Who has an interesting joke?

A woman works the night shift and a man follows her. This woman is scared. She passed by the cemetery and had a brainwave. She said to the grave, Dad, I'm back. Open the door. The man was frightened and ran away screaming.

The woman felt at ease and was about to leave when suddenly a deep voice came from the grave: Daughter, you forgot your spoon again. The woman was frightened and ran away.

At this time, a grave robber said, damn, delaying work scared me to death. As soon as the voice of grave robbery fell, I found an old man carving a tombstone with a chisel. I was curious, so I asked. The old man said angrily: NND, they carved my name wrong ... the taboo of grave robbery, and ran away crying. The old man sneered: "Depend, you dare to rob business with me, you are still young ..."

A composition written by a rich man

I was born in a very poor family. I remember when I was a child, my father lived a boring life and only counted money all day. My mother, too, sweeps money all day. My family lives in the mountains, and it is very troublesome to go out to buy things every time. It takes five hours to drive a Porsche and four hours to drive a Mercedes. Although there are helicopters at home, it is difficult to find parking spaces there, which is quite inconvenient. I go shopping occasionally. My parents are afraid that I will be kidnapped, and I am protected by more than 20 bodyguards. Everyone will scare me away when they see me, so I have been ostracized since I was a child ... because my home is in the mountains, it is very cold every winter, and my father also says it is very troublesome to go out to buy things, so there is no heater in winter ... there is no quilt ... I can only burn money with my parents to keep warm every day ... and when I sleep, I can only sleep with money (. I remember when I was a child, I rushed out of the room and peed my pants because the room was too big. So, my father put a small sheep motorcycle in my room, so that I could rush out of the room with 1000 square meters, cross the corridor with 5 kilometers, and reach the toilet with 800 square meters in 10 minutes (I often get lost in the corridor).

Dad also found someone to build 20 broken rooms and 600 square meters of small toilets, saying: If you get wet in the future, change rooms directly. If the room is not enough or too small, tell dad that he will call for more rooms. Our life is very hard, you have to bear it! Now that I think about it, Dad is really a kind person.

I still remember that once, a thief broke into my dad's safe with explosives, causing the gold coins inside to roll out and the thief was crushed to death. ...

I feel sorry for the thief. ...

Gold coins hurt when they crush people! ! ! !

He is not as lucky as the thief who was suffocated by money before. My mother often tells me that our family is poor, which makes me learn to bear hardships.

So I have developed the spirit of hard work since I was a child. My future wish is to find 200 monsters who can only eat money, eat up all the money at home and avenge those poor thieves! ! ! ! ! ! !

Teacher's comment: Go to hell!

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him: Come on, I'll carry you ... Then ... the snail climbed up ... Soon ... the tortoise saw an ant again ... and said to him: Come up, too ... So the ant came up. When the ant appeared ... he saw the snail on it ... and said to him, Hello, do you know what the snail said? Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. .......

"I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist, "Please follow me." The doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. What do you think that is? ""the sun. " The patient replied, then how far do you want to see! "

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow. The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly. The pig said: People who fart will blush. Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing.

One day, a man met God ... God suddenly kindly gave him a wish ... God asked ... Do you have any wishes? The man thought about it ... I heard that cats have nine lives ... Please give me nine lives ... God said ... your wish will come true one day ... That man is idle and bored ... He wants to say death ... In short, he has nine lives and is lying on the track ... As a result, a train passes by ... that man is still dead ... Why? Because that train has 10 cars. ......

One day, three people were sent to the funeral home. Strangely, their smiles after death are all ... The funeral home manager asked pol.ice: Why do their faces change after death? The policeman said: It's a long story ... Look at the man on the left ... He and his wife are in the spring night ... at the most passionate moment ... He can't stand it ... The administrator replied: Alas ... I'd rather die in the flowers ... Being a ghost is also very romantic. Policeman: The one in the middle ... Oh, he ... is really a human tragedy ... He was walking on the road ... Suddenly, he heard that he won the first prize ... the prize was over 700 million yuan ... When he was laughing happily ... he was hit by an oncoming car ... and then he died ... Policeman: ... It's a pity that this one died ... He was killed while climbing a tree. The administrator replied: ... this is a bit wrong. Why did he laugh when he was struck by lightning? ... the policeman said: because he thought ... after climbing the tree, suddenly a flash of lightning ... he thought. .........

I heard that a toad jumped out of Taihu Lake today and was run over by a car. I've been worried. I'll text you right away. If you are still alive, please reply to me!

Jianghu knows that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud. If you do this, you will no longer be a person, but a swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman!

What a coincidence! I also pointed to Sister Furong's chest-playing an idiom.

You pointed to her chest and said, "You Rong, big breasts! ! "(great endurance)

Mom and the fly were having dinner when suddenly the fly's son said, "Mom, why do we eat shit every day?" ? ~~

The mother fly is angry! "Say such disgusting things when eating! ! ! "

A recruit is always late for assembly and is trained! So one day he took off his clothes and drew a camouflage suit.

Sure enough, the rally arrived as early as the next day.

The instructor was very happy and looked around and said, "Very good! But ... don't put your hand in your crotch in the future. "

A mountain training for more than 20 days, the soldiers did not take a bath! ! I stink all over ~ ~ ~

The coach saw the complaint, so he said, people who want to change underwear stand up ... a row of people came out with brushes. ...

The instructor said, "Very well, now the army will change two farts, three cows and XX…… ..."

The above is handmade, I hope I like it.

A: Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

Most students in a high school cheat badly in exams. At the meeting after the exam, the dean severely reprimanded everyone for the nonstandard Mandarin. He said: "... in this exam, the phenomenon of" fuck "is very serious. Some men fuck men, some women fuck women and men and women fuck each other. " Some "fuck" from the front, and some "fuck" from the back; Some secretly "fuck" and some openly "fuck". Everyone almost fucked the whole class. Only "Yang Wei" didn't "fuck" others. He is worth learning! "

Respondent: Yue11-Five grades, 06: 30 on July 25th, 2009.

Feel like vomiting

-Bi Qiang

Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I was like this just now. "

Classic slip of the tongue

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring, telling what happened to him and his girlfriend.

Oh, what's the matter I am speechless.

He talked for a long time and looked at me, which may mean that he said so much, so I have to make a statement.

For a moment, I really didn't know what to say. I blurted out and asked, "Is your girlfriend a woman?" ……

The teacher handed out papers, and the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" " As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine! " " ……

Once I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " "... for the first time in two years, I heard the boss laugh so loudly.

I went to buy watermelon that day, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

The political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call. I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?"

In my junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go, someone will kill you." ……

The teacher told us: "go on road trip should be honest in spring and don't always throw his head and arms out." ……

I wanted to drink soda that day, so I quickly went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw the beer in front of me and said in a hurry, "Boss, a bottle of fart water!" " " ………

One of our colleagues, when going to take the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: report to the meter, the examiner is normal! ……

MM told me about KFC's new "flesh and blood" and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady, "Please give me two copies of' flesh and blood', thank you!" ……

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy!

Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold!

Me: "That's our physics teacher ..."

Classmate: "What do you teach?"

Me: "Chemistry ..."

One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: "Too much urine and too much wine."

Junior high school art evening, grab the answer link.

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I'm finished, I'll start raising my hand! "Then I started reading the topic and said," Now open it ... "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I "start" (shit) is still in my mouth, how can you rob ... "

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. ...

A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant, shook his head and said, "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" " "Say that finish, I added:" More rice noodles! "

Boss: "... do you want rice noodles or onions?"

Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result is: "He's gone ..."

The president of our university used to teach us calligraphy. When talking about his own experience, he talked about wearing red in the animal year. He said, "I didn't wear anything that year." As a result, the whole class laughed wildly.

Another one, when we were in junior high school, we rang the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell rang and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced up from his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ……

School uniforms are required in high schools. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms. Once we got together, the students were all dressed untidy in school uniforms. The class teacher was furious: "Everyone who didn't wear pants stood up for me!" " ……

The university went to the factory for metalworking practice, and the master said, "For safety, we try our best to ensure that a male classmate and a female classmate have a bed." . At that time, all the boys burst into laughter and the girls blushed. During my internship, almost all lathe workers were done by girls who shared my bed. Finally, considering that she can't do anything, the master didn't check it well, so I advised her to practice. Who knows, she said, I'm used to letting you do it. At that time, I occasionally suddenly felt cold.

A friend went to the dumpling shop and asked, "How much is a bowl of jiaozi (for sleeping)?" Just listen to the waitress "bah!" He cried and said, "shameless!" ……

During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it anymore and shouted, "Teacher, I don't want to (touch) him. He insisted that I (touch) him." ...

One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " "

My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

In computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine and shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " "The whole class is stupefied.

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

Even in high school, I went home with MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there are many seniors on the grill, I am afraid that the boss can't hear me, so I shouted, "Boss, five strings of bullwhip!" " "Then there was silence. After three seconds, everyone laughed together. I was very embarrassed ... the most embarrassing thing was that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail. "

On the factory bus to work, MM asked me, "My computer is dying." I said, "Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software."

The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually, "Have you checked? How come? " Then MM said loudly, "I'm so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. " . What did you say?/Sorry? "At that time, it was very cold ... now I remember it very clearly.

Someone went to my aunt's house before, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted "aim at your side light!" " "One of my classmates whispered to me," Only his bladder grows on his face. "

Our unit has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off!

When a student of the physical education department was in the internship class, many teachers were listening to the class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank and he said, "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "

I met a girl who I had been longing for for for a long time and came out of the bathhouse. I wanted to be close. For a long time, I said, "Are there many men in your bath?"