Tell a JP joke (some people think it will kill you)

One day, a man called a Japanese businessman and said, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro."

The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week."

The next day, the man called again and wanted to speak to Kazutaro.

This time, the operator got a little annoyed and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why are you calling? "

The man said, "Because I just like listening."

Four surgeons sit together and talk about who they like to operate on.

The first doctor said, "I like operating on librarians best." When you open their bodies, everything in them is arranged alphabetically. "

The second doctor said, "I like operating on accountants best." When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order. "

The third doctor said, "I like operating on electricians best." When you open their bodies, everything is color coded. "

The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese best."

The other three doctors looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked what.

The fourth doctor said, "Because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads can be exchanged."

A Japanese is eating in a restaurant in China.

When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, "What should I do with the remaining shrimp shells?"

"Of course," said the waiter.

"no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China."

After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked, "What should I do with the remaining lemon peel?"

"Of course," said the waiter.

"no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory to make fruit treasures, and then sold to you in China."

When checking out, the Japanese asked the waiter with a smile while chewing gum, "What do you do with the leftover gum?"

"Of course I threw up," said the waiter.

"no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and proudly said, "In Japan, chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China."

The waiter asked, "Do you know what to do with used condoms in China?"

"Of course I threw it away." Japanese humanity.

The waiter shook his head and said, "No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are sent to factories to make chewing gum and then sold to you. "

There is a taxi on the way to Chicago airport, and a Japanese tourist is riding on it.

At this moment, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted, "Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! "

After a while, another taxi passed by. "Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's too early! "

Another taxi passed by. "hey! It's Mitsubishi made in Japan! Very fast! "

The taxi pulled into the airport parking lot. At this time, another taxi overtook it. "It's Honda! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! "

One hundred percent of American taxi drivers stopped and pointed angrily at the meter and said, "1500 dollars."

"So close to 1500 dollars? ! "

"Forget it! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! "

There are an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on a plane.

Halfway through, the plane suddenly ran out of gas, and the captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight.

So the American showed his personal heroism, went to the door of the plane and shouted, "Long live America and other countries! ! "Then I jumped!

The plane continued to fly. .....

At this time, the captain announced: the weight is still too heavy, and one person has to jump!

So the Germans stood up, went to the door of the plane and shouted, "Long live the German Empire! ! "Also jumped down!

The plane continued to fly. .....

At this time, the captain announced: no, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump!

China glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane.

The Japanese quickly came over and held China's hand tightly: "Good brother, I won't forget you!"

The people of China shouted, "Long live the people and country of China! ! "

Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! ..

6. Some people are very aggressive. In ancient times, almost all young men were drafted into the army to fight, and there was no time to get married and have children, so there were fewer and fewer people. At that time, the president of a country made a national policy that all men could have sex with any woman at any time and place to maintain the birth rate. Therefore, during the truce, a woman in a certain country became accustomed to the "whenever and wherever" way, simply carrying a pillow and sheets to go out. Later it became the so-called "kimono". Many women went to war "whenever and wherever" after being told their surnames, so their children appeared in Inoue, Tanaka, Matsushita, Watanabe, Yamaguchi, Noboru takeshita, Kondo and Koizumi. ...

The representative of Japan said: "We advocate Bushido and are not afraid of sacrifice. I dare you to test your marksmanship with an apple on your head. "

So he put an apple on his head.

The representative of the United States turned and walked back 20 steps, then turned and shot, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

"I'm Hunter."

The representative of Japan put another apple on his head.

The British representative turned and walked back 50 steps, then turned and shot, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

"I'm Bond."

The representative of Japan put a small apple on his head.

The representative of China turned and took three steps back, then turned and shot him. The pig's head was blown off and shiny brains flowed out.

One place, the representative of China proudly said:

"I'm sorry"

One day, a kid, who knew a few Chinese characters by himself, was wandering in the street. He was hungry and began to look for restaurants.

It arrived at the door of a small noodle restaurant and saw several big characters written on the water sign at the door: beef noodles, large rows of noodles, simple meals. He wanted to taste it, so he went in.

The busy waiter ran over and asked, "What noodles would you like to eat, sir?"

"I will eat ..." At some point, the little devil wanted to show off his recognition of Chinese characters, so he turned his head and looked at the words written vertically on the water label, and read horizontally: "I eat a bowl of' cow',' big' and' poop' ..."

I want to "shit" loudly and slowly.

So all the diners in the restaurant looked at the little devil in surprise and whispered, "This beast is really fierce!" " "

nine

A Japanese came to Beijing to study Chinese. He worked very hard.

Ten years later, he can speak not only Mandarin, but also Cantonese and Hakka without any Japanese accent.

"No one should treat me like the devil anymore …" he thought.

One day he traveled to a small fishing port in Tianjin and saw an old man catching shrimps.

So on a whim, he confidently greeted the old man in Mandarin: "Old man! Do you know where I come from? 」

The old man replied, "I can't hear your accent clearly ..."

The devil was very happy and thought, "I didn't expect my Chinese to improve so much." Can be said to be perfect ... "

At this time, the old man glared at him and said, "If you can count the shrimps I caught clearly, I will know where you are from."

The devil began to count with a fairly standard pronunciation: "One, two, three, ... fifty ... one hundred ... two hundred ..."

After counting for more than an hour, he proudly replied, "Nine thousand seven hundred and eighty-seven shrimps! Old man, I think you'll never guess where I come from! ! 」

The old man smiled and said, "I know! You must be Japanese! Ha ha ha ... "

The devil was very surprised, but he still asked the old man in standard Mandarin: "You ... you ... why do you know?" The old man replied, "Ah, this is simple. China people ask about the weight of fish and shrimp, not as stupid as you! "

10

One day, a Japanese working in China went to the countryside to shoot wild ducks.

When he finally shot a wild duck, the wild duck fell into a farmer's yard.

The Japanese climbed over the fence to catch their prey.

But the farmer who witnessed everything shook his shotgun and said loudly, "Look here, hunting is forbidden in China."

The devil replied, "I shot the duck, so it should be mine." I do! "

The farmer said, "It flew in China. Did you kill him or landed in China? You go to the village with me to pay the fine! "

They have been arguing about ducks.

After a while, the devil said, "We should decide in the traditional way. Decide with the spirit of Japanese Bushido! "

The farmer looked down on Bushido, so he asked contemptuously, "What is the method of Bushido?"

The devil explained, "first, I kick your ass." Then you kick my ass again, so kick each other until one of you gives up. The winner can get the duck. "

The farmer thought about it and agreed to take part in the competition. But the farmer asked himself to kick first to show fairness. Thinking about revenge for the villagers who were killed more than 60 years ago, he knew that he could not kill the devils.

Then, the farmer in China put his leg back and slapped the devil's ass with all his strength. The poor devil fell to the ground, moaning and wailing, and rolled on the ground.

Ten minutes later, he tried to get up, gritted his teeth and said huskily, "Now it's my turn."

Farmer China said, "Oh, no, this duck is yours. You can go back. "

1 1

The devil designed a universal computer and went to China to show off and hold an exhibition. A programmer from China went to visit.

The devil proudly said to him, "You can ask any question, and this computer will give you the correct answer!" " "

So the programmer wrote this question: "What is my brother-in-law doing in other places?"

The devil entered this sentence, and the answer came out in a moment: "Your brother-in-law is fishing by the sea!" " "

"Nonsense!" The programmer said, "My brother-in-law has been dead for ten years!" "

Kouga, a devil with an iron mouth, insisted: "Our Japanese computers can't go wrong! You asked the wrong question! "

So the programmer asked again, "Where is my sister's husband?"

The computer replied, "He has been dead for ten years, but your brother-in-law is fishing by the sea."

The programmer cursed: "You Japanese bastards! My sister has been dead for ten years! How to arrange for her to remarry! ? "

Then turn around and walk away, telling the situation loudly to the tourists around.

At this time, the devil quickly knocked on the keyboard again, and then chased the programmer's back and said, "Sir, please stay. The computer said-they are all dead, and now they are fishing in the underworld. "

When the programmer hit back, he slapped the devil in the face and said angrily, "I knew the Japanese were cheating here again." I don't have a sister! "

Is this enough?