Ask for more than 20 classic short paragraphs' hehe.

1, parents ask their son: Who do you think is better?

Son: You are both very good, but neither is as good as me!

Parents asked: Why?

Son: As soon as I get into trouble, the teacher calls my parents. You both have to bow in front of the teacher and apologize that my son is too naughty.

The most romantic thing in life is to hold a wedding in the main hall of Shaolin Temple, with bells as a salute, monks as guests and Shi Yongxin as a witness. ...

3,

After getting married, I got up one day and my wife pulled the quilt to get up. The husband said with concern, "Get dressed." The wife pulls the quilt impatiently, and the husband says humorously; "Let you wear clothes, who let you wear a quilt?" My wife took the stubble and said, "I'm wearing a quilt (Chuanbei), and you still have medlar!" " "I thought my husband would stop, but he froze for a while and said," I don't know who started raising dogs! " "

4. My girlfriend caught a cold and nothing tasted. However, my boyfriend is eating a plate of spicy chicken. I was so angry that my girlfriend complained angrily: I was really blind and found a heartless person like you as my boyfriend.

Unexpectedly, my boyfriend smiled and said, be content! Fortunately, I'm just heartless, not heartless.

A young couple is discussing whose surname their children should take.

Sir: My last name, of course. This is the law of all ages without exception.

Madam: Chairman Mao always lets his daughter take her mother's surname.

Sir: He is a great man, and I am just an ordinary man. Children can only take their father's surname. ...

Wife (unwilling to give up): I gave birth to the child. ...

Sir (angry): I planted it. ...

Wife (also angry): I was not born. Can a child be raised by planting alone?

Mr. (a little angry, speechless at the moment. Then, he suddenly thought of something and smiled indifferently. (Tunnel): I only heard that crops were harvested and returned to the fields, but I didn't hear that crops were harvested and returned to the fields.

The wife paused, completely speechless.

6. The fat wife and her husband are shopping together. Wife complains: Why do you come with me, but your eyes are on slim people? Don't you love me anymore?

Husband: Because I love you in my heart.

Wife: But I also want to be in your eyes.

Husband is helpless: my eyes are so big, slim people are in my eyes, and I still have plenty of room to see the road. If I look at you, I don't know if I will fall into the ditch.

7. After watching the movie Farewell My Concubine, when lovers meet Weibo, everyone sends a message.

M: I have no regrets in my life to have such a pink girl, and no matter what setbacks I encounter, she will accompany me all my life.

Woman: A rich wife wears fur.

8. The husband told his wife a joke that the tiger shouted in the forest and all the animals ran away. He asked which animal stayed bravely.

The wife said, I don't know.

The husband smiled and said, Tigress.

The wife also said angrily: you tell jokes to everyone, and everyone laughs. Who doesn't laugh?

The husband doesn't know.

The wife said, Dean of a mental hospital, if he laughs, who will arrange for your patient to go back to his room to sleep?

9. The wife said to her husband, Do you like my slim figure?

The husband said, yes. So my wife bought a lot of expensive clothes.

Husband cooks a lot of delicious food for his wife every day, and finally her wife gets fat.

The wife asked; Do you like my fat figure?

The husband said: I like it very much.

Wife: Don't you like my slimness?

Husband: I used to like your slimness because I thought I could save cloth, but I was wrong. Now I like that you are fat because you can't buy suitable clothes any more.

10, Xiaoming and Xiaohei are walking in the field path. Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hei, "Why does rice grow so tall at once? I also want to grow taller! '

Xiaohei replied: "Because of sunshine, rain irrigation and the nutrition of key farmyard manure.

On the way, Xiaohei asked Xiaoming, "Do you go to the toilet?"

Xiao Ming blushed and said, "No, I want to keep the farm manure for my own use."

1 1, during Spring Festival travel rush, a man bought a ticket at the railway station, and finally stood in line for a day and a night, but he didn't get a ticket. The man found a young lady;

The man asked the young lady: How much is the evening package?

Miss: 300 yuan.

One more question: can I do anything?

Miss back: Yes!

The man was overjoyed: then help me go to the railway station to buy a train ticket back to XX tonight!

Miss is furious: Try it. If you can buy tickets there, I will sleep with you for a month for free!

…………

12,

When I was in high school, I talked about a girlfriend who was very beautiful, so I envied others.

Once, my girlfriend asked me a well-known question: "If I fell into the water with your mother, which one would you save first?"

I was afraid that she would be unhappy, so I replied, "Save you first ..."

My girlfriend slapped me and said, "If you don't save your mother, where is your filial piety?" ? Are you still human? "

I rubbed my face and changed my mouth: "Save my mother first ..."

My girlfriend slapped me again and said, "You watched me die. Where is your conscience? " ? Do you deserve me? "

I said innocently, "Who do you think I should save?"

The girlfriend said, "Of course, let your mother step on you, and then your mother will swim ashore with me. I can't swim anyway. As for whether your mother can survive, it depends on luck ... "

I slapped her angrily and said, "Fuck you!"

Never Goin' Back ...

12, in junior high school, in a Chinese class, the teacher said, "Lu Xun said,' Go your own way and let others talk.'" In fact, no one found this mistake. After class, I smiled and said to my deskmate, "In class, the teacher actually said,' Lu Xun said go your own way and let others say it.'" Haha, my deskmate laughed. After laughing, the deskmate suddenly asked with a puzzled face, "Who said that?"

13, one day, a customer went to buy apples and asked: How much does the boss sell? The boss said: 1 Jin 3 yuan! The customer said: It's so expensive, can't 10 yuan weigh 3 kg?

Then the boss said: No, we all lost money. ...

14 During the winter vacation, my boyfriend and I went home to visit my grandmother. When we left, grandma took my hand and said, "Don't worry, you can leave after dinner."

"No, Grandma, we ate on the plane. If we don't leave now, we'll miss the plane." I looked at the time and said.

"What? Is there a meal on the plane? " Grandma asked doubtfully.

"I have." I said.

I didn't expect grandma to jump out: "You said there was a plane flying in the sky, and the cooking wind was so strong that the fire couldn't be extinguished."

15, Xiaoming and Xiaohong are chatting on QQ. Xiaoming asked to see Xiaohong's photo. After Xiaohong sent it, it became X because of network problems. Xiao Ming ignores Xiao Hong. Xiaohong asked why, and Xiaoming said, I don't want to talk to people who are long enough to be blocked by the system …

16, CET-4, roommate A entered the examination room with confidence. When they came back from the exam, they asked if the answer was correct. A took out his mobile phone and shouted, "Lie in the trough, some words are missing ..."

17, there was a couple whose wife was responsible for buying food and cooking. One day, my wife had something to do at work and called her husband to buy food. After returning home, the wife suspected that the food her husband bought was not delicious.

She said, "Look at the food you bought."

The husband said, "I bought everything according to your sample."

18, one day, I asked my nephew: Do you want your mother to give you a sister?

My nephew cried and said, I don't want my sister, I don't want my sister. I just want my mother to give me a brother or elder brother.

19, an old rural man came home from the hospital and was surprised to find another coffin at home. The son said, "Dad, this is called Shoucai. I wish you a long life! " "The daughter-in-law said," Dad, I know you don't need it all the time. You're the son of a bitch who can do a lot! ""Grandson said, "Grandpa, mom is worried that it won't be used. It seems that she is really worried! ”"

When Xiaoming was still studying in kindergarten, his home was in Tianjin. On this day, Xiaoming's father is going to Shanghai on business, so his father said to Xiaoming, "Dad is going to Shanghai." Xiao Ming touched his little head, looked at his father tearfully and said, "Dad, be careful at sea." Dad was speechless and asked, "How did Dad get into the sea?" Xiao Ming said to his father falteringly, "Shanghai is not at sea." Where is it? " Dad said helplessly, "then Tianjin is not in the sky." . . "