Joke! It’s okay to smile!

If you laugh, just accept it~ A collection of super funny jokes↘

1. Ghost: God, next time I am reincarnated, I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood. ?

God: Then reincarnate yourself as Hushu Bao. ?

2. A friend was selling popsicles in the park during his first work-study program, and he was too embarrassed to shout. Suddenly, someone shouted: "Selling popsicles~~~~Selling popsicles~~". When the friend heard this, he felt very happy and shouted: "Me too~~~~Me too~~~~". ?

3. Not long after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. The ant cried bitterly while burying the elephant: "My dear, why did you go so early? I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life!"?

4. Your boy has a crush on a girl and muster up the courage to ask that girl what kind of boy she likes?

The girl who "likes you" answers, but the boy gets the same answer after asking the question several times?

The boy Discouraged, he said, "Can you do it if you have a flat head?" ?

5． One day, I was out of breath and chasing the last bus. As I chased, I shouted: Master! Master, wait for me~?

Suddenly a passenger stuck his head out of the car window and said to me slowly. : Wukong. Just stop chasing me?

6. One day I was taking a biology test, and one of the questions was to guess the name of the bird by looking at its legs. A certain student really didn't understand and angrily tore up the paper and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you in and what's your name?" A certain student lifted up his trouser legs and said: "Guess, you guess."?

7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader came to the stage to receive her. He took her hand and asked her for warmth. He refused to let go for a long time, and asked kindly: What is your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Male Gebi Songshou"?

8. A man bought a parrot that could only say two words, "Who?". One day, the owner was not at home, and a gas man knocked on the door. ?

Parrot: Who is it? ?

Answer: Gas changer?

Parrot: Who is it? ?

Answer: The gas changer?

......?

The master was lying down at the door when he came home. The master was wondering, who is this?

Inside the door: Gas changer?

9. A man saw a pile of stuff on the road, squatted down and smelled it, and said it might be poop. He touched some of it with his hand, put it in his mouth and licked it, and said, it was really poop, but luckily he didn't step on it! ~?

10. The doctor asked the patient how he had broken the bone. He replied: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. I shook and shook... Someone thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave it to me. Two sticks. ?

11． A professor was teaching in the field: "Scientific research must not be afraid of getting dirty..." Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of getting dirty..." Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. The professor said: "In addition, you must be good at observation. I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but I licked it." It’s the index finger.”?

12. In a certain public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out after a long time. At this time, another man, Mr. B, rushed in. As soon as he squatted down, he started to poop so smoothly. After hearing this, Mr. A said: "Man, I really envy you." Yeah, it’s so fun.” Mr. B said, “What’s there to envy? I haven’t taken off my pants yet...”?

13. A gentleman was practicing riding a bicycle when a pedestrian came in front of him. He panicked and shouted: "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian stopped hurriedly. Unfortunately, a certain gentleman's riding skills were too poor and he still knocked down a pedestrian. The passerby got up and got angry: "You still told me to stop! You are aiming, right?"?

14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother, and the little guy answered the phone. Out of politeness, I also wanted to say hello to her. "My dear, where is mom?" "Going to Huaguo Mountain!" "..." "My dear, what are you doing?" "Auntie, you are so funny, I wasn't calling you!" ?

My colleague’s son, 4 years old.

Classic sentence: "When I was young..."?

15. There was a car accident on the road - a turtle trampled on a cow. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and said Wo Niu: How did the turtle hit you? Wo Niu, who was hanging a cast, recalled in panic: I don't remember, he was too fast at that time! ?

16. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was bored, he started to pluck out his own hair. One... two... three... Finally, when he pulled out no hair, he suddenly shouted... It's so cold. ah! ! ………………?

17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty. When she comes back from kindergarten, her mother will often ask her: "Beauty, has anyone called you that today?" The little girl actually sighed: "I guess they have seen me too much, that's all." Don’t you think I’m beautiful?

18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after contraceptive failure. As soon as the child was born, he clenched his fists and laughed non-stop. The nurse opened his fist. Found a handful of contraceptive pills inside, and then the little boy spoke: "You two want to kill me, it's not that easy, hahahaha..."?

19. Two men went to play in the mountains. One of them accidentally slipped and fell off the cliff. The companion shouted anxiously: "Brother, how are you? Are you okay?". The man who fell only heard the reply: "I don't know. I’m still falling~~~~~”?

20. I agree. A man was riding a bicycle without holding the handlebars. He had his hands folded in front of his chest. When a traffic policeman saw it, he said: Good hands! The man replied, Hello, comrades!?

21. The monkey asked the fox how to describe the elephant's fart in a song. The fox said: Gu Juji's lt; I miss it so much; the ant heard it and said: "Fuck, I thought it was a power train."?

22. Two brothers were being chased by a tiger. The younger brother couldn't run anymore, so he said, "Brother, let's stop running and fight this beast to death." The older brother said, "Don't be ridiculous. I can't outrun it. As long as I can outrun you, that's fine." ”?

23. Noodles was beaten by a steamed bun, so he went to his cousin Instant Noodles to seek revenge. When Instant Noodles saw the bean buns, he beat him up. When he came back, he said to Noodles: Don't worry, I beat all the shit out of him. ?

24. A fashionable woman walked onto the bus. When she saw an empty seat, she took out a tissue and wiped it violently. Just as she was about to sit down, she farted. A man next to her laughed and said, "I'm KAO. I'm so damn clean. I have to blow it after wiping it." ?

25. The penguin was bored, so he wanted to go to the North Pole to play with the polar bear?

I walked and walked for many years, and when I was almost there, I suddenly remembered that the gas at home was not turned off properly?

So I returned, Walking and walking, and walking for many more years, turned off the gas, and set off again, and walked and walked, and walked for many more years?

Finally, we arrived at the door of the polar bear and knocked on the door:?

——Polar bear! Come out and play! ?

Polar Bear: ?

——Not playing. ?

26. In junior high school, a mathematics teacher was talking about equation transformations. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Attention, students! I'm going to transform! …?

27． A judge looked sideways and tried three criminal suspects A, B and C on one day?

The judge said to A: "Did you steal the thing?"

B replied: "No" ?

The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you."?

C said: "I didn't say anything either."?

28. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The pig heard this and said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water too!" After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig off the plane together. The crow smiled. He said to the pig: "Are you stupid? I can fly~~~~?

29. A rabbit walked into a store and asked the boss: Do you sell carrots here? My wife said: No.

After a while, the rabbit came again and asked: Do you have any carrots for sale here? The boss said impatiently no! After a while, the rabbit came to ask again, and the boss finally couldn't bear it anymore: If you make trouble again, I will take a pair of scissors and cut off your ears! ?

After a while, the rabbit came again: Do you have any scissors for sale here? The boss said: No. The rabbit asked again: Do you have carrots for sale here...?

30. The devil caught the princess?

The devil said: Just scream, no one will come to save you! ?

Princess: Broken throat, broken throat! ?

No one: Princess, I’m here to save you! ?

Devil King: If you say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here! ?

Cao Cao: Demon King, what do you want me to do? ?

Devil King: Wow, I saw a ghost! ?

Ghost: Damn! was discovered. ?

Damn: Nonsense, who discovered me? ?

Who: None of my business! ?

Devil: Oh, my god!?

God: Who called me? ! ?

Who: No one called you! ?

No one: I don’t have one! ! ! ?

It is said that the Devil has suffered from schizophrenia since then. ?

31. A king wants to marry a princess and puts an apple on the princess's head. Whoever shoots it will have a chance to marry the princess. ?

The first man shot the apple and said, "I'm Robin." ?

The second man also shot the apple and said, " I'm Hou Yi"?

The third man accidentally shot the princess to death. He said: "I'm sorry..."?

32. A man was an intern in a mental hospital. Suddenly, a mentally ill patient came after him with a kitchen knife. The man turned around and ran away until he reached a dead end. He thought it was over. The patient said: "I'll give you the knife. It's your turn to chase him." Me. ?

33. The wolf had just fallen out of love and passed by a hut while foraging. He heard a man teach his child: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf. The child cried in the house all night, and the wolf stayed outside all night. When he got up in the morning, The wolf choked and said: Men, men are all liars!