Give me some jokes! It’s going to be hilarious! Want a lot! I'll give you points!

1. I went to save money at noon. When I was queuing, a beautiful woman asked me from behind: "Save money?" "Why don't you two have to queue up?" I thought it made sense, so I gave her the money.

2. When I got on the bus in the afternoon, I took out my bus card and put it into the coin slot.

3. One day I found that my mobile phone was missing. I searched my bag and every corner of the house to no avail. So I fell to the ground depressed, took out my mobile phone from my pocket, and sent a group text message to everyone: I lost my mobile phone

4. My neighbor forgot to bring his key, so he climbed over from my balcony and found the key in the house. He turned it over again and opened the door to his room. What’s even more amazing is that I was on the balcony taking care of her from beginning to end and didn’t feel anything was wrong. Alas, our heads must have been squeezed through the same crack in the door.

6. At dinner at work a few days ago, a young colleague ordered a large bottle of Sprite and poured it around for everyone. When it was his turn, the bottle was empty. So the colleague shook the Sprite bottle and said to the waiter: "Do you still have this?" The waiter ran over, took the bottle, inspected it carefully, and said sincerely: "No more."< /p>

8. You guys play World of Warcraft. The counselor went on rounds and was furious. He grabbed the mouse, dragged the desktop shortcut to World of Warcraft into the recycle bin, emptied it, and said: Let you play again!

9. Today my dad called my mom. On my mobile phone, my mother was busy at the time, so I answered the call.

Me: Hello

Dad: Oh, where is your dad?

Me: Ah?

Dad: What is your dad doing? What?

Me: Uh. . . On the phone

Dad: Oh, ask him to call me back after the call.

11. I fell in love with a pair of gloves. The boss wanted 35 yuan. I said 30 yuan and I wanted it. I gave Zhang 50 yuan, and he quickly found me 35 yuan. . . .

12. A question requires connecting the following four sentences with related words:

1. Sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studies tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned many foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned acupuncture.

The correct answer should be: "Although sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed, she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.

As a result, one child wrote: Although sister Zhang Haidi tenaciously learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, she was still paralyzed

Another more powerful child wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture, she is so. I studied tenaciously and finally became paralyzed!

14. My surname is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of my unit. Someone once called me on my mobile phone: "Chief Chicken, are you in the pig room?" At that time, he yelled at the guy. Suddenly

15. A certain leader led everyone to drink, raised his glass and loudly said: "Let us die together!"

Everyone (...)

19. Once, while eating and chatting in the canteen, I suddenly realized that I had dropped a piece of rice. I secretly felt that I was sorry for wasting food, so I picked it up and ate it. However, I later discovered that the rice did not seem to be mine...

21. After swimming yesterday, I opened the trunk, threw the key in, and then closed the trunk...

22. I went to a good friend's house and while we were chatting, her father came back and opened his mouth to call "Auntie", in embarrassment, her mother appeared again, opened her mouth and called "uncle"... and then infinitely doubted her own IQ

24. She started school very early in high school, and her mother made breakfast. I put it in my school bag to take to school to eat, usually steamed buns. My mother made porridge on Sundays when I didn’t have school. I didn’t know what the problem was, so I picked up the porridge and threw it in my school bag...

27 .One time when I was having breakfast at school, a classmate in front of me swiped his card, but the machine didn’t respond. Even if he swiped again, it still didn’t work. He was very depressed and said that the machine was broken. I asked me to try it and swiped the card, but the machine really didn’t respond! He tried again. I changed it, but it was still the same. I was very angry! I took the card and was about to put it in my bag when I realized that the card in my hand was a bank card. I laughed wildly! He pointed at me and laughed even harder. It turned out to be the ID card I was holding!

30. I entered the gate on the subway and swiped my phone at the gate. I kept telling the person waiting behind me that the machine was broken.

sweat. . .

31. More than twenty years ago, my mother rode a 28-inch Phoenix men's bicycle to send my one-year-old sister to kindergarten. When she arrived at the kindergarten, she used the "Praying Mantis Queen" in an extremely chic manner. Swinging my legs, I felt like I was knocking something. She didn't care and pushed the cart forward. A few steps behind her, someone shouted, "Comrade, this comrade..." My mother turned around and saw that my one-year-old little sister remained sitting still and was stunned. He fell to the ground. For more than twenty years after that, my sister refused to sit on my mother's bicycle, which I hated for more than twenty years...

32. I like to eat all the melon seeds. Eat it. Guessing, after eating them all, he dumped the melon seeds on the plate into the trash can and looked at the other plate of melon seed shells in a daze.

33. When the monitor was on standby, I went to shake the mouse, but it was still on standby. After shaking it for a long time, I found that I was shaking my mobile phone...

34. Going shopping by bike, to the store Went into the store with the car unlocked. After shopping, I came out, locked my car, and rode away. . .

35. When I was a child, I liked to bite the tip of the pen. One day when I bit it, I felt something was wrong. It was very salty, and then I found that I had sucked a mouthful of ink.

36. Once after peeling an apple, a long I was very proud that the batch was not broken. I threw the apple into the trash can and put the skin into my mouth!

37. When I was making scrambled eggs and tomatoes, I knocked the hard-boiled egg against the edge of the bowl. It was not rotten for a long time, and I even told my wife that the eggs were bad.

40. During a picnic, he took out the last cigarette in the cigarette case and lit it, threw the zippo directly into the fire, put the cigarette case back into the bag, and continued to grill the meat, until a bunch of sparks exploded and burned him 2 His clothes were ruined and 2 bowls of dumplings were destroyed

41. Use your mobile phone as a lighter to light cigarettes and use your mobile phone as a TV remote control.

42. The phone rang while I was cooking. After answering the call, I put the phone in the vegetable pot. It ended up in the pot with the vegetables. Then I stared at the phone in the pot for a long time before hurriedly taking it out. .Fortunately, what was fried was lettuce..If it had been mapo tofu...it would have been over...

43. When I was in college, I went home with my roommate. After entering the door, we changed clothes together and suddenly saw a Just Xiaoqiang, she went up to the house, and then came to scare me with Xiaoqiang's body. I was very afraid of insects, so I opened the door and ran out when I was nervous. She continued to chase me excitedly. . . We reached the elevator entrance, and then "awoke" and realized that I was only wearing underwear, she. . . . . Wearing only shorts. . . . Fortunately there was no one in the corridor. . . .

44. Once I went to the bathroom to wash my hands before eating. When I saw the mirror, my brain suddenly short-circuited. I skillfully took a cup of toothbrush, squeezed the facial cleanser onto the toothbrush, hummed a tune and brushed my teeth. I wonder why the toothpaste tastes wrong today.

45. On the first day of work, someone called the manager (female). I gave the phone to the manager and said, Mom, someone is looking for you. Answer the phone.

46. Once in a computer class, while sending a message to my boyfriend, I bravely shouted loudly to the teacher: "Honey! My computer is not connected!" The noisy classroom fell silent instantly. After 5 seconds, everyone burst into laughter. The teacher is an old man in his 50s.

47. My sister had a mobile phone and a PHS phone. One day she got a new mobile phone sim card. A colleague asked her what the new number was. She said she had forgotten it, so she used the phone with the new sim card. Dial your PHS. While dialing, she continued chatting with her colleagues. After the PHS phone rang, she picked it up and asked: "Hello?...Hello?...You talk, if you don't talk I'll hang up!"

All colleagues present petrochemical.

After that, she hung up and said, "You're crazy. You called me and didn't say anything."

48. One day, a classmate was walking around Zhongguancun. A vendor approached him and asked, "Do you want a hard drive? It's cheap." The classmate took it over to look at it and said, "How hard is it?"

49. I remember when I was still in the fifth grade of elementary school, the class teacher asked the first classmate in a group: "What ethnic group are you?" The classmate said: "Yi" and then asked the second classmate: "What about you?" Answer: "Ethnicity"

50. Customer A: Boss, is the iced soy milk hot?...

51. A friend went shopping for home appliances and saw a household scale on the ground. He was fat. When I saw the scale, I wanted to try it, so I immediately stepped on it, and it turned out that it was an induction cooker.

52. After getting on the bus, I used the bus IC card for the first time. I took the initiative to show my card to the driver and walked straight to my seat.

No, the driver said: "Read the card", so I looked at the IC card and read carefully: "Hefei City Bus IC Card~~", the driver said: "Read it over there", so I walked to where the driver pointed and used I tried my best to read: "Hefei City Bus IC Card..."

53. The fourth guy in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time, but he didn't have any. I asked everyone: Why did my slippers disappear?

54. While queuing up in the cafeteria, I heard a boy next to me say: "Master, let me have a bowl of 'Bullet Cauliflower' soup!" (Seaweed and Egg Drop Soup) Haha, I laughed so much that I sprayed soup.