Tell some jokes.

In order to make the child a pilot, the mouse and the bat got married. In order to let the child have a house to live in as soon as he is born, the hermit crab goes to the shell house and plugs the door backwards. The fox married the leopard in order to make the child born rich. In order to give the child a local hukou, the crane married the hen. Dogs marry monkeys to make their children look like people. Earthworms eloped with rattlesnakes to make their children different. In order to have ink in the baby's stomach when he was born, the crocodile married the squid. Quail married a parrot for the sake of children's eloquence. In order to have a little backbone in the future, I gave the child to the wolf. In order that the children could live longer, the frog and the tortoise got married. In order to let children surf the Internet at home without going to Internet cafes, the rookie married a spider. The coldest in the world 15 is a joke. The five-dollar bill was kidnapped by a criminal gang. Call the hundred-dollar bill: "Hello! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! " The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "tear it up, you don't even have five dollars!" " "2. A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. Man: "I want a wife." ... the magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving and covet beauty!" Pathetic! "Then he disappeared. Man: "... cake. "3. The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" "You'll die if you cut so hard!" Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "4. Panda Man wants QJ Panda Girl, and Panda Girl struggles and fights to the death. After the failure, Panda Man said angrily, "We are all going extinct!" " 5. The race between the tortoise and the hare ... The hare quickly ran to the front ... The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him: Come on, I'll carry you ... Then ... the snail climbed up ... Soon ... the tortoise saw an ant again ... and told him: When the ant came up ... he saw the snail above ... and said to him. Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast ... 6. A man and a woman are eating. Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me? The boy looked at the girl and went on eating dinner. The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me? The boy finally said: Love girls, and asked: Then how do you prove it? Suddenly, the boy took out thirty dollars from his pocket and asked the girl, do you have ten dollars? The girl gave the boy ten yuan ... the boy put forty yuan on the table for a while ... The girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me? The boy said: I have been proved! Forty is just around the corner! 7. One day, I visited a snack street and found a shop selling egg towers. Each kind looks delicious. I want to buy one to try. I asked the clerk: Is this sold separately? Shop assistant: No, it's Japanese. One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son ... what are you doing ... you won't come out after the fire ..." Son replied: "I'm wearing socks ..." Mother said: "What socks did you wear after the fire?" Five minutes later, my son hasn't come out yet ... The mother shouted nervously, "Son! Come out quickly ~ I'm on fire, and I'm still inside ... "The son said," I'm taking off my socks ... "9. A man went fishing by the river, wearing a leaf first ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ so he had to change earthworms ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ ~ He was very angry and took out 65438+. Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "10, a German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine. The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies. Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan. He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply. Then every other week, they start to work. A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first. When the Germans started, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted, "Surprise! 1 1, "I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist. "Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?" "the sun." The patient replied. "Then how far do you want to see!" One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow. The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly. The pig said: People who fart will blush. Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing. One day, a man met God ... God suddenly kindly gave him a wish ... God asked ... Do you have any wishes? The man thought about it ... I heard that cats have nine lives ... Please give me nine lives ... God said ... your wish will come true one day ... That man is idle and bored ... He wants to say death ... In short, he has nine lives and is lying on the track ... As a result, a train passes by ... that man is still dead ... Why? Because there were 10 knots in the carriage of that train ... 14. One day, three people were sent from the funeral home. Strangely, their smiles after death were all ... The funeral home manager was puzzled and asked pol.ice: Why did their faces change? The policeman said: It's a long story ... Look at the man on the left ... He and his wife are in the spring night ... at the most passionate moment ... He can't stand it ... The administrator replied: Alas ... I'd rather die in the flowers ... Being a ghost is also very romantic. Policeman: The one in the middle ... Oh, he ... is really a human tragedy ... He was walking on the road ... Suddenly, he heard that he won the lottery ... the prize was over 700 million yuan ... When he was laughing happily ... he was hit by an oncoming car ... and then died ... Policeman: ... It's a pity that this one died ... He was struck by lightning while climbing a tree. The administrator replied: ... this is a bit wrong. Why did he laugh when he was struck by lightning? ... the policeman said: because he thought ... after climbing the tree, there was a sudden flash of lightning ... He thought ... it was not until the Tang Dynasty that the situation changed ... You have heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man raised a pair of Beijing dogs. Once Emperor Taizong went to Huashan to worship heaven, he took the pair of ... in the middle of the sacrifice. The bitch suddenly became anxious and ran under a tree to solve it. This is a very disrespectful behavior during the sacrifice, which annoyed the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder, which hit the tree right. The tree fell down and killed the bitch. The male dog was very scared when he saw it. .......