A long joke

School starts today, and the whole class introduces themselves. A male student stepped onto the platform: "My name is You Yongzhi, and I'm from Beijing. I love playing chess! " Then I went down. The next one is a girl. The girl shyly stepped onto the platform and introduced herself with trepidation: "I … my name is Xia Kuyaku … I like swimming …" The whole class fainted.

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Freshman: I found a bug and the whole bowl of rice fell down; Sophomore: pick out the bugs and continue to eat; Junior year: eat like there are no bugs; Senior: I found no bugs, protested, how can I eat without bugs!

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My wife went out to collect debts and returned empty-handed a few months later.

The husband said angrily, "You are really incompetent!"

The wife said, "I didn't get the money, but I brought the boss's child back!" " "

The husband was overjoyed and asked, "Where are you?"

The wife patted her belly and said, "Don't worry, it's closed here!" " "

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One afternoon a month before graduating from high school, the school flower in our class, who has always been very quiet, stood on the podium and loudly said to us: Love is not a dream! Love is made! ~ `The whole class fell down first, and then the applause thundered ... I will never forget this scene! `

There was a mm curse at the beginning: Why didn't your dad pat you on the wall? ! !

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Tang Priest and his disciples are going to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. The Tang Priest wanted to take a shortcut and asked Wukong. Wukong replied, "I heard that the plane is much faster than the White Horse Dragon." Pig suggested, "Master, I heard that Shenzhou VI is faster." Then Friar Sand took out four bullet train tickets, pointed at the Tang Priest and said, "Master, I heard that this thing can take you to the Western Heaven at once!"

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Women can't get married because of their small breasts. One day, she said to the man on a blind date, "Do you dislike my small breasts?" The man said, "Is it as big as steamed bread?" The woman said yes! On the night of the bridal chamber, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber and knelt in front of the sky and shouted, "Oh, my God, Wang Zi steamed bread!" " "

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The man's lower body is unwell, and the diagnosis of western medicine must be removed. The man couldn't bear to lose his baby and switched to Chinese medicine.

The Chinese doctor looked at it, asked it and prescribed a pair of Chinese medicine.

Men are overjoyed. Say: Chinese medicine is still effective, but it doesn't need to be dismantled!

Chinese medicine calmly replied: it will automatically fall off in two days! !

African black girls travel to Shanghai and stay in hotels. Fire in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly. A fireman was surprised to see it and said, my god, it's all burnt, running so fast! !

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A suicide told the reason of his suicide in his suicide note, which sounded really headache. The suicide note reads:

I married a widow. She has an adult daughter. My father married the daughter brought by my wife. So my father became my son-in-law and my daughter became my stepmother. I call my dad dad, and my dad calls me dad. My daughter calls me dad, but I call her mom. I still have to call my wife and grandmother because she is my stepmother's mother. Soon my daughter, my stepmother, gave birth to a son. He is my half-brother, and he has to call me grandpa, because he is also my grandson.

Later, my wife, my grandmother, gave birth to a son. He is my stepmother's brother and I am his nephew, so my son calls me dad and I call my son uncle.

In addition, I am my wife, my grandmother's grandson and my grandmother's husband, so I am also my grandfather. And because my wife is my grandmother, my son, that is, my uncle is my brother, my daughter's brother, so I ... God, such a complicated relationship really breaks me down, and I can only get rid of it if I die.

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My husband likes to hide at home and let me find him, but the house is too small, and I can easily find him every time. Once before going to bed, he turned off the light (the switch of the light was at a certain distance from the bed). After turning it off, he quickly squatted on the ground. Although I can see clearly (night vision is very good), I am silent. I saw him squat for a while, and then climbed into bed. I held back my smile. When he climbed into bed carefully and leaned out, I jumped on him and scared him! Haha, laugh wildly!

In my husband's eyes, I am notoriously nearsighted; Low IQ. But sometimes, he will be fooled by me. The day before yesterday, we got separated in front of a busy shopping mall, but I found him back and looked back nervously.

Hope. I walked behind him and called his name. He suddenly turned around. I pretended not to see him, but shouted. I also showed fear and anxiety. He smiled happily, hugged me and said, "Oh, stupid!" " Oh, how sweet!

I remembered another one: I was walking in the yard with my husband after dinner last night and suddenly saw a cockroach on the road. I shouted: "Husband, step, step, step to death!" " "Then I put my foot out to step on it, and my husband said," Oh, it's Xiao Qiang, let go. "It makes me feel cruel and heartless.

My husband took the shuttle bus home, and the road was blocked. He texted me to make a detour home. I texted him back and said that you could sleep in the car because of the traffic jam. He replied: No! Dreaming how horrible you are!

One day, I saw on TV that the China team lost in the sports competition, and I vowed, "In the future, I will let my children practice sports and win glory for our country!"! ! "My husband looked up at my book and said," Let him practice weightlifting. See if his mother can do it! " "woo hoo ...

One day, my husband and I discussed a silly topic that everyone would discuss, "Be a man or a woman in the next life." I thought for a long time and said, "I want to be a man in my next life and let you be a woman to serve me!" " My husband gave me a twisted look and said, "You've said that all your life." ...

My husband and I shot a mouse at home yesterday. My husband was very brave and trampled the mouse to death. I praised him for his bravery, but he said sadly, "Hey, I feel so sad when I think of Shuke and Beita when I was a child!"

It's the first time to cook for my husband, but the craft is really not good, and the dishes are irrelevant. My husband is so cute, he bowed his head and comforted me, saying that it has nothing to do with his wife. Just feed me and wear warm clothes. I don't ask for a well-off life.