All judgments of others are judgments of oneself.

I had dinner in the canteen in the morning, and a lady sat next to me.

The breakfast staple is jujube steamed bread, which is bigger than the usual steamed bread. Such a big steamed bread, I can only eat one, and I am full.

The lady next to her finished eating a steamed bun and got up and went to the self-help desk to get another one. After sitting down, she picked the red dates on the top of the steamed bread into the porridge bowl with chopsticks, and then took a big bite of the steamed bread.

I am surprised that this woman can eat two such big steamed buns. !

I can't help asking her: Can you eat two steamed buns?

The woman glanced at me and said, I am a cleaner. I clean so many rooms and corridors every day. I am hungry after eating one steamed bun, and I am starving until 11 o'clock every day, so I have to eat two steamed buns.

I smiled apologetically, nodded and said, "You should eat more. It costs a lot. Otherwise, it's hard work.".

No one is a fool. That woman must have heard something behind my question. When she first explained to me, her tone was a little tight. In the process of speaking, she was relieved to see that my smile was not malicious.

but I feel guilty. When I came out of the canteen, I blamed myself all the way: why do you want to ask people that sentence?

Actually, before I asked the lady that sentence, I was aware: I was surprised and puzzled that she could eat two steamed buns.

anything else? Zoom in a hundred times, is there a joke and look down on others?

I have to admit, it's a little vague, but there must be. Otherwise, how can I feel guilty and blame myself? I won't feel guilty if I'm just surprised and puzzled by her.

throughout this process, I was conscious. I saw that I judged others and wanted to suppress them, but my thoughts were so strong that I couldn't suppress them, so I let them run out. That's it.

People only ate one more steamed bun. Why do I have such a strong reaction? What am I judging? The detailed analysis is as follows:

Most women love beauty, while in China culture, women regard thinness as beauty. Therefore, women should manage their diet and eat less for their figure, image and temperament.

then, eating more means: no self-control, no self-control, no attention to image; If you eat too much, you will get fat. If you get fat, you will look bloated, clumsy, elegant and temperamental.

and when all this is combined, there are three words: not good enough.

what does it mean to be not good enough?

not being loved.

this is my whole internal logic.

it's supposed that how much others eat has nothing to do with my wool! I don't even know that woman!

However, the woman's two steamed buns touched my inner concept. These ideas are deeply rooted in my mind and become an automatic reaction. These ideas make me so uncomfortable and resistant to eating more.

I judge others so much, and I judge myself so much. There is no one else outside, only ourselves.

Normally, we may hide the behavior we don't like, or try not to do it, but it doesn't mean that it has disappeared or that we really accept it.

We just project these things on others, and we will see what we hate or fear in others. When we see those behaviors or characteristics that make us uncomfortable in others, we feel like a thorn, such as a stick in the throat, not to mention discomfort.

when we can't hold back and say it, it seems that we are talking about others, but we are actually talking about ourselves.

If we have enough awareness, we can take this opportunity to make the unconscious things that are usually invisible float to the conscious level, so as to adjust, melt or accept them. They will never control us again.

Otherwise, things in the subconscious, like demons in the dark, will always control us and make us uncomfortable.

but if we don't have awareness, it will completely become a judgment of others, which will lead to conflicts and destroy interpersonal relationships.

Because no one is stupid, just like this lady I met, I smiled and said a word to her in a friendly way, although it seemed like an understatement, and she immediately caught my true intention.

no one's subconscious is stupid.

So, although I feel guilty for asking this question, I condemn myself and feel that I am not good enough and uncomfortable, I still accept myself mercifully first. Then, seriously analyze yourself and grow up.

the reason why I asked this sentence at that time, there must be something I need to grow up. I can't let such an incident and mutual discomfort happen in vain.

Why did I form such an understanding and judgment about eating, self-image and self-management?

In fact, it's not just this problem. We learn to judge in all aspects when we grow up.

since childhood, maybe that's what our parents asked us and often said these words to us.

We grew up with their demands, threats, intimidation and judgments, and gradually acquired their ideas and practices.

Then these ideas and practices are internalized into our own ideas and habits.

We use these concepts and habits to demand and restrain ourselves, and we also use these rulers to measure and restrain others.

once the external behavior of others does not conform to our internal ruler, our ideas will be bumped or offended, and we will be excited, agitated and mad.

at this time, we often can't hold back and have something to say. Like me and this lady.

this is the formation and expression of judgment. We judge ourselves with our own ideas; And project it to others and judge them.

But first, we should accept ourselves, see our own judgment and allow our own judgment.

there are some things that are beneficial to let it happen. For example, when I asked the lady, I realized that she ate two steamed buns for a reason, and she was engaged in manual labor.

this let me know that the reason why things happen like that, and why others do that, turns out to be someone else's situation. This is equivalent to an extra window in my original narrow consciousness.

Let's talk about "not good enough and not loved".

not being loved is probably the most feared thing in everyone's heart, right? Who doesn't want love in this world!

Moreover, most people in this world feel that they lack love and are not loved, so everyone is very nervous and fearful about not being loved.

but are we really unloved?

no, not being loved is an illusion. If no one loved us, would we still be alive? Can we still be alive? No way.

do your relatives love you?

I firmly know that my mother loves me, and she thinks I should eat more and eat sturdily so as to be healthy.

My daughter loves me. In her eyes, I am so cute and beautiful if I am fatter and thinner.

Their love for me has surpassed my external image.

I believe that everyone must have one or two relatives who love you unconditionally.

Besides, if you call the universe God, God is within you and he loves you. The universe and God themselves are love, which permeates everyone's body and mind. You are the manifestation and expression of love. How can you lack love? No way.

Then why do we often feel unloved or afraid of being unloved?

this probably stems from our childhood experience.

When we make mistakes, don't listen to our parents, or don't do well enough, our parents will say: You are so bad, ugly, terrible and disappointing ...

Then they often say: If you do this again, or don't listen to me, I won't want you, take you, give you up and love you ...

This feeling spread to us as adults. If we don't notice and grow, this feeling may spread throughout our lives.

If we look closely, we can see that "not good enough and unloved" are all false. They can be adjusted.

We can make up or modify childhood illusions, and through those pains and regrets, we can see our parents' love again and inspire our own feelings of love.

when we grow up, if we still feel unloved or afraid of being unloved, the most fundamental reason is that we don't love ourselves. If we love ourselves enough, we will be steadfast, confident, firm and powerful.

To love yourself, first of all, it is self-acceptance, self-recognition and self-appreciation.

when we fall in love with ourselves, we will take responsibility for ourselves, and we will no longer just expect others to love us. Love yourself is your own business.

whether we love ourselves, or love others and everything outside, it all comes from our hearts.

Only when we really learn to love ourselves can we feel the love of others, everything and the universe.

only then do we understand that love is full between heaven and earth, inside and outside of us, and love is everywhere.

we are love.