Please give me some homophone jokes

1. "South China Sea Islands"

Mr. Li is taking geography class.

Mr. Li: Where are the South China Sea islands? Have you seen them?

The students laughed violently and shouted: "I saw it, in the front row!"

It turned out that there was a "boy" named "Director Zhu" in the class.

Tip: South China Sea Islands (Nánhǎizhūdǎo) ≈ Boy Zhu Dao (nánhái Zhūdǎo)

2. "China's Territory"

Mr. Li: China's territory is How old?

A student: Jiang Yu in China? Jiangyu from the Yangtze River or Jiangyu from Heilongjiang?

Mr. Li: Your geography score is probably the last one.

A student: First in Sichuan? Then I have to study in Sichuan.

Tip: territory = jiāngyù = Jiang Yu; reciprocal = dàoshǔ = to Shu

3. "Three-level administrative divisions"

Mr. Li: China's three-level administrative divisions What are the administrative divisions?

A student: China’s third-level sexual expressions are not suitable for children.

Tip: Division (qūhuà) ≈ Interesting Words (qùhuà)

4. "Regional Culture"

A class teacher is on maternity leave, and the school arranges for Li to study geography. Indica generation. One day, the squad leader found Li Xiansheng and said anxiously: "Our class's blackboard newspaper for this month has not been published yet, and the school will conduct competitions next week. Please set a theme and ask everyone to provide manuscripts."

Li Xiansheng thought for a while and said: "Go back to the class immediately and tell the students that this month's blackboard newspaper will be themed 'regional culture'. Please actively contribute." The monitor returned to the classroom and wrote widely on the blackboard. Announcement: The theme of this month's blackboard newspaper - Hell Questions, please actively contribute.

5. Related to place names. On New Year's Day evening, my younger brother brought two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One was cheerful and the other was more reserved. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and pointed at the reserved classmate and introduced us: "He is from Myanmar, so he is relatively shy." Then he raised his glass to toast everyone, raised his head and drank it down in one gulp, and then said: "I'm from Yangon."

6. The Chinese teacher with a strong local accent read an ancient poem by Lu You titled "Wo Chun" to the students and asked the students to dictate it.

The Chinese teacher read the following and a student dictated the following

"Wouchun" "I am stupid"

The dark plum blossoms smell the flowers, I have no culture

I am lying on a branch full of sadness, my IQ is very low,

I hear it lying like water in the distance, if you want to ask me who I am,

It is easy to see the spring green. A big stupid ass.

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green. I'm a stupid donkey.

7. Once, two scholars went to visit Ouyang Xiu, a great writer in the Song Dynasty. On the way, they happened to be in the same boat as Ouyang Xiu, but they didn't know Ouyang Xiu. These two scholars also knew a thing or two about poetry, but they considered themselves experts. At this time, a white goose suddenly jumped into the water. The two couldn't help but get excited about poetry. One chanted: "A goose on the shore", and the other followed: "Plop and jump into the river."

Both of them muttered words, but they could not recite the following verses and could not form a poem. Seeing their anxious look, Ouyang Xiu helped chant a sentence: "White hair floats on the green water, and red palms stir the clear waves."

The two scholars were extremely surprised to see Ouyang Xiu uttering such a good poem. , but when I thought about it, I felt something was wrong. One of them shouted at Ouyang Xiu: "You are not thin-skinned. Is this poem yours?" Ouyang Xiu smiled and said: "This poem is indeed not mine. It was written by King Luo Bin, one of the four heroes of the early Tang Dynasty, when he was a child." The two listened. Then he burst into laughter and said, "I'm telling you, even with your appearance, you can also read poetry." Ouyang Xiu laughed but didn't answer.

Soon, the three people got off the boat. When the two scholars saw a pile of ashes on the shore, they wanted to show off their poetic talents.

One chanted: "Looking from a distance, it's a pile of ashes," and the other said, "Looking close, it's a pile of ashes." Due to lack of talent, the two couldn't continue. I saw Ouyang Xiu chanting calmly on the side: "A strong wind blew up, and snow flew all over the sky." The two were shocked after hearing this. They knew that what Ouyang Xiu was reciting was a good poem, but they were unwilling to be inferior. One of them said in a pretentious manner: "It's not a good sentence, just so-so." The other said: "It's connected, but it's just a little reluctant."

They continued to move forward, and after a while they looked at When they reached a dead tree by the road, one scholar chanted: "A dead tree by the road," and another chanted: "Two big branches."

The two wanted to continue chanting, but I couldn't think of words, so I chanted these two sentences over and over again, my eyes rolling up. Ouyang Xiu couldn't see it, and added two more sentences to them: "Moss is the leaves in spring, and snow is the flowers in winter." After hearing this, the two still refused to admit defeat and continued to compete with Ouyang Xiu. The two chanted again: "The two boarded the boat together to visit Ouyang Xiu." Ouyang Xiu laughed secretly after hearing this, and immediately chanted: "Xiu already knows you, but you don't know Xiu yet (shame)"

8 , An old farmer was transporting watermelons and accidentally overturned his car. A young man helped him up. The old farmer was so grateful that he immediately cut a watermelon and said to the young man, "You eat poop (big pigtails), and I eat urine (small pigtails)!"

9. A woman who was crossing the road dropped her keys. On the ground, a kind-hearted gentleman helped her pick it up and said to her: "You dropped the key." When the wife heard someone say, "You are going to die (key), you dropped the key" and she became furious and hit her. Mr. Wei slapped him, turned around and left...

10. My ears are here

The newly appointed magistrate was from Shandong. Because he had to hang up the account, he said to the master : "You go buy me two bamboo poles."

The master misunderstood the Shandong dialect "bamboo pole" as "pork liver", and quickly agreed, and hurried to the butcher's shop. The shopkeeper said: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two pig livers. You are a sensible person and you should know what he wants!" The shopkeeper was a smart man and understood immediately. He immediately cut off two pig livers and gave another pair as a gift. Pig ears.

After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "The master asked me to buy pork liver. Of course these pig ears are mine..." So he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them into his pocket. Returning to the county government office, he reported to the magistrate: "Reply to the master, I bought pork liver!" When the magistrate saw that the master bought pork liver, he said angrily: "Where are your ears!" When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright. , hurriedly replied: "Ears... ears... here... in me... in my pocket!"

11. Do it after seeing a chicken

Once upon a time there was a landowner , loves chicken very much, and the tenant rents his farm, and it is not enough to just pay the rent, but also has to give him a chicken first. There was a tenant named Zhang San who went to pay rent to the landlord at the end of the year and shared the land for the second year. When he went there, he put a chicken in a bag and after paying the rent, he told the landlord about the land for the second year. When the landlord saw that his hands were empty, he looked up to the sky and said, "This land is not allowed to be divided into three types." ." Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his words and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, but to whom?" Zhang San said: "Your words become so fast!" The landlord replied: "That sentence just now is nonsense (chicken) talk. ', this sentence at this moment is 'take advantage of the opportunity (chicken)'"

12. There is an "opportunity" to take advantage of.

A salesman went to Guangzhou on a business trip to Beijing. Later, because he wanted to go by plane and was afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "I have an opportunity, can I take it?" After receiving the telegram, the manager thought that the "opportunity" to complete the transaction had arrived, so he immediately Call back: "Take it if you can." When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse for travel expenses, the manager did not agree to reimburse the air tickets because he was not qualified enough and would not be reimbursed for flying. The salesman took out the manager's call and called him back. The manager was dumbfounded.

13. Two people from Yunnan went to Beijing. They heard that Beijing roast duck was very famous, so they decided to eat it. As soon as they sat down, one of them said to the waiter: "Go and shake those two roast ducks." !" After waiting for a while, they saw the waiter dazzling a roast duck in front of them and left. One of them couldn't wait any longer, so he called the waiter and asked why they weren't served roast duck. The waiter said: "Didn't you ask me to bring a roast duck to you?"

Note: ("Duidui" means "eat" in Yunnan dialect)

14. The United States Japan is in Asia

Mr. Li: How do you say that the United States and Japan are both in Asia?

Quan Qiutong: Why is it wrong for me to say that I am in Asia every day? Am I not in Asia every day?

15. Some Guangxi people speak Mandarin, their pronunciation is not accurate, and they often have obvious local accents! The common way is to pronounce: empty as male, mouth as dog, and wind as crazy, which leads to the following Joke

When friends come from far away, they usually serve a plate of snails for dinner. The host picks up one and looks at it and says: Male! He throws it away, picks up another one and says: It’s male again! Li Budu muttered: It’s a male again! My friend was very surprised and thought: Awesome! Guangxi people are awesome! You can even see the male and female snails!

I also invited my friends to dinner. The Guangxi people had a little cold. I found myself sitting under the air-conditioning vent, so I said: I have a cold, so I can't sit next to a mad dog. After I finished speaking, I changed seats. My friend was not happy. What do you mean? I am a mad dog?

16. The coach said : "The first class kills chickens, the second class steals eggs, I'll make porridge for you."

(The first class shoots, the second class drops bombs, I'm here to show you.)

17. During the roll call at the beginning of the school term, a class teacher came up with an original idea and said to the students: "I will read out the student number. You can tell me your name so that everyone will know each other, okay?"

"No. 001!"

"Teacher, my surname is Jiao, and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who got this for you?"

"My father." "What does your father do?"

"Open a breeding pig factory!"

"No. 002!"

A girl stood up: "Report to the teacher, My surname is Zhang, my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No. 003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother." "Who is this? What's your name?"

"It's my dad, he sells pliers." The teacher took a sip of water.

"No. 004!"

"Report to the teacher, my surname is Ou (the character is pronounced "Ou") and my name is Ou Ye (oh yeah). This is the name given to me by my mother. She said that she had just blasted a computer game when she gave birth to me. "The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No. 005!"

"Report to the teacher, mother-in-law!" "Why are you swearing?!"

"No! Teacher, I My surname is Gan, my name is Ganniang, and my father is a wine maker." The teacher took a pill.

No. 006! ”

“Teacher, my surname is Gou, and my name is Goubuli. ”

“Your father runs a bun shop, right? ! ”

“Teacher, you are so smart! "The teacher is already a little unsteady.

"No. 007! ”

“My surname is Kuai (pronounce it quickly and pronounce it in the third tone.) My name is Kuai Huo. ”

“Don’t tell me that your dad runs a warehouse. ”

“Teacher, you are so old-fashioned, my dad is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the corners of the teacher's mouth.

"No. 008! ”

“Teacher, go to hell!” " "What? What did you say? ! "

"I mean my surname is Ni, and my name is Ni going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. My name is interesting, right? ”

“Interesting, interesting. "The teacher was about to cry.

"No. 009! ”

“Teacher, I’ll talk about it next time.

"Why do you have to say it next time? You say it now!" "

"No! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher is already feeling dizzy.

"No. 010! ”

“Teacher, my surname is Gao, and my name is Gao Wan. "

"My surname is Mei, and my name is Mei Liangliang. ”

“My surname is Wu, and my name is Wu Qing. "

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong. ".........

The teacher looked up to the sky and roared: "Oh my god, what kind of students did I meet! "The teacher spit out blood and fell to the ground to die