Jokes about Yan Zi

The Analects of Confucius, the Fifth Magistrate 16: Those who are familiar with it are welcome, so stay at a respectful distance.

Confucius said, "Yan is good at making friends with people and respects them for a long time."

Mr. Liu Zongyuan has a classic short story, Donkey of Guizhou, which is about this place in Guizhou. At first, there were no donkeys. A busybody brought one back to the ground by boat in Guizhou, and found it useless, so he left the donkey on the hillside and let it die. At first, the tiger saw it and thought the donkey was like a monster, so he didn't dare to invade it. Before long, the tiger began to test the donkey by swinging and rushing the donkey. It didn't take long to try out its foundation, and finally the tiger ate the donkey.

After listening to this short story, we may not know how the donkey was eaten, but we must know how the tiger planned this donkey. Therefore, it's better to stay away from those who sneak around and claim to know each other well.

Yan, who is evaluated by Confucius here, is a person who is good at keeping a distance from others.

In modern etiquette, the distance of conversation is special. It is said that when two people talk, it is good to keep a distance of at least one meter. This appropriate distance is "ceremony".

The Book of Rites says that "the order of heaven and earth is also". It means that ceremony is the expression of the nature of heaven and earth and the order of all things. Everything in the world keeps its place and goes its own way, so that it can live in harmony. When talking with people, consciously keep a distance of about one meter, that is, keep your position. When dealing with people, you can always maintain respect, that is, you can go your own way. Only in this way can we live in harmony.

Yan is. This man is great. There is his special book "The Spring and Autumn Annals of Yan Zi" in history. As for Yan Zi, many stories are almost household names because of his short stature and extraordinary flexibility. As a great politician, Yan Zi is definitely a wise man.

There are many stories about Yan Zi, and Confucius' comments only emphasize his characteristics of "being kind to others", which just shows that Confucius agrees with Yan Zi's "being kind to others" without reservation. Yan Zi is a native of Qi, older than Confucius, and made his fortune earlier than Confucius. When Confucius went to Qi, he was already the prime minister of Qi. The reason why Confucius was frustrated in Qi State was more or less due to the "credit" of Yanzi, a short man.

Even so, Confucius commented on him-being good at making friends with people.

It is difficult to even communicate with people at ordinary times, one is to know and the other is to know the appearance. On the surface, Confucius emphasized Yan Zi's solution to the problem of "knowing the image". In fact, these two problems have been well solved by Yan Zi.

First, it is difficult to get to know each other.

It is difficult for two people who have never met to become good friends.

Yan Zi's method is-don't treat yourself as an outsider. The well-known story-Yan Zi established the king of Chu, and the king of Chu originally wanted to shut Yan Zi out, deliberately closing the front door and leaving a small door. Yan Zi said that I entered the city from the dog hole when I was sending the dog to the country. Now I'm going to Chu to perform a task. How can I get through the dog hole?

We consider this passage carefully. Yan Zi didn't stand in the position of Qi, nor did he speak in his own position, but stood in the position of Chu, and never regarded himself as an outsider from the beginning. In this way, the Chu officials guarding the city had to open the door to let him into Chu.

Comparatively speaking, ordinary people think it is difficult to meet people they have never met, because they have a separate heart first, distinguish themselves from each other, and have the extravagant hope of becoming bosom friends with each other. Imagine, in this world, why do people want to be your bosom friends and try their best to understand your strengths? Except for parents, wife and children, probably no one will have such patience and motivation. Therefore, if you want others to know about us, the best way is not to treat yourself as an outsider, not to be divided, to openly show your strengths, to sell yourself, and to introduce yourself frankly to others.

Confucius said that Yan Zi was "good at making friends with people and respected them for a long time", which means that Yan Zi solved the problem of "knowing each other is difficult" from the beginning. Then the problem of "getting along for a long time" was further solved.

Second, I have known each other for a long time-looks are hard to know.

How do two people know each other when they become friends?

In addition to internal motivation, there is also a question of skill. This skill is-respect it.

We often see such a joke: two good friends feel that they are each other's confidants because they can talk. So we had a meal together. After dinner, the friendship became stronger, so they competed with each other to settle the bill. As a result, they fought and punched each other.

In the street, we carefully observe the details of two people vying to pay the bill: often one person pulls the first person away and then the first person pushes it back. Then there is the one who pulls people to play the fool first-"What's the big deal, I'll do it"! Usually add a scary expression of staring eyes, and finally say something not very nice. The other one didn't like it right away. Who pays the bill at first, slowly becomes who is rude first. Finally, they turned against each other and broke up in discord.

In this process, the biggest problem is that because we feel familiar with each other, we slowly forget the "ceremony" and lose the consciousness of "respect".

Think carefully about Liu Zongyuan's Donkey in Guizhou. Now that you have lost the meaning of "staying at a respectful distance from others" and even started to waver in words and deeds, is "I" really a donkey in Guizhou? The final result is naturally a double stare.

So Confucius' words implied the way to make friends.

Mr. Wang said, "Yan is good at getting along with people. He has been with people for a long time, but he still respects each other. "

Later, this passage of Confucius was extended to the relationship between husband and wife. Between husband and wife, what can be "respectful as guests" can often last for a long time.