Sorry, I love you.

The moonlight is foggy, rotating and shining on the newly pasted white enough paper, flickering with light and shadow.

"It hurts." Yan Fei rolled on the bed with his hand over his stomach.

She was blue and sweaty. Lily is broken and kneaded into a ball, but it seems that only by holding this lily-patterned pillow towel hard can the pain coming from the abdomen be quietly relieved.

"Hey, honey, I have a stomachache now." She said weakly.

The man was awakened by her, but he was not impatient. As usual, he replied in a hoarse voice mixed with a gentle tone: "You reach to the left, and there is a red medicine bottle in the second interlayer, which is a painkiller. Just take a few tablets. "

So, she tried her best to reach out and find the medicine bottle in the second interlayer, and then swallowed a few tablets.

"But why is this medicine bottle white?"

The man smirked a few times and said shyly, "Maybe you left it somewhere else."

Her eyes blurred in an instant, and faint tears welled up. "Oh, sorry to bother you."

She hung up the phone and curled up in the corner of the bed.

It turns out that they have broken up for several weeks.

1

Yan Fei, Yan Fei.

In her sleep, she was awakened by the quick knock on the door, and then she got up and opened the door with her tired body. There was a smile on her pale face when she saw her best friend Zuo Ling rush in with something full in his hand.

"Zuo Ling, why are you here?" Her voice is as weak as dead leaves falling from an old tree at any time.

"I brought you breakfast. You look pale, and, "as if thinking of something, she quickly took out a bottle of white medicine bottle from her bag and threw it to her. "This is the medicine for you. Don't you often have a stomachache? "

She smiled at Zuo Ling, and then her eyes were full of glittering and translucent.

"Don't cry, I hate these things." Zuo Ling said in a tone of disgust.

Yan Fei raised his eyebrows and showed a long-lost smile on his face.

"Thank you, Zuo Ling." Yan Fei can't help but say.

"Line line, you don't be emotional, go and wash. I'll get you breakfast. " Said and pushed her into the bathroom.

YanFei washed out of the bathroom, Jing Zuo will put breakfast neatly on the pure white table, with porridge, soybean milk, steamed bread and even a bowl of hot mutton powder. As long as you smell it, Yanfei will know that this is mutton powder from a mutton powder shop a few blocks away, and it is also one of Yanfei's favorite foods.

But today, Yan Fei has never eaten powder again, just drinking soybean milk, picking out a small steamed bun from a greasy bowl from time to time and chewing it slowly.

"Hey, Feifei, this is your favorite powder. Well, it took a long time to buy it. Don't eat two bites, explain. "

"Yes, but I don't particularly want to eat it." Her voice was timid, and then she bowed her head.

Zuo Ling didn't know what to say when she saw her like this, so the air cooled down.

The air conditioning temperature in the room is a little low, which makes people feel a little cold.

"A-choo." Eating and eating, Yan Fei sneezed, and pure white soybean milk spilled all over the table, and even some of it dripped into mutton powder.

Zuo Ling picked up the toilet paper next to her and handed it to her quickly.

She weakly took the paper towel, drew a few from it, and began to wipe the cheeks stained with soy milk, but stopped, looked at the bowl of mutton powder and said to herself, "In the past, Shen used to queue up to buy mutton powder for me."

Tears fell without warning.

2

Shen is Yan Fei's ex-boyfriend. He loves Yan Fei very much. He will run a few blocks away because of Yan Fei's love and queue up to buy a bowl of mutton powder. Because Yan Fei is afraid of the dark, he will walk downstairs for half an hour and shout to her, "Phillips, I'm coming."

After seeing the familiar figure through the window, Yan Fei will laugh unconsciously, then stick his head out of the window and wave to him constantly.

At that time, what Shen often said to Yan Fei was, "Phillips, I will love you for a long time."

However, Shen broke up with him a few weeks ago, so now when she thinks of this promise, it's like listening to a joke, with tears in her eyes.

"Fei, in fact, Shen may still like you." Zuo Ling this sentence will her thoughts back on track, "you know what? He told me the news that you were ill. "

Yan Fei didn't answer, but kept blocking the tears that kept flowing downwards with paper towels.

She remembered last night, and she was embarrassed as if she were not herself.

"He also specially asked me to buy this medicine for stomachache. He said that you don't like swallowing, but you are used to swallowing, but you are afraid of suffering, so he told me to buy this medicine, otherwise you won't take it. "

Zuo Ling dictated slowly, and YanFei's tears became more turbulent, but she didn't know why she was crying. All she knows is that her mind has been echoing the way she swallowed the pills clumsily last night, and she felt a pain in her heart.

Therefore, her men consciously embraced each other and tried to drive away the pain, but it was useless.

At that moment, Yan Fei knew that the inner excitement was the real choppy. There is no way to alleviate this. I just hope that the surge will come more violently, make my heart numb slowly, and then lose any consciousness.

"Fei, if you think it's worth it, you can fight hard and don't let yourself regret it."

"Really?"

"Well, judging from the fact that he called me, it shows that he still has feelings for you. Perhaps it can be said that he still can't let you go. "

YanFei face a faint smile.

three

In the afternoon, Yan Fei decided to go to Shen alone, perhaps because she said, "He still can't let you go," or because she wanted to know a reason why Shen said he didn't love. Can love really be picked up casually and then put down at any time?

Zuo Ling actually wanted to go with her, but Yan Fei refused because she needed to face this relationship alone.

"Fan, in fact, I think as long as your tone is a little gentle in the afternoon, it may pass. After all, we have all seen his kindness to you over the years, but you are a little bit not ... "Her tone is getting smaller and smaller, and finally it seems that she can only feel her whispering. As for the words, she didn't catch a word.

"I don't love him?" Yan Fei asked a self-deprecating question.

Zuo Ling panicked and quickly denied it. "No, no, no, Fei, that's not what I meant. I mean ..."

The smile on Yan Fei's face seems to be deeper, but the usual smile is fire and heat. Now, on her face, it is cold, like a miserable cloud that is going to rain, and a raging storm will break out at any time.

"Isn't it, you all think he loves me a little more? I used to think so, but why did I feel so bad after I left him? " She cried like a downpour and gave a hoarse smile.

"I have pain here, I have pain here." Yan Fei pointed to his heart.

"You know what? Zuo Ling, it hurts here. I thought he would have the same pain as me, but when I called him last night, I heard a strange woman's voice. Obviously, he loves me more. Why am I tortured into this ghost, and he ... "

She choked up and couldn't speak, so she could only keep sobbing to vent all her feelings, but tears flowed down like broken beads.

The house rented by Shen Xin is a bit remote. Some of them can't find their way, so they keep beating around the bush, but the more they do it, the more anxious they are. Tears are swirling in their eyes, but at the moment when tears are about to fall, their eyes are full of perseverance and determination, like the first frost.

Tears are gone, but my heart is still hurting.

Before, Yan Fei never worried about getting lost, because she was sleepy. She always tugged at his skirt and then walked down his steps. At that time, her heart was very stable, she got poetry and distance, and she would never think about wandering again. Now, ...

She saw Shen again, still with short, finely chopped hair, and her deep eyes were mixed with deep feelings that didn't twinkle like stars. She came to her with a bright smile, as dim as the sunshine today.

She always thought that Shen's gentle smile had always been her exclusive, but today his affectionate style appeared on another girl.

It turned out that everything was what she thought.

five

"Phillips." When Shen saw her, she shook her hand quickly, and her face showed an indescribable panic.

"I ..."

"I know everything." Yan Fei smirked, like a clown ending, pitiful and even sad. I'm afraid she would be more embarrassed now if the shock from her clenched lips didn't stop the tears in her eyes.

"Can we talk alone?" Her voice trembled a little.

He nodded, whispered a few words in the girl's ear, and the girl reluctantly left, while he watched her leave until she disappeared in the corridor.

He is as gentle as ever.

"Ha ha ha, shen, your eyes seem to be getting worse. She doesn't seem as beautiful as me. " Yan Fei smiled, as if talking about a small matter.

"Yes, but she loves me as much as I love you."

Tears in the corner of her eyes could no longer be suppressed and began to flow drop by drop.

"When did you start?"

"Shortly after breaking up, it may be because of her that I broke up. She was so kind to me that I saw my shadow in those days, and then I thought, instead of loving me humbly around someone I don't love, I would choose someone who loves me. "

"Ok, I wish you happiness."

Yan Fei's doubts turned into nothingness at this moment. At this moment, she just wants to escape, leave far away, find a place where no one knows and cry alone.

But just as she turned around, Shen stopped her, and there was a hint of coldness in her self-mockery: "I wish you happiness, hehe, Yan Fei is so cruel." I'm glad we broke up then. We have been together for three years, but it will always be my unconditional contribution. I thought you would question me and accuse me when this happened, but you wished me happiness. "

Yan Fei was surprised and began to explain, but he didn't give her a chance to explain at all.

"Yan Fei, you know? I love you very much, I really love you, but? What about you? Do you say you love me? At that time, you were with me because you were rejected by propaganda and to comfort your heart, but you know what? How happy I was when you agreed to be my girlfriend. My world is lit up because of you. "

"Shen Mufeng." Yan Fei let out a cry and burst into tears.

Shen to nodded, and then held her in her arms. It seems to be the same feeling as before, with a hint of lavender sweetness, but with the constant pressure of the arm, lavender withered, mixed with a little bitterness.

"Phillips, do you remember? We used to like to stutter and barbecue in that alley. I put a lot of peppers in that barbecue, and every time it was so spicy that my eyes were red and even tears came out. " His arm shook her shoulder, and his gentle voice was mixed with hysteria.

Yan Fei nodded, and then tears ran down her cheeks to her chin, wetting the pleated light blue shirt she wore on her first date with him. She doesn't know why she chose this dress to see him today, perhaps because it is a memory of love, the hottest Zhu Shazhi in the mottled time, or another word can describe such a subconscious behavior, that is love.

It's a pity that this love is so deeply buried that she doesn't even know it.

"At that time, we were so happy, holding hands with big hands and warming each other."

YanFei sobbed, speechless, just leaning on his chest and nodding his head mechanically.

He caressed her face, and his eyes looked at each other, but he couldn't see the complicated feelings and the inexplicable entanglements.

Just now, his sunny face was a little overcast, like a dark sky mixed with thunderstorms and lightning, ready to pour out.

"But yan know? I don't like spicy food. It hurts badly as soon as I finish eating my stomach. Only by taking medicine one by one can I relieve it quietly, but medicine is so bitter. Once I accidentally ate too much and began to vomit wildly, but I smiled after vomiting, because I thought it was worth seeing you smile. "

"I really don't know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ..." YanFei repeated this sentence with his head down.

That afternoon, they stayed for a long time until Yan Fei saw the girl who had disappeared in the corridor again and stayed not far away to watch them.

In the end, Shen left silently, but Yan Fei didn't say a word to stay.

six

On the way home, Yan Fei thought a lot. After thinking about it, he felt a little uncomfortable and his heart was bleeding.

When I saw the orange sun shining on the tender blue leaves, she seemed to have returned to that afternoon. As usual, she said to Shen who just got off work, "Hey, Shen, I'm hungry. Go and cook. "

Shen didn't speak, but just collapsed on the sofa.

"Shen, I'm hungry" Yan Fei's voice was mixed with some emotions.

"Shen Mufeng."

He stood up and slapped his coat on the coffee table in front of him. Melons and potato chips were scattered on the ground, and even she could feel something floating on her face, which fascinated her eyes like raindrops.

"What are you doing?" Shen, she shouted at him.

"Nothing, I'll get you something to eat." He finished with a curled mouth, with a little regret on his face but more impatience and extreme patience.

The clothes were messy after he put them on the sofa. They were going to leave, but she caught them. "Shen Mufeng, are you out of your mind today?"

Bang, the glass coffee table turned into a cold flower, climbing, roaring and dying.

"Yan Fei, you know? It's really tiring to work every day, but when I get home, I have to support you like my ancestors. Can you help me save snacks? " There was something pleading and painful in his tone.

Yan Fei, who collapsed on the sofa, stood up. "When we were together, you said you would take care of me, but you said you did all the housework. Why now, why don't I understand you? " You say, how can I not understand you? "Asked Yan Fei.

"Well, I don't want to argue with you." He pushed her away and went into the kitchen.

And she sat on the sofa thinking, aren't these all his promises? What's wrong now? ...

Suddenly, there was a loud noise in the kitchen, crackling like firecrackers. When Yan Fei arrived at the scene, the white porcelain bowl was broken, and Shen stared at the pot in front of him with a shovel.

She didn't dare to look at him, so she immediately squatted down and began to pick up the pieces on the ground.

Picking it up, she shed tears for no reason.

"Let's break up." Shen's words are like a big stone knocking on a silent river, which may send out stormy waves at any time.

"hmm." Yanfei nodded, bright red blood began to spread slowly, and a thick scent of blood filled the narrow kitchen.

Finally, it was Yan Fei who put the band-aid on the wound scratched by the white porcelain fragments alone, but when she put it on, the bleeding stopped and a bleak red appeared near the wound.

With a dull smile, like a marionette, she sat at the table with a straight face and ate powder, which was the last thing Shen gave her.

But the powder stopped steaming and began to knead and solidify into a ball, which became hard and ugly, so she had some difficulty biting it, and even her teeth felt as if there was no pain.

The taste seems to be the same as before, but she seems to have put too much vinegar. When she eats it, she feels sour at the tip of her tongue, and then her eyes seem a little sour. When she put down her chopsticks to wipe her eyes, tears had already flowed down.

Later, Shen sent her a WeChat and said to her, "I'm sorry, Fei, please forgive me for breaking my word, but I'm really tired, you know?

How hard it is for me to walk this road. In the past, you liked to make public, but I was like a clown, silently accompanying you and giving you warmth. You didn't accept me until you were completely rejected, so I always felt lucky to let you stay with me. So whenever I think of the word love, my heart is ticking with pain. I thought you promised me because you were moved by my love, but you don't love me. "

When Yan Fei tried to reply to him, his head was already dark.

She kept staring at the screen of the mobile phone until several virtual shadows appeared, and the world was upside down, and her eyes were hazy.

Tears mixed with laughter, but in fact, her heart is not much pain, but more of a numb feeling, just like accidentally eating Chili.

Later, Shen packed up and left during the work break, avoiding the embarrassment of meeting her. It seems that he will always be like this, doing everything so gently and methodically, and even breaking up has given both sides the dignity they deserve.

But this tenderness is so hurtful, like a sharp knife inserted into her chest again and again, without giving her the slightest chance to breathe.

seven

The past is like smoke, blowing in the wind. It seems that Yan Fei has begun to get used to the life without Shen, although his shadow still appears in her life all the time.

Go shopping and pass the wedding dress shop they have been to. The wedding dress in the window is still as holy and beautiful as the blooming lily. Nothing seems to have changed, but everything seems to have changed, because she lost the boy who was full of her.

But this time, Yan Fei didn't want to cry. She is really a strange person. Even if she loves her very much, she will leave without looking back as long as she is definitely rejected.

So she hates watching TV, especially about romance, because men and women are so good, why bother with men and women?

Obviously letting go can be very free and easy.

Make public is like this to her. In those days, she loved him and burned like a red rose. She thinks he can save half a month's living expenses just to buy a pair of shoes he likes, and she can also refuse impeccable tender courtship.

But when she confessed to him and was rejected, she resolutely walked away, and then took apart the folding paper crane that had stayed up for countless nights, tore it into pieces and threw it into the river.

The starlight that night was so bright, like a pearl on a cloud. She leaned against the dam by the river, with tears in her eyes and a cold wind blowing, but what no one knew was that she was laughing inside, because she no longer had to pay unconditionally, and she was finally relieved. As for tears, she just gave her a small explanation of wrong love, that's all.

When Shen, who was holding kapok, came to her with deep affection, she covered her chin with tears and wrote incredible words on her face.

She thought he understood her, thoroughly understood her, understood that she had let go of publicity, and understood that she would treat him wholeheartedly after accepting kapok in his arms like snow.

But Shen still doesn't know her well enough.

I don't know why, Yan Fei suddenly thought of a small thing, that is, she especially likes an anchor who makes funny short videos. Every time she watches his video, she will laugh, and then all the unhappiness in her heart will be swept away.

So every time he releases a new short video, she always praises him and leaves a message in the front row. Even though he never replied, she still felt very happy.

It was not until his first live broadcast that she posted several barrage to express her love for him, but she was forbidden to speak.

At that moment, she felt so sad, just like being cut by a blade, showing bouts of pain.

Looking at the screen, he smiled and said to the person who rewarded me, "Get off the plane." "Thank you friends, thank you for your love for me." ...

"Is it because she didn't send gifts and barrage that she was banned?" There is an indescribable sadness in her heart.

Finally, she quit the studio and silently took the pass.

eight

Thinking of this, Yan Fei felt a little uncomfortable in his eyes, like blowing into the sand, so he blinked hard until his eyes turned red and he felt slightly moist.

Not far away, there is a clown performing by the fountain. He has a red pointed hat on his head and a red and white ball in his hand. Then he missed his foot, threw the ball out, caught it with his hand and went on.

In this process, he is smiling, but through this smile, people can't tell whether it is a real smile or a fixed outline on their faces.

Suddenly, the clown smiled and held out a hand to her and waved her to put it on, but she seemed surprised, stepped back and finally fell into a strange but familiar embrace.

It's still the familiar smell of lavender, but now it smells a bit like the dead grass, faint, heartbroken and lifeless.

"Phillips, I can't believe I met you here." Shen's face was obviously a little surprised, and the surprise was mixed with a trace of joy.

"hmm." Yan Fei nodded, obviously no other expression on her face, because as early as the moment he held her hand, she knew he was Shen.

Thought of here, Yan Fei can't help but feel a little funny, but smiling means a lot of tears.

She thought it was really ironic. Shen kept saying that she didn't love him and that she didn't know him, but when she touched his body, she knew it was him, and he didn't know it until he saw her face.

At that moment, Yan Fei knew how much he loved Shen Mufeng and loved him. His temperature and breathing are deeply imprinted on his mind.

The atmosphere seems to be getting cold. Although the whistling wind didn't blow them away from each other, Yan Fei knew that the distance between them had been blown away by the wind.

From hot summer to sad autumn, things have changed in just a few months.

"Are you alone?" YanFei smiled and looked around.

But he didn't answer her, just stared at her, staring at her, his eyes seemed to be shining with faint tears.

"I came from the other side, so I went there for a stroll." YanFei pointed to his rear and ran past him with a smile.

When Shen felt that Yan Fei was getting farther and farther away from him, he had an indescribable feeling in his heart. He still loves Yan Fei. He thought about her all the time during the break-up. Sometimes he even went home to lie in bed with a hangover and kept chanting the name Yan Fei, so one morning, after his girlfriend made breakfast for him, he left a note with the words "May!

When he saw her, his heart was so excited that he wanted to hug her for the first time and tell her what he thought during this time.

But all this was torn by him in the most gentle way, so gentle that he could not repair those fragmented happiness, so he could only watch her fade away.

Suddenly, the music fountain opened, and the water column rose to the highest point with the music, then poured down. People screamed and started taking pictures around the fountain or enjoying this strange sight.

The red clown, who has just been watched by everyone, has faded, but even so, the smile on his face still exists, as if it had solidified and become an indelible mark on his face.

He walked slowly to Shen, bowed his head and handed him a rose, and then Shen's eyes were full of this red rose. He seems to see a little white from this burning red, and then the white spreads slowly, and finally becomes a piece of white and a clump of kapok.

"I broke up." He shouted at her back.

The clown smiled, and Yan Fei turned around and saw the boy with the gentlest smile in the world.

"Fei, I like you. I still like you as always. I broke up with you just because my love is too humble. Love makes me wonder if you ever loved me. Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what?

I was so happy when you came to see me that day, but the first thing you said was, I wish you happiness. Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? How sad I am, how sad I am

But fi, you still love me, right? This street has our sweetest memories. You must have come alone because you haven't put it down yet. Fly, let's get together again. "

Finally, the boy who missed him extended his hands to her again. I don't know why, when the scene in the dream appeared, she was not as happy as she thought, and she kept retreating in tears, perhaps because she knew they couldn't go back.

Finally, Shen stopped in front of her, forced a smile and asked, "Can we still be friends?"

Yan Fei shook her head, and then began to look up at the sky at 45℃, because she had heard that as long as she looked up at the sky at 45℃, tears would not fall.

Shen showed the gentlest smile and calmly turned to leave.

Suddenly, Yan Fei began to shout, "Shen, I love you."

After that, she turned to cry in the wind, and she was smiling.

Shen, who runs counter to her, also smiled with red eyes after hearing her words.

nine

Later, I asked Yan Fei, since she still loves Shen, why did she finally reject him?

Yan Fei smiled and shook his head, then picked up the boiling water on the table, took a sip and replied slightly drunk, "Zuo Ling, do you know? Some things are like wounds, even if they heal, they will leave scars, which will always remind you of that painful memory. "

Yan Fei doesn't know why. When she finished this sentence, she suddenly thought of another sentence. In the wrong place, she met the right person and finally had to miss it.

Because love is 100%, even the smallest deviation ends in regret.

Shen's love is too humble, while Yan Fei's love is too implicit. Humble love will make him moved by his own love, but not only Yan Fei's love, but also implicit love will make people sad, because he can't feel the temperature of Yan Fei's love.

But the main reason for this regrettable ending is Yan Fei, because she is a fragile person and can't stand the harm brought to her by others. Just like later, she never watched the funny video of the anchor again, even though she loved it so much.