 jokes.

How can I live without copying! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forgive me! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

1、

Three sons are wandering away from home. One day, after they went home to visit relatives together, they talked about what gifts to give their elderly mother.

The eldest son said, "I built a big house for my mother."

The second son said, "I gave her a Mercedes-Benz car and hired a driver for her."

The third son smiled and said, "I gave my mother a better present." Do you remember that mom likes reading the Bible? But her eyesight is very poor now, so I gave her a clever parrot, which can recite all the bibles. It took the elders in the church 12 years to teach, but it's one in a million! Mother only needs to say which chapter and paragraph, and this parrot can recite it. "

Soon, all three sons received a reply from their mother.

In a letter to her eldest son, she wrote, "The house you built is too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the whole house. "

In a letter to her second son, she wrote: "I am too old to travel far, and I stay at home most of the time, so I seldom use Mercedes-Benz cars. Besides, the driver you hired is too rude! "

In her letter, she said to her third son, "You are closest to your mother and know what her mother likes. The chicken you cooked for your mother is really delicious! "

2、

One day, Zhou went to an auction. There, he took a fancy to a parrot, because he wanted it very much, and he kept bidding. He keeps bidding, but he is constantly being surpassed, so his price is getting higher and higher. Finally, after his bid was much higher than expected, he won the bid-the parrot was finally his.

When paying, Zhou said to the auctioneer (Lan), "I hope this parrot can really talk. I don't want to spend so much money on a parrot that can't talk! "

"Don't worry," Lan said. "He is sure to talk. Who do you think just now bid you? "

3、

A company carried out internal reform and hired a new CEO-Yu Gonglan. Lan is determined to rid the company of lazy people. On his first day in office, while visiting the warehouse of the company, he noticed a young man leaning against the wall of the warehouse and lazily reading the newspaper. Everyone else is sweating. He thinks this is a good opportunity to show his management skills.

Lan called the man over and asked sharply, "What's your monthly salary?"

The young man summoned up his courage, looked at him timidly and said, "2000, what's the matter?"

After hearing this, Lan immediately took out 2000 taels of cash from his pocket and said loudly, "This is your salary for one month. Now you leave here at once and never come back! "

He appreciates his practice of making an example of himself. After driving the young man away, he looked at the people in the warehouse and said, "Who can tell me what this slacker is doing here?"

One of the employees said timidly, "He came from another company to pick up the goods."

4、

At the crowded bus stop, Fujiwara was waiting for the bus in a tight miniskirt. When the bus stopped to get on, she realized that her skirt was too tight for her to get on. She smiled awkwardly at the driver, reached out and unzipped the zipper at the back of the skirt a little, thinking that she could get on the bus. But it still doesn't work.

She unzipped the back of the skirt again, but she still couldn't get on. No way, she had to unzip the back of the skirt, but it still didn't work.

At this moment, a tall man behind her (blackwood) put his arms around her and carried her into the car.

After getting on the bus, she turned to the man and shouted, "How dare you touch this lady? I don't know you? "

Heimu smiled and said, "You zipped my pants three times. I think we are already good friends. "

5、

Alina planned to go fishing in winter, so she set off with all her equipment. Finally, she found a piece of ice. She came to the center of the ice, ready to drill a hole there first.

Suddenly, a voice in the sky sounded: "There are no fish here!" " "

Alina looked around and didn't see anyone. She started drilling again. The voice suddenly rang again: "I have told you, there are no fish here!" " "

Alina looked around again, but there was still no one. She picked up the electric drill again and prepared to drill. The huge roar sounded again: "This is the third time I warn you that there are no fish here."

Alina began to panic. She asked in fear, "How do you know there are no fish here? Are you a god? "

"No, I'm not God. I am the manager of this skating rink. "

6、

The new year is coming, and in order to improve their positions, employees have given gifts to President Murakami. The president knows what employees do at home, so he has to guess what they gave him.

The florist's daughter gave him a box. He held it above his head and shook it. "Is it a flower?" The president asked.

The florist's daughter replied, "Yes, how do you know?"

Then the son of the candy store owner came in with a box. He held the box above his head and shook it. "Is it sugar?" The president asked.

The son of the candy store owner replied, "Yes, how do you know?"

The son of the hotel owner came in, and the president found that the box he was holding was a little leaking. He licked the leaking place with his tongue and asked, "Is it wine?"

The man shook his head.

The president defeated it again. "vodka?"

The man replied, "no, no" it's a puppy! "

7、

Star division heard that the press in new york often set traps in interviews, so it was very careful. On the plane, as soon as we met, a reporter asked, "Do you want to go to a nightclub when you get to new york?" Star wanted to avoid this question, so he smiled and asked, "Is there a nightclub in new york?"

The next morning, the headline of the newspaper was: "When Xing Si got off the plane, he asked,' Is there a nightclub in new york?' "

8、

Zhou and Xing Si met in the hospital. Zhou asked Xing Si, "What's wrong with you?"

Xing Si replied, "I want to have my tonsils removed. I'm a little nervous. "

Zhou said, "There is nothing to be nervous about. I did it once. They made it while you were sleeping. When you wake up, they give you jelly and ice cream. It's easy. "

Secretary Xing asked Zhou Ren, "What's the matter with you?"

Zhou said, "I'll cut the appendix."

Hao Erdao: "Ah! This is amazing. I was born with my appendix cut, and I can't walk for more than a year! "

9、

Kirari went to the seaside with some girls. Kirari thought there was a place to change clothes, so he went without a bathing suit. But when she got there, she realized that she was wrong, so she quickly slipped back into the car to change clothes. Just as she struggled to put on her bathing suit, she found a boy (Zhou Ren) staring at her on the beach. So, Kirari angrily walked to the owners.

"Do you always stare at people who change clothes like this?" I want to ask.

"Do you always change clothes in other people's cars like this?" Zhou Ren asked.

10、

Some people will go to heaven after death. God walked up to them and said, "Please stand in two lines. One line is the person who can dominate his woman when he is alive, and the other line is the person who is dominated by his woman when he is alive. All the women report to St. Peter's church. "

People do what God tells them. God looked again, and the women were gone, and the two rows of men had stood up. The line of a man who was dominated by his woman when he was alive was thousands of miles away, and only one person stood on the line of a man who was dominated by his woman when he was alive.

God was angry and said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves! I created you in my own image, but you were enslaved by your spouse. Look at my only child standing here. He made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my child, how did you become the only person standing in this line? "

The man replied, "I don't know. My wife asked me to stand here. "

1 1、

Zhou and Xing Si are walking together. They come to an abandoned mine. They wanted to know how deep the hole was, so they threw a stone in it and judged by the echo, but they heard nothing. They threw another bigger stone, but they still heard nothing. They looked around for something bigger and finally found a section of railway track. The two men tried their best to take the railing to the mouth of the cave and throw it down, but they still didn't hear any reply. At this moment, a goat suddenly flew among them and rushed into the hole.

They were very surprised and stood there at a loss. After a while, a man came up to them and asked them if they had seen a goat. They replied that a goat had just fallen into a hole.

"Oh, impossible," said the man. "That is by no means my goat. My goat is tied to a section of railway track. "

12、

The President, Zhou Ren, Xing Si and Kirari camped together in the wild. In the middle of the night, Kirari woke up the president and asked him, "President, look up, what do you see?" ?

PRESIDENT: Stars?

Kirari: What did you think of?

The president thought for a long time and said: Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and billions of planets in the universe. Astrologically, I observed Saturn in Leo, and inferred that it appeared around 3 o'clock 15. Theologically, I saw the omnipotence of God and how small and insignificant we are. Meteorologically speaking, I think it will be fine tomorrow. Haha, am I knowledgeable? What do you see?

Kirari: I think someone stole our tent.

13、

One day, Alina was enjoying the beautiful scenery at a depth of 20 feet. Suddenly she found another person beside her, but she didn't use any diving equipment. She dived another 20 feet, and the man dived with her. Alina continued to dive for 25 feet, and a few minutes later, the man appeared again. Elena was surprised, so she took out a waterproof flat and wrote, "How did you dive to this depth without trying any diving equipment?" The man picked up the tablet and pen, erased what Alina had just written, and then wrote, "I drowned, you unearned person."

14、

Alina's father called Alina to the company and announced his decision: from now on, his daughter will own half of the company and become his full-time partner.

"Daughter, which department do you want to be in charge of?" He asked.

Alina replied, "I don't want to work in the shipping department or the sales department." I am not interested in managing accounts. "

"So what do you say," dad asked, "What do you want as a partner and half-owner of the company?"

Irina said, "I hope you can buy my shares."

15、

Zhou He walked past a high-class hotel together, and the smell of the food floated out.

Host: Do you like it, Kiralin?

H: hmm!

Zhou: OK, we'll walk there again.

16、

In the room of the village west office, Alina found the note on the table.

"You are very lucky to see this note, because you have found the opportunity to be an idol of No.65438+0×××. As long as you shout "peace is found" three times when you sing on the stage, the charm value will increase several times!

In one of Alina's performances, Alina glanced at Kirari behind the curtain.

Irina (confident): Hum! I have a unique skill, and I will beat you! Found peace! Found peace! ! Found peace! ! !

17、

Tang Tang: If Alina doesn't take back what she said to me this morning, I'll leave here at once!

Nye: What did she say?

Tang Tang: She told me to get out of here.

18、

Lan was bored when she practiced magic at home, so she found an ant and taught it to dance. When the group visited, Lan excitedly took out the ant and said to them, "Look at this ant ..."

Slap the ant to death on Monday: "Your environment is really bad, and there are bugs!" " "