Who knows a funny joke!

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, eat cucumber and pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

The blind man stuttered when riding a bike, stuttering to see the road, and suddenly saw a deep ditch, stuttering and exclaiming: ditch! ! ! The blind man sang back, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" " "So they fell into the ditch.

A swimming coach is shopping in the mall. A beautiful lady greeted him. He looked intently and found that it was one of his students. He then said loudly, "You really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes!"

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know, just arrived!

It is said that on a dark night, on the longest and scariest road, a taxi driver drove there and a woman waved to get on the bus by the roadside. It was quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "Apples are delicious for you …" The driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?" The driver said, "Delicious!" The woman replied, "I remember I liked apples before my death ..." Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... When the driver heard this, he was scared into an ambulance, and his face turned white ... Only the woman slowly tilted her head to the front and said to the driver, "But I don't like eating after giving birth! ……"

Yesterday, I dreamed of God, who said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I want this person to look good. He pondered and said, take the globe and let me have a look.

Do you remember when we ate roast duck together? You like eating duck's ass. As soon as the food was served, you grabbed it like an arrow and stuffed it in your mouth. I whispered: why can't I see the duck's ass? You proudly pointed to your mouth and said, this is your ass!

Piggy set up a club and said, members should call me piggy's nickname! Dog: Call me puppy! Kitten: Call me kitten! The chicken blushed and said calmly, it's really boring. Go first!

College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in air, and D has.

The smell of rotten eggs. What is ABCD?

My answer: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg! (this group of XX! )

Beijingers, French and Americans are walking in the desert together. They are dying of thirst. Suddenly, three people found a magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. He said, "I can grant each of you three wishes." The Americans said first, "I want a box of dollars", "There are two more", "Well, another box of dollars", "The last one" and "Well, the last one is to send me back to America". Whew, the Americans disappeared and the French were anxious. I want a beautiful woman, well, I want another beautiful woman, another one, give me a bottle of Erguotou, make two more wishes, another bottle of Erguotou and another one. Beijingers saw that it was boring for a person to drink two bottles of wine, so they said, "bring them back and drink with me." Hoo, the Americans and the French are back.

So the three of them walked on, but fortunately they found the magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. "Ha ha, I am the younger brother of the magic lamp just now, and the magic is not that high. I can only satisfy two wishes of each of you. " The French and Americans thought about it this time, but it was useless to say anything. If they let him get it back, they will die. Let him speak first, so they pushed Beijing to the front. Beijingers say, "First." Beijing touched his head with wine and thought for a while, but didn't speak for a long time. The French and Americans were anxious and urged him to say, "Speak quickly." So the Beijinger suddenly said, "Well, I have nothing else to do. Go home." Whew, the ghost went back.

1 children and cats

The children sit at home and eat. The cat came up to him, mewing. The child threw a piece.

The meat was given to the cat, and the cat ate it and Mimi.

The child threw it another piece, and it ate it and called it "Mimi".

The child was angry, stood up and said loudly, "You sit in my seat and make me Mimi."

Whew, you give me meat to eat! "

What is "but"

Pupils are telling a story: "A cat becomes a tiger when it sees a mouse, but it becomes a tiger when it sees a tiger."

Turned into a mouse ... "

He's human. What does this "but" mean?

He wanted to think, replied:

"This is an animal bigger than a cat and smaller than a tiger."

3 bet

Two friends are betting.

"I dare say, you don't have the guts to go into that black house alone!"

"You said I don't have the guts? Then come with me and I'll show you! "

Tie your shoelaces.

In the street, a little girl walked up to an uncle in police uniform and looked her up and down.

, carefully asked:

"Are you a policeman?"

"yes."

"Mom said that no matter what difficulties she encountered, she would get help from the police. Yes

Really? "

"Yes!"

"Well," the little girl raised one foot, "please help me tie my shoelaces."

5. Babies in the womb

A pregnant woman was walking on the road when a little girl came over and asked her, "Aunt, yours."

Why is the belly so big? "

"Because I have a baby in my belly!"

"Aunt, are you afraid of trouble?"

"ah? Why? "

"You put the child in your stomach because you think it is inconvenient to hold him."

1 notification

"What's wrong with you today? What have you been fiddling with it for so long? " Father said, from

The son grasped the notice in his hand and turned it over. There is a teacher's comment on writing on it: "Class.

Shoot slingshots, put bugs in classmates' pockets ... talk to parents. "

"What kind of person will you become when you do all this at school?" Pass it from father to son

Roar fiercely.

"Dad, this is not my notice. I found it in your old box. "

Two methods

A mother educated her 7-year-old son. She said to her son, "There is no seat in your car."

Here we are. At this time, an old lady wanted to get on the bus. What would you do? "

"I shouted at her: Go down and wait for the next one! There are no seats left, little man. "

3 Not afraid of ghosts

One day, Xiao Yang took his children to Wuzhishan to play. Children are running around in the mountains. small

Yang was afraid that the child was in danger, so he frightened him and said, "Don't run around, or there will be ghosts eating people here."

The child immediately replied: "I am not afraid of ghosts. You forget, the uncles and aunts next door told you to gamble.

Ghosts; Mother calls me a child; Grandma called grandpa a heavy smoker; Mom calls you a slacker; You scold mom.

Mom is a dead ghost. I deal with ghosts every day. I'm afraid of ghosts! "

Buy it next time.

Dad: "If you can get over 95% in this exam, I'll buy you a violin. …

Dad, the test paper was handed out, and I got 96 points. "

Dad: "Good. Well, good ... "

Son: "Then give me a violin!" " ! …

Dad: "Money is tight this month, so I will buy it next month."

Son: "This is the second exam, take a look."

Dad: "Ah! ? Only got 59 points? You ... "

Son: "The score is tight this time, let's talk about it next time."

5 why?

Child: "Dad, what kind of cigarette is this?"

Dad: "Remember, it's the chimney that smokes."

Child: "Call, I know! Dad, why don't you call your nose chimney? "

Dad: "..."

Study on "deciduous chemistry"

In a restaurant.

A customer, carrying a plate of jiaozi, turned from the sales window and said with a smile, "I am."

I like wonton very much! "

Another customer declared with a bowl of wonton: "I like to drink noodles!" "

The customers were shocked, and one of them explained seriously, "They!"

They are all very good at studying the chemical composition of food. "

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A "hygienic" kitchen

After dinner, a customer called the restaurant owner. "Congratulations, sir, your kitchen here is very sanitary!" "Thank you, Sir ... I'll try my best. However, I ask, you have never visited my kitchen, how can you boast that it is very sanitary here? " "Oh, it's very simple. Everything I just ate here smells like soap. "

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"Partner Training Store"

A: "What's your occupation?" B: "I opened a' foreign goods store'." A: "Why not sell domestic products?" B: "I don't sell foreign goods, they are all domestic products. Because my business is not good, I can't make money, but I support a few guys, so I call it a' partner shop'. "

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"King Zhuang" gave a banquet.

"I heard that your restaurant opened yesterday. How many tables have you opened? " "Just open a table." "A table can also earn it 560?" "earn? I lost more than 100 yuan! " "How can you lose it?" "You don't know, I gave a banquet in Chu Zhuangwang and invited five tyrants!"

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10 minutes 30 years

The window of the cashier's office. The payer couldn't help saying, "I've been standing at your window for 10 minutes." The payee replied slowly, "I have been sitting behind the window for 30 years."

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Cold shrinkage of steamed stuffed bun

Customer: "Why is your 1 steamed stuffed bun so small?" Shop assistant: "It was quite big when it first came out." Customer: "Why is it smaller now?" Salesman: "Don't you understand that heat expands and cold contracts?"

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People in steamed stuffed bun

A man is eating steamed buns in a restaurant. He was eating when he suddenly shouted, "Oh, there is someone in this steamed stuffed bun!" " "When the customers heard the news, they all gathered around to see the surprise. The waiter was very angry and said, "You are afraid you are crazy! "! Where are the people in the steamed stuffed bun? "The man said," You said there was no one in the steamed stuffed bun. How can someone's hair be in the stuffing? "

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Thick skin of steamed stuffed bun

Customer: "Boss, is there a drilling team near here?" Boss: "Why do you ask this?" Customer: "I want to drill it and see where the stuffing is."

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Taste changing mouth

A pepper vendor saw a man with a Hunan accent coming over and shouted, "Come quickly if you want to buy peppers. If they are not spicy, they will be free!" "Hunan guests bought a catty and left. At this time, a Shanghainese came to buy it, and the stall owner shouted: "My pepper is not spicy at all, but it is sweet. "Shanghai guests are buying, and when they see Hunan people coming back, they say that your peppers are sweet and I don't want them." The peddler argued, "This pepper is not fresh. Eat spicy food, eat spicy food, and eat sweet food. A passer-by from Guangdong listened and said with a smile, "I don't want Chili." Can I buy your stinking mouth? "? !" A burst of laughter broke out in the street.

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No disinfection is needed.

Customer: "Do you always sterilize this tableware?" Shop assistant: "I have never loaded drugs, so all drugs have been eliminated!" " "

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To classify or arrange in pairs or groups.

"Uncle, I want to buy a copy of Childhood." "Buy with different books." "What book is it with?" "An old world."

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hairstyle

Barber: "What kind of hairstyle do you want to cut?" Young man: "You should have the most eye-catching hairstyle." Barber: "That's good! I will shave your head. "

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Preventive inoculation

Customer: "Why hasn't my order arrived yet?" Attendant: "please wait a little longer, sir." The dish is ready. " Customer: "It's all done, so why should I wait?" Waiter: "Because there are a few flies in the dish, wait until you get vaccinated."

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Local snack

Customer: "When you sell food in the street, you should add a dust cover." Salesman: "No, I sell all local snacks."

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Send small fresh meat.

Diners smiled: "I didn't seem to order a fly when I ordered it!" " "The waiter is calm," but no extra money is needed. "

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Put up a signboard

What Bao Xiao did was so funny that he got the nickname "Mr. Funny". He works as a waiter in a hotel. One morning, he went to hang a signboard, and accidentally, the signboard fell by half. The shopkeeper said angrily, "It was careless, damn it!" " Mr. Funny said unhurriedly, "Master, you are about to open a branch, which is a good sign!" "Congratulations!" The host began to laugh.