Please help me find some hilarious jokes!

When my brother got married, he asked me to change 50 yuan and 20 yuan into small red envelopes.

I took 1k and went to the bank to exchange it. Nb said with a bad attitude, "No, I can't change it for you."

What a bad attitude. I asked for "say it again" very viciously, and the guy said "no"

I said, "You wait." Nb said, "You threatened me."

I took my ID card and said, "Open an account, deposit 1k".

It's over. I said "20 more" and I raised 20 twice in a row.

Nb said, "What do you mean?"

"Take the money, walk 50 times and close the account."

Nb despondently gave me 50 brand-new 20 yuan, * * *! ! !

Second, why is it called CCB?

I just went to the * * * bank next to the hospital to withdraw money. There are many ATM machines at the door, and everyone is waiting in line to bask in the sun.

But the strange thing is that there is only one customer in the business hall.

So I went to a window and said to the dragon, Put on airs shop assistant, take 800 yuan.

The man even said he could pick it up at the ATM outside. I asked him why he couldn't get it at the counter.

He said that everyone below 5000 will take it from ATM, saying that it is to save time, improve efficiency and divert. I was stupid. Diversion?

I asked him, there is a long line outside the ATM, and there is no one inside. How much efficiency has this saved?

Is there any document that stipulates that you can't take anything below 5000 at the counter? Any other bank will do!

That son of a bitch said it was a * * * file. I said show it to me! He can't take it out, but he just won't take it anyway.

I looked at the people waiting in line outside to bask in the sun, and then at the people reading newspapers and blowing air conditioners in S 13. I was too angry to call.

I decided to destroy him.

I said yes, then take 5000! After that, he gave me 5000, and I took 100 and said to save 100!

He couldn't deposit money at the ATM, so he did. When he finished typing this 100, I took 100 again and said to save it 100!

That son of a bitch said you couldn't save it once?

I said that the document I sent to myself stipulated that I could only save 100 at a time. What's the matter? I will deposit 100 once and 100 once.

Slowly surrounded by many supporters, everyone said well done!

Someone next to me immediately did the same thing with me.

Finally, they led out and said arrogantly, you disturb the financial order, I will call the police. .

I said I was saving money. Isn't a bank a place to save money? You have a file that says you can't save 100 at a time. Show me!

Many people around me support me and accuse me loudly.

Finally, the leader said sorry, and we will definitely improve our working methods in the future. Convenience for everyone, and so on. .......

When I turned to leave, I said to him, now I know why you are CCB, because you are very * * *!

Third, China Merchants Bank * *

I went to China Merchants Bank to withdraw money (for the company) two days ago. As a result, I found a fake RMB 100 when I copied it. Because I majored in finance and economics, and the company also had previous cases (some people found that the salary paid by the bank was fake), so I paid special attention. Then I said to the counter lady: Miss, there is something wrong with your money.

Miss: What's the problem?

I said: fake.

Miss: No way. You left the counter.

I was angry at that time: What happened to your eyes? Which eye did you see me leave the counter?

So I had a quarrel with her, and she had a bad attitude, as if I was looking for money on purpose, and her words were sharp to me ~

I said, is there something wrong with your copier? You didn't call the police when you copied it? Guess what? Let's call the police.

Richard ~ Not that if you find * * call 1 10 ~!

By this time, the bank had already quarreled ~ the president of the bank came out ~ things were not asked clearly ~ and they were dumped at the first time

Bottom line: Did you leave the counter? If you leave the counter, you can't prove that this fake is ours!

My emperor Poirot! I thought it was ridiculous: did he come out to solve the problem? 2 without saying anything, I pushed the responsibility clean ~ "

I said, did I leave the counter? It doesn't count ~ so watch the surveillance video ~ or I'll call the police to see what you do ~

At this time, the bank president began to be a little "soft" and his attitude improved a lot. He also smiled and said to me:

So what do you think is the solution? You make a plan.

I was a little dizzy and didn't think much: 1 penalty 10! Blurt out ~

Bank President: 1 Payment 10, which is unlikely. How about 50% discount? I thought for a while and finally said to the president and the counter lady with the money: You'd better remember this face in the future and don't play any tricks (many banks violate the rules and often issue * * * *, most of which are accounts with large numbers that are not easy to find. Finally, the president greeted me out of the door with a big smile on his face ~

Four. Agricultural bank of China vip

Since a few months ago, the Agricultural Bank of Hohhot has set up a vip window, which only handles the business of more than 5w yuan. Once I wanted to return 1w, and the queue in the small window was too long. The vip window was empty, so I went to the vip window. The staff asked me how much to mention, and I said1w. She directly said that businesses under 5w would line up at the small window. I said, I want 6w, and she said, 6w is fine. After giving me 6w in cash, I took a W, stuffed the remaining 5w back, and said, Keep it for me.

5w。 The staff member fainted directly.

Verb (short for verb) withdraw all cash.

Another time, in an ICBC, after Party A received a sum of 140w, I went to ICBC to make a payment. Because there is no ICBC card, I plan to transfer money by card. As a result, the staff actually said that they needed to copy their ID cards. Their copier is broken, and they want me to make copies myself. I was furious and said, forget it, don't save it, 140w withdraw it all! You can apply for the plan tonight, and I'll pick it up tomorrow! The director of the banking department changed his face at that time. Then, a little girl laughed and said, bring me your ID card and I'll make a copy for you. A moment, please. . . Well, I felt psychologically balanced at that time. . .

Four priests Tang went to travel by plane, and the plane crashed on the way, but there were only three parachutes.

So, the Tang Priest said, let's answer the question, and jump if we can't answer it.

Tang Priest: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Priest: OK, here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many moons are there in the sky?

Friar Sand: One.

Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too.

Bajie next to me is so happy, such a simple question.

Tang Priest: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky? ....

Bajie jumped down.

Before long, the four of them traveled by plane again. They crashed on the way and there were still only three parachutes. They went on answering questions.

Tang Priest: Wukong, when was People's Republic of China (PRC) founded?

Wukong: 1949.

Tang Priest: OK. Here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many people died in the Liberation War?

Friar Sand: 2.5 million people.

Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too.

Tang Priest: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people? ......

Bajie had to jump again.

The third time, the four of them traveled by plane again and had an accident on the way.

Then Pig said, Master, you don't have to ask. I jump by myself.

Then jump.

Tang Priest put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time.

See if it's funny. Funny, I'll find it!