Looking for a Mandarin script urgently!!! 20 points!!!!!

Super funny police drama

Characters: Gangsters: Bandit A (boss) - Wu Shengqiang, Bandit B - He Jingquan (a little stuttering), Bandit C - Wang Zhiping

Counter-Strike: Zhengyi (Captain)——Zhang Qijian, Fu Er——Li Jianyi, Shi Kelang——Zou Zijie

A passerby——Deng Yongxi

Act 1

(In a corner of the stage, on a dark and stormy night, three extremely vicious terrorists are muttering about planning an evil plot. Conspiracy)

Bandit A (said angrily): I can’t get away with it anymore, I can’t get away with it anymore. It’s so hard to be a robber these days. What’s the most annoying thing? We robbers don’t have any technical skills at all. No!!!

Bandit B (whispering): Yes, you see, I can’t eat well all day long, I can’t sleep, and my face is covered with pimples.

Bandit B (agreeing in a cooing voice): Feel the taste of youth for yourself, Yili excellent yoghurt. YEAH! (Speaking fast)

All the gangsters said to B: Get out of here, a little bit There is no creativity at all, it should be (whispering): green---spring---nourishing---flavor, self---self---body---meeting, Mengniu sour yogurt. YEAH... .(Speaking slower)

Bandit B (stuttering): It’s really...not a problem if this goes on, I’m almost holding my breath...he’s coming, should we give...them some color...?

Bandit A: Of course, I have thought about it a long time ago. I am ready to take action tomorrow. Bomb the city government building or something to let them know that we are also in the business!

Bandit B vs. A (in Stephen Chow's tone): The boss is really a man who is so talented that he looks like an immortal. A jade tree can rise above the wind and a pear blossom can crush a begonia. He is omnipotent in heaven and earth. Beauty and wisdom coexist, and he is the embodiment of heroism and chivalry. . Hey, our admiration for you is like the endless stream of a surging river, or like the Yellow River that floods out of control... We brothers are willing to work with you. We are not afraid of going up the mountain of knives or going into the frying pan. We are committed to following you. Let’s eat!

The gangsters: Yes!

Bandit A: OK! Let's prepare some things!

(In this way, the three terrorists were making trouble while each preparing the weapons and equipment to be used tomorrow)

Act 2

(Center of the stage, A phone suddenly rang. The Counter-Strike team leader strode towards the phone)

Zhengyi: Hello---this is me---please say---okay! clear! ---Guaranteed to complete the task! ! !

(The other two Counter-Strike players appear)

Zhengyi: I just received instructions from my superiors that a group of terrorists are preparing to blow up the Pentagon or the World Trade Center. Due to time constraints, large-scale deployment was not possible. So the superiors ordered our Counter-Strike team to complete this annihilation mission. (Speaking with sincerity and sincerity) Comrades, time is tight and the task is heavy! (Speaking resolutely) However, we must sacrifice ourselves to use me in the first battle. If we use me, we will win!

All team members: Yes! Use me in the first battle, and you will win if you use me!!!

Zhengyi: Okay! Everyone seizes the time to prepare immediately. After preparations are completed, I will lead the team and set off immediately.

(Counter-Strike Part 2)

Act 3

Bandit A (low voice): Hush, enter the village quietly, no shooting required.

Bandit B: Ouch!

Bandit A: Hush.

Bandit B: Ouch! !

Bandit A: Hush, hush, hush.

Bandit B: Ouch! ! !

Bandit A (angry, took off one of his shoes and slapped B on the back of the head): Oh, you are so big. I told you not to ouch but you still ouch. If you dare to ouch again, I will, I will, I will shush again (the tone is tough at first and then helpless)...

Bandit B (holding his stomach, a The deputy looks intolerable): No, boss, I want to pee whenever you pee, I really can’t hold it in anymore.

I want to know Where is the WC?

Bandit A versus B: Go find it yourself! (Bandit B walks out)

Bandit A to C: You stay here to be on guard, and wait for him to come back while I find a suitable place to plant the bomb.

(Bandit A)

Bandit C: Haha, I can finally do something earth-shattering. I've been waiting for a long time and finally today, I've been dreaming for a long time and finally - (seeing a passerby and saying to a passerby) Haha, I'm here to blow up the building! (Passers-by ignore) I’m here to blow up the building! (Still ignoring) Can you please have some professional ethics? I'm here to blow up the building! ! !

Passer: From a professional perspective, what should I do?

Bandit C: From a professional point of view, you should shout with a horrified expression: Someone is blowing up the building!

Passerby (weakly): Someone blew up the building.

Bandit C: Come on, big brother, did you not have breakfast? This is so unprofessional. Forget it, let me shout for you (with all my strength) Someone is blowing up the building! ! !

Fu Er: (I heard someone shouting from a distance): Someone is blowing up the building? (Running onto the field to see C wearing a mask) Why are you wearing a mask? Prevent SARS?

Bandit C: That’s wrong. This is the masked Superman. I’m here to blow up the building!

Fu Er: What? Are you the gangster who came to blow up the building? Hey! Look at my little pistol that's perfect for hitting.

Passerby: Wow! This is the latest small pistol developed in the United States. It has a caliber of 15mm. From the muzzle to the barrel, the shape is first-class. It is the first choice for anti-terrorism small weapons!

Bandit C: (To passers-by) Damn it! If you make any more noise, I'll blow you up first!

Passerby: The situation is not good, I’ll go first! The two chatted slowly, 88~~~

Fu Er: I pia (pia)

Bandit B: I dodge.

Fu Er: I will cry again.

Bandit B: I’ll dodge again.

Fu Er: I’m still crying.

Bandit B: I will dodge.

Fu Er: OK, OK! I will give you some color to see see!

(The last two threw away their pistols, took out a bow from behind with their left hand, and took out an arrow with their right hand)

Bandit C (frightened) , put his hands in his mouth, his legs trembling): Huh? Sun-shooting bow? Are you the legendary...

Fu Er: Yes, I am the Nth generation descendant of Hou Yi. Look - arrow -

Bandit C: Ah... I got an arrow in my leg! (Covering his legs and shouting that it hurts)

(Just hearing a sound, Bandit C fell to the ground. Bandit B came on the stage)

Bandit B (speaking while playing): Why does it seem like Did you hear someone shout?

Bandit C: It’s me!

Bandit B: Ah, what, you? It turns out it was you just now.

Bandit C: There are police!

Bandit B: Where?

(Gangster B discovered Fu Er at the same time that Fu Er also discovered them. Both parties immediately found a hiding place and started a confrontation)

Gangster B: You are here first... support Wait, I...go behind him to outflank him and give him...a meat bun.

(Bandit B walks towards the end of the field)

Bandit A: Brother, it seems that we are going in the wrong direction.

Bandit B: Haven’t you ever heard that the earth is round? Going this way is just a circle.

(B exits, C takes out an M-16, and Fu Er also puts on his sun-shooting bow)

Bandit B (in a mocking tone): What an old man The country is already in the 21st century and they are still using such primitive gadgets. Their equipment is inferior to mine and there is no future. Look at mine, M--16, authentic Afghan product, a gift from Bin Laden. M--16 is affordable and plentiful. One shot can withstand five shots. It is true that to rob homes, kill people and set fires, you must have a good gun (Fu Er walked towards B, took the M--16 from B's hand, looked at it, and threw it back to B)

Fu Er: Cut it! What is this? I remember that my grandfather’s grandfather’s grandfather, Hou Yi, who was my grandfather raised to the Nth power, shot down nine suns with my sun-shooting bow.

Just a gadget like yours can be bought at a street stall for three yuan.

Bandit B (unconvinced): Damn! It doesn't matter if you look down on me, you insulted my M--16. Okay, you go back to your original position and let's fight to see if your arrows are faster or my bullets are faster. bring it on!

(The last two returned to their original positions, taking their positions, ready to... let go!)

(Whoosh..., crack...)

Bandit B ( (All shouting): Ah! I was hit by an arrow...Hey! I don't have that kind of fate. There's no reason for him to hit me. A gun is faster than a bow and arrow. It's just that my marksmanship is too poor and my opponent is too strong. I advise myself not to be stupid. Don't mention it before. I have to work hard in the future... Let's work hard in the next life! I died first! ah! )

Fu Er: When I was practicing bow and arrow at the police academy, your grandfather was still in your great-grandmother’s belly! Don’t overestimate your capabilities! ... (Take out the pager): Report to the captain, target No. 3 has been killed by me!

(Everyone withdraws)

(Bandit A enters)

Bandit A (singing): I am walking alone on a small road in the suburbs, I have to worry Are there any police officers nearby? When the bomb is set, I will rush home and fall into sweet sleep with my mother.

(Bandit B comes on stage, A is surprised to meet B)

Bandit A: Why are you here, where are they?

Bandit B: We met a policeman just now. The third brother got into it with him. I was about to go around behind him and attack him.

Bandit A: Forget it, you go with me to plant the bomb first (see a corner) This place is good, just plant it here (take out a piece of TNT and plant it)

(Counter-Strike 2 comes on stage and meets Bandit A and Bandit B)

Zhengyi: What are you doing? Don’t you know that littering is detrimental to the city’s appearance?

Bandit A: No! I didn't litter, I chose this place carefully, and besides, this isn't trash, it's a bomb. I have something else to do, I’ll go first, bye! (A and D end)

Zhengyi: Press, it won’t be the same next time, bye.

Dynasty: Isn’t it time to build a harmonious new Lechang? It's really uncivilized to mess with other people's things! .... Captain, something doesn't seem right. They said... a bomb?

Zhengyi: Huh? bomb? stop! We are the police! (Two Counter-Strike players chase each other down the field)

(Bandits A and B run onto the scene panting)

Bandit A: Ouch, I was so scared that my little heart jumped. Fortunately, I took Xingai Zhonggai high calcium tablets. After taking Xingai Zhonggai, my waist no longer aches, my back does not hurt, my legs no longer cramp, and I feel more energetic when running away. Take one more! (Takes out a medicine bottle and pours something into his hand) Huh? Why aren't there any left? (To Ding) Did you steal it again?

Bandit B: I'm sorry, boss, the last one was for me to eat, otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep up with you.

Bandit A: It’s over, it’s over, how can I run without a new cover?

(Two Counter-Strikes chase each other)

Bandit B: Boss, the police are chasing us, what should we do?

Bandit A: Nonsense, why don’t you run away!

(Police surround the gangsters)

Zhengyi: People on the other side, listen, you have been surrounded, put down your weapons and surrender immediately! You are accused of four major crimes: 1. Terrorist attack; 2. Littering; 3. Affecting city appearance; 4. Unwarranted guilt. You don't have to speak, but everything you say will be used as evidence in court. (Bandits Jia and Ding were both paralyzed by fear and could only be captured without any help)

Zhengyi: Shi Kelang, take them away to me.

Shi Kelang: Yes! team leader! (Salute)

Zhengyi: Humph, fight with me! I had a cabbage on my head, a police ribbon, a silver belt around my waist, and a grenade in my hand. Fight with me! Hahaha...

Bandit A: Wait, there was once a legitimate career in front of me, but I didn't cherish it. I only regretted it when I lost it. The most painful thing in the world is this. .

If God can give me another chance, I will say to the criminal: I will be cruel to you! If you want to add a deadline in front of this ruthlessness, I would like it to be: ten thousand years! (Crying...)

(Counter-Strike escorts Bandit A and Bandit B respectively, and everyone ends. The play ends)