Classic joke story

1. My son was about to get married, but he didn't know how to perform the ceremony of the Duke of Zhou, so he asked his father what to do. Father said vaguely, "You will be above and she will be below."

On the wedding night, the bride saw that the new bed had been replaced by bunk beds, and locked the door angrily to prevent the groom from entering. The son shouted at the door, "Dad! I can't get in! " The father replied, "Push!" The son then pushed hard, and his knee was broken and bleeding. He couldn't help shouting, "ah! Bleeding! " I heard my father say in the room, "That's right!"

2. Personnel:

One: Big nephew Momo, fourth grade primary school, lustful.

Two: little nephew. Zhu Zhu. Kindergarten small class. Sexy.

Aunt, I'm not very horny!

3. There is a prostitute at home.

"Aunt! Why is the drinking water cold and the urine hot? " DOG asked. "Because people have a body temperature! ! "I replied. "Then why do you eat vegetables and shit?" He asked again! "Because that's the waste left by food absorption!" I told you! "Then why did my father shoot xx at my mother, but my brother gave birth?" I really don't know how to break up this time! ! !

"Aunt! I was punished by the principal today! " DOG said to me in dismay. "What did you do to hide? ! "I asked curiously. "no! ! It happens to be the anniversary of our school. Our class is fighting the last battle. I just got the performance of Chun-Li! As soon as I finished my performance, I was sent to the podium! " I wondered, "Chun-Li? ! Is it a girl? Alas! What's the big deal about boys hitting girls? ! Is your headmaster too conservative? ! Have you done anything shameful? " "no! I just want to be realistic, so I stole my mother's black bra and put it on my head, pretending to be two buns on Chun-Li's head! ! I think it's beautiful! ! Who knows, as soon as he appeared, he was called to the commander's desk by the principal for punishment! ! While cursing, the headmaster touched my bun and said, hmm ... it's quite big! ! At least 36 ... call your mother to school tomorrow! ! "

A lady keeps a female parrot.

But this parrot can only say, "Come on! Do you want to have fun? "

The lady felt that the parrot's behavior really humiliated her.

One day, the lady saw that the pastor of the church opposite had a male parrot and prayed well in the cage.

So he asked the priest, "Why is your parrot so good?" ? How long have you had it?

Can I train my parrot for you? 」

Father: "I have raised it for two years and it has been very good." What happened to your parrot? " 」

So the lady told the humble parrot in the priest's house.

The priest promised, "OK, you give me your parrot, and I promise it will pray in the cage like my parrot." 」

The next day, the lady gave the parrot to the priest, who put the female parrot in the same cage as her father's male parrot, hoping to educate the female parrot by approaching Zhu Zhechi.

Unexpectedly, as soon as the female parrot saw the male parrot, she cried, "Come on! Do you want to have fun? "

I saw the praying male parrot's eyes lit up: "God, my wish of praying for two years has finally come true ..."

The owner of a cram school couldn't stand the messy and indecent words in toilet literature, so he paid a painter to draw and paste uneven tiles to prevent students from scribbling again. One day, when the boss went to the toilet, he suddenly found that someone had written a line of small words on the tile near the floor, so he gently lifted his ass, bent down and tightened his pants. It said, "sir? Does your ass shit at a 45-degree angle? Not so good! ! 』

6. Once upon a time, there was a church with a priest in it. If the local people can't have boys, they can only pray in the church. It's really hard to try, so someone asked someone to investigate, and the results were all true, but I don't know why all the baby boys born are very similar to the priests in the church.

7. Suddenly there was a strong wind.

Woman A: What a strong wind. ....

Woman B: Yes! How dangerous! ! What if the skirt explodes?

Woman A: Then I'm going home to change my pants! !

Woman B: Change pants?

Woman: no ... change a nice pair of underwear! ! *

8. As soon as Xiaomei entered the toilet, she saw a line written on the wall, "Please look left" ... "Please look back", then she looked left, and then ... she looked back and said "Please look right". After she looks to the right ... "Please look up", after she looks to the right ... "Please don't look around when you go to the toilet."

9. My son was carrying a big bag and told his father that I couldn't stand this family any more. I want to leave. I want to live an exciting life every day. I drink and have a beautiful sister every day. Dad, under no circumstances can you stop me. Hearing this, Dad quickly said, "Who stopped you? I'll get my luggage ready right away and go with you. 」

10, a lifeguard protested to the tourists: I have been paying attention to you for three days, Mr. Wang, you can't pee in the swimming pool. Mr. Wang: Everyone urinates in the swimming pool. Lifeguard: That's right! Sir, but only you are standing on the springboard. ......

1 1. A man complained to his friend that my arm hurts. I think I should see a doctor. His friend replied, "Don't go! ! There is a computer in the pharmacy, which can cure all diseases, faster than doctors and cheaper. As long as you put in your urine sample, the computer will diagnose your cause and tell you how to deal with it. It only costs you ten yuan. The man thought it wouldn't hurt to try, so he took a bottle of urine sample and went to the western pharmacy. After finding the computer, he poured a urine sample and put in ten dollars. The computer began to make some noise, and different lights began to flash. A moment later, a small piece of paper fell out, which read:

* Your elbow is inflamed.

* Dip your hands in warm water.

* Avoid hard work.

* It will get better in two weeks.

That night, he has been thinking about how this incredible new technology will rewrite medical science. After thinking about it, he began to doubt whether the machine would be fooled. So he decided to try. He mixed some tap water, a sample of dog feces, and the urine of his wife and daughter. In order to confuse the audience, he also added a little of his own semen. Then he went back to the drugstore and let 10 yuan in. This machine is as usual.

Usually, some sounds are made and the following prescription labels are printed:

* Your tap water is too hard.

* Switch to softer water.

* Your dog has bugs.

* Give it vitamins

* Your daughter is in Khartoum.

* Take her to a rehabilitation center.

* Your wife is pregnant.

* The baby isn't yours.-Get a lawyer

* If you don't stop fooling around

* Elbow inflammation will never get better

12. A white doctor was sent to a black tribe in Africa. One day, a woman in the tribe gave birth to a white child. The chief was very angry when he knew it, so he went to see a white doctor. .......

Chief: You are the only white man here. What's your explanation for this? ....

Doctor: This is the secret of nature! ! !

At this time, the doctor pointed to the chief's sheep pile and said ....

Doctor: Look, isn't there a black sheep in your flock?

This is the secret of nature, and we all know it. ...

Secretary: Well ... if you don't talk ... I won't talk. .........

13, marriage is-wrong.

Having a baby was a mistake.

Divorce is-awakening.

Getting married after divorce is-paranoia.

What women hate about not getting married is-rubbish.

Getting married and having a boyfriend is a stunner.

Get married, have children, have girlfriends, and divorce is-damn it.

14, a woman in her twenties is like a football, and 20 people are chasing her.

A woman in her thirties is like a blue ball, with 10 people chasing her.

A woman in her forties is like table tennis. Two people call each other.

Women in their fifties are like golf. Play as far away as possible.

15, a pupil has had a crush on his teacher for a long time. One day, he finally got up the courage to confess to the teacher. The teacher kept telling him that he was wrong and so on. But the students are stubborn and refuse to listen. They also say that love has no age. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it. He said, "I don't want children! I saw the pupils say with a satisfied smile, "Teacher, I will be very careful! ?

16, a man was drinking in a bar with a heavy heart ... waiter: sir? ! In a bad mood If you have any ideas, just say it!

M: I'm gay.

Attendant: So what?

Man: My brother is gay, too.

Attendant: .......

M: To make matters worse, so is my brother.

Attendant: .........., doesn't anyone in your family like women?

M: Yes! My sister

17, an elderly doctor flew away, and his neighbor was a Presbyterian priest. Due to some technical problems, the departure time of the plane was delayed. After take-off, the captain apologized to the passengers and announced that he would provide them with free drinks immediately. When the charming stewardess was pushing the cart, the doctor asked her for a gin. The stewardess then asked the priest next door if he wanted a glass of wine. The priest replied, "No, thanks, I'd rather commit adultery than drink!"! Hearing this, the old doctor immediately returned the wine to the stewardess and said, "Miss, I just didn't know there was any other choice! 」

18, an old woman keeps a pair of parrots as companions, but she can't figure out which one is male. Which one is a woman?

So I called the vet for advice.

The vet suggested:

"You just need to observe their mating behavior, and the male is riding on it. Then, you mark the male bird so that it won't get mixed up. 』

The next morning, according to the instructions of the veterinarian, when the parrot mated, she put a white tape around the neck of the male parrot to show the difference.

In the afternoon, the pastor of the church came to visit. When the parrot saw the white dress on the priest's robe, it shouted, "Oh! I know what you did. Listen, you're marked, too. 』

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