Everybody tell a joke! ! !

A mother takes her children to Disney to learn English, and Disney must teach them in person. The staff told her that there was no such person, and the mother didn't believe her. The staff said that you should find a rabbit to teach him English.

2。

A star: Do you believe that I only sleep for one hour a day? Reporter: What are you doing in the other 23 hours? Star: doze off.

3。

A gentleman who was balding at forty was worried all day. When he saw an advertisement in the newspaper for a secret recipe for baldness, he was overjoyed and immediately sent money by mail order. A few days later, I received a reply: Do you want a wig or a hat?

4。

someone dreams of a secret but wakes up and forgets it! He decided to write down the same dream the next day, so he put a pen and paper on his pillow. The next day, I woke up and read the paper: If the banana is big, the banana skin will be big!

5。

a certain gentleman takes the traffic test. Examiner: What should I do when I meet the green light? A: Drive past. Examiner: What about the red light? A: Stop it. Examiner: What about the yellow light? Answer: Fight with it!

6。

A psychopath was writing a letter. The nurse asked: Who are you going to write to? Patient: Write it to myself! Nurse: What does the letter say? Patient: You are crazy! I haven't received it yet. How do I know?

7。

A leader of an education bureau went to a middle school to take the exam, and announced to the students at the meeting: "In order to be fair, I will take the exam in grade one this year, grade two next year and grade three the year after." All beings collapse.

8。

A certain armor looked at the needle and couldn't help asking: Will it hurt? The nurse said: Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than twenty years. Only heard a scream. The nurse slowly connected: there is no time when it hurts.

9。

A parrot was taught to talk: I can walk. Parrot: I can walk. A: I can talk. Parrot: I can talk. A: I can fly. Parrot: Don't be ridiculous.

1。

A lawyer said, I want a divorce. I can't stand my wife running into the ballroom at 12 o'clock at night. Lawyer: That's unforgivable. What's she going to do? A: Go and get me back!

11。

A: How long can a person live without brains? Some B: I don't know. How old are you this year?

12。

A captain ran to the cockpit with an axe. When the passenger saw it, he said, Captain! Are there gangsters? Captain: I accidentally locked myself out of the cockpit.

13。

In a public occasion, people often urinate everywhere, and the manager put up a sign warning that "fines for offenders" could not be banned, and it was getting worse. One day, Zhang Yi posted a notice saying: It is forbidden to urinate anywhere, otherwise the tools for committing crimes will be confiscated.

14。

someone digresses from the topic and talks for two hours at a time. At last he realized: Sorry, I forgot to wear my watch. A voice from the back seat said, There is a calendar behind you.

15。

The biology department of a university has three majors: zoology, entomology and botany. At the student meeting of the whole department, the host called out: animals sit on the left, insects sit on the right and plants sit in the middle.

16。

Mingming eats peanuts every day. Seeing peanuts fall to the ground, he said, "How do you waste them every day?" Pick it up and put it in your mouth. Stop for a while every day and say, "You didn't even waste bugs!"

17。

secretary-general: the general manager asked us to go out and buy the sikuquanshu tomorrow. Secretary: We only have three warehouses, and they are all full. Secretary-General: Then make room for another office.

18。

Art school stipulates that boys are not allowed to fall in love with female models. Xiaoqiang not only talked but also got the model pregnant. Was known by the school. A few days later, the school announced that Xiaoqiang was expelled for destroying props.

19。

Beauty Beauty, I love you and think of you day and night! If you abandon me and go with him, I'll chop you to death! ! Beauty A made all the men admire her, and B dared to carve the words "I love you" on the table of A. A was angry, but she couldn't help but wipe it off, and everyone admired B. The next day, A inscribed four words on the table: Snow in the north of Saibei.

2。

Americans take a taxi in China: Your car is so slow! Ours is much faster. To the destination, the charge is fifty yuan. "ah! So expensive! " Answer: "This meter is American!"

21。

Americans: In America, there are many people who help basketball stars in lawsuits, but few people can really play basketball. China people: There are many people who help China football team to tell their fortune in China, but few people can really play football.

22。

I miss you very much every day, three times in the morning and four times in the evening, for short: chop and change! The gas company usually notifies the workers in writing to replace the new gas meter, and there is a remark column on the form. If the workers can't finish it, they must explain the reasons in the column. The most common reason is that dogs should not change their watches.

23。

Like a hunting dog without a girlfriend-with a keen sense of smell; Be like a pug when you are in love-the skin should be thick enough; Like a German shepherd after marriage-finally shed that hypocritical skin.

24。

without a girlfriend ... a good citizen; When you have a girlfriend ... bail pending trial; When engaged ... monitoring residence; After marriage ... life imprisonment! When you don't have a girlfriend, you are a hunting dog. When you find the target, you are a pug. When you get it, you are a German shepherd. When you lose it, you are a dead dog.

25。

Toilet door couplet: the excrement falls in the pond and shakes the stars all over the sky (note: stars at night, flies during the day); Wan Li Jiangshan is spread on the urine shower wall; Horizontal batch: gas-rushed bullfighting.

26。

The cat is guarding the mouse hole, thinking: Boy, I don't believe you won't come out; Soon a hedgehog came out, and when the cat got up, it held him down and said, sample! I don't know you after spraying hair gel!

27。

steamed bread and noodles fought, and as a result, steamed bread was beaten and cried, so I went home and called the steamed stuffed bun with flowers to look for noodles. As a result, the instant noodles opened the door and the steamed bread said, sample! I don't know you when I perm my head? Hit it!

28。

melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, it's not sweet, it's free!"! Hungry passerby: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one. "

29。

a man is lovelorn. His friend comforted him and said, "It doesn't matter. You will soon forget her and find a better girl." "No, I can't forget her soon!" The man shouted, "I bought her a lot of things, all of which were paid in installments."

3。

The first diving test will be held soon. Diving student: How can we pass the exam? Coach: Come back alive.

31。

Mom disinfected it with boiling water towel, ran over and pointed to the pot and asked, Mom, what's in it? Mom: It's a towel. After a little hesitation, he said, it turns out that towels can also cook soup!

32。

The mother explained the birth of the baby to her little daughter in detail. The daughter was silent for a while: "Is this how our kitten came?" "That's right." "Dad is great! He can do anything!"

33。

Mom asked Xiaoxin to go shopping for eggs, but all she bought were small eggs. Mom: Why are all eggs small now? Xiao Xin: It was born by a chicken. Puppy love is popular now.

34。

Mom asked Lirong to have her hair cut, saying that long hair needs a lot of nutrition, which is a waste! Li Rong replied: since long hair needs a lot of nutrition, isn't cutting hair the same as cutting nutrition?

35。

Mom bought a net bag of fruit and reminded her son: You put the fruit where no one can reach it. The son said, Mom, just put it in my stomach.

36。

Mother said to her son, Dad will entertain a Yugoslav at home in the evening. When the father and the guest stepped into the house, the child whispered to his mother: Mom! Come and see, that lady is a man!

37。

The mother stood in front of the bank window with her child in her arms. While the child was eating bread, she gave it to the cashier from the window. The cashier smiled and shook her head. Mother: Sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.

38。

mom: why doesn't Xiaoming give candy to his little sister? The old hen finds all the bugs for the chicks to eat. You should learn! Xiao Ming: OK. If I find bugs, I'll feed them all to my little sister.

39。

Mom: Xiao Ming, you are so old that you need a hug from your mother. You are ashamed! Xiao Ming: The aunt next door is older than me. She just gave it to her father.

4。

mom: which apple do you want? Child: The big one, the biggest one. Mom: Son, you should be polite. I want a small one. Child: Do you have to lie if you are polite?