Halo joke

(A) crooked talent harmonic connection

Legend has it that a long time ago, there was a gifted scholar, but no matter what he said, as long as he said it from his mouth, his taste changed and he became humorous. Because of this, he will always be a scholar, unable to be elegant. His extended family doesn't remember him either. As soon as they met, they called him a crooked scholar, or simply called him a crooked scholar. How is he? He doesn't care what he calls it.

It is said that when Youcai was studying in a private school, one day his husband made him scratch for a long time. He asked him, "Are you ready?"

Sir said "rob"!

The crooked talent said, "Do you want to catch it?"

Mr. Wang said, "I'll make you a couplet." If it is right, you don't want to catch it. "

I said, "Good! It's a deal. "

Mr. Wang wrote the first part on the topic of scratching:

Grab, grab, grab, grab, grab, grab, grab, grab.

Slanting slightly wanted to think, namely bottom allied:

Life and death, death and life, sir, first, first, sir.

After that, he ran away and knocked Mr. Wang out!

When Japanese people get together, crooked talents also go. When visiting the garden, an old pedant proudly said, "I have a pair of couplets, please give them to me." Lian Yue:

Red flowers are not fragrant, fragrant flowers are not red, and roses are fragrant red.

For a time, literati showed their abilities, but there was a good couple. Then came out of the crooked, loudly sing the bottom allied:

Fart rings, fart stinks, and serial fart rings louder and stinks.

Although this couplet is indecent, the antithesis is neat and impeccable. The laughter made everyone bend down and burst into tears.

After dinner, everyone was drinking tea, and the waiter sat there smoking while fanning, and the fanned smoke rolled in front of his eyes. When everyone saw this scene, the first part asked everyone to be right, and the couplet said:

Smoking and shaking your fan will help you in front of you.

Scholars say their own antitheses, and the level is naturally mixed. At this time, everyone remembered the crooked talent and insisted that he also put on the first couplet. I'm peeing. He won't say it. While peeing, he casually sang the bottom line:

Peeing and farting, thunderstorms under the legs.

Say and turn away. The literati sitting there laughed their heads off.

(B) with crooked right and wrong

One year, the imperial court sent invigilators to Songzi, Hubei Province to inspect the imperial examinations. The monitor said that Zhoukou, a farmer in this county, was very talented and summoned him. The invigilator saw that Zhou stuttered and his morale was low, and his feet were yellow and muddy. He really looked down on his eyes and asked, "Can you write poetry?" Zhou stammered, "Where ... where people will be ... I will ... know a little." Seeing his bad breath, the invigilator gave him a pair of couplets to correct. Lian Yue:

In the garden, there are peach blossoms, lotus flowers, osmanthus flowers.

At this time, Zhou stammered. The invigilator asked, "Since I know a little, why don't you bow your head and say nothing?" Zhou stammered, "No ... I dare not say." The invigilator said, "Why not? It doesn't matter. " Zhou stammered: "How can you see three kinds of flowers at the same time, peach blossom in spring … peach blossom in spring, lotus flower in summer … lotus flower in summer, osmanthus fragrans in autumn … osmanthus fragrans, and garden …?" On hearing this, the invigilator realized that he had made a mistake and blushed and said, "You are right about the next couplet, but when will it be opened?" Zhou stammered, "that little ... little man is crooked ... crooked." Say that finish intermittent read the bottom allied:

People's shit stinks in grassland, pigs' shit stinks, shit stinks, shit stinks, shit stinks.

Learning to monitor is embarrassing. An open academic director was teased by rural villagers. What a scandal! When the matter reached the imperial court, the official department took a copy to the emperor and demoted the invigilator.

(3) Common sayings are nonsense.

There was a rich man who was born as a scholar. He loved to sing poetry and show off his cleverness. One day, he saw a woodcutter passing by the door with firewood, full of poems, and asked him to pair up with him. The rich man pointed to the bundle of firewood and made a long couplet, saying:

Trees grow on mountains and produce no firewood. Cutting down trees for firewood is more troublesome. Why don't you plant firewood from the beginning?

After singing, he proudly forced the woodcutter to make a couplet. He knows that the woodcutter is quite literary. After being forced to think, he casually recited:

Master, don't eat shit when you eat. It takes time to turn into shit when you eat. Start eating shit.

People standing in front of them watching the excitement all said, "Yes, yes!" Rich people are flushed, but they are helpless. This kind of vulgarity and vulgarity, in pairs, are humorous, pungent and ironic, and entertaining.

(4) hit the nail on the head

Once, scholars were entering the examination room to prepare for the exam. Seeing so many people, a monk walked into the door with a basket containing Four Treasures of the Study and dry food. He doesn't know what this is for. Curious, I followed the crowd to the door and was stopped by the invigilator. The monk reasoned with the invigilator

The monk said, "Why can they go in and I can't?"

The invigilator said, "What do you take as a monk? What are you doing in there? Tell you, this is:

Three thousand Confucius disciples went down to the examination room.

The monk thought it was the invigilator and his couplet. Monks read the book, know and like couplets, and immediately return to the bottom line:

Tathagata 500 arhats go west.

The scholar's exam should have been a good thing, but the damn monk said such unlucky words as "going to the West", which really killed his popularity. The invigilator scolded 1:

Damn it!

The monk thought that the invigilator was out of the top allied again, and immediately answered:

Amitabha.

The invigilator thought that the monk was deliberately entangled with him and flew into a rage. He knocked on the table three times with a ruler. The monk misunderstood again, thinking that the other person was dumb. He thought to himself, if you are dumb, you will be dumb, and so will I. The monk immediately knocked on the wooden fish twice in response. This misunderstanding, accidentally bumped into, is an excellent triple, really interesting and funny.

(5) Beating and cursing.

The rich man celebrated his birthday. A showy scholar who thinks he is talented wants to flatter him by writing a birthday couplet to celebrate his birthday. He racked his brains to make up the first one, but he couldn't write the second one. So I wrote the first half and asked for the second half. The first part is:

Longevity is better than Nanshan, the mountains are not old, the boss is old, people live long, have plenty of food and clothing, and the food is delicious.

Taste, respect morality, and enjoy great wealth. The distinguished guests should have come long ago, and it is natural to come;

A talented farmer, after reading this disgusting first couplet, wrote a tit-for-tat bottom couplet, which made a mockery of the first couplet. Although this couplet is crooked, it is lively and interesting and can laugh. The bottom line written by farmers is:

Happiness is like the East China Sea, the sea is vast and the sky is vast, and the old man has a cruel face and a cruel heart.

Leopard, died of a sudden illness, the end is not good, good people do not go, it is too late to regret.