Laugh-out jokes

I just collected a few classic jokes from the joke bar, and I’ll post them for you to see...

But they’re a little bit erotic~~ (Let’s just make do with it^_^ )

Start——————

1: One day, a mosquito and a mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. The mosquito said proudly: Look, I was in her bath ten years ago. She got two bites on her chest, and now the swelling is so big; Mantis said unconvinced, "What's the matter? I chopped a knife between her legs ten years ago, and she still bleeds every month...

2: There was a poor scholar who was studying hard and wrote couplets in front of his room to encourage himself. The first couplet was: "Sleeping in a thatched house behind closed doors to perform calligraphy" and the second couplet was: "Lying on my feet and playing the flute." ', horizontal comment: 'willing to obey destiny'. One day, a Henan man passed by here and became curious when he saw this couplet. He read it loudly in his hometown dialect: 'Who fucked my ass?', 'I told him to make it hurt'... Yo, there’s also Hengbiao! But this time he said it the wrong way: ‘We’ll do it again tomorrow! '"

3: A row of prostitutes were waiting for customers on the street. An 80-year-old woman saw her and asked curiously: What are you waiting for? The prostitute said angrily: Wait for the lollipops! Old lady The woman also queued up to wait for the candy, but was caught by mop.com, who asked the old woman: Can you do it even if you don’t have any teeth? The old woman said with a smile: I can lick it! >4: Only three times did a senior administrative official read the newspaper and said indignantly: "What kind of society are there so many extramarital affairs!" The official's wife then said: "Well, they all should be arrested and shot!" The official stared at the official's wife thoughtfully, "Tell me honestly, have you ever been unfaithful to me after we have been married for so many years?" ”

“How to ask such a question? ", the official lady asked in surprise.

"Don't run away, answer my question! "

"Then," the official lady was obviously frightened, "you promise me first that you won't beat me. ”

“I haven’t beaten my wife for a long time. "He said with emotion.

"Okay," the official lady said with a heartbeat and gritted her teeth, "Only three times. "

"Three times? ! The official became anxious, "Which three times?" ”

“The first time, do you remember that during your doctoral examination at the University of Chicago, an exam committee member made every possible effort to make it difficult for you to pass?” If you don't get a doctorate, your family will lose its reputation and our future will be over. Later, that difficult professor came to our house in person to congratulate you on passing. It was because of me..."

"No wonder, it turned out to be you for me...What about the second time? "

"The second time, do you remember that when you were the ambassador in South America, the king of that country threatened to sever diplomatic relations with our country? If you break off diplomatic relations, you will become the ambassador of breaking off diplomatic relations, and your political future will be over. Later, the king suddenly changed his mind and stopped mentioning the severance of diplomatic relations. It was because of me..."

"Oh, you still did it for me...What about the third time? "

"The third time, do you remember that when you were nominated as the Executive Yuan, you were still 721 votes short of the vote by the Legislative Yuan? ………”

5: When Lao Huang was unlucky, he was sent back to his hometown. On March 8th, the county magistrate wanted to give a speech at a women’s meeting in a certain district. Knowing that Lao Huang could write, he forced him to write Speech. Lao Huang was really annoyed by this bastard, so he wrote one, and the county magistrate read it verbatim: "...I am a womanizer, and I am very experienced. Recently I went down to your place and got some first-hand information. I am a big, rough guy. You, the female director, know best how rough I am. I spent the whole night with her last night. At first she didn't know my strengths and weaknesses, and I didn't know her depths, so she was dodging but couldn't get one. After many confrontations and heart-to-heart comparisons, the situation was finally put on the table. Now that the camouflage is peeled off, the bottom is dry. We focus on the focus, correct our posture, work hard, explain the profound things in simple terms, and persevere until the long-standing problems are completely solved. It was really a burst of fluids, and it was so joyful. In the end she was happy and I was satisfied, how nice that is! ...All women comrades stand up." Fearing the power of the county magistrate, all the female comrades present stood up and waited for instructions.

The county magistrate licked his fingers, turned the page and read: "It's over!"

6: One beautiful morning, the sky was extremely clear, but a farmer was sitting at the door drunkenly, lost in thought.

A passerby came up curiously and asked: Fellow fellow, the weather is so nice today, why don’t you go enjoy it and instead drink here.

The farmer replied: Hey, you can never explain some things.

Passer-by: What happened?

Farmer: I was milking the cow today, and I happened to push it, and the cow kicked the cow over with its left foot

Passer: It’s quite unlucky, but it’s not serious.

Farmer: Hey, you can never explain some things.

Passer-by: What next?

Farmer: I tied her left leg to the post with a rope and squeezed her. As the bucket was full, she kicked the bucket over with her right leg.

The passers-by laughed and asked: What next?

Farmer: Hey, you can never explain some things. I also tied her right leg to the post. As a result, she just caught a full bucket and she swept it over with her tail.

Passer-by: It’s quite unlucky. Forget it, don't feel bad.

Farmer: Hey, you can never explain some things.

Passerby: What else? !

Farmer: This time I have no rope, so I plan to tie her tail to the post with a belt. I pulled the leash out and grabbed her tail. At this time, my pants fell off, and my girlfriend happened to come in...

7: One day, the software industry collapsed, and the three giants in the software industry, SUN, UNIX and Microsoft, all decided to switch to Condom business, the condoms they produce are named JAVA condoms, X condoms and MS condoms.

A customer who used JAVA condoms came to SUN Company to complain, saying that it was inappropriate to wear it. SUN Company replied that it would wait until the International Standards Organization (ISO) formulated the corresponding standards, and bragged that by then The condom they produce will fit every man and the customer will have to switch to condom X. But he found that after he finished reading the instructions that came with the condom, his wife had already fallen asleep, and he himself had forgotten why he needed condom X. In the end, he had to switch to MS condoms. To his surprise, the MS condoms were very easy to use and he happily used them for several months. Then he suddenly found out that his wife was pregnant.

He was very angry and went to Microsoft in an aggressive manner. Microsoft's answer was: The patch will be here soon!

8: Turtle's butt——one-word answer

A turtle stands on its head——Answer five words and there are regulations on it

A little turtle crawls on the turtle shell——Answer six words and there are new regulations

The turtle built a house and crawled in——Answer three words “build in the middle”

The turtle demolished the house and built another house and climbed in——Answer four words “new building” Zhong Gai

The turtle demolished the newly built house and built another house and climbed in - three words, Ju Neng Gai

9: One day, in a pub There, there are three men standing there. A said: "My wife and I came here four times last night. My wife told me in the morning that I admire you so much, husband." B said: "I came six times with my wife yesterday. The next morning, my wife said she came again. I will never fall in love with someone else." Everyone asked C: "How many times did you and your wife come last night?" C said: "Once." Everyone asked again with disdain: "Then your wife told you this morning. What?" C said: "Honey, let's take a rest!"

10: In the middle of the night, the veterinarian received a call from an old maid:

"This is terrible. "Doctor, my two puppies are stuck together and I can't separate them." "Pour a bucket of cold water on them," the doctor said.

"I've already tried it, but it doesn't work!" the old maid replied.

"You can hit me with a stick." The doctor said.

"Tried that too, but it didn't work," she replied.

The veterinarian said helplessly:

"That's good. You hold them next to the phone and I'll call them."

"This works. "?" she asked curiously.

The veterinarian replied: "It must be effective! That's how you separated me just now."

End——————

Achievements

After the mid-term exam, the math teacher wanted to announce the results. He said:

"There are as many people above 90 and above 80; as many people as above 80 and above 70." Just as many."

As soon as we started talking, the whole class cheered, and a classmate asked: "So...how many people failed?"

The teacher did not hesitate. Xu's answer: The number of people who failed is as many as the number of people in the class."

Mirroring Nine Springs

Once, during a Chinese class, the teacher wanted to know the Chinese proficiency of this overseas Chinese student.

Just ask him some related idioms

"Can you say an idiom to describe a person who is happy?"

The Chinese teacher asked a question and said: "However, it is best to have a number in it, such as one, two, three, and four." ． >

The overseas Chinese student thought about it and said happily:

I know, "Smiling Nine Springs"!

What a "Smiling Nine Springs"! The whole class burst into laughter, and the old Chinese teacher almost fainted.

English

Once he was tutoring a junior high school child. The following horrific words were found in his English textbook:

Dad (bus)

My father (yes)

Brother (girls)

Mis?

... ...

Death (school)

Euphemism

Professor In an ethics class, he told the students how to remind others of embarrassing things.

"For example, if you see a girl with grass clippings on her butt, you should say it politely

:'Girl, there are grass clippings on your shoulder'. The girl looked towards her shoulder, and then down - she saw it.

At this time, a female student raised her hand and stood up and said: "Professor, your tie is unzipped!"

African wild boar

The biology teacher was describing the appearance of the African wild boar on the stage with great interest,

occasionally glanced After scanning the audience, I found that most of the students were dozing off, so I was very angry and shouted: "You have to look at me! Without looking at me, how do you know

What does an African wild boar look like? ”

Department of Philosophy

A certain person graduated from the Department of Philosophy of Fuzhou University. After graduation, he could not find a job and remained unemployed at home. One day,

A A classmate from college recommended him to work at Muzha Zoo, and he went there happily. It turned out that a tiger in the zoo was temporarily ill and was sent to the hospital, so he was asked to put on a tiger skin and take over. I could tell it was him, so I agreed. After I put on the tiger skin and entered the animal cage, I walked around pretending to be a tiger. It didn't take long for me to enter the animal cage.

He opened it, and another tiger came in. He was so frightened that he kept retreating to the corner; and the tiger kept approaching him...

...When he finally retreated to the point of no return, the tiger The tiger spoke..

"Don't be afraid, brother! I am from the Department of Philosophy, National Taiwan University!"

Succinct and to the point

My middle school classmate Xiang Yi He is famous for his simplicity and conciseness. One day, the class meeting was unbearably long.

Finally, when everyone was asked for their opinions, he replied: "I feel like urinating." ".

?

Couplets

The Chinese teacher explained the couplets on the stage, giving an example: "A certain newspaper once publicly solicited "Nantong

zhou north, Tongzhou, north, south, Tongzhou, Tongnan, Nantong. "There were a lot of letters submitted, and one sentence was very good, that is, "Pawn shops pawn things in pawn shops in the east, pawn things in pawn shops in the west, pawn things in pawn shops." At this time, a naughty student

Suddenly shouted: "Male students, female students, male students, male students."

Poly detector

Dad had a lie detector. He asked Dehua: "How was your math score today?" What?"

Dehua replied: "A" the lie detector went off!

Dehua said again: "B" the machine also went off!

Dehua changed his words: "C" and the machine rang again!

Dad shouted angrily: "I have always gotten A before!"

At this time, the test The lie machine has overturned!

Check

An invigilator is staring at a student throwing dice in confusion. The strange thing is...

The student threw the same question several times...

I asked the student why?

The student helplessly replied: Is it so difficult that I don’t need to check it?

Professor

"I brought a frog today," the zoology professor said to the students, "just caught it from

the pond. This lesson We're going to dissect the frog."

He took out a cardboard box and opened it carefully. Inside the box was a ham sandwich.

"Strange," the professor was very surprised, "I clearly remembered to have lunch.

Lying talk

One night, a boy's dormitory had a sleeping talk. It lasted until three o'clock in the morning, and suddenly I wanted to discuss a question: "When you meet a beautiful girl, what should you say first?" A certain gentleman woke up from his dream and said: "Stop talking, let's sleep!" "

Cheating

" Polonius was expelled for cheating. ”

”What’s going on? "

"During the physical hygiene examination, he counted his ribs and was discovered. ”

Tsinghua Teacher

A young teacher from Tsinghua loves mahjong. Once, he played all night long and he had class at 7:40 the next morning

, he got off the mahjong table at 7:30 and rushed to the fourth teacher for class. It happened that the student on duty had not wiped the blackboard that day.

His senior student called out: "Which one is playing banker?" The student on duty did not dare to answer. He had to wipe it by himself, but

the blackboard eraser could not be found, so he shouted again: "Where did you put the whiteboard?"...

This section It was a Chinese class. When teaching new words, the teacher picked up the chalk and wrote "China" on the blackboard.

Then he said: "Students, please look at the whiteboard. There is a red center on it. ”

Taste

The Chinese teacher found Zhang San sleeping in class and was very angry, so he woke up Zhang San and asked: Why did you sleep in class?

But, Zhang San San refused to admit sleeping.

Zhang San: I didn’t sleep.

Teacher: Why did you close your eyes?

Zhang San: Teacher, I’m here. Read the text silently.

The teacher didn’t believe it, so why did you just keep nodding?

Zhang San: Teacher, your lecture was very good.

The teacher still didn’t believe it. , said: Then why are you drooling?

Zhang San: Teacher, your lectures are very interesting.

Do a good deed a day

The teacher asked two questions. A student asked: "Did you do one good deed a day today?"

The two students answered in unison: "Yes!"

The teacher asked: "What did you do?" ”

Student: “Let’s help an old lady cross the road.”

Teacher: “Well, that’s great, but why do we need two people to help an old lady cross the road?” ?”

Student: “Because the old lady didn’t want to cross the road.

”

That’s how it is

During the annual school trip, the boys and girls in junior high school always play separately because of their different interests. Girls walked around in swimsuits, showing themselves off and enjoying the sun. The boy rolled up his pants and caught

small fish in the water.

A teacher in charge of these children lamented: "I don't remember girls being so

mature when I was in junior high school."

"Of course. Yes, it’s just that you were busy catching small fish!” Another teacher said calmly.

During class, a classmate was reading comics.

The teacher found out and asked: What are you doing?

"I'm looking for something."

"Looking for what?"

"Looking for, looking for..."

My neighbor The classmate replied: Make excuses.

History teacher: Why did you leave early?

Bali: I have an important date.

History teacher: Is history or girlfriend more important?

Bali: If I'm late again, she will become history! ! !

History teacher: @##$^

Surface tension

Two biochemists were sitting in front of the laboratory drinking coffee, and a beautiful woman came from Walked outside.

The more mature and cautious biochemist saw the look of dementia on his colleague's face,

and said: She is just like us, more than 75% is water.

The colleague still looked stupid and said: Yes, but look at their surface tension!

Team coach

This is what my professor told us. He used to teach in the United States. Some of the team’s students had never gone to school, but they had never gone to university.

After graduation, you can enter the professional basketball team and play in the NBA. After retirement, you often return to your alma mater to coach the team.

There is a student (let’s call him Jordan) who is about to graduate, but he can’t pass calculus, so he can’t graduate and play NB

A! So he asked his coach, who was also the coach of the school team, to help intercede.

Coach: "Professor, please let Jordan pass. The NBA has been waiting for him for a long time!"

Professor: "Okay! Since the coaches have come to help and beg for mercy, let's Give you one last chance"

"What is one plus one?"

Jordan immediately answered without thinking: "Two"

Coach: "Professor, Please give him another chance!"

Remember to brush your teeth! !

In a biological experiment one day, I observed my own saliva cells, looked at them with a microscope and recorded them... While everyone was observing and studying happily, there was a scream... Ah~ It turned out to be the message from the beautiful teaching assistant... The professor thought something happened

so he ran over to take a look at her microscope. He told her: next time you finish your work, remember to brush your teeth

and rinse your mouth! !

Sex Education

One day. Xiao Ming returned home after class very sadly.

My mother asked Xiao Ming: What happened?

Xiao Ming replied: Everyone in Xiaohua in the class knows where he comes from. But I don’t even know

My mother thought that it would be a good time to tell Xiao Ming about things between men and women, and to provide correct sex education

My mother began to tell Xiao Ming: Boys fall in love with each other. girl. Then get married... also mentioned how the sperm meets the egg

My mother told Xiao Ming everything she knew.

When the mother completes the teaching to her satisfaction.

Xiao Ming is still confused. Look at mom. With a few tears dripping from the corners of his eyes, he said:

Xiaohua said he was from Yilan. But my mother gave me a lot of advice and I still don’t know where I came from.

In class, a teacher was introducing Japanese surname habits to students.

She said: "If there is a Japanese name with the word 'Taro' in it, then he He must be the eldest son. If there is the word 'Jiro' in his name, then he must be the second son... Now, who can name a Japanese with such a name?"

A student stood up and answered loudly: Yamamoto Isoroku

The teacher was giving a lecture above, when a little boy raised his hand and said: "Teacher, I want shit."

The teacher listened to the instruction and said to the student: "You can use another more civilized way to say it."

The student thought for a while and said: "Teacher, I want to vomit in my butt."

A student asked the teacher how to write the word "dung". The teacher forgot for a while and had to say:

"It's right next to your mouth, why can't it come out?"

p>

My younger brother, who is in the fourth grade of elementary school, is really fat and everyone often makes fun of him.

One day, the teacher asked a class of their classmates to start writing down "things they do to help the family every day" in the contact book.

The younger brother couldn't think of anything, so in the end he had to let his mother do it for him. fill in. She wrote in the contact book: "I help the family with meals every day."

The teacher's comment was: "I can see that you work hard!"

A man’s thoughts

Miller, a top student majoring in agriculture at a certain university, returned to his hometown during the summer vacation. A neighbor’s wife wanted to raise chickens to get rich, so she came to ask him for advice. According to the wife, Miller

The chicken coop, chicken food and other data provided told her that it would be more suitable to raise about 30 hens and one or two roosters. At the end of the summer vacation, Miller wanted to go see how his "imagination" was implemented. But he was stunned in front of the chicken coop. In addition to 30 hens, there are also 30 big roosters. "Mother, if you want to raise 30 hens, one or two roosters are enough. If there are too many roosters, they won't be able to lay eggs, and it will be a waste of food." "You mean, let one or two roosters suffice?" >

One rooster occupies so many hens?" said the neighbor's wife with a blushing face. "Yes." "This is just what you men think, I won't do it!"

Graduation Ceremony

At the graduation ceremony, the principal announced that the top student in the grade would come to the stage to receive the award. , but after shouting several times in a row, the student slowly walked onto the stage. Later, the teacher asked the student: "What's wrong? Are you sick? Or did you not hear clearly?" The student replied: "No, I was afraid that other students did not hear clearly."

What is courage...

During the semester exam of the philosophy department of a university, they taught an application question about what courage is. A student wrote "This is it" on the exam paper

and handed it in. ． ． The result was an A...

Relativity

One day when Xiao Ming ran into the classroom, he stood up again, and then left the classroom again, which happened to... The teacher turned around

When he saw Xiao Ming’s back...the teacher started to curse... Said... People nowadays are less and less aware of the benefits of reading...

...The teacher continued... Well…he doesn’t take my class…. I pawned him... The teacher asked the monitor: What was the name of the student just now? The monitor said…. He is from the next class... I just went to the wrong classroom...

Joke in the dormitory

I have a classmate who never buys toilet paper himself. Whenever he needs it, he goes to others to get it. Once I saw him taking toilet paper from me. I said to him angrily: Why do you keep taking my toilet paper? Don’t you know how to buy it yourself? Hey

hey Yile, said: Don’t be so stingy! Isn’t it just some toilet paper? I’ll just give it back to you after I use it!

Reaction

One day, Joe walked into the classroom with all his hair standing tall and straight. The teacher asked what was going on.

Qiao said: This is a reaction from the hairspray.

On the second day, Joe walked into the classroom, his head shining brightly, and the teacher asked about it.

Jo said: This was my dad’s reaction to hairspray.

___

Tsinghua Military Training

Recently, Tsinghua University dug holes everywhere because of laying cables.

One day, a classmate from another school came to play. First he saw pits everywhere.

Later he saw rows of students in military uniforms training. He couldn’t help but sigh loudly: Tsinghua’s military training is the real way Yeah, so many trenches were dug.

Globe

The director visited a certain school and saw a globe in the classroom, so he asked Student A: "Tell me why this globe is tilted

Twenty-three and a half degrees?" Student A was very frightened and replied: "I didn't do it." At this time, another student B walked into the classroom. The director asked again, and Student B replied: "You know, I just came in and I don't know anything."

The director asked the teacher puzzledly what was going on. The teacher said apologetically, "You can't blame them. The globe was already like this when you bought it." Seeing that the director's face was getting more and more ugly, the principal quickly stepped forward and explained, "I'm ashamed to say that.

Shame,” the principal said with a smile: “Because the school’s funds are limited, we bought goods from street vendors.”

The teacher asked Xiaoqiang: “Who burned the Yuanmingyuan? ?" Xiaoqiang said aggrievedly, "Teacher, no, it wasn't me."

"What? You, you," the teacher said angrily. After school, Xiaoqiang's father came, and the teacher said to him: "Today I asked your son who burned Yuan Mingyuan, and he actually said he didn't burn it. Isn't this ridiculous?" Xiaoqiang's father blinked and said hesitantly: "Teacher, it's really... It's not him. Burning, our children will not do this.

Otherwise..., Let's... compensate, okay?

Tsinghua's masters

Tsinghua deserves to be the home of academic science and technology. The masters of the cafeteria have been influenced by the sun and the moon, so we need to look at it with admiration.

It is said that one day a southerner was queuing up to buy Xiaolong Baozi.

He said to the master: Here are four Baozi. p>Master: How many?

This man: si?

Master: How many?

The man suddenly said, " ten, of course

The master replied: "I see!" Then he quickly forked ten buns for this man, and added: "I said no

It's over, So laborious! "

Everyone was stunned...

As soon as Xiao Ming got home today, he said to his parents: "The teacher asked a question at school today and only I can answer it."

My parents asked, "What's the problem?" "The teacher asked: Who didn't turn in their homework?"

___

Teacher Ask the students: How to explain that "sharing pain with others will reduce the pain by half"?

Xiao Lun replied: If my father beats me, I will beat my brother immediately!

___

Professor: xxx, please shake the guy next to you awake. This is class, not sleeping time

Student: Professor, please Come and shake him up, you made him fall asleep

___

At the beginning of every semester, there is always an advertisement for sale of used textbooks on the notice board. One of them read: "'Introduction to Mind Science'. Fifty dollars. Never used." Next to the signature was written: "Must sell."

No. The next day, a note was added to the advertisement: "The price is fair. But have you really never used it?" The signature was "Possible Buyer." Under the confession, in different handwriting, it was written: "I can guarantee it!" The signer was "the professor who reviewed his test paper."

Self-admiration

When I was a freshman, a good-looking roommate liked to face the mirror and look at himself in pity. Even when the big exam was approaching, he still couldn't bear to put down the mirror

. The room manager was worried about her homework and tried to persuade her, but she sighed and said, "Isn't beauty a mistake?"

"Don't worry," the usually taciturn room manager suddenly said, "You have never I have made this mistake before."

Three school girls were talking about a man who came to school to ask for marriage.

A (junior undergraduate): How tall is he and is he handsome?

B (Master’s student): What kind of job does he do and what is his monthly salary?

C (doctoral candidate): Where is he! ! !

(Purely fictitious, please don’t mind)

___

Welcome

At the beginning of the new semester, we senior students went to the station to welcome New classmates.

I saw a little girl standing next to a big box and was at a loss, so I took the initiative to help her lift the box. Unexpectedly, the box weighed more than

1,000 kilograms, and I was too embarrassed to put it down, so I had to try my best to support it.

After walking a few steps, the girl said to me: If you can’t carry it anymore, just get out.

As soon as I heard this, I immediately felt angry, put down the box, and glared at her.

The girl was stunned for a few seconds, then pointed to the bottom of the box with a blushing face and said to me: I mean the wheels.

Interpretation

A university professor said to his students: "In ancient times, 'Lu' means kissing, mouth to mouth, very vivid;" one of them

The student asked: "If 'LV' means kissing, then how does 'Pin' Yu explain that three people kissed together?"

The professor was about to get angry. , another classmate stood up and said: "I think the word 'pin' is easy to explain, but what about 'qi'yu? What's the point of four people

and a dog?" The whole class burst into laughter, and the professor threw it Go away with the book.

___

The boy can be taught

Teacher: "What is your name and why are you making trouble?"

Student: "My name is Wang Xiaodai."

Teacher: "You must be polite when speaking to the teacher, you must use the title 'Sir', you know?"

Student: "Yes, my name is Wang Xiao. Mr. Dumb."

I'll trample you to death...

A well-known botany professor and his teaching assistant were studying new varieties of plants. Suddenly the assistant asked the professor: "Teacher

What should you do if you encounter an unknown plant while taking a practical class in the field? The professor replied: In order to avoid classmates

asking questions, I usually walk at the front and then trample all the plants I don’t know to death.

One day in the physics and chemistry class, the teacher announced that there would be a quiz in the next class. Xiao Ming nervously raised his hand and asked the teacher if the test would be difficult. The teacher only said: "It's very simple."

I was so happy that everyone clapped and applauded, but

After the exam, everyone did miserably. How could it be easy? So Xiao Ming asked the teacher again,

The teacher said: I am not wrong, it is very simple, the remaining 90% is very difficult!

There is a professor who tells some jokes to cheer up the students every time he teaches in order not to make the students feel bored

, but

The girls thought that the professors were telling dirty jokes, and they thought it was unacceptable

They felt that professors should have the dignity of professors, so they discussed together

What if the professor next time If you say anything else, stand up and walk out of the classroom immediately

Unfortunately, when the boy found out about it, he ran to tell the professor

who said it didn't matter and I'll settle it. , and then

one time in class, the professor started talking again!! He said: I heard that there is a shortage of prostitutes in Paris recently!! When the girls heard this, they started to throw each other around.

With a wink, they wanted to say that the professor was telling dirty jokes again and were about to

implement their plan. Just as they stood up and were about to walk out

In the classroom, the professor said: Well! These female classmates, don’t be in such a hurry! The plane to Paris will only leave tomorrow!!

-- -------------------------------------------------- ---

The last question in the final exam of a certain subject (the teacher of this subject is a killer):

After seeing the final exam question, which song do you want to order? Myself: (1) Kitty Chen’s heartache (2) Wan Fang

Everything is as good as new (3) Xin Xiaoqi realizes (4) Xin Xiaoqi forgets (5) Youke Li Lin admits his mistake (6) Others

Each question is worth 4 points.

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A foreign female student studying Chinese at a certain university used the idiom "love at first sight" to make a sentence: "It was done last night All the homework,

I couldn't help but cry out when I saw it!" "No, you can't

separate the idioms," the young male teacher corrected. "Today

I fell in love with you at first sight when I arrived at school in the morning, so I said hello to her." "The words don't convey what I meant. It's still wrong." She looked at the male teacher and said, "I fell in love with you at first sight... .

....""It's right this time! Huh? No,..." The male teacher blushed and said: "The sentence is right, but the object is wrong."

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The teacher who teaches arithmetic asked: "Someone lent 50% yuan, and the monthly interest

was one cent. How much interest can be collected after two years? ?"

The whole class was busy doing calculations one after another. Only the banker's son sat still.

Why don't you do the calculations?" "For such a low score of one point. I'm not interested in the interest." ...

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No problem

The adjustment of departments in a certain university has been successfully completed. Departments, no matter how big or small, are listed as "college".

At the conclusion of the meeting, the principal made a generous speech: "From now on, there will be no department in our school. ”

The audience burst into applause.

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Teacher: Have you shown the report card to your parents?

Student: Yes.

Teacher: Then why didn’t the parents stamp it?

The student rolled up his sleeves to reveal his scarred arms: Cover them here.

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Singular and plural

Teacher: "Nick, do you understand singular and plural?"

Nick: "I understand."

Teacher: "Tell me, is 'pants' singular or plural?"

Nick: "The top is singular, the bottom is plural ."

Answer

In the English class, the teacher was talking about the differences between Chinese and Western languages. A student raised his hand and asked: "Teacher,

'dumpling' in English "What do you say?" The teacher looked angry and shouted: "Ignorant people!"

Chinese people don't eat dumplings! Write "confusing" on it, and then ask a student: "Can you please tell me what this idiom means?" The student stood up and pushed up his glasses for myopia.

, looked at the four words on the blackboard carefully, and couldn't understand it after reading for a long time. Finally, he said helplessly: "Teacher, I can't see clearly." The teacher said: "You are right. , please take a seat

”

This has not happened yet

A boy visited his girlfriend in the girls’ dormitory, and the doorman of the dormitory asked him to fill out a visitor form.

Please fill in your name, gender, address, age, etc. ． ． When filling in the last column "relationship", the boy thought for a long time before writing the words "it hasn't happened yet".