Big collection; A short joke

Category: entertainment and leisure >> Humorous.

Problem description:

Don't be a nun. She died laughing 60 years ago.

Analysis:

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

2. Woman: "I can marry anyone as long as I have money." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

3. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

4. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

5. Minimum standards for college students; Peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.

7. I said you were a pig, but you said: I am a pig. From then on, I will call you "pig head monster"! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: I'm not a pig!

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

9. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

10. The sunshine last night was really good.

1 1. One day, a rich man wanted to buy a car, but he hesitated because the car shop didn't have Geely's license plate number. The owner of the car dealership came over and said with a smile, "This license plate is good, 00544 (let me try), and no one dares to mess around, right?" !

The rich man was moved and bought the car at once, but something happened the next day. The rich man got off the bus angrily, thinking that you would dare to hit this car, but as soon as he got off the bus, he left in despair. The other party's original license plate is 44944 (just try it).

2. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway!

One day, my sister asked my sister, "Do you know the names of Li Bai's wife and daughter?" Sister replied that she didn't know. Sister said: "you are so stupid, you have learned it in elementary school." His wife's name is Zhao and his daughter's name is Zhao! " "

4. A young male patient with liver disease is drinking in the hospital bed.

Beautiful young nurse: Dear!

The patient smiled: little baby!

The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming couldn't answer it, so he stood there without talking.

The teacher said anxiously, "If you don't know, just tell me."

Xiao Ming said after a while: "Zhi ~ ~ ~ ~ ~"

Cao Mengde has a concubine with both talent and beauty. One day, she heard that Liu Huangshu had a general named Guan Yu. This gentleman is a rare star in the world. He refuses to accept it and wants to test his talent.

One day when I saw Guan Yu, my concubine drew a big circle with her hand as the stroke. Guan Yu took a look and drew a long arc with his hand.

Concubine zheng, stretched out a finger, guan yu saw, then stretched out two fingers;

Yuji nodded and drew a semicircle in front of her abdomen with her hand. Guan Yu saw it and shook her hand.

Yu Ji went back to see Cao Cao and told him that Guan Yu was very talented. She asked him with the rising sun first, and Guan Yu responded with the waning moon. Then she asked him about his talent today:

At that time, it was the best in the world, but Guan Yu modestly said that he was the second most. She praised Guan Yu for his knowledge, but he waved and said to him ...

Guan Yu went back to see Liu Bei and said to Liu Bei, "Cao Cao's concubine is so boring. She said a big cake first, and I said a fried dough stick. She asked if one was enough, and I said at least two. She asked her if she was so full? I said no, not yet. ...

Liu Bei was surprised, because Zhang Fei came to tell him just now that he saw Guan Yu having an affair with Cao Cao's concubine, because he saw that the concubine said she was so big and Guan Yu said he was so long, so the concubine asked if it was enough once. Guan Yu said to do it at least twice, and Yu Ji asked what to do if she was pregnant. The most exasperating thing is that Guan Yu said it's none of my business. ...