Who can tell me some good English jokes?

Wife to husband (he reads newspapers all day): I wish I were a newspaper, so that I can be in your hand all day.

Husband: I hope so, too, so that I can change you every day

Joke 2

A little boy asked his father, Dad, how much does it cost to get married?

The father replied, I don't know, son. I'm still paying! !

Joke 3

At midnight, the father saw his married son leave home ... He asked him: What are you doing?

The son replied, Dad, I'm tired of my life! My wedding is not going well, my wife and my mother have been quarreling! I have to pay for my in-laws. I hate this life! ! ! I want to stay away from here, I want to taste every pleasure of life, and I want to have every pleasure of life! ! !

Father said: Wait! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I'll go with you.

Joke 4

A lady went to Britain to attend a two-week company training. Her husband drove her to the airport and wished her a pleasant journey.

The wife replied, thank you, dear. What do you want me to bring you?

The husband smiled and said, An English girl! ! !

The woman kept silent and left. Two weeks later, he met her at the airport and asked her, dear, how was your trip?

Wife: Fine, thank you.

Husband: So, where's my present?

Wife: Which gift?

Husband: What I want is: the English girl?

Wife: Oh, that! Well, I tried my best; Now it will take several months to see if it is a girl! ! !

Joke 5

A couple went to an art gallery. They found a picture of a naked woman, only her private parts were covered with leaves. The wife didn't like it and walked away, but the husband continued to watch. The wife asked, "What are you waiting for?" The husband replied, "Autumn."

Joke 6

A man was sitting reading a newspaper when his wife slipped out from behind him with a bang. "What is this for?" He asked. "That's for the paper with Mary Allen's name on it in your pants pocket," she replied. "Don't be silly," he said. When I went to the horse race two weeks ago, Mary Allen was the name of a horse I bet on. "She seems tired of it and apologizes for it. Three days later, he was sitting in the chair reading again, when she knocked him unconscious with a bigger frying pan. When he woke up, he asked again, "What is that for?" "Your damn horse just called. "

Joke 7

The wife said to her husband, you were so drunk last night that you insulted your boss.

Husband: piss him! Wife: You did, and he fired you!

Husband: Fuck it!

Wife: Yes, you can go back to work tomorrow.

Joke 8

A couple drove for several miles on a country road, and the road was silent. Didn't say a word to each other. An earlier discussion led to an argument, and inside wanted to care about his position. When they passed a barn yard with mules and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Your relatives?" "Yes," the husband replied, "in-laws".