Humorous jokes on campus.

Humorous jokes from campus A humorous person can not only tell jokes, but also know jokes told by others. Here, I collected humorous jokes on campus to test how high your humor cell index is!

Campus humorous joke 1 1, the miracle of painting.

Two friends visited the art exhibition. Many spectators stood in front of a self-portrait of a famous painter.

A friend of mine looked at this painting for a long time and said in surprise, "How odd! You see how he can draw himself with his hands in his pockets? "

2. Give me back my beard.

A scotsman went to the barber shop to have a shave. He is a poor man and lives by selling hairbrushes. The barber took out a brush and asked him how much it was. "A shilling." The barber thinks it's too expensive.

"This is sixpence," he said. "If you think it's not enough, you can take the brush back." The Scotsman picked up the comb and asked the barber how much he had just shaved. "A penny." The Scotsman took out half a penny and handed it to the barber: "If it is too little, you can give me my beard back."

I'm not home yet.

The husband got a little drunk and started flirting with the sexy girl who played the piano.

At this moment, his wife came up to him and said, "When you get home, don't forget to remind me to prepare some ointment for your bruised eyes." "But my eyes are not bruised?" Habib asked suspiciously. "Aren't we home yet?" The wife said with a sneer.

4. It is best to walk

Allahan bought 65,438+00 donkeys. When he counted on the donkey, he found that there were only nine donkeys. When he came down and left, the number of donkeys was exactly 10. It was 9 when he rode up and 10 when he jumped down. Repeatedly for ten times, Allahan concluded: "It is better to walk!"

Campus humor 2 1, college entrance examination, math exam. It was cool, and I fell asleep by accident. I am dreaming. The invigilator told me: wake up, students. There is still half an hour to hand in the papers. Let your papers dry. They are too wet to tie up. ...

2. The teacher reprimanded Xiaoming: "Your handwriting is so scribbled that normal people can't recognize it." Xiao Ming said, "But if I want to write one stroke at a time, you will scold me for writing too many mistakes."

My parents came to see me at school and took them to the hotel at the school gate at night. When registering, the front desk casually asked, "Do you have a membership card?" ? I also casually replied "yes". And then ... and then the parents' harsh interrogation. ......

4. "I am a geography teacher in high school. Yesterday, I talked about the Volga River in Russia. I said: There was once a very famous painting. Do you know what it is? Student: Tracker on the Volga River. Student: Teacher, do you know another very famous song? Me: ... Student: The love of the tracker on the Volga River. "

5. "Xiao Xin made a new girlfriend online, and everyone bragged about how beautiful his girlfriend was ... One day, Xiao Xin looked at his girlfriend's photo enviously and said," It's like a fairy ... "

His roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow photos to see the fairy who came to the world, ready to be "amazing"; As a result, there was only one question after reading it: "When did you come to the world as a fairy ... did you land on your face first?" 』"

6. A Qiang is always dozing off in class. The teacher can't bear to wake A Qiang up from his lethargy and ask him, "Do you know why the rabbit lost the race between the tortoise and the hare?" 」

"I don't know," A Qiang replied sleepily.

"Because the rabbit is dozing off," the teacher said angrily. ....

"oh! I see. " If A Qiang realized that all the turtles had not dozed off. "

7. When my classmate was lovelorn, I went to comfort her and said, I'm sorry for your loss. By the way ... after hearing this, the female classmate thought for three seconds to wipe her tears and squeezed out a smile and said, you are a comfort to so many people. ......

8. When I was at school, I once took a bus with my classmates, and his cell phone rang ... He said to me loudly, "Shit, it must be that grandson again. Come to me if you have no money", then he took out his cell phone and said, "Hey, Dad …" Then he went on to say, "Yes, I have no money, please give me some money. . "The whole car can't hold it. ......

9. There are six people in a dormitory. The fourth one snores, which often keeps us awake. Once the second one can't stand it, it's a slap in the face. After waking up, the fourth one looked at the second one in horror, and the second one said, Have a nightmare, and the second brother will cover you with a quilt. Old four said sadly, thank you, second brother.

10, Xiao Zhang doesn't like studying, and his grades are very poor. As the university was about to graduate, he asked the professor, "Teacher, what will you study after graduation?" Professor: "job advertisement."

1 1. A gangster rushed into a bank, pointed a gun at the cashier, threw him a pocket and said, "You have one minute to fill your pocket, or you will become a geography!"

Although the teller was extremely scared, he was heartless: "Are you ... are you wrong?" ? It should be that you will become history ... "

The gangster frowned and said shyly, "From the time I was studying, I was most afraid of history ..."

12. I have been teaching art and design for many years, and I often encourage students to be creative. Another painting exercise in junior high school is "Association of Hands". There is a black drawing paper in my homework. After reading it for a long time, I didn't draw anything on either side. Only on one side of the drawing paper, I vaguely found the name, class and proposition written in pencil: "I can't see my fingers."

13, people who go to college are sometimes naive. Last week, the new monitor of our class took office and announced at the class meeting that the whole class would be organized to travel on the first day of the New Year's Day, and the destination was decided by the whole class through voting. As soon as I opened my mouth, I discussed with my deskmate where to play, and finally we decided to go to the zoo. For convenience, I wrote a "zoo" on the ballot.

After receiving the tickets, the monitor sang in front of his classmates: "One vote for Nanshan Ski Resort, One vote for the Great Wall …" Suddenly, the monitor raised his hand and shouted: "Who wrote this 200? The funds for this activity are limited, so you can not play, but you can never send 200 yuan! "

14. Teacher knowledge of nature introduced all kinds of poisonous snakes in the forest to the students on the blackboard and taught them all kinds of emergency measures.

The teacher then asked, "What should you do if you meet a cobra?"

The student said eagerly, "break its glasses first!" " "

15, the most charming short message: the meteor of love says to you: love+love = very love, love-love = the starting point of love, love * love = infinite love, love/love = the only love!

16, the teacher asked two unruly children to stay after school and wrote their names 100 times. One child has been writing home for a long time, and the other is still writing. The teacher asked, "What's going on?"

The child whimpered and replied, "This is really unfair! His name is Hankin Frank, and my name is Ali Zarour Bin Hassan Ibrahim La Boudoul Rajim. "

17. In the first class after the long vacation, the rogue teacher asked the students passionately, "Do you miss me?"

The students unanimously answered "No-".

"But I miss you!"

The student is puzzled: "Y?"

"Because I love you!" The teacher's passion remains the same.

There are many questions in the classroom.

"Don't believe it? Alas, it forced me to complain about the history of revolutionaries! " The teacher said sincerely, "It was the first time that I set foot on the glorious post of teacher, and an old teacher who devoted his life to education gave me lessons." . He said that the most important thing to be a good teacher is to love your students. "

The voice of doubt is gone, and the expression of doubt is still there.

"He also told me," the rogue teacher continued, "that if you can't do the above, you should at least do half of it, and that is the female student who loves you."

18, freshmen report to school.

Teacher: "Parents' names? "

Student: "Li Dameng."

Teacher: "Relationship with you?"

Student: "No, he often hits me!" " "

19, Toby's father bought Toby a small football. He took it to school and had a good time.

The teacher came over and touched Toby's head and said, "Toby, you are a primary school student, not a kindergarten child anymore. You should know how to care about your classmates." Lend your ball to that poor little boy who has no father, will you? "

Toby hesitated for a moment and said, "Can I lend my football to his father?"

20. Teacher: "Which tooth of a person appears at the latest?"

Student: "Dentures."

2 1, "The boiling room has always been an inconspicuous place, but the place where love takes place has always been irregular. Perhaps it is in this place that people will love each other all their lives, or at least meet the right person. Therefore, in the spirit of "Three Lights Policy", we will not let love run away anywhere. So, when you make up your mind to meet love, you can set off for the boiling water room! Premise: bring at least two bottles, otherwise it will make people feel insecure, at least not diligent enough. Time: It is the peak time to turn on the water after dinner, so it is not recommended to do it in winter, because it is easy to ignore foggy places in a boiling room, and then you can't treat inferior girls as stooges, so ..... "

22. One day, I asked my mother who was watching TV in the mirror, "Mom, do you think my face has lost weight recently?" My mother turned her head and studied it carefully for a long time. She said, "My face is not thin, but my eyes are thin."

23. Article 1: In high school, the whole school must wear school uniforms, and a repeat student never wears them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes? Second, an art teacher is famous. A newspaper has a large-scale report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some classmates always told me that you are really good, and you have published photos in the newspaper ..." A student: "Looking for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to take art classes. The third time: in Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the question, and the classmate was in a daze and could not speak. The teacher said helplessly, "You will." ......

24. The chemistry teacher did experiments on dilute hydrochloric acid and zinc. He prepared the test tube and poured some hydrochloric acid. I waited for a long time, but there was no response. I was puzzled and asked a classmate to answer: this classmate, please tell me why there is no bubble.

Classmate: Teacher, you didn't put zinc!

Teacher: This student answered very well!

25. A teacher gave an example when explaining the word "miracle": a man jumped from the eighth floor and escaped unscathed. He hoped that the students would work miracles.

But a classmate replied: lucky.

The teacher was disappointed and said that the man climbed to the eighth floor and jumped down, but he was still not injured.

A classmate replied: by chance.

The teacher was very angry and had to say, that man climbed the eighth floor again and jumped down again. ...

Before the teacher finished speaking, a classmate replied: He is used to it.

26. In the composition class, the teacher's topic is "the value of life".

A student who sells seafood at home wrote: "Live fish is 80 yuan per catty, and dead fish is 20 yuan per catty;" Live shrimp per catty 100 yuan, dead shrimp per catty 30 yuan; Live crabs are 40 yuan per catty, and dead crabs can only be thrown into the trash can. Therefore, life is precious and must be cherished.

27. A wise man taught one of his students, "When it rains, you rush into the rain, hands in the air, and you will find out the truth". A few days later, the student came back and said,' I did as you said, and the rain flowed into my neck, and I felt like a complete fool',' Yes', and the wise man said,' That's the truth'?

28. The classroom was still noisy when the bell rang. As soon as the teacher struck the table, he immediately became quiet. Then the teacher shouted, "didn't you hear the bell?" After a silence, a deep voice came from the corner of the classroom: "When did you hear the bell?"

29. The girlfriend of the math department wants to break up, and the boyfriend asks why. Woman: You are poor and have a bad personality. There are five or six people in front of you, who love to learn more, but your grades are in a mess! Man: You exaggerate! Woman: I'm almost there!

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