Yun-peng Yue's classic joke

Blind date should be straightforward!

Woman: "Do you have a room?"

Man: "It's already opened. Let's go. "

Step 3 buy TT

Yesterday, I went to the supermarket to buy things. I saw a TT that looked like a nail at the cashier. I think it's novel. I thought I had never used it, so I bought a box, 25 yuan!

Call your girlfriend after leaving the supermarket and say, try it at night.

As a result, she said, "Don't buy it, it's not good at all!" "

Step 4 open the door

When I got home at night, my husband didn't put the key in the keyhole for a long time. The daughter-in-law said angrily, "If it is a woman who opens the door, you must be anxious."

Step 5 get together

At the reunion of college classmates, I actually saw diaosi who showed my love to me, driving a BMW and carrying my best roommate at that time.

I sighed: "If only I had promised that diaosi's pursuit!"

At this time, it was already dark, and I was hit by a flash of lightning! It actually crossed! Back in college, diaosi knelt down with flowers in her hand and said to me, "Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

I replied happily, "I do!" "

In this way, a few years later, my best roommate drove a BMW to the university reunion …

Step 6 go home

Classmate: "Going home for the New Year?"

I said, "I have to go home."

Classmate: "Then bring me some special products."

I said, "But I am generally unreasonable!"

8, the bus card is afraid of being lost, wearing a pair of pants with zipper, which is nui pants. Wear the zipper inside, get on the bus and take out the card, and you are not afraid to take out other things. Yue: That's backwards.

9. Plants vs. Zombies tells me that there is a big wave of zombies approaching. I played for a year and didn't see a big wave of zombies.

10, whoever wants to know can raise his hand, and whoever wants to raise his hand, I will kick him out.

1 1, surnamed Xu Mingxian, and Bai Niangzi is Bai Suzhen.

12, yue: five or six days! Yue: It's been almost a week! Yue: Just three days! Yue: That was May 6th! Yue: I hate this word! Wait for five or six days!

13, going to a restaurant with my girlfriend. I want to eat crayfish. She wants to eat lobster. I was angry at that time and shouted in front of everyone: what's wrong! What's wrong with Xiao? Too small to satisfy you!

14. From the outside, the British World Hotel looks like a big garden. It's beautiful, especially beautiful. There are no doors and many walls. You have to climb over the wall when you go in. There are many glass cracks on the fence ... there is a cement mortar pool in the middle of the yard. There is a rubber tube below, which is bubbling. ...

Yue: Peking Opera is the quintessence of China. Yue: the essence! Yue: the essence! Cua is the essence, and the two stuttered together and said four sentences in 30 minutes. One of them stammered, Why don't we send a message?

16 As the saying goes, a fart doesn't stink, and a smelly fart doesn't ring. On that day, he let out a particularly silent fart. There was no one in the car for five minutes. It's not fart, it's tick and shit!

17, yue: my sister-in-law has ruined her by not smoking these days. Yue: Sound! Yue: Brother, what's the matter?

18. Teacher Yu is smoking. His liver is broken. He is in hospital and still smoking. The nurse came in to remind him: "Little darling!" Look at the teacher again, with a wretched expression on her face: "Little baby-"

19, do you regret molesting Chang 'e? Have you ever had a rabbit with Chang 'e?

20, selling tickets: singing the male role before, and then singing the role of Dan. In a male and female sense, I find ... Oh, hey. ...

2 1, Fahai said to Xu Xian: benefactor, your bitch is a long bug (the bug whispers).

22, smelly fart does not ring fart does not stink, he put a particularly silent fart, put it for five minutes, no one can see anyone in the car, the smoke is rolling, it is spicy! At this time, the aunt next to me will say, "Is the young man crazy? You are shameless. " He didn't want to "hey, aunt, you spit out the nucleus when you eat fart."

23. Miss Sun has money, but she can't drive. Buy a bus card! It's still a student card with a charge of 300 thousand, which is equivalent to 600 thousand. I can paint you to death, baby!

Yun-peng Yue crosstalk classic lines funny collection.

Those classic lines in Yun-peng Yue's cross talk are very funny-1. I sometimes go to see her, stand in her neighborhood and call her downstairs. Very cool, very cool. ...

My knowledge, even if I tell you, you don't understand. Your education is too low, your knowledge is too little, your experience is too shallow and your level is too low. You didn't understand what I said, which not only delayed my precious time, but also embarrassed you in public. Talking about study with you is like casting pearls before swine.

3. Who doesn't know Yu Qian? You didn't eat pork before you met Yu Qian!

4. Can I revitalize cross talk by myself? Probably, there will be a vibration effect at most.

5. Drive three miles, my God, it's so exciting!

6. We ... Your center was bombed by our house.

7. Three mighty cars, the first two cars cleared the way, and more than 50 of us crowded into the back truck.

8. That depends on how happy you are. Just pour, 500 yuan. When you make a sound, give a thousand; Open your mouth and give it1500; I see the tonsils. This is two thousand. The greater the happiness, the more you pay. Will you be happy?

9. Say that the husband is close, the husband is not close, and find a lover outside the wife. You get sick after flirting, and you have to get a divorce when you go home.

10. After entering the door, he yelled at the old lady and said such a short cross talk. After listening to the cross talk, the old lady shook her crutch.

1 1. That's what you know. Who doesn't know "persuasion"! Hey! Is this the same as yours? Hey? Am I listening to Zhuang Gong Wandering?

12. Sing again? Sing it again! (Singing) At first light the next day, the old man gargled and washed his face, drank a bowl of tofu and ate a piece of cake. ...

13. Delivery, what to eat, Maixiang chicken, Maixiang fish? Look at this, Maixiang camel!

14. "Brothers! If you catch this, you three will not live! "

15. (Singing) "Beauty is incomparable. Oh, it's really nasal (singing) "unparalleled in the world-". (singing) "incomparable-" Come on, come on, keep singing this sentence, right?

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17. People were given flower baskets to sing drums. When we came, there wasn't even a wreath.

18. Tired of walking, he sits here, and the dog sits here, one side is high. People who come over wonder: Whose twin is this?

19. Look at this "musical instrument". I haven't seen it before, have I? (takes out bamboo board) Take it out for you to see. what do you think? This is famous. Can you tell?

The classic lines in Yun-peng Yue's cross talk are very funny. 20. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

2 1. Riding on the neck to shit, I pulled down the dry one, I loosened it, but he rode on the neck to shit!

There is a big house door and a big yard next to the karaoke bar, which is where his wife lives. You made it very clear.

23. There is another one, Zhang Pai and Zhang, called Wu Dagu.

24. Those who love going to the East and those who love the West. There are people who like Quyi.

25. After making money, we won't work at home. Let's open a big shop. Let's run a company. I will buy a big table and be the boss. I hire 10 people with red hoops to stand in front of me every day. I scolded them one by one. I don't scold the toilet sweeper every day, because my daughter-in-law cleans toilets.

26. Take a look! That's called looking closely! Something like that? Far from it! Like you said, I have a big top!

27. The village head was so scared that his legs went limp. Welcome, welcome, warm welcome!

28. I can't say go to the treasure office. At home, what is it called? It's called dark gambling.

29. Do you know how many neighbors opened the window to see me? How fresh, people don't know what you are doing under the building.

30. Later, I wanted to practice swimming, what backstroke, breaststroke (third sound) style ... You didn't practice brick style, but also practiced tile style ... Later, it was banned by the garden department. How did you get banned from swimming by the garden department? I practice on the grass. I practiced swimming on the lawn and never drowned once! Didn't bury yourself alive?

3 1. There is a rich list. Not convinced by the leaderboard. Not satisfied with the leaderboard? What's your name? Forbes rich list. I'll tear you up if you don't accept it. Hey, kidnapping, what's up? You will know how powerful this industry is. No, just Forbes.

32 ... disgusting, prejudiced. If you are here, you will get hurt if you play this microphone.

33. Huh? No? That's the Three Kingdoms, Water Margin. Three Kingdoms, is there a Water Margin?

34. Taiping lyrics, listen to this charm, nasal, (singing) "The beauty of Hangzhou is unparalleled in the world-". Hey! It's delicious. Very good!

35. Bring it here and you'll know what card it is. A visit to "polite"! And ...

36. Qu Yuan, a doctor of Chu State, died on the fifth day of May. We should always miss Qu Yuan. Without Qu Yuan, how could we have this three-day holiday?

I can blow the dead alive.

38. A few days ago, the county sent an inspection team to the well-off village below. There were always two inspection teams.

The classic lines in Yun-peng Yue's cross talk are very funny. 39. Oh, don't press, no, no. Ma Li Anliang wants to press the skirt. Who's watching? You said it was Monroe, and her name was Ma, which are two different things.

40. He doesn't believe it. I said, come with me. It was dark as soon as we entered the corridor, and it lit up with a bang. Take it? Take it?

4 1. Just now, these two people were named Zheng Hao and Hou Zhen. The man in the table is Hou Zhen, the eldest son and grandson of the crosstalk master Hou. This is my brother Zheng Hao, a famous crosstalk artist in Northeast China, Mr. Wang Zhitao. You know it's a stage name from its name. The real name is Ding, and the same, steady Ding.

42. "And standing at the table all the year round, flouting the king. Come on! Fight! " Said a dozen, GREAT GHOST came and took a mace.

43. The matriarchal people live in caves and the paternal people live in tall buildings-this is genital worship!

44. How insulting! Today, I want to take a good look at your knowledge.

45. All this continues. You can sing for days!

46. Get up in the morning. I get up earlier than the chicken and go to bed later than the chicken. Have you mastered the life rules of these two chickens?

47. The fire burned for three days and nights, and all the city's fire brigades went, but he was hopeless.

48. I thought about it for a long time at home and thought that Zhuge Liang was a foreign bitch.

49. Some of them are dead. Oh, it's all gone. Fortunately, I'm still alive!

50. You are underage. Maybe.

5 1. There is also a sign here in Paradise: No stalls are allowed 400 meters around Paradise!

52. Never heard of it! Who do you think hanged a naked old monk here? !

53. Who said that? Who says I don't tell as many jokes as you do?

54. Rebecca looked, "Yu Qian?" "yes." "Hum, dare to say cross talk."

55. (Chao) yo! It turned out to be the monitor of Zhao Da! Did you accompany me to say cross talk today? great ...

56. Don't worry, you can also watch Journey to the West. Liu Bei, Liu Xuande, what are you doing with Tang Priest?

57. Later, we had an argument. She wrote me a note that said, "Stop looking for me, I'm dead." . I knew she was going to break up with me, which hit me hard. I feel very sad and can't accept it. I stood in the community and shouted, cool, cool.

Passing through Yang Yang, Deng Chao and Yun-peng Yue from your whole world.

1. I like a person, but I have nothing in my eyes except her. Even though I was injured, I tried my best to convince myself to stick to it. So we burst into tears and turned back step by step, but we could only move forward.

In fact, I like you very much, but I know you will never like me.

I hope there is someone like you, such as the refreshing wind in the mountains and the warm light in the ancient city, as long as it is you in the end. Who passed you today, and who lost you?

I want to tell her that if she doesn't live in your heart, she will die in a foreign country.

If you pass by, I will wait for you at the finish line.

6. How does a beautiful love become romantic?

7, a person, there will be another, nodding to you, the future, a few times, the road card of life.

8. I just miss it. At that time, it was particularly warm.

9. People will hear a lot of heartfelt words in their life, and I am glad because I have heard them before.

10, for me, love is ok, for me, appropriateness is important.

1 1. Once it rains, the road is covered with mud.

12, I fell in love with someone, but there was nothing in my eyes except her. Even though I was hurt, I tried my best to convince myself to stick to it.

13, this thing of love is always together.

14, everyone has to step on it, and I only have one life.

15, if you make a wrong decision in life, I will break up with you, and you will definitely get into trouble completely.

16, people will hear a lot of heartfelt words in their lives, and I am glad because I have heard them before.

17, what you said is true. I don't have time to tell lies.

18, for you, love is ok, for me, it is suitable.

19, when it rains, the road is covered with mud, so everyone should step on it.

20. Can you tell me what a woman really needs?

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1. Let's drink to this group.

2. The wind has stopped, how can the clouds fly? If you were fired, why did you jump into the water-

The real university is in your heart.

4. At least we are also people who have played passionate plays.

5, chickens do not pee, each has its own way.

6. Classics become classics because they cannot be copied.

7. I have worked hard for more than 80 periods, and now I am in a storm.

8. Rats love rice purely for profit.

9. You can't always blame SARFT for castrating these films. Maybe the producer has already thought about it.

10, the slogan of our program is: not the best program, but the highest click.

1 1, damn it, Mas-

12, hide, hide, don't let the restaurants in Guangzhou see it.

13, washbasin family, welcome, no one can leave behind.

14, looking for reasons to watch Japanese AV under the banner of supporting domestic products?

15, (audience) You are my motivation to continue.

16, our home Lexus-

17, I rely on CCTV, so what reason do we have to complain about Liu Xiang's swearing? !

18, flash can't hold two tigers unless it's a male and a female.

19. Marriage is the grave of love. But in fact, if we think about it carefully, if we don't even have a grave, won't our love come to a tragic end?

20, the tiger does not send cats, you think I am dying.

2 1, thanks to the audience for moving me the most.

22. Cherish life and stay away from nude photos.

Yifeng Li Bian Xiao Huang Jianxiang Bian Xiao Ou Di Bian Xiao