Funny and humorous jokes

funny jokes

"jokes" is originally an artistic term in cross talk, which refers to a section or a paragraph of artistic content in cross talk works. However, with the frequent use of the word "jokes", its connotation has quietly changed, and people unconsciously and subjectively incorporated it into some unique connotations. Here are some funny jokes I collected for you, welcome to share. Funny and humorous jokes 1

1. When the door of the hospital operating room was pushed open, the doctor came out and said to the wife of the patient who came forward, "There is bad news and good news. Which one do you want to listen to first?"

"ok."

"Your husband's success rate of this operation is as high as 99%!"

"what about the bad ones?"

"It used to be higher."

2. Wu Song has sharp eyes and sits in a chair. The golden lotus kneeling on one side kept trembling.

"Sister-in-law, let me ask you, what did my eldest brother say before he died?"

"no,no."

"No?" Wu Song thundered, reached a finger at the broken bowl on the ground, and spilled some black juice on the ground.

The golden lotus is shaking more violently, like a small flower swaying in the wind: "It seems to say medicine, medicine".

Wu Song grabbed Jinlian's chest and lifted it up. He roared, "Then why didn't you say Chek Kek?" I am anxious to kill my big brother alive! "

3. Let a friend tell a joke and ask me how I feel. I said, "When I first heard this joke, the house price in Beijing was less than that in 1 yuan."

The friend refused and said, "Then tell a 3,-even joke."

4. Female: Honey, what's the matter with you? You're moaning all day?

m: I'm worried about things at work.

W: What can you worry about as a PE teacher?

m: many people are not good at math now, and they all say that I taught them. Funny and humorous jokes 2

1. The prison guard had a heart attack and the prisoners ventured to escape from prison for rescue. The police said that they were very moved and strengthened the gate.

2. Today, I tripped over the railroad track and almost fell to my death. I can't help but think of my predecessor's last words before he died: I won't let you go when I am on the track.

3. I asked Lao Li, the driver of the company: I said that you are also an old driver and have rich experience! What car are you most afraid of hitting?

I saw him take a deep breath of his cigarette and said slowly, I am most afraid of hitting Wuling Hongguang, because you never know how many people will hit you from above!

4. According to the requirements of the higher authorities, Director Zhao helped Uncle Zhang, a poor household.

Director Zhao attached great importance to it and drafted a detailed assistance plan.

He presided over meetings for many times to study and revise the plan. It was not until everyone thought that the plan was perfect that he called the village committee and informed him that he would visit Uncle Zhang's house tomorrow.

The village chief was stunned and said, "Don't come. Uncle Zhang has been ill for two months."

5. Unfortunately, an astronomer fell into the hands of cannibals and will be cooked soon. Knowing that there was a total solar eclipse that afternoon, he said to the cannibal leader, "I am protected by God. If you want to eat me, God will take the sun away!"

the leader is noncommittal. The astronomer asked again, "When are you going to cook me?"

"At three o'clock in the afternoon, as soon as the total solar eclipse is over, cook!" The leader replied coldly. Funny and humorous jokes 3

1. To die is to challenge the limit of life!

2. The consequences of drunk driving are very serious, and it may even be mistaken for a female driver by other car owners.

3. Uncle Wang, who was hungry and cold, lit a firecracker and put it in his leather coat to keep warm.

4. Suddenly, someone called me a pig, and I was so angry that I couldn't speak.

5. Dude, what's up recently? Since I was with your daughter-in-law, you haven't laughed much since I met you.

6. Those who borrow money these days must be friends, but those who pay back the money on time are not friends, but benefactors!

7. I am a person who lives by my face. A girl slaps me for fifty dollars and a boy slaps me for one hundred dollars. Funny and humorous jokes 4

1. Today, a father and son came to the store to buy an iPhone. The son is just like a junior high school student. When paying the money, the son said that his father, with your IQ, bought a smart phone. Then his father said that we all laughed and told his son that you have a high IQ, but you can't afford it ... < P > 2. Just on the subway, a sister paper suddenly shouted, "What are you staring at my chest, rascal!" Then all the people looked over, and a man, sweating and embarrassed, was pulled away by his friend. I only heard his friend say, "What are you staring at her for? Not beautiful, not full! " The man said aggrieved that it is rare to see anyone wearing such a low chest without a little gap, so I want to look for it carefully.

3. I was very nervous when I had an operation. The handsome doctor asked me, "Don't be nervous, why don't you play a song?" My heart is full of gratitude! Then I heard: "My friend, you are leaving today, so drink this cup of wine ..."

4. I always miss the unbroken love between my high school and my deskmate. Now I'm 4 years old and haven't been in love. My parents arrange blind dates for me everywhere. One day, my mother called to say that she had arranged a blind date, and went to see that the girl was actually my high school deskmate! My excited head was hot and I asked falteringly, "Are you all right?" She bowed her head and said, "Is that you want to have a blind date with my daughter?

5. When I was in college, I got hemorrhoids. Seriously, I often have blood on my underwear! I went to the playground to play ball that day and stole my girlfriend's sanitary towel and put it in my underwear! I am a good player, and sometimes I get applause from my classmates watching the game! Just after a beautiful layup, I felt something slipping from my thigh. Looking back, it was a sanitary towel with blood! That's embarrassing, it's not picking it up, and it's not picking it up! I really want to find a crack in the ground, and I became famous the next day.

6. Recently, due to heavy workload, I often feel hungry and don't want to eat snacks, so I often go to a fruit stand near the construction site to buy fruit to eat. There are many people in the dormitory, and I always buy ten kilograms. This afternoon, I went to buy half a box of oranges. When I checked out, the little girl selling fruit whispered to me, "I have a boyfriend."

7. My wife was pregnant, and I asked, "Is it good to have a boy and a girl?"

wife: "if it's yours, it's good. What do you choose?"

I was lost in thought ...

8. During the Spring Festival, an old classmate sent me a message of blessing. I thought his writing was good, so I changed my name and sent it to the group.

As a result, he replied to me: "Shit, I copied my homework when I was a child, and I have to copy my text messages when I grow up. Can you be shameless!"

9. When a buddy got married, the host asked him to sing a song to express his love for his wife. This buddy sang: A gentle kiss has touched my heart.

At this moment, I saw the bride slap her face and say, Who is Qingqing?

1. M: Hi! Beauty, are you a sheep?

female: wow! You are so awesome! Can you tell all this?

man: there! I smelled it!

11. In the supermarket, a child took my hand and said, "Uncle, can you take me home? My mother and I have been separated."

I asked him, "Aren't you afraid that I will sell you?"

The child said, "My mother said that ugly people are kind."

12. I went on a blind date two days ago, and both girls and I felt good! So I invited her to sing, and I called a few friends. One of them came late, and came to me and said, You are so boring, calling a lady is so ugly ... Funny and humorous jokes 5

1. It takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, and it takes only one bottle of wine to change from a human to a monkey.

2. Heroes don't ask for a way out, while hooligans don't look at their age!

3. Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art!

4. When you grow up, marry Tang Priest as your husband, play if you can, or eat him if you can't.

5. Doing well in the exam depends on sitting at the same table.

6. Breaking up is boring. Let's have a divorce if we can!

7. I am small-minded, but I don't lack it. I have a good temper, but I don't lack it!

8. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is really unbearable!

9. Women like two flowers best in their life: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

1. Two lovebirds with the same life, a pair of poor butterflies.

11. Stars can become more famous if they take off a little, but I was arrested for taking off everything!

12. Ambiguity means that I asked you to borrow money, but you didn't say that you borrowed it or didn't say that you didn't borrow it. Instead, you just said that your husband was not at home ...

13. As the saying goes, when you laugh, the whole world laughs with you. You cry, and you are the only one crying in the world.

14. If I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

15. When I was particularly sleepy, my moral standards didn't wake up. Teachers should be careful.

16. Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love.

17. God said there should be light, but I said I opposed it, so there was darkness in the world.

18. I am a civilized person, and all the dirty words have been disinfected with saliva.

19. The face is a thing apart from the body, but whether it is necessary or not, money is a necessary thing, and it has to be.

2. The geography teacher asked: What are the four oceans? I answered: pleasant goat, beautiful goat, lazy goat, boiling goat

21. I am so tired that I want to make a cut on the back of my head, and then I collapsed on the ground to install a piggy bank.

22. When I see a beautiful woman, I first feel in my pocket to see if I have any money!

23. If I were a princess, I would save a frog, but all I met were toads.

24. There are two reasons why inviting a girl out to play failed. One is that she is too lazy to wash her hair, and the other is that your invitation is not worth washing her hair.

25, poor Nike, rich ADI, rogue Armani.

26. When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock ...

27. I went to bed like a beast, specifically like a koala, and slept for 18 hours.

28. Mosquito, you have hands and feet. Why don't you get a job and live properly?

29. I will be friends with anyone who says I am white, thin and beautiful.

3. The teacher said that you can't eat snacks in class. Fortunately, I brought a hot pot today.

31. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be so bored as to care about you.

32. What we didn't have time to say became our regret in each other's hearts.

33. Sometimes, things are very simple, and the complicated thing is your own head.

34, I may not love you, because having is the beginning of losing.

35. Say to those women who love me: You can love me all your life if you can.

36. You are my belief, which makes me inseparable from you!

37. People are not allowed to take money into the grave. But money can take people to the grave.

38. It's better to forget you than to be in a world you don't want.

39. The first thing you wake up every day is to want to sleep.

4. It's not that I don't want to play computer in the morning, but it's already noon as soon as I get up.

41. People's eyes are black and their hearts are red. Once jealous, the heart is black.

42. The person I trust most has taught me not to trust anyone easily.

43. You said that you can dance with me even if there is a cliff ahead, but that's just talk.

44. Why is RMB so valuable? Because the image spokesperson is.

45. We are best friends. I will give you a hand when you fall, but wait for me to finish laughing.

46. Without existence, who will witness your shameless happiness?

47. Beijing Love Story Lin Xia said to the madman: I love you and it has nothing to do with you.

48. The night gave me a pair of dark black's eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

49. Lies are sweet words when they are said, and disgusting when they are punctured!

5. If you forget how to move forward, think about why you got here in the first place.

51, turn you into my bad habit, it is better to turn me into your good mood!

52. I have a dream since I was a child, that is, everyone in China will give me a dollar!

53. The people who can board my ship are either people I trust or people I love.

54. There is no moon in the Mid-Autumn Festival. Is there a clear night sky like your heart?

55. There will always be a moment when you think you are too strong to need anything.

56. There is no distance between points in the world, only the distance between hearts.

57. Teacher, I will wish you how old you live as many points as you give me.

58. There is a person who taught you how to love, but he doesn't love you anymore.

59. We English teachers and math teachers can form an invincible alliance ...

6. Nothing can be relied on these days, only we are on our own, for short: I ... Shit!

61. People are divided into groups, which is why my list is so beautiful.

62. I have been single for a long time, let alone unscrew the bottle cap. I can unscrew the fire hydrant.

63. Other girls can be gummy bears, angel babies and sweetheart babies. I can't. I have to be an aunt and a living ancestor.

64. Don't smile at me with your pirated Mona Lisa smile. My stomach is not as strong as you think.

65, a lot of things, between not being wronged and being melodramatic.

66. One of the people I hate most is those who are good at flattery and proficient in rhetoric, because staying with them will make me look like I don't know how to be a man.

67. When I came home from college vacation, my mother cooked me a good table. My father: Let go of eating and make yourself at home!

68. Two couples are chatting. Woman asked: Honey, people say that women in love will become stupid. Do you think I am stupid? Male affectionate style: Fool, you are so stupid, how can I think you are stupid?

69. If you don't look good, don't mess around. Some people spend a lot of money to iron delicate princess rolls, but they look like Newton instead of a princess.

7. When I have money, I will buy two lollipops, one for you to watch me eat and the other for you to eat.

71. A few months ago, I found the place where my wife put her money. Since then, I have always reached out and touched one or two pieces of change every month. Until yesterday I reached out and caught a cactus in it, and I knew it was time for me to stop.

72. The strength of science lies in that you can't understand the answers after copying them, and the strength of liberal arts lies in that you don't want to copy them after reading the answers.

73. I'll give you a pair of scissors when your hair reaches your waist.

74. Eating life is like a train. To sum it up, it is: shopping, shopping, shopping.

75. Don't panic when your life is unhappy. Look at your wallet and savings, just cry.

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