Nankang Baiqi: I will wait for you until you are thirty-five.

Seeing Wilde's From the Deep these days, I thought of Nankang. For a love that is taboo to the world, one was jailed, the other was ruined, and the other jumped into Xiangjiang River in his prime. Every time I come here, I always think of what Murasaki said: the grass falls at the touch, and the frost on the bamboo melts at the touch. This style is hard to last.

1

When Nankang met Mr. Right, it was in college. He described his lover like this: I like college best. You are thin. You move like a weak willow tree. You are so beautiful and charming when you walk. In spring, you can tie a rope around your body to fly a kite.

How warm and witty, if not extremely happy, how can you write it? He doesn't have to have a handsome outline or extraordinary demeanor, but when I met him, it was Chunshan, and when I thought of him, it was the time when flowers bloomed. Then I became a person walking on thin ice, and I became a very contented person. Who makes him talented, who makes him attractive, who makes him just right.

Nankang in his eyes is also lovely and warm. At first, he said, "This man is childish, willful, naive and lawless, and he won't grow up at the age of 70." You must have been half smiling when you said this, and your eyes were raised like the buds of green radish. Then I glanced at Nankang, grinning and glaring, more and more proud.

Often touched by the first encounter, there is no grass to grow, and there is no smoke and drunkenness, but in an instant, heaven and earth show the cutest appearance. The barren and cracked land can also spew light purple and deep white smoke clouds. Ma Di also sings: He says you are not as beautiful as when you first met you.

From then on, my heart is like a flying swallow, holding a mud nest in your home. That's about it.

The attraction between people is always irrefutable. But he refused, and the secular eyes were sharp. In order to get rid of the situation, Nankang rented a house outside and avoided it. During that time, Nankang wrote: It was at that time that I formed the habit of turning day and night upside down, and there was nowhere to vent my thoughts and grief. I often open my eyes until dawn, listening to the rain dripping on the eaves outside, thinking about how I got into this situation today. The more I watch it, the more I want to see it. The more I want to see it, the more I dare not.

Dare to think, many times, not brave enough, just afraid of each other's heart. There is nothing to see, but if he frowns and hesitates, is it self-defeating and rewarding? Nankang is also afraid. If you live alone for a long time, your thoughts and abandonment in the wild can grow wildly. If we meet, how can we be comfortable? Even in the dream, it is said that it is better to make waves than to hate people. He is always on the other side, just like a god, even if it is scattered all over the place, it is also a relic.

Missing you can't die, just like leaving spring grass on the original. A verbal agreement with oneself is nothing but a futile sickle. These simple truths should have been understood long ago.

During that time, Nankang became thinner after a long illness. Everyone advised him to go back to school to live and recuperate. On the other hand, finally lost in the confrontation. He said, "It's only a lifetime. Why don't you find someone decent?" This is his answer to Nankang.

At night, the dormitory was quiet and everyone fell asleep. Nankang whispered his name in his sleep. After listening to his promise in a daze, Nankang was satisfied and turned over to go back to sleep.

Nankang said: No one knows what will happen in the future. But because of this person around me, I have the courage to continue, uneasy and happy.

Happy is the man who can say such a thing. There is someone who is willing to take a limited path with you. At least, he holds your hand. But once, someone said to me, "I liked him for several years, and he said it was the darkest time in my life." With these words, he turned and left, pacing slowly. I hesitated for a few seconds, quickly stepped forward and subconsciously held his hand, tightly.

Wilde said, "I opened my heart to you. I turned your sadness into mine, thinking that this might help you bear that kind of sadness." But later, sadness became a chronic disease, yours and mine. I can't close my heart. Scared by the wind thousands of miles away.

2

Nankang always said that those happy years were stolen, and some were stolen. So I wrote it down in detail and named it Six Chapters of a Floating Life. That night, Nankang pretended to be asleep. Gently carried him to the bed, only to see Nankang laughing secretly. He also smiled and said disdainfully, "You look beautiful."

Nankang told him to lose weight, and he did, but he got up in the middle of the night with tomatoes in one hand and apples in the other. They are all fruits that he doesn't like very much. Nankang wrote: When he saw me coming out, he smiled shyly and said, "Did I wake you?" My heart is sour. I took tomatoes and put them back in the refrigerator, cooked noodles for him and watched him gobble them up.

Every word is trivial. Nankang writes like a broken heart, with the gentlest and most delicate brushstrokes. Lin wrote a sentence, if you are happy and still think about this life and can't forget it, it is often an ominous sign.

Maybe Nankang shouldn't name it Six Chapters of a Floating Life. After everything that happened to him, Shen Fu wrote sadly: He was nosy then, but now he is miserable.

He always failed to hold Nankang's hand tightly. They walked through the university together and entered the society, and their parents urged them to get married. Occasionally, they will quarrel. He slammed the door angrily and left Nankang alone.

During the day, when they go out, they are always afraid of intimacy. In the past, on campus, students were used to sneaking around and entering the society, always being noticed and pointed at behind their backs. He works hard and gossip is always bad. So Nankang endured a lot of grievances.

It is a luxury to hold hands in the street even though you are a lover within reach. After he left, Nankang silently wrote: I didn't open my eyes when I heard the sound of opening and closing the door. I just think, if I can, I don't want to like you at all. Find a girl and walk in front of people hand in hand. However, no one gave me a chance. I fell in love with you the first time I liked someone.

Nankang is not without efforts. He desperately wants to like a girl and calls her at night, which is as touching as all couples see. But in the early hours of that night, Nankang saw him get up suddenly and lit a cigarette.

"Looking at his back through mosquito nets and extinguished cigarette butts one by one, tears just flowed out silently, dare not make any noise, just choking and choking, both wronged and sad. I broke up with her the next day. "

Nobody gave me a chance. I fell in love with you the first time I liked someone.

three

That man is still married. He chose a sunny day and talked with a woman all his life. Nankang never had the courage to go. The only college friend who knows the inside story came all the way to accompany him.

"I have been suppressing patience, trying to pretend as if nothing had happened, and my mood is always gray. This has become a habit. I can't cry loudly, but tears keep coming out and I can't breathe. I said to him, "I feel terrible." "

Nankang's lover, fearless, wanted to find a white-haired man, and thus became his affectionate and pale "husband". That voice, word for word, has only become a lingering title.

Those bloodless ethics. No matter where you go, the wind knife and frost sword will not betray the light of the sun and the moon. Nankang is just a soft and sensitive teenager, just a lonely child who longs for light.

Nankang just loves a person normally and carefully, with a small wish of "quiet years, good life" and a soul that is regarded as priceless. What, have the heart to be harsh?

"I have tasted the sorrow of wailing, the distress of wanting to speak, the sorrow of being speechless, and all the sufferings of these souls." Wilde wrote this sentence in prison.

Tears fell like rain.

four

"I will wait until you are thirty-five years old. If you don't come by then, I'll find someone else. " Nankang sent him a message. That year, Nankang was twenty-eight years old. Seven years of affection, love, escape, love, quarrel, break up. Until, he married someone else, and Yan Er got married.

All this, Nankang, passed away in tears. He also quoted Mei Qi and tried to enjoy his knees. For his lover, he gave up more than once. Eventually I was covered with thorns, a never-ending road.

On one occasion, Nankang said with emotion, "If something goes wrong, I won't meet you." He just smiled and pushed Nankang's head, laughing at his whimsy, and then casually said, "Even without you, I would meet someone else, maybe better than you."

You know whether Nankang is good or not. All I know is that this is the only person in the world who has written a book for him. He has done his best to warm the sun, clear the lake and make the mountains and moons beautiful. As a treasure, it was named Six Chapters of a Floating Life.

Shen Fu said: If you don't live long, you will be humiliated.

That night, Nankang was desperate and jumped into the Xiangjiang River. He is not Wilde, so he can't understand love and beauty, sadness and joy in prison. He is just a naive, willful and lawless child who can't grow up at the age of 70. At first, his lover already knew.

Finally, Nankang sobbed and wrote: I am not innocent, but I am not guilty either. I just like someone.

Stop it, stop it. I know, I know, I know.

In retrospect, I laughed several times last night. Now, the dream is over before the morning bell rings.

After the New Year, it should be a good time and a good scene. Customs are strange, who can you tell?