Situation drama performance: Adapt fragments of famous works or textbook content, turn the content into an artistic and three-dimensional performance. Urgent request,,, please.

Funny skit A big talk about the empty city strategy

A big talk about the empty city strategy

Characters Zhuge Liang, Sima Yi, Sima Zhao, attendants A, B and other Wei soldiers Ding Jia, B and so on

(Sima Yi leads the soldiers and horses to gallop across the scene.)

Sima Yi kills! Kill!

Wei soldiers kill! kill! kill! )

Attendant A (ran in a panic) Report——

Zhuge Liang, what are you doing in such a hurry?

Attendant A (panting) Report—report—

Zhuge Liang (slowly) Report my title!

Attendant A reports to the Prime Minister that Sima Yi is leading an army of 300,000 people and is heading towards our western city!

Attendant B (ran in panic) Report——Report to the Prime Minister that Sima Yi’s army is less than five——five——

Zhuge Liang STOP stutters, SAY!

Attendant B: Fifty miles!

Fifty miles away from the crowd?

(Everyone was in a panic

Why are Zhuge Liang panicking? Isn’t he just a little Sima Yi?

Attendant Prime Minister Jia, three hundred thousand Sima Yi The army is coming, we only have 2,500 soldiers, run away!

Zhuge Liang, don’t be impulsive, don’t be impulsive, be calm... Impulsiveness is the devil... How many more people do we have?

Attendant A has 2,500 people, and they are all old, weak, sick and disabled.

Attendant A, prime minister, let’s pack up some MONEY and run away.

Zhuge Liang. Bah! You're worthless!

Attendant, Qingshan is here, don't worry about running out of firewood.

What kind of status is Zhuge Liang? I want to run away at every turn. I'm a pig and run away.

Attendant Prime Minister Jia, this moment is the same as that moment. What's more, a man can bend and stretch, so you should run away.

Zhuge Liang, you two useless losers! I always catch a cold when the enemy comes.

Attendant A is the prime minister. Where can we get the soldiers?

Attendant Prime Minister Yi, don't hesitate anymore, run away, it's too late if you don't leave.

Zhuge Liang, from now on, who of you dares to mention the word "escape" again.

The attendants (pleading) Prime Minister——

Zhuge Liang (thinking) Here comes someone! Send the order, open the city gates, and use twenty soldiers to dress up at each gate.

Go to the city gate to sweep the floor.

Attendant A (confused) Prime Minister, what are you doing?

Attendant B? (Suddenly enlightened) Oh, I understand. The Prime Minister is going to open the city gate to welcome Sima Yi into the city, and then——

Zhuge Liang, bah! I knew you were unreliable. Didn’t you prepare to surrender to that old bastard Sima Yi? ?

Attendant A (crying out) Prime Minister, aren’t you asking us to die? I have an eighty-year-old mother and a

year-old son at home, as well as A fifteen-year-old wife, no, a fifty-year-old wife, my family can’t survive without me.

Attendant B (sobbing) Prime Minister, Although I am still a bachelor, my family is a single generation, and I am not afraid of death, but I can't cut off the incense of my family, I'm sorry for my ancestors.

Zhuge Liang, are you two still men? Are you crying like women? You have to go after crying!

Attendant A (pleadingly) Prime Minister - we don't want to die - —

Zhuge Liang (moderately) Hey, actually you don’t have to be afraid.

You don’t know, Sima Yi is very deep in the city. If we

open the city gate like this, he will not dare to come in. This is called

Attendant B’s 36 Love Strategies

p>

Zhuge Liang’s empty-city-plan!

The attendants (thumbs up) are tall, really tall!

Zhuge Liang, stop flattering and go!

Attendant A, sweep the floor (several people are sweeping the floor. Their legs are shaking non-stop.)

Zhuge Liang, everyone stick to their posts, don’t visit each other, and keep their cherry mouths shut. , don’t speak loudly, anyone who disobeys the order will be killed! No, everyone gets a slap in the face. Once the job is done, you will be promoted when you come back. The RMB has appreciated, and you will also be promoted! Don't be afraid of death, there is life insurance when you die. And, book boy, bring me my guitar and microphone, they are enough for today.

Obey everyone and obey your orders!

Zhuge Liang (singing "When You're Alone") "When you're alone, you might as well make yourself a cocktail and let all the loneliness turn into a kind of gentleness, and I am drifting in it”

(Sima and his son fight to the door)

Sima Yi (mounts on horseback) Drive! Finally, finally today is here. Zhuge Liang, if I don’t kill you today, I won’t call you Sima Yi!

Sima Zhao (whispering) Dad, if your name is not Sima Yi, what would your name be?

Sima Yi, I changed my name to Yima Si! All the generals will be killed, eh? No, stop. Get my telescope.

Attendant B Prime Minister... Your Excellency, no... no... no... okay...

Zhuge Liang: No, or is it okay?

Attendant B: Something is wrong...Sima Yi has attacked the city!

Zhuge Liang, don't be nervous, stay calm.

Sima Yi (thinking) Huh? It is rumored that Zhuge Liang's city is empty, with all the food and grass left, and only the old, weak, sick and disabled are left. Why did he open the city gates wide and send people to clean them today? Could it be that the rumors are false?

Sima Zhao, Dad, I see this city is empty and the city gate is wide open. Why don’t we fight into the city!

Sima Yi no no no Sima Zhao, my son, young people, don’t be impulsive. Have you observed carefully? Zhuge Liang is playing the piano upstairs.

There must be a big conspiracy when someone is sweeping the floor downstairs. , I wonder what kind of opera he is singing?

Sima Zhao, please tell me! He didn't sing an opera, he sang a popular song from the 1990s, "When I'm Alone"! Dad, Zhuge Liang’s song is so awful, I can’t stand it anymore. Fight into the city!

Sima Yi: Slowly, slowly, take your time, look at him playing and singing on the city, it’s extraordinary! I'm afraid it's a scam, oh my! It's a mess.

Sima Zhao, dad...

Sima Yi, wait and see what happens!

Zhuge Liang (to Attendant A) Xiao A, go buy me a pack of cigarettes. I want Marlboro.

Attendant A: Hey, let’s go now! (Running down)

Zhuge Liang (to Attendant B) Xiao B, make me a bowl of instant noodles, add some onions, some garlic, and pour some vinegar. I like to eat sour food

.

Attendant B: Okay, coming right away! (Running down)

Attendant A (Bringing up the cigarette) Prime Minister, here comes the cigarette.

Attendant B (on the face) Prime Minister, your face.

(Attendant A lights a cigarette for Zhuge. Attendant B opens a bottle of Coke.

Zhuge Liang (smoking and drinking Coke) Well, good, good, good! Here, bring the wine... …

What are you doing, servant A?

Stop talking nonsense

Boss Wei Bingyi, they want to drink...

Stop talking nonsense. p>

Attendant A, I’m back...

Why is Zhuge Liang so slow?

Attendant A is in a traffic jam!

Zhuge Liang! Didn't he hit anyone?

Sima Yi (thinking) What kind of trick is this Zhuge Liang doing? He is smoking and drinking cola, so leisurely!

It seems real! Fraud.

Sima Zhao, Daddy, he even sang out of tune. What’s the trick?

Although Sima Yi doesn’t understand music, daddy’s eyes have always been sharp, with clear eyes here and cataracts there, plus

a thousand degrees of astigmatism, but daddy Still found that the pretty boy behaved quite calmly in the city.

Sima Zhao Father, I think Kong Ming has no soldiers left. Why don't we rush in and catch him off guard.

Sima Yi I know that Zhuge is as timid as a mouse and has not even held hands for three years of dating. How could he open the city gate so easily?

Sima Zhao, Daddy, that was a few years ago, and now his son is one year old

Sima Yi, his son? If he had any courage, his son would be three now.

Sima Zhao, you are too suspicious.

Sima Yi, stop talking nonsense. No, Kong Ming was cautious and never took risks in his life, but today he opened the city gate. There must be an ambush. If our army enters, they will be ambushed. Let me think about it, does he want to lure me into the city and then put him there? Annihilate our army in one fell swoop? Make me dumplings...

Zhuge Liang Hey, who is under the city? Where are you sneaking around, shrinking your head, and being wretched? Who are you? Tell me your name

Come!

Sima Yi Duh! I am the best in the world in martial arts, suave, handsome, jade tree in the wind, one of the ten outstanding young men in the three southwestern provinces, and the general Sima Yi is loved by everyone. Sima Yi, male, fifty-five years old, 175cm tall, divorced and has a son. I have a house, a horse, and a stable income. Handsome in appearance and gentle in his treatment of others. I am looking for a companion of a beautiful, charming, gentle and virtuous woman under the age of 18. If you are interested, please quickly call the hotline or log in to the website to contact me via QQ. The opportunity is right in front of you, don't miss it if you pass by.

Zhuge Liang (cursing secretly in his mind) I KAO! What a thing! Oh, it turns out to be Brother Sima, disrespectful!

Sima Yi, who are you?

Zhuge Liang I am Zhuge Liang, Prime Minister of the Shu Army. (Steps on the stool) Just call me Liangzi.

Sima Yi Oh, it turns out to be an old pig. Long time admiration! Nice to meet you!

Zhuge Liang SHIT! Old Zhu, that’s Bajie, my name is Kong Ming, call me Mingming. The general has come all the way to work hard, but he dares to come up and have a glass of white wine with me to make friends?

Sima Yi, why don’t you dare? Xiao Zhu! Hahaha, along the way, I have climbed Mount Zhuzhi, fought against Tang Bohu, crossed the Pan Yangtze River, and leaped over Picasso. I am wearing a yellow holy robe and holding a Bifu sword. I have been waiting for this moment today...

Hello Zhuge Liang , please.

Attendant A, we are the legendary wine barrels, who is afraid of you

Wei Bingyi, our boss is the legendary wine vat...

Zhuge Liang and I Still a wine demon?

Sima Yi, then I am alcohol.

Attendant B: Sir, boss, please drink from the golden bottle of Neptune.

Zhuge Liang, Mr. Sima, come up and drink together.

Attendants, cute little Sisi, come up and drink together!

Wei Bingjia, Sir, something seems wrong?

Wei Bingyi, boss, be careful, it’s the Hongmen Banquet!

Sima Yi Well, the look in his eyes is a bit strange, sometimes shining, sometimes blurry.

(Referring to Zhuge Liang) You, come down!

Zhuge Liang, come up!

Sima Yi, are you afraid?

Zhuge Liang is so afraid of you that I will tell you, I have traveled south and north, my legs have been run over by trains, I have drank water from the Yangtze and Yellow Rivers, and I have kissed a fool.

Cross your mouth, the spring breeze blows, the war drums beat, Zhuge Liang, who am I afraid of? Come up if you can!

Sima Yi, come down

Zhuge Liang, come up!

Sima Yi, I won’t come up until you come down!

Zhuge Liang, I won’t come down until you come up!

Sima Yi (throwing his hands away) Humph!

Zhuge Liang Since Sima is determined not to enter the city, I have no choice but to present to you an absolutely lyrical old song by A Niu! (Singing. The three dance together) Sima Yi opposite, look over, look over, look over, the scenery in the city is wonderful, please don’t pretend to ignore it; Sima Yi opposite, look over, look over, look over, don’t let me I look scared, but I'm actually very cute. Hey--hey--

Sima Yi (singing) I looked left and right, up and down, this Zhuge Liang is not simple; I thought and thought, guessed and guessed,

Will you catch me trying to trick me into entering the city? Humph, I won’t come! Come on, come on, oh. Hey hey hey, tell the whole army to hurry up and withdraw! Brothers, the front team changes to the back team, retreat! (Part 2)

Zhuge Liang Hey, Brother Sima, don’t leave. Let’s have a party tonight, shall we?

Attendant A and Attendant B (overjoyed) Prime Minister, Sima Yi is gone!

Zhuge Liang Oh, really? (raises hands) Help me up!

(The two of them helped Zhuge Liang. Zhuge Liang’s legs were shaking non-stop.

The attendants (shocked) Prime Minister, you?

Zhuge Liang leaves and changes. Take off your pants!

Everyone fainted: Prime Minister, you are so handsome!

Zhuge Liang, don’t be obsessed with me, I’m just a legend...

— The curtain falls