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Who can tell me some jokes?

1. A leader said, "I wish you good health ..." Hold your breath, and there is nothing more to say. -2. Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers? -3. I once went to buy mutton kebabs-held out four fingers and said "three mutton kebabs" to the boss-and the boss got "how many?" -I held out three fingers and said "four" ... -4. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" At that time, I yelled at that guy-5. My parents quarreled, and my father said angrily, "I'll go out!" " -6. I just went to college for military training. The company commander didn't know where the accent came from and shouted the password-"Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!" -7. When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potatoes, not potatoes! When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "-What's more, the examiner sighed and said," Confucius' student. "-9. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! ! -10. Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying! -1 1. Me: That's our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? -Me: Chemistry. . . -12. One day, when I was at school, there was a phone call for me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you. "-I casually said" a man and a woman "as soon as I answered the phone-everyone laughed, and I was laughed for four years-13. Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result is: "He ... left"-65438+-15. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes? "-16. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said casually, "Go and have a cigarette! "As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.-17. The teacher left homework, so I copied it from others if I couldn't do it, and then I went to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" "-18. Our company has a car to pick up and drop off at work in the morning because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" "I laughed to get off ~! -19. In college, a classmate argued with me that I was at a disadvantage. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! -20. When I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks) -2 1. One day, she went to a classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down! "~ ~ cold! A large group of students died laughing-22. Once in ktv, I ordered a song, and a mm shouted: Give me a "double Jay" with a stick every week. -23. Before the examination teacher handed out the paper, the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it". As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine". Come on: Do your children eat human milk or your milk now? -25. One night, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning" ... -26. In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly, "I watched the midnight edition of the American Bell today! "-27. Due to business trip, I have to go to a domestic bank to repair equipment. After getting out of the hotel and getting into a taxi, I said to the female driver, "Go to the Bank of China and buy a knife from a hardware store. "Khan! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please call a new taxi. "At that time, I was very angry and said that what car did you stop at the hotel after work? "! ?" The female driver looked at me and said, "I don't want the fare after buying the knife. Please find another one." Dizzy! ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver. -28. The political teacher once said "Let me give you an example" in a lecture, and then he thought it was wrong and said "Give me an example"-29. In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator who this person was. A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless-30. In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. -The teacher said, "All Japanese samurai were delivered by caesarean section before they died."-31. When I was in college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. He called 1860 to ask about it. I was excited at that time: may I ask about your mobile phone business? . . From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . My husband is thin. Once I was in a hurry and said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" " -33. Original broadcast: Two gangsters wounded me 1 10 The police fled-the announcer read: Two gangsters wounded me 1 10 The police fled-(Huang Feihong reincarnated! ) -34. One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:-reported the meter, and the examiner was normal ~ ~ ~-35. I remember once, when I went to KFC with a sister, I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg hamburger and a pair of chicken wings ................................................................, but the result was "calf, a hamburger"-36. MM told me that KFC's new "kebabs are crispy" and asked me to take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady: Please give me two copies of "blood", thank you! .............-shame-_! -37. A boy saw his uncle: "Buy two dishes for uncle!" -Uncle: "This kid is too boastful to even tell anyone!" -38. A shy male classmate went to the canteen to have breakfast. The host in the window asked him, "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said, "I want … I want … a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked, "What do you want? Say it again! " "I want a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun ... oh. Don't! A steamed bun, a loaf of bread! " -39. In English class, the teacher said, "Good morning, teacher!" -Student: "Good morning, student!" -the whole class burst into laughter. -40. A classmate called a friend's house and his grandfather answered it. This classmate doesn't know what he is thinking. He just said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma ..." Suddenly he felt something was wrong, so he hung up the phone with a bang ... -4 1. A buddy, a girl who had been dating for a long time, was going to confess to her. They sat for a long time before he got up the courage to say to the girl, "Do you have a boyfriend?" The girl replied shyly, "Not yet." He was ecstatic: "Then can you be my boyfriend?" -42. The wife asked reproachfully: You don't even know your grandmother's name? -the husband's wronged answer, how do I know? My grandmother was only seven years old when I died. -wife surprised: what? -my husband quickly changed his mouth: no, no, my grandmother died at the age of seven! -43. Before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and all your dishes in the washing machine-noodles ~ ~ ~ ~-44. Once I came out of my mother's house, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out "Mom! "-45. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said," You are really full and have nothing to do! " -